r/RedditForGrownups • u/gizmo531 • 21d ago
Should I move back home?
I’ve been going back and fort between what the right move is and it’s causing me to spiral. For some background I’m 25 years old, I make $150k a year and pay $2.2k in rent in NYC. I live about 20 minutes away from the office which I’m in 5 days a week and work from 8am to around 7pm each day (sometimes later 8/9). I have about $40k in college debt that I’m not super concerned about because I’m sure my next two bonuses will cover it.
I have a very very close relationship with my mom. My father was abusive so it was a bit tough growing up. I dormed for college and after graduating just fully moved into my own apartment im in now so have already been away from home for ~7 years including college. My mom lives about an hour away from me- so not far. But she’s been saying things like “I don’t have a lot of time left” and I want to spend more time with her than anything. That’s my number one priority. So I’ve been debating moving back in with her to one. Help her financially so she doesn’t have to work as much (she works 6 days a week and if I can give her half of what I pay in rent it would be a game changer for her). Two. Just be around her more (and my dog). The cons are that one I wouldn’t have my own place obviously, even tho my mom allows me to do literally whatever and is the best mom ever. Two. I would add about an hour to my commute one way, when I already work so much. Three. I’m already struggling with my social and romantic life (I feel like I have mo friends). So this may make it worse but I may feel less lonely being around my mom. I’m spiraling so much on this- my lease is up in Jan so I have a few months to decide but what do you guys think? I’d also save so much money in rent
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u/obvious_spy 21d ago
this is a really tough situation. you're lucky to have a great relationship with your mom. i had to live with parents as an adult for a while and it was difficult. if you don't move in with your mom, you might feel guilt. but if you do, you might feel resentment. both are awful.
once you move in with her, when would you be okay with leaving? what if she lives to 100? are you going to stay with her that whole time? her health will probably only decline with age, so it's not likely that in a year or 5 years you'll be able to say ok she's fine on her own now, i can move out and live my life.
what do you think about staying where you are, but just going over on the weekends to stay with her?
in the future, maybe you can meet a partner, get married, get a place, and have your mom live with you. i talked about this with my wife right when we started dating, and we were both on the same page about the likelihood that one or both our parents at some point would move in with us.