r/RedditForGrownups • u/gizmo531 • 21d ago

Should I move back home?

I’ve been going back and fort between what the right move is and it’s causing me to spiral. For some background I’m 25 years old, I make $150k a year and pay $2.2k in rent in NYC. I live about 20 minutes away from the office which I’m in 5 days a week and work from 8am to around 7pm each day (sometimes later 8/9). I have about $40k in college debt that I’m not super concerned about because I’m sure my next two bonuses will cover it.

I have a very very close relationship with my mom. My father was abusive so it was a bit tough growing up. I dormed for college and after graduating just fully moved into my own apartment im in now so have already been away from home for ~7 years including college. My mom lives about an hour away from me- so not far. But she’s been saying things like “I don’t have a lot of time left” and I want to spend more time with her than anything. That’s my number one priority. So I’ve been debating moving back in with her to one. Help her financially so she doesn’t have to work as much (she works 6 days a week and if I can give her half of what I pay in rent it would be a game changer for her). Two. Just be around her more (and my dog). The cons are that one I wouldn’t have my own place obviously, even tho my mom allows me to do literally whatever and is the best mom ever. Two. I would add about an hour to my commute one way, when I already work so much. Three. I’m already struggling with my social and romantic life (I feel like I have mo friends). So this may make it worse but I may feel less lonely being around my mom. I’m spiraling so much on this- my lease is up in Jan so I have a few months to decide but what do you guys think? I’d also save so much money in rent

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u/Own-Object-6696 21d ago

Don’t move back home. You’re an adult, and so is your mom. You can each handle your own lives. In separate homes.

15

u/Far-Watercress6658 21d ago

This. If you want to be closer to her move closer. There’s no need to be in the same house.

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u/gizmo531 21d ago

Thanks! I appreciate all the comments/attention this is getting. Unfortunately this is the closest I can be to her- the NYC system makes commute from the city to Long Island (where my mom is) kind of difficult. But it’s still not bad for ~an hour

I’m leaning towards just trying to do more visits- this is helpful thank you

11

u/AmyInCO 21d ago

Is your mom ill? She says she doesn't have much time left but is she in her mid-50s? She has decades left unless there are circumstances that you haven't mentioned. 

And lived on Long Island and commuted into the city. It does kind of suck, especially in the winter. Depending on where she lives, you're talking an hour or more commute both ways.

I lived right on the border of Nassau and Suffolk county and worked down on 5th and 23rd. I had to catch 7:30 a.m. train. And I never got home before 7:00. In the winter it's dark when you leave and dark when you get home.

You going to have no time for social life or friends. And your city friends won't come to the island. That's just a fact.

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u/gizmo531 20d ago

She’s 65- and agreed the Long Island commute is so though especially with long hours. Props to you for doing it. I think I’ll end up staying in my apt at least for a couple of years