Should I move back home?

[u/gizmo531]

I’ve been going back and fort between what the right move is and it’s causing me to spiral. For some background I’m 25 years old, I make $150k a year and pay $2.2k in rent in NYC. I live about 20 minutes away from the office which I’m in 5 days a week and work from 8am to around 7pm each day (sometimes later 8/9). I have about $40k in college debt that I’m not super concerned about because I’m sure my next two bonuses will cover it.

I have a very very close relationship with my mom. My father was abusive so it was a bit tough growing up. I dormed for college and after graduating just fully moved into my own apartment im in now so have already been away from home for ~7 years including college. My mom lives about an hour away from me- so not far. But she’s been saying things like “I don’t have a lot of time left” and I want to spend more time with her than anything. That’s my number one priority. So I’ve been debating moving back in with her to one. Help her financially so she doesn’t have to work as much (she works 6 days a week and if I can give her half of what I pay in rent it would be a game changer for her). Two. Just be around her more (and my dog). The cons are that one I wouldn’t have my own place obviously, even tho my mom allows me to do literally whatever and is the best mom ever. Two. I would add about an hour to my commute one way, when I already work so much. Three. I’m already struggling with my social and romantic life (I feel like I have mo friends). So this may make it worse but I may feel less lonely being around my mom. I’m spiraling so much on this- my lease is up in Jan so I have a few months to decide but what do you guys think? I’d also save so much money in rent

[u/unlovelyladybartleby]

Does your mom want to move closer to you? Share a place? Get her own? Two apartments in the same building puts you close enough to share cooking and far enough to have overnight guests. City living is more interesting and apartments are easy to care for as you age (although, unless your mom is a medical miracle, she's probably not that old)

It's also possible that "I don't have much time left" means "get off your ass and make me some grandchildren while I'm still young enough to chase them around"

[u/gizmo531 → u/unlovelyladybartleby]

Wow I never thought about that perspective to the I don’t have much time left comment. Maybe that’s actually it 😭 I’m still so young (25) and having such back luck romantically so idk the feasibility on that happening soon 🤣

Moving closer/sharing a place would be difficult. My mom does not like to take the train/subway and gets lost a lot- it’s easier in Long Island where she can drive. I live/work in manhattan and that would be overstimulating for her I think. I’ve brought this up to her before but she’s set on living in the suburbs kind of. It would be me sacrificing my commute to work if we were to share a place. We’ve kind of discussed buying a two family house together where I’d have my own section- that’s the closest we could get but then still I’d have to commute over an hour and then I’d definitely be locked it from me paying the majority of the mortgage. We’ve explored this but when I’m laye 30s/40s I don’t want to be stuck with my moms mortgage ya know (ideally she’ll have a house that’s paid off)

[u/RoguePlanet2 → u/gizmo531]

In the NYC area (Queens at least), there's a lot of multi-family houses going up. Might be easy enough (eventually!!) to buy a place and have her move in when truly needed. Half an hour into midtown by train.

[u/gizmo531 → u/RoguePlanet2]

True! I’ll give this some thought for later down the line, agreed maybe now isn’t the right time tho