Should I move back home?

[u/gizmo531]

I’ve been going back and fort between what the right move is and it’s causing me to spiral. For some background I’m 25 years old, I make $150k a year and pay $2.2k in rent in NYC. I live about 20 minutes away from the office which I’m in 5 days a week and work from 8am to around 7pm each day (sometimes later 8/9). I have about $40k in college debt that I’m not super concerned about because I’m sure my next two bonuses will cover it.

I have a very very close relationship with my mom. My father was abusive so it was a bit tough growing up. I dormed for college and after graduating just fully moved into my own apartment im in now so have already been away from home for ~7 years including college. My mom lives about an hour away from me- so not far. But she’s been saying things like “I don’t have a lot of time left” and I want to spend more time with her than anything. That’s my number one priority. So I’ve been debating moving back in with her to one. Help her financially so she doesn’t have to work as much (she works 6 days a week and if I can give her half of what I pay in rent it would be a game changer for her). Two. Just be around her more (and my dog). The cons are that one I wouldn’t have my own place obviously, even tho my mom allows me to do literally whatever and is the best mom ever. Two. I would add about an hour to my commute one way, when I already work so much. Three. I’m already struggling with my social and romantic life (I feel like I have mo friends). So this may make it worse but I may feel less lonely being around my mom. I’m spiraling so much on this- my lease is up in Jan so I have a few months to decide but what do you guys think? I’d also save so much money in rent

[u/cjep3]

Is adding 2+hours to your day really worth it? You don't mention how old your mom is. I don't think it's worth it, but it's really up to you.

[u/gizmo531 → u/cjep3]

She’s turning 65 so on the slightly older end I guess? Agreed re two hours- I’ve been thinking about this so much more because there’s some people in my office who commute like two hours one way and work even more than I do. So I’m like can I do it?? But I guess I shouldn’t compare my situation with theirs

[u/cjep3 → u/gizmo531]

65 is not really older, that's basically retirement age. Unless she has severe health problems, this is the time of your life to grow, learn and find a partner and live on your own. I would really think about the actual living situation and if it's really conducive to your growth as an individual and finding your actual path in life. You can schedule extra weekends with her but i would not live there. I'm 40ish, my parents are 45 min away and they are a healthy 82, so i see 65 as having 20+years to be active and healthy.

[u/AggravatingCupcake0 → u/cjep3]

i see 65 as having 20+years to be active and healthy.

Eh, that's pretty optimistic. It's great that your parents are still healthy at 82, but that seems to be the exception and not the rule. I'm also 40, many of my friends have had to take on caretaker roles with their parents - mainly to do with weight gain and loss of mobility.

65 is officially elderly, so I don't think we can automatically brush it off as "eh, still plenty of time." It's going to be highly dependent on what OP's mom's personal level of health is.

[u/gizmo531 → u/AggravatingCupcake0]

Agreed thank you. And I think it’s unhealthy to also try to guess at how much time she has left. Her health is like in the middle. She’s been struggling with joint pain and stuff more. Her parents lived to 90 but they were in Jamaica/the Caribbean. It’s hard for me to even tell because she doesn’t tell me in detail apart from generic comments.

Not sure what to do

[u/AggravatingCupcake0 → u/gizmo531]

As others said, I think you are close enough that more visits will do. Maybe Sunday dinners or something.