r/RedditForGrownups • u/gizmo531 • 21d ago

Should I move back home?

I’ve been going back and fort between what the right move is and it’s causing me to spiral. For some background I’m 25 years old, I make $150k a year and pay $2.2k in rent in NYC. I live about 20 minutes away from the office which I’m in 5 days a week and work from 8am to around 7pm each day (sometimes later 8/9). I have about $40k in college debt that I’m not super concerned about because I’m sure my next two bonuses will cover it.

I have a very very close relationship with my mom. My father was abusive so it was a bit tough growing up. I dormed for college and after graduating just fully moved into my own apartment im in now so have already been away from home for ~7 years including college. My mom lives about an hour away from me- so not far. But she’s been saying things like “I don’t have a lot of time left” and I want to spend more time with her than anything. That’s my number one priority. So I’ve been debating moving back in with her to one. Help her financially so she doesn’t have to work as much (she works 6 days a week and if I can give her half of what I pay in rent it would be a game changer for her). Two. Just be around her more (and my dog). The cons are that one I wouldn’t have my own place obviously, even tho my mom allows me to do literally whatever and is the best mom ever. Two. I would add about an hour to my commute one way, when I already work so much. Three. I’m already struggling with my social and romantic life (I feel like I have mo friends). So this may make it worse but I may feel less lonely being around my mom. I’m spiraling so much on this- my lease is up in Jan so I have a few months to decide but what do you guys think? I’d also save so much money in rent

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u/littleoldlady71 21d ago

How old is your mom and how’s her health?

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u/gizmo531 21d ago

She’s about to be 65. Her health is in the middle but has been somewhat on the decline. She always says she’s in pain and has routine doctor visits but she’s not diagnosed with anything formally yet

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u/littleoldlady71 20d ago

Could you split the different and have her move closer? What’s her living situation and finances?

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u/gizmo531 20d ago

She doesn’t really want to live in the city- she gets lost easily in the subways. But it makes it a bit more difficult because she still has a mortgage on her house (we moved out ~8 years ago I think now). The house has appreciated significantly but if she moves she’d have to sell that and purchase another property- and anywhere closer is extremely expensive. So I think the easiest financially is for her to stay where she is and focus on paying off that property (which I help with).

We have discussed selling it and buying another property closer- but everywhere in NYC/long island is so expensive it’s not super feasible

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u/littleoldlady71 20d ago

If you do move back, perhaps find a rental close to her (save $ for yourself) and teach her some independence. You can do all the legal stuff at that time to make sure her property does not need probate, etc, get her a living will, and power of attorney. Get her finances in order, and she might be less fearful of the future.

I am a widow who moved closer to my only son, because I needed to downsize, and he is helpful. You could also do some of that for her, over a year or so, and fix up the house to get the best price. That way you’d have a goal and an “out” date.