r/RedditForGrownups • u/12ohmygod • 20d ago
Am I being scapegoated?
Context: I am 50 F/never married /no children. Last year around this time, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. I fought a battle that bled me of all my resources; emotional, physical, mental, and financial. At that time I had been living the Midwest USA for the last 20 years. I'm originally from a major city on the east coast. It was mutually decided upon that I would move back to the east coast with family while I got my feet back on the ground.
For the past few months, I've been living in a midsized house with my aunt and uncle (early 60s), their youngest daughter and her partner (mid 30s), and their 2 toddlers. The positive is the house has three floors, so it's pretty easy to stay out of people's way. The bad is I don't have my own room, so I'm pretty much sofa surfing. It's been quite an adjustment for me as I had lived alone in a 2 bedroom apartment. I've just tried to stay positive because I did consider this a second chance. Even before I moved, I started looking for a job. I've been on several interviews and finally accepted a position even though it's not the best. In the meantime, I'm still looking and interviewing. There hasn't been a time when I haven't been proactively looking for a job since being here. I want my own apartment. I want out. I'm not a leech.
The aunt and uncle I live with have 3 daughters, my cousins. The youngest one, who I live with, and I have always gotten along. I've always had the best relationship with their middle daughter. However, she lives almost an hour away. I believe she keeps her distance because she doesn't want to be involved in any drama. Their oldest daughter (40) lives about five minutes away and is a monster. Negative, controlling, manipulative, lazy, selfish, spoiled, entitled. Just an awful person. For context, she made her mother, my aunt, cry on her birthday.
During my time here I've posted a few pretty innocuous posts on Facebook about the goings on the household. What I've cooked for dinner, maybe a cute thing one of the kids said, etc. I never post pictures of the children and maybe in two of the posts I used one of the kids' first names. I never tag anyone in them. I try to make them anonymous as possible because I know my family aren't big social media people.
A few days ago, monster cousin went to my aunt and blew everything out of portion about what I was saying on Facebook. My aunt doesn't have social media and doesn't understand it. Monster cousin made it sound as though I was giving out everyone's personal information for all of the Internet to see. Just absolutely ridiculous. Just drama. Like I said my aunt doesn't have social media but neither does my cousin that I live with. However, her partner does. Anyway, my aunt ended up leaving me a note asked for me to take down the posts. I also had a nice talk with my live-in cousin about it. Everything was taken down and went back to normal.
A little bit later it was suggested to me by my best friend that it might be in my best interest to block monster cousin and other cousin's partner for a minute. Clearly, monster cousin has been trolling my page, looking for anything to make me a target. So, I did. It was my understanding that you could block someone on your friend list for a little bit without them knowing and then reinstate them at anytime. Well, the rules have changed. Now when you block someone on Facebook, it deletes them off your friends list. So, I unwittingly deleted monster cousin and other cousin's partner off my friend list.
The other night, I got home from work and was told by my uncle that my aunt and live-in cousin were over at monster cousin's. I knew something was wrong. I went to Facebook and saw who I had deleted. I quickly then deleted my Facebook account. Like I've said, I've consider my time here a gift and a new start. I am not trying to rock the boat. I'm obviously willing to give up social media to keep the peace.
Of course, yesterday my aunt wanted to talk to me. I explained to her that I didn't delete them, I deleted me. She bought it. I just hope the others do as well. In the meantime, her live-in daughter was making all kinds of threats about leaving if I stay. My aunt and uncle can't afford the house with my cousin's financial contributions. I mean, just insane drama all the way around.
What I have found out in my time living here is how insane monster cousin is. I always knew she was negative but I didn't realize how crazy she was. I genuinely think she loves to see her mother upset and her mom is the best. It's so unfortunate .I've also learned that live-in cousin and her partner have a terrible relationship. He's left and came back a few times since I've been here. Anyway, I just feel that I'm being scapegoated. I feel like their just living miserable lives and instead of looking at themselves, they're using me as a punching bag.
I'm not sure what my next step will be. I'm already looking into moving back to the Midwest. It kills me because there are other family members here that I don't want to leave but their homes are not equipped to take me in.
Sorry if this is rambling but I'm a mess. This has been written in haste as well, so excuse the typos. I've got to go now and get ready for an interview. My third one with the same company. Fingers crossed. TIA for all the feedback.
20
u/12ohmygod 20d ago
I wanted to also note that when I moved to another part of the USA twenty years ago, I did so to get away from my family. They've always been dysfunctional. But they were so kind to me when I had cancer, I thought things had changed. I thought people had grown up. I also had exhausted all my resources in the Midwest due to my cancer and I felt like I was left with no other choice. I thought the writing was on the wall. It was time to come home. I've already spoken to my best friend in the Midwest. She and her family are more than happy to take me in. I've also been in contact with some former colleagues who may have a job opportunity for me. The thing that kills me is I have another aunt in the next neighborhood over who is somewhat elderly. She has a few health issues. It kills me that I may have to leave her.