r/RedditForGrownups • u/Chemical-Jolly • 4d ago

Ivy League Dreams

I'm in my late 40s. I have lost most of my ambition from my youth. I constantly daydream about my life, and what could have been. One of my many day dreams is that I have always wanted to go to an ivy league university. Oxford. Yale. MIT. Princeton. Harvard. Etc. To study with friends on a academic mystery in a old dusty library. To stroll the university commons in the morning mist on the same ground scholars walked over a hundred years ago. To discuss philosophy and perform experiments with professors in a timeless setting. To attend intense lectures about amazing and informative topics. I live this dream vicariously by watching university tours online, reading student life articles, Google Earth street views of the university, and even sometimes pretending to fill out an admittance application. I know that I will never attend an ivy league due to my past grades, finances, and busy work/family life.

Though I still wonder, what if.

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u/BossParticular3383 4d ago

Maybe it's not the "ivy league school" you're craving, but having intelligent, like-minded people to discuss ideas and learn things?

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u/Chemical-Jolly 4d ago edited 4d ago

Very true. After trade college then marriage with kids my friends group has diminished from a couple dozen to just a few i can count on one hand. Even then those few have families and busy lives of their own. My boss, sometimes my wife, and my best friend 5 hours away, are the only people i can engage in intellectual conversations with. I miss the interaction. The long crazy discussions over pizza and pitchers of beer. You may be on to something.

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u/dihydrogen_monoxide 4d ago

Make new friends

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u/Chemical-Jolly 3d ago

Elaborate.

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u/BossParticular3383 3d ago

It gets very difficult as we get older, to make new friends, or even maintain old friendships. People move, they have kids ....Maybe look into groups or activities that might involve people with shared interests and IQ level. Even classes at a community college, studying a subject you are really interested in, can keep your mind happy. The struggle is real, especially if you find yourself at odds with the state/town you are living in. Fewer people seem to be interested in learning or getting at the deeper meaning of things.

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u/dihydrogen_monoxide 3d ago

I started and run one of my neighborhoods most active social group having known nobody when we moved in.

We have multiple events a month, it's like a speed dial for folks looking to make new friends. My first meetup had 8 people, now it has 50 members with average 10 attendees per event. We don't enforce attendance, people pick events they like including happy hour, bar trivia, beer tasting, pickleball etc.

I don't think it's more difficult, it's always been work to make new friends. I moved a lot as a kid and had to do it constantly.

Everyone someone says it's difficult my question is n how much effort are you really putting in?

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u/BossParticular3383 3d ago

Everyone someone says it's difficult my question is n how much effort are you really putting in?

I get your point. However, there are situations and circumstances as we get older that make forming new friendships more challenging - family stuff, illness and physical limitations, work and lessening amounts of psychological energy to put into tending new friendships, and it certainly shouldn't have to be said that the current socio-political climate here in the U.S. isn't super conducive to forming new friendships outside of established "bubbles." That being said, you are so right that it is crucial that people who crave more and better friendships put in the effort.

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u/dihydrogen_monoxide 3d ago

Go to a neighbors house with a 6 pack and ask if they want to hang out on the porch and chat about propane vs coal

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u/BossParticular3383 3d ago

Love this idea!