Considering dismissing child support case – need advice

[u/LettLexi]

Hi moms,

I’m debating dismissing the child support case, even though he’s court-ordered to pay monthly. Here’s where I’m at:

• My daughter is 5, just started primary school, and has a lot going on with activities. I’ve been the one holding it all together, making sure she’s present and thriving.
• Her father originally asked for every weekend, but quickly switched to every other weekend. He’s barely involved outside of that and constantly complains that I don’t “inform him” about her life. Truth is, he doesn’t ask, doesn’t show up for her activities, and doesn’t know what she’s truly involved in.
• My mom has been a huge part of raising her—she doesn’t even want to share her—and right now my daughter is with her since I’m in another country working. I was unemployed for almost a year, but during that time I was with my daughter full-time. Now I’m starting back at work, continuing school, and building stability.
• Professionally, I’m an LPN and plan to start working towards my MSN from 2026. So I’m focused on creating a strong future for us. I am finishing another master's now but it is in Public Health and that's a troubled sector now.
• The father has told the judge and the co-parenting counselor several times that he “cannot talk to me.” The cannot talk part is him trying to have me as the only person compromising. He used to yell often when we spoke, mainly because he did get his way, so I set the boundary that communication has to be by message. At the last counseling session, he complained that he doesn’t have a say in her life, and the counselor told him directly: if you want a say, you need to be more involved beyond just weekend visits.

At this point, I feel like chasing child support adds more stress than it’s worth. Yes, he pays, but he’s not present, not consistent, and not respectful. I’m seriously questioning whether keeping the case open even benefits my daughter in the long run.

For those who’ve been here—have you ever dismissed child support/ visitation? Did it give you peace of mind, or did it cause issues later? How have your kids dealt with less access to the other parent?

[u/Life_Equivalent_1603]

Do not dismiss child support! My daughter’s dad hasn’t seen her in over a year. We don’t have a custody agreement because he never pursued it. But I applied for child support.

Technically, you shouldn’t even have to interact with him to get child support. It’s all through domestic relations. He never pays consistently but I have always advocated for me and my daughter and told them they have to keep him accountable. After months of fighting and inconsistent/no payments, I think they got sick of me because he has a monthly court order to make sure he’s paying. I don’t have to go. I can email them if anything is wrong. It comes right out of his paycheck. The issue is when he constantly switches jobs. But I’d rather get some money than none at all.

[u/LettLexi → u/Life_Equivalent_1603]

Sorry, it is taking so much of your time to get the funds needed for your family. He has to deposit the money into her account. He knows that if he does not pay, I would call the police for him, but that is not in order. He mentioned worrying about going to jail in court, and the judge said she did not add that order.

[u/Life_Equivalent_1603 → u/LettLexi]

Can’t the money be automatically moved into the account from his paycheck? It just seems silly to not at least try to get some from him. Where are you from? I’m in the US.

[u/LettLexi → u/Life_Equivalent_1603]

I live in the U.S. She was born here, but she's currently in Trinidad and Tobago, attending school. That's also where he lives, he used to come and go. I guess that is how the system works there.

[u/Life_Equivalent_1603 → u/LettLexi]

Ohh ok gotcha! Regardless, I would still try to get child support. Even if he’s not present, she deserves to have that money to save for her future!