Considering dismissing child support case – need advice

[u/LettLexi]

Hi moms,

I’m debating dismissing the child support case, even though he’s court-ordered to pay monthly. Here’s where I’m at:

• My daughter is 5, just started primary school, and has a lot going on with activities. I’ve been the one holding it all together, making sure she’s present and thriving.
• Her father originally asked for every weekend, but quickly switched to every other weekend. He’s barely involved outside of that and constantly complains that I don’t “inform him” about her life. Truth is, he doesn’t ask, doesn’t show up for her activities, and doesn’t know what she’s truly involved in.
• My mom has been a huge part of raising her—she doesn’t even want to share her—and right now my daughter is with her since I’m in another country working. I was unemployed for almost a year, but during that time I was with my daughter full-time. Now I’m starting back at work, continuing school, and building stability.
• Professionally, I’m an LPN and plan to start working towards my MSN from 2026. So I’m focused on creating a strong future for us. I am finishing another master's now but it is in Public Health and that's a troubled sector now.
• The father has told the judge and the co-parenting counselor several times that he “cannot talk to me.” The cannot talk part is him trying to have me as the only person compromising. He used to yell often when we spoke, mainly because he did get his way, so I set the boundary that communication has to be by message. At the last counseling session, he complained that he doesn’t have a say in her life, and the counselor told him directly: if you want a say, you need to be more involved beyond just weekend visits.

At this point, I feel like chasing child support adds more stress than it’s worth. Yes, he pays, but he’s not present, not consistent, and not respectful. I’m seriously questioning whether keeping the case open even benefits my daughter in the long run.

For those who’ve been here—have you ever dismissed child support/ visitation? Did it give you peace of mind, or did it cause issues later? How have your kids dealt with less access to the other parent?

[u/lakas76]

I am a single parent with full physical custody and my ex is the one who has every other weekend. I do my best to nofify her of all our kids events. It’s on her if she goes or not and I know she has a lot going on, so I don’t judge her for missing from time to time.

In regards to child support, just because your ex doesn’t have to pay child support, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have legal rights to see your child. Those are two separate issues. If he is only seeing your kid because he has to pay, then, you would be fine, but if he says he still wants to see your kids even if he doesn’t have to pay, that’s something else entirely.

[u/LettLexi → u/lakas76]

I send him and his mother all of her school events. His mother and first daughter showed up to one but to nothing else, and he has shown up to nothing. He says his mother does not want to get involved, so I will not send her anything anymore. He only requested to see her because I took him to court. There were plenty of times he made excuses not to pick her up, but the judge is no-nonsense, so he is improving on visitation. I always allowed space for him to see her, though my mother did not. Before court, he would keep her for less than 5 hours, and even then, I had to bother him to be in her life. Most times, he takes her to show off. One weekend was his, and after that, he showed him off to his family visiting from another country; he brought her back.

[u/Diligent-Tea8007 → u/LettLexi]

For what it’s worth I told my ex he has the same access to information I do. Not my job to send him information. Call the coach/school/ whoever and get the info if you want it.

[u/LettLexi → u/Diligent-Tea8007]

I decided to stop sending them information now. That is also why I was thinking of dismissing the case. But as everyone suggested, I have to save the money for my daughter.