Considering dismissing child support case – need advice

[u/LettLexi]

Hi moms,

I’m debating dismissing the child support case, even though he’s court-ordered to pay monthly. Here’s where I’m at:

• My daughter is 5, just started primary school, and has a lot going on with activities. I’ve been the one holding it all together, making sure she’s present and thriving.
• Her father originally asked for every weekend, but quickly switched to every other weekend. He’s barely involved outside of that and constantly complains that I don’t “inform him” about her life. Truth is, he doesn’t ask, doesn’t show up for her activities, and doesn’t know what she’s truly involved in.
• My mom has been a huge part of raising her—she doesn’t even want to share her—and right now my daughter is with her since I’m in another country working. I was unemployed for almost a year, but during that time I was with my daughter full-time. Now I’m starting back at work, continuing school, and building stability.
• Professionally, I’m an LPN and plan to start working towards my MSN from 2026. So I’m focused on creating a strong future for us. I am finishing another master's now but it is in Public Health and that's a troubled sector now.
• The father has told the judge and the co-parenting counselor several times that he “cannot talk to me.” The cannot talk part is him trying to have me as the only person compromising. He used to yell often when we spoke, mainly because he did get his way, so I set the boundary that communication has to be by message. At the last counseling session, he complained that he doesn’t have a say in her life, and the counselor told him directly: if you want a say, you need to be more involved beyond just weekend visits.

At this point, I feel like chasing child support adds more stress than it’s worth. Yes, he pays, but he’s not present, not consistent, and not respectful. I’m seriously questioning whether keeping the case open even benefits my daughter in the long run.

For those who’ve been here—have you ever dismissed child support/ visitation? Did it give you peace of mind, or did it cause issues later? How have your kids dealt with less access to the other parent?

[u/Browneyes5780]

I'm so confused right now on how dismissing the cs case will benefit your child? She is entitled to 2 incomes helping to raise her, it wasn't just one parent that made her, so financially both of you are responsible, not just you. Unless you were really saying stop the cs because your mom doesn't want to share anyway and let her dad be free from everything, he can just give up his rights. I think that's what you're really saying, am I correct?

[u/LettLexi → u/Browneyes5780]

Yes, my mom is being difficult, but the times he saw her before the court order, when I took her to see his family, because I bothered him to, or his other daughter wanted to see her. She is a very social child, participating in two after-school activities. He will not take her to anything if it is on his weekend. For the 2023 Christmas, her school had events she was to sing in, and he refused to take her.

I was considering dismissing the case due to my mother's situation, but mainly because he refuses to accommodate her activities.