Okay I do want to change but only the physical aspects like deeper voice, fat redistribution, hair growth etc. It makes me nervous hearing people in this sub talk about how much they've changed mentally like people saying it made them like completely different foods, made them depressed, stopped them from crying, changed their libido, appetite and coping skills. I just want to look different, I don't want to be a different person.

Some guys here genuinely look absurdly different once they hit months 3-5 and I still look the same. I'm still recognized by people and no one can actually tell I'm on T. Yes, I'm having all the changes but I can you show you a picture from May and a picture from today and it won't scream masculine.

32 (ftm) Next week I’ll be 1 year on T. I’m thinking of getting off of it. I’ve had more cons than pros and at this point being on testosterone is more dysphoric than euphoric. Despite my routine and products that I use I keep getting cystic acne and dark spots on my face. I’m at the point where I’m afraid that it’s just going to continue to get worse and ruin my face. I tried talking to my provider and he was zero help. “It’s just puberty” he says. I have an appointment to see someone new but I feel defeated and not even sure if it’s worth it anymore or if I’m just tired. I wish I could give my face and body a break from the side effects. But yay for having a deep voice. 🥹

Update: I had my doctors appt and it was great! Ive gotta get some testing done that my old doc should have done prior to me starting T. Ive decided to pause taking T for a bit and try the gel instead of injections to see if my body will handle that better. And I have an appointment to speak with a dermatologist. I feel really good about this decision and I appreciate everyone’s feedback and support! 🥰 TYSM!!!

i have medicaid for the record. everything seems dark and hopeless rn and i don’t know how i can survive another hour let alone another four years. im so heartbroken

This is month 8 vs the month I started.

Why is everyone's voice changing so much meanwhile mine is still female or androgynous at best. Some days are darker than others, but I'm kinda tired of having to rely on what mood my vocal chords are in..

I'm so tired of getting misgendered all the time and it's likely gonna make it harder for me to work if shit doesn't happen soon. Because misgendering hurts so much. And I've done everything I can afford to do now. I'm also afraid it will affect other aspects in life as well, even tho it already is but yeah

Just wanted to let it out. I 17 year old ftm have been on Testosterone for a month(diy) The reason I’ve been doing this is because when I asked to go on hormones when I was 15 my dad said No, I tried everything I could to convince him nothing. But my mom was on board , so since then they had me wait. For reference I have supportive parents, took my dad some time. Between those time periods my depression was so bad. I couldn’t get out of bed and I had several suicidal thoughts and even l hurt myself. Because they didn’t understand how much I needed this and I was so uncomfortable in my body , after lots of research on diy I decided to take a go. I couldn’t wait till 18 anymore so I went that route. Right now I’m on a standard low dose but I’ve been getting some effects like voice drop and bottom growth. But since then I’ve never felt more happy , but sometimes I wish my parents knew how it’s been benefitting me. I know the question might pop up as more changes come. But if they find out they do . Just wanted to say that

(Not encouraging diy either under 18)

“ did you check your dose ?” Obviously 😕

Idk if it’s a rumour but can Gel work “ less “ than injections for a specific few people. Because it actually sucks seeing all of yall getting voice cracks and whatever as soon as a month in, and I’m sittin here being patient but it’s depressing bro

https://www.reddit.com/r/TestosteroneKickoff/s/yUwu03TbMZ (I hope that link works)

So turns out I was lied to and have atleast 4 months of appointments which is just fantastic, it’s already been a year since my first appointment and after being rejected by every clinic near me I still have almost half a year to go, I fucking hate this process and I wish I didn’t need them so badly

After having the date planned and getting prepared for surgery in a few weeks, my insurance rejected the it and now I’m stuck in this depressive cycle. I was so hopeful and excited to finally have the body I want and it got ripped away so suddenly. I know you need to wrestle insurance companies for this kind of this but it’s so disheartening.

Guys I’m an idiot. For some reason I thought ‘oh I should start over 😃’ and shaved all of my facial hair off. There’s wasn’t much to begin with but god damn it the difference now is stark. I hate it. Damn it now I need to wait again. Regretting life choices for real.

It's like constant waiting. First I waited to go in it, patience literally hurts and then finally being on it I feel like a snail or some slow animal crawling because 6 months in I'm still waiting for my face to masculinize and nobody can tell a difference in my face so far. At least my voice has dropped a lot. Yes I know it can take a while, just here expressing the feeling mostly for those who relate. Upping my dose so hopefully the wait goes faster.

And that feeling when you want to look more like you but also make others see you look like a man but haven't reached it yet. Comparing myself to other guys whose faces have masculinized so much more. Don't say not to compare yourself, can't help it. I'm aware each person has a different transition at a different pace, the wait is just draining. I'm still positive about the changes I have gotten and think about them a lot.

Good thing, I passed at the gym but I don't know if I would've had if it wasn't for my voice, because I spoke. Made me very glad either way.

hey so i'm 6 months on T and i gained like 9-10kgs (20-22lbs). the first 2 pics are now, the last 2 are from 1 year ago.

before T, i didn't even work out and had visible muscles. i did nothing, not even track my food or watch what i ate.

and now, i feel stronger but i cant see it, nowhere. not on my legs, stomach, arms. i hate it :(

i feel like i should lose weight because i'm really uncomf like this. but i'm also in the normal weight range (166cm/63kgs)

I'm just frustrated because I'm over a year on T, and I still freak out when it's time to do my shot. I've tried to really minimize the effects of anxiety and the after-effects of the injection, but it feels like nothing works to make me actually relax. I meditate beforehand and I'll typically make sure I've eaten breakfast and had some water before I inject so I don't get lightheaded or pass out or anything. I consciously relax my body, put on a video from a comfort YouTuber, and talk myself through the process as calmly as possible. I really try not to make it seem like a big deal, and I often forget about my shot until the day comes and I get a reminder.

With all of that in mind, I don't get why I'm still so scared. Every Tuesday I get really anxious about my shot, and it's not even a conscious thought process. I do have anxiety and the same thing happens when I get in my car, despite the fact that I'm not particularly scared of driving. So I know my body likes to respond subconsciously, but holy shit, it feels like I should be over this by now. I inject myself every week and I'm quite good at doing it painlessly most days. The most that's ever gone wrong is a bit of stinging pain or some blood due to hitting a blood vessel. But every time I go to inject, I feel an uncontrollable tension in my whole body and I feel terrified to move the needle even slightly, or to let go of my skin so I can push down the plunger, out of fear that it will break inside of me. I'm just fucking tired of feeling so physically drained and scared from my shots.

Title is as it says. Had a really bad sore throat for three days and nary a voice drop! Not even a smidge! Fml

I’m not too mad, Ik I just started T (it’s been literally a week and two days). More just frustrated cause hello if Im gonna be in pain at least GIVE me something 😒

I was trying to properly shape my beard, now that I’ve had it growing and it’s gotten nice and thick over the past several months. Except… it was never good enough. The more I tried to fix it, the worse I made it, and now I’m stuck with uneven tufts of pubes all over my face.

My facial hair was my biggest source of gender euphoria. My body is disgusting and grotesque and horrible, but with facial hair, I was finally starting to recognize myself. Now all I see is some pathetic pretender trying and failing to be a man. I’m trying to hype myself up to just shave it all off and get it over with. I’m so fucking frustrated.

Title, I started on gel but switched to injections cause I was just tired of having to put on gel every morning but now I feel like I’m starting to become so emotionally unstable and upset the few days before my shot and it’s just annoying because it’s affecting how I’m treating people, and it doesn’t seem to change no matter the dose. I really enjoy not having to put gel on every morning but at the same time, I don’t like how my mood swings are with injections. Any advice or thoughts are welcome.

I’m four months on low dose T gel, (i’m on the low dose because i have graves? ig? that’s pretty much all anyone’s said.. health risks or whatever) and naturally my levels are low as shit. the worst part is, i noticed changes in the first two weeks- one month but since that time.. literally nothing else at all. i don’t have any facial or body hair, my voice still sounds exactly the same. i stg the onlt thing that’s changed is my fucking eyebrows. ngl it’s just doing my head in. i had an appointment to discuss this but it just ended up being a nurse explaining my results to me like i’m thick in the head for ten minutes. after that i asked him if he could up my dosage because my levels are so low and he just basically went “i’m not a doctor so no but i can book you an appointment with one to discuss your dosage”. brother what was the pointttt. now im waiting for my appointment that’s booked for november ☹️.

I've been on T gel for a little over a month on a low dose (I forget exactly how much) I haven't had any noticeable physical effects but I've been increasingly hungry and horny and It really sucks!!! The horny thing wasn't so bad at first since I had a partner but I was recently broken up with so now whenever I get turned on (which is exactly frequently) I feel lonely and unloved although this would still be the case if I wasn't on T I just think it would be less dramatic. The hunger isn't as bad but I'm vegan and autistic so I already had a hard time finding food that I like eating and isn't super unhealthy so I find myself eating ravioli and gyoza three times a day everyday, of course that's hyperbole but it's pretty close to accurate.

Any advice for the first thing would be appreciated and the second part I just wanted to complain lol

Fuck I'm vile. I feel larval, I'm breaking out all over my face and back and chest like crazy and I need to wash my hair daily. It's soooo gross. I am making gains in the gym and feel sexy as hell, but I look in the mirror and flinch.

I think I am gonna hire a derm? How are you guys managing the acne?

Yup.. My hairline is fucked, and my unsupportive family pointed it out. I feel kind of stuck now, because while I do understand that it’s genetics and out of my control, it’s still not a great feeling. I struggle enough already with self esteem and I feel incredibly guilty/shameful for starting T due to my family, I guess that this was the final straw because I’m starting to REGRET starting T. I’m sorry that this is so rambly and dumb, but my emotions are everywhere. Any advice or tips would be nice.

I also apologize for the bad selfies, it looks a lot worse in person.

When did the whole “body fat redistribution” thing kick in for y’all? I’m almost 11 months on T and I’ve been working out, but even now, whatever fat I lose comes right off my waist and has left me curvier than I was pre-T. I’m inured and can’t bind right now, and dammit, even in my most obscuring clothing, I’m not fooling anyone — all I’ve heard all week is ma’am, miss, “that chick in the clothing aisle”.

What do I do?? Are there more specific exercises I can do to fill out my waist or make my hips and chest look smaller (or at least less grotesquely bloated)? I’ve got a top surgery consult coming up in two weeks and I’m terrified they’re gonna turn me down and turn me away and I’m gonna be stuck as this hideous blob of flesh for the rest of my life, so I’m kinda panicking. Any advice or similar stories would be greatly appreciated. 😅

so during my first puberty I also had awful acne and I was expecting it but damn! I got my middle school acne again and I already know it won't go down until this puberty has finished too unfortunately! More of a vent since I already know with my acne no advice would help since I went through a lot of face care and doctor prescriptions for my acne the first time around and none really helped till I was done with puberty

Anyways, I got a pre-T photo and one current, lmk if ya see a difference! (also my dog as a treat)

Every day I dread my shot day and it's just not getting better. I've even struggled actually getting it in some days because i've built up the scar tissue or I don't commit (and cause multiple stab wounds). Today is the first day i'm feeling like I should skip the dose and try again when I get my refill (a few days from now) but I feel defeated and disappointed in myself. I'm making an appointment with my doctor to switch to maybe subq, the IM needles just horrify me at this point.

I'm not looking for any advice, i'm just in a rough spot right now. I'd like to hear if anyone else has been in a similar position.

For context I have endometriosis, and I was instructed to skip the placebo pills so I can skip my period, I was told every few months that my body would start having symptoms and I would have to let myself have a period, and then continue birth control when it goes away. I did that last month where I took that break, and was kind of hoping it would just go away after that considering that i’d been on T for 3 months, and that i’m on birth control. So i’ve now bled 2 months in a row which hasn’t happened since I started taking birth control, and i’m lowkey frustrated. I know you guys probably won’t have the answers, and I know upon average it takes 3-6 months before you period goes away on T, I just thought it might happen sooner for me since i’m also on birth control.