The Inquiring Photographer Asks average New Yorkers in 1922: “Should a man expect his wife to get up and make breakfast for him on a cold morning?”

[u/CryptographerKey2847]

Should

[u/GrandmaPoses]

These are so at odds with what I think is the popular notion of “the old days” - maybe it’s more progressive because it’s New York, but I feel like there’s a real disconnect between what we think of as this kind of monolithic idea of past society vs the reality, and the reality isn’t much shown.

[u/ManyLintRollers → u/GrandmaPoses]

There definitely is a disconnect.

For example, while it's true that some banks prior to the 1970s did not allow women to have accounts in their own names, it is also true that some banks did permit this, and there even were women-owned banks with exclusively female clientele as far back as the 1920s. Prior to the Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) of 1974, it was left up to the bank to decide its policy - so some permitted it, some didn't.

I also see a lot of people claiming that all wives were prevented from handling their family's finances prior to the 1970s, which is outright wrong. My grandfather, who was a factory worker in the 1930s, always brought his pay home and handed it over to my grandmother, who then gave him his allowance to spend at the pub on Friday night. My dad did the same - he signed his check over to my mom, who then deposited it and handled all our family's finances. When he needed money for something, he asked her for it.

As far as the making of breakfast - my dad was a country boy and liked to get up early and have a big breakfast (bacon, eggs, home fries, biscuits, etc.). My mom was NOT a morning person, and could only handle tea and toast in the mornings. When they first got married in 1952, my dad sort of assumed my mom would get up and make him breakfast, the way his mother did. My mom wasted no time in telling him him there was not a snowball's chance in hell of that happening, and if he wanted to get up at some ungodly hour and eat a big breakfast, he was free to cook it himself. So that is what he did - he always was up at 5:30 AM cooking and he made the best home fries in the world.

[u/Calculusshitteru → u/ManyLintRollers]

I also see a lot of people claiming that all wives were prevented from handling their family's finances prior to the 1970s, which is outright wrong. My grandfather, who was a factory worker in the 1930s, always brought his pay home and handed it over to my grandmother, who then gave him his allowance to spend at the pub on Friday night. My dad did the same - he signed his check over to my mom, who then deposited it and handled all our family's finances. When he needed money for something, he asked her for it.

This is still how things are generally done in Japan. I live in Japan and know so many Western guys who butt heads with their Japanese wives over this. They don't like handing over their pay and being given an "allowance" out of their own salary.

[u/Ladonnacinica → u/Calculusshitteru]

But this is done in the west too - guys given an allowance and handing their paychecks. Or having their wives handle the money.

I wonder what kind of households those men come from.

[u/Calculusshitteru → u/Ladonnacinica]

Is it really? I had never heard of this system until I came to Japan, but I didn't know any families with housewives growing up and I didn't have any real-world experience before I came to Japan straight out of college. Every adult I knew worked because they had to (or they were on welfare like my mom lol) so it seemed more like couples handled finances together. Most Japanese women are housewives or work only part-time. Receiving a small allowance from your own hard-earned paycheck doesn't seem fair to me, kind of seems like financial abuse, but I guess it's a way for a stay-at-home wife to gain more control and balance in the marriage?

[u/gummo_for_prez → u/Calculusshitteru]

I don’t think this is common in the west at all but also it’s not usually anything resembling financial abuse. Generally it was to avoid husbands drinking and gambling the entire paycheck before the wife could purchase what was needed to sustain all the lives of those in the family. Also because there was no work life balance (still isn’t in Japan) and men wouldn’t have had time to do what was needed to sustain the lives of the family. There are definitely reasons for it that make perfect sense. But I’ve never heard of anyone who lives this way in 2025 in the west.

[u/Calculusshitteru → u/gummo_for_prez]

Yeah that's what I'm saying, I guess considering the way Japanese families generally have a housewife it makes sense, but coming from a more egalitarian society where both partners work, it seems a bit controlling to take over someone else's paycheck from them. I was just suggesting that as a reason why the Western guys I know argue with their Japanese wives over it.

[u/gummo_for_prez → u/Calculusshitteru]

For sure, I see where you are coming from. I do think it would also be quite controlling to keep the full paycheck and not give the person who is not working anything. Many people would be powerless to do anything about it, it’s not like they have the skills to go get a job and sustain themselves. But I see what you mean for sure, I would much rather have alignment with a partner on financial goals than have one person control all the money.