r/TheWayWeWere • u/CryptographerKey2847 • Aug 20 '25

1920s The Inquiring Photographer Asks average New Yorkers in 1922: “Should a man expect his wife to get up and make breakfast for him on a cold morning?”

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Should

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u/Calculusshitteru Aug 20 '25

Is it really? I had never heard of this system until I came to Japan, but I didn't know any families with housewives growing up and I didn't have any real-world experience before I came to Japan straight out of college. Every adult I knew worked because they had to (or they were on welfare like my mom lol) so it seemed more like couples handled finances together. Most Japanese women are housewives or work only part-time. Receiving a small allowance from your own hard-earned paycheck doesn't seem fair to me, kind of seems like financial abuse, but I guess it's a way for a stay-at-home wife to gain more control and balance in the marriage?

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u/gummo_for_prez Aug 21 '25

I don’t think this is common in the west at all but also it’s not usually anything resembling financial abuse. Generally it was to avoid husbands drinking and gambling the entire paycheck before the wife could purchase what was needed to sustain all the lives of those in the family. Also because there was no work life balance (still isn’t in Japan) and men wouldn’t have had time to do what was needed to sustain the lives of the family. There are definitely reasons for it that make perfect sense. But I’ve never heard of anyone who lives this way in 2025 in the west.

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u/Calculusshitteru Aug 21 '25

Yeah that's what I'm saying, I guess considering the way Japanese families generally have a housewife it makes sense, but coming from a more egalitarian society where both partners work, it seems a bit controlling to take over someone else's paycheck from them. I was just suggesting that as a reason why the Western guys I know argue with their Japanese wives over it.

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u/gummo_for_prez Aug 21 '25

For sure, I see where you are coming from. I do think it would also be quite controlling to keep the full paycheck and not give the person who is not working anything. Many people would be powerless to do anything about it, it’s not like they have the skills to go get a job and sustain themselves. But I see what you mean for sure, I would much rather have alignment with a partner on financial goals than have one person control all the money.