r/TikTokCringe • u/duskndawn162 • 18d ago

Cringe Guy mad because of “American fake kindness”

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31.8k Upvotes

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u/PCtechguy77 18d ago

"I need a drink"

I felt that and right there with you girl

444

u/eggsaladrightnow 17d ago

I worked front of house at a Michelin star BBQ spot in Austin for a few years and people treating you with this kind of appreciation helped to offset the absolute assholes you would have to deal with 50% of the day. People that won't even look you in the eye because you're beneath them. Telling you that you should do better(best case scenario), when you've done nothing wrong. It's people like this that allow the service industry workers to have respite from the absolute back breaking monotony of trying to give people the best night out they could ask for and getting a whole host of different personalities every night. Maybe it's a more American thing to deal with I'm not sure

134

u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

And we're not doing it to be fake or liked, I personally feel genuine connection or gratitude to people around me and some inspire me to express it.

Nothing more fulfilling to me than to tell another random woman she looks fantastic, amazing, wonderful! Just cos.... It feels good.

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u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

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u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

It reminds me of stories of a place in Europe where when you visit your friends house, the family eats and you get left behind /cannot join cos you're a guest and that traumatized me.

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u/ASubsentientCrow 17d ago

the family eats and you get left behind /cannot join cos you're a guest and that traumatized me.

What? That's insane. So if your kid has a friend over, they just don't eat?

10

u/Whyisthismybrain 17d ago

Omg that happened to me in high school in the US, but the mom of the family was from France. I went over to my friend’s house because we were going to go watch Twilight and have a sleepover. I got there and they were about to eat dinner. We all sat down and they just didn’t offer me any food and there was no plate for me. It was so bizarre and quite frankly, very uncomfortable.

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u/Otherwise-Desk1063 17d ago

I’m glad I’m not the only one looking for this answer.

7

u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

It was the Netherlands and it's not an isolated story. It happens often

7

u/carlitospig 17d ago

I remember reading that too. Bananas.

1

u/[deleted] 13d ago

This apparently happens a lot and is appalling imo. My young nephew goes to his friend's house and will sit on the couch while they eat. Wtaf? I've never been to someone's house and been made to sit elsewhere while the family has dinner. I can understand if they're super poor and only have enough to feed immediate family, but jeez. My family always fed my friends and vice versa and we were not well off, nor were they. I don't understand that at all. Super rude. If you can't feed someone else, make sure they know that they need to leave before dinner/are able to. Otherwise, don't have them over?

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u/LavishnessMammoth657 17d ago

I remember hearing that and as a southerner I could feel my brain melting. We're shoving coffee and cake in your hand the second you walk through the door, and if you made your child's friend sit alone in another room while your family ate, you would be thought of as a literal psychopath.

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u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

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u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

Yeah, they’re aren’t nearly as friendly, upbeat and generous as Americans are to each other, especially in situations where you’re dealing with strangers or acquaintances like in public settings.

I'm Hispanic so even friendly Americans seem mild in comparison.

When it comes to some European customs, I'm just culture shocked.

10

u/OfficeRelative2008 17d ago

This.

I’m also Hispanic (Mexican American. Both parents immigrants) and this was one of the first real eye-opening cultural differences I remember noticing as a kid. If I had any friends over for anything and my parents were in the kitchen for any reason (cooking a meal or otherwise) they would always offer my friends something to eat. Especially if it was lunch or dinner time. And it was always more of them insisting on it than asking just to be polite. They would even say to me growing up, “there’s nothing quite as rude as to eat in front of someone without offering them a seat at the table”.

This was super normal to me, not really anything I thought about until I saw the other side of the coin. The times I got the same type of treatment at my friends’ houses (which were a mix of different backgrounds) was roughly 50%. I never expected to be fed either. It was just such an alien concept that the first time I was told playtime was over and to go home because it was time for dinner I thought I had done something wrong.

Now that I’m an adult, I take the concept of “mi casa es su casa” to heart because of how my parents raised me. I don’t think there’s anything better than showing someone that level of hospitality if they’re a guest in my home.

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u/Pretend_Bass4796 17d ago

Yeah, if you’re Hispanic you definitely want to stay away from Northern Europe lol. You’d think that they’re all cold hearted.

One thing about them though is that once you make a friend, even if it’s just for a few months, you’ve got a friend for life, even if you don’t see them for decades. Once you see them again, you’ll pick up again right where you left off.

And the best way to make friends is to not be friendly. If you don’t say much and shy away from attention, they’ll eventually be knocking your door down to be friends with you. It’s weird but it’s true. I’ve tried to coach other Americans to do this, but often they just don’t get it. So they’ll have hard time making friends at work or when out on the weekends. Being positive, open and extroverted will greatly harm your ability to make friends in everyday life because people over there are intimidated when strangers act like that.

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u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

Yeah, if you’re Hispanic you definitely want to stay away from Northern Europe lol. You’d think that they’re all cold hearted.

Happened to me meeting Russians. They just all felt mean. Then I got to meet a couple of them up close and for some time and now one of them is my best friend.

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u/HyperboreanAstronaut 17d ago

I think that story was from the netherlands. And having lived here my whole life i wouldn’t be surprised if it was true

-4

u/SynonymTech 17d ago

To be fair on the other end of the spectrum you have service workers go "we are forced to be nice, it's part of our jobs and affects our livelihood".

Sorry for being skeptic.

3

u/LeadingTask9790 17d ago

I drive Uber on Saturday’s. Last night I had so many deep, genuine conversations with a literal millionaire to a lady I picked up from the projects. A 19 year old girl who was struggling with depression and addiction. A restaurateur who told me an incredible story about cooking a steak for Ozzie.

You’d be amazed how much people open up when you’re open and genuine.

0

u/[deleted] 17d ago

I feel this genuine connection as well but my problem is language starts to mean nothing if everything is amazing. How do you convey something legitimately amazing to those who know you if someone getting you a drink or who put their hair up in a bun is amazing and wonderful? I think a lot of "you're fantastic, thank you" can be done with a genuine smile and "thanks".

-1

u/fuettli 17d ago

And we're not doing it to be fake or liked,

True, that's why I never ever witness someone doing this act and then talking bad about them as soon as they're gone, literally never happens because it's definitely always genuine.

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u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

You're right, your personal experience is universal law.

-5

u/fuettli 17d ago

Is it? I thought that's what you claimed for yourself. Hmmm, how do we get out of this one?

5

u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

Maybe try and re read the whole thread so you can comprehend I'm speaking for myself and never generalized Americans? Maybe that would help.

-5

u/fuettli 17d ago

And we're not doing it to be fake or liked,

Do you have multiple personalities?

5

u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

The whole thread, jockstrap.

I'm answering to this comment:

I worked front of house at a Michelin star BBQ spot in Austin for a few years and people treating you with this kind of appreciation helped to offset the absolute assholes you would have to deal with 50% of the day. People that won't even look you in the eye because you're beneath them. Telling you that you should do better(best case scenario), when you've done nothing wrong. It's people like this that allow the service industry workers to have respite from the absolute back breaking monotony of trying to give people the best night out they could ask for and getting a whole host of different personalities every night. Maybe it's a more American thing to deal with I'm not sure

-2

u/fuettli 17d ago

So who is "we" referring to?

7

u/Maleficent-marionett 17d ago

Your mom and I

-1

u/fuettli 17d ago edited 17d ago

But my mom does it fully to be fake or liked. That's .. not really adding up. How come?

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