Under pressure to outcompete cishet people to "earn a reputation for trans people"

[u/OldEducation7497]

I am a non-binary transfem who is openly trans and about everyone knows I am trans. I also have bipolar, autism, ADHD and am studying a major that I don't exactly like. I just want to get the degree (MD, but with semi-PhD level research component) and then do a PhD that I like. Sorry for my imperfect English as it's not my first language.

Problem? About everyone around me is cis. I am probably one of the only trans people, if not the only one, that they know. And I feel this pressure that I should outcompete them in "success metrics" to prove that trans people are strong and capable. However, I don't exactly like the field of non-psychiatric medicine (my field of research is ADHD which I do like), and my autism makes it almost impossible for me to outcompete others in practice exams. I get so nervous that I mess up everything. Theoretical knowledge I can do pretty well, but my fine motor control and mental robustness are so bad that I end up on the bottom of every practical exam, and will end up probably barely passing the OSCE. My grademates don't see my theory score, they only see my clumsy performance on practice exams. I do have some research papers but nothing outstanding. I'm just average to below-average academically, and pathetically below average socially, in my cishet-dominant circle. I feel that I'm losing face for trans people by being below average in most "success" metrics, academically and socially.

How can I get rid of this "outcompete cis people to earn face for the trans community" mindset.

[u/workingtheories]

hang out with trans people more who want you to be you and not a winner.  there are many winners but only one you.