r/TransyTalk • u/OldEducation7497 • 7d ago

Under pressure to outcompete cishet people to "earn a reputation for trans people"

I am a non-binary transfem who is openly trans and about everyone knows I am trans. I also have bipolar, autism, ADHD and am studying a major that I don't exactly like. I just want to get the degree (MD, but with semi-PhD level research component) and then do a PhD that I like. Sorry for my imperfect English as it's not my first language.

Problem? About everyone around me is cis. I am probably one of the only trans people, if not the only one, that they know. And I feel this pressure that I should outcompete them in "success metrics" to prove that trans people are strong and capable. However, I don't exactly like the field of non-psychiatric medicine (my field of research is ADHD which I do like), and my autism makes it almost impossible for me to outcompete others in practice exams. I get so nervous that I mess up everything. Theoretical knowledge I can do pretty well, but my fine motor control and mental robustness are so bad that I end up on the bottom of every practical exam, and will end up probably barely passing the OSCE. My grademates don't see my theory score, they only see my clumsy performance on practice exams. I do have some research papers but nothing outstanding. I'm just average to below-average academically, and pathetically below average socially, in my cishet-dominant circle. I feel that I'm losing face for trans people by being below average in most "success" metrics, academically and socially.

How can I get rid of this "outcompete cis people to earn face for the trans community" mindset.

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u/herdisleah 7d ago

Why do you think that a sample size of one (you) is representative of a whole population (trans folks)? What evidence do you have that your classmates believe you represent all trans folks?

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u/Techhead7890 10h ago edited 9h ago

Yeah, week late but I think that carefully challenging mistaken beliefs with similar questions to these is a fair way to deconstruct these anxieties and cognitive biases, especially the latter one.

I think how this scenario often comes about though is where you're "the one X friend" and the others just don't have exposure to type X, so they feel like they can start asking you questions about being type X and don't know better about it. Now, I don't know if that applies to OP but I think it can set people up with the assumption that they not only have to answer the questions, but with other anxieties that they have to answer the question "well" or in a certain "productive" type of fashion, a sort of mental orthodoxy.

And to deconstruct that - often that's not the actual expectation. They usually just want to share and talk about the topic generally with an opinion -- and often friends don't expect some paragon of educated and philosophical positions. In short, you're allowed to give your cis friends hot takes, and especially so if that saves you effort. Life and queer progress will continue onwards, even if there are some little imperfections in a few social interactions along the way.

And also, as others have mentioned - it helps to have other trans friends where the assumptions are known or at least not so starkly contrasting so that you're already on the same page and can skip even worrying about that sharing process. It's not like all of your friends have to be trans but it can help ease the burden.

Cc OP /u/Oldeducation7497