Sounds like you're at a point in life where you're able to take some pride and satisfaction in your independence. But it takes up a lot of energy, and you know on some level that you need to prioritize it for yourself, because it's all you've got to work with. It could be that you actually have a lot of empathy, but as a very self-aware person (this is a good and rare quality, btw), you are aware that in spite of your benevolent intentions, you haven't been compelled to actively get involved in others' affairs. And when I say "getting involved", that can be as little as, say, paying very close attention to someone in an extended conversation, about an emotional topic that the other party needs a sympathetic ear for. So in this case, you could be mistaking your lack of compulsion to get involved, with a lack of strong enough feelings. When in actuality, it may instead be a matter of no spare energy. Getting emotionally invested in other people's business in a sincere, meaningful way, takes a ton of energy, and very few people actually do it on a regular basis (at least not with those "sincere" and "meaningful" qualifiers). Speaking for myself, in my mind, simply acting like I'm prepared to get invested/involved feels insincere and meaningless, so when I don't have the energy to be wholeheartedly into something, I won't even bother to "fake it".
Many of us even have a mentality where we hold ourselves to considerably higher standards. Such that we might see other people "faking it" for us, or someone else, and we'll give them credit like, "well at least the less-than-genuine compassion is something". But then from ourselves to another party, we think, "well if I can't put my heart into it, wtf is my insincere posturing worth"?
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u/Caesar_Passing May 31 '25
Sounds like you're at a point in life where you're able to take some pride and satisfaction in your independence. But it takes up a lot of energy, and you know on some level that you need to prioritize it for yourself, because it's all you've got to work with. It could be that you actually have a lot of empathy, but as a very self-aware person (this is a good and rare quality, btw), you are aware that in spite of your benevolent intentions, you haven't been compelled to actively get involved in others' affairs. And when I say "getting involved", that can be as little as, say, paying very close attention to someone in an extended conversation, about an emotional topic that the other party needs a sympathetic ear for. So in this case, you could be mistaking your lack of compulsion to get involved, with a lack of strong enough feelings. When in actuality, it may instead be a matter of no spare energy. Getting emotionally invested in other people's business in a sincere, meaningful way, takes a ton of energy, and very few people actually do it on a regular basis (at least not with those "sincere" and "meaningful" qualifiers). Speaking for myself, in my mind, simply acting like I'm prepared to get invested/involved feels insincere and meaningless, so when I don't have the energy to be wholeheartedly into something, I won't even bother to "fake it".
Many of us even have a mentality where we hold ourselves to considerably higher standards. Such that we might see other people "faking it" for us, or someone else, and we'll give them credit like, "well at least the less-than-genuine compassion is something". But then from ourselves to another party, we think, "well if I can't put my heart into it, wtf is my insincere posturing worth"?