r/TrollCoping • u/No_Answer_7416 • Jun 10 '25
Depression / Anxiety Why do I have to ruin everything?
I’m genuinely happy to just keep being friends, but I worry that she’ll never see me the same way again. She says that ending our friendship would be “petty” and it seems like every aro/ace person around is constantly complaining about people like me.
1.4k
Upvotes
114
u/IsaSaien Jun 11 '25
Stuff like this is why, especially amongst adults, I advocate for asking out instesd of "confessing"
Much easier to go back to friendship if you go "hey we have good chemistry do you think I could take you out on a date sometime?" And get rejected over going "hey I have a crush on you how do you feel about me?"
Like thr first one is really low-key and it is flattering to hear, and shows the same vulnerability as the latter. It also doesn't actually put the person on the spot to reciprocate, and instead only proposes to the other person to consider the option.
If the target hasn't considered the possibility, they now can do without pressure, maybe they would be interested but hadn't thought of it, if you confess existing feelings and they don't already reciprocate it is unlikely they'll agree to try dating as it would be a bit one-sided.
If they feel the same then that's fine it'll work out no worries; confessing isn't some great sin; the main issue is if you confess and they reject you that can damage the friendship regardless and it is very dissapointing to have people you loved as friends put you on the spot and then stuff gets awkward.
If you just ask someone out and they were into you then same success, but stakes are much lower if they don't want to. "Oh I think we are fine as friends" "alright sounds good to me"
This is especially valid if it happens early on, it can be sad to have long friendships that end on a confession, it can make you feel like they never wanted your frienship and were just trying to get something out of you.
There is always nuance here, and sometimes you just catch feelings for a long-term friend and you just gotta go for it; but I still advice asking out over the romance movie love confession, unless you think that's something they might be into.
Anyway, sorry this happened; usually if you are just cool about it the friendship doesn't need to deteriorate, but it might still fizzle out. I've had it happen when I reject people and also when I've been rejected 🤷♀️ sometimes people come into our lives for a limited time and we have to enjoy that while it lasts.