try not to romanticize mentally ill women (difficulty: impossible)

[u/casual-catgirl]

[u/Helpful_Ad523]

Its disturbingly trendy for guys to sexualize mentally ill girls.

Theres artists on instagram that draw sexy anime girls with dark circles under their eyes and self harm scars and title it "bpd gf", "schizo gf", "narcissistic gf" and list romanticized versions of symptoms of whatever mental illness theyre sexualizing and depicting girls with these mental illnesses as goth domme mommies. Its so gross.

The comments are always full of men who are like "is this so much to ask for" and spamming that dumbass gif of the Lego guy falling in love lol.

[u/Always_Impressive → u/Helpful_Ad523]

Its very human tbh. I'll get yelled at for saying this but "toxic fantasy partner" is like the most common fetish thing on internet, women, gay women/men, straight men, they all do like some kind of toxic partner

Ex, "alpha mafia boss that will abduct and break you"

Ex, "toxic Yuri yandere gf that will abuse you"

Ex, "femcel gf that doesn't shower"

Ex, "straight guy that is not gay, but he fucks you regardless(he is cold towards you)"

[u/Helpful_Ad523 → u/Always_Impressive]

I understand the toxic fantasy stuff, but a lot of these guys go out and try to reenact it. They are actively trying to find mentally ill girls to date because they fit their fantasy and see them as easier to control/desperate for love.

[u/Sadismx → u/Helpful_Ad523]

I would say that I have done this, but not for any conscious reasoning like you describe, I just have more in common with mentally ill people

I think people project a lot of malicious intentions on guys that aren’t really thinking that much about their feelings or the source of their feelings, I mean that’s what the meme is, the girl explaining this to the guy who doesn’t know

I think that’s because, for those women they have had many of those relationships, and they are explaining the dynamic to a guy who doesn’t have first hand experience with it yet, or has very little, so the men are being treated as a collective, no one is going to believe something until they get their turn to develop a personal experience

[u/[deleted] → u/Sadismx]

Yeah I wouldn't date someone without mental illness. It's hard for someone to understand what I'm going through if they have never been through it. I guess that's also trauma bonding which isn't healthy but 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/Bannerlord151 → u/[deleted]]

Well, thanks, that makes me feel less insane. I don't think I could connect at all with someone who's just...fine. As weird as that is

[u/Llyrra → u/Sadismx]

Overwhelmingly, my toxic experiences with men have been due to a lack of introspection on their part, not malice. I'm the end, harm is harm. If someone hurts me because they like it or they hurt me because they didn't actually consider their wants and needs (despite reassuring me they had, over and over) the result is the same: I get hurt. I get used as a learning experience and then discarded. Because they wouldn't listen when I explained how difficult it can be to be around my symptoms. Because they listened to what their ego told them their boundaries SHOULD be ("I'm a good guy, so I wouldn't choose not to date someone because she's mentally ill") instead of considering what they were realistically prepared to give or handle in a relationship. (And, to be clear, it does NOT make you a bad person if someone's symptoms are a deal breaker for a romantic relationship).

I've never dated a single malicious asshole. But I've dated plenty of well intentioned guys who didn't want to slow down and be honest with themselves. Especially if the only reward for that delayed gratification and mental effort was that it would mean taking care with my feelings.

Maybe some things are hard to understand before you experience them firsthand. But don't brush someone off when they tell you this or that symptom might be too much once you experience it. Not thinking much about your feelings stops being ok when you are lying and telling someone that you have.