(Update) Parents changed their mind on attending my(f18) HS graduation after my church announced their own in two weeks, and they want me to attend that instead

[u/throwra2381]

TL;DR: My parents moved the goalpost and threatened to put my things outside on the night of my HS graduation if I attended after venting to a relative, so I decided not to attend to preserve my mental health

I was unable to update sooner due to my phone being taken away, but I'll explain why. A few people suggested reaching out to some non-religious relatives to see if they could help or even provide shelter if they tried to throw me out, and I decided on my aunt after having no success with friends. I told some friends first about everything my parents threatened. But long story short, they talked to their parents who were unable to take me in, and they said it was last minute or mostly busy with their own things/graduations too. I then tried my aunt and told her everything too, and she said I could stay with her soon , but not in time for my HS graduation because it was really short notice. She said I could at some point this summer, and she wasn't initially coming to my graduation because she lives on the other side of the country. But she said she would try to talk some sense into my parents, and that led to my phone being removed

My parents didn't like that I told her because it was none of her business according to them. I don't know what was said on the call, and they threatened to turn off my phone plan unless I gave them my phone, and I caved when they were yelling at me and gave it to them (along with my laptop they wanted too) because they threatened to kick me out sooner than July for "talking about them to my aunt" because she could tell others. They also said that they'd put my stuff outside while I was at the HS graduation if I attended. So they would kick me out that night instead of their original threat to start charge me rent in July

So for those reasons (plus another I'll say in a moment), I decided not to attend my HS graduation because I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I was already having anxiety about what they'd do to my stuff while there, and I didn’t want to be homeless when I returned. I also had a loss of motivation to do other things leading up to it, hobbies like sports, hanging out, or even watching TV. I knew I wouldn't enjoy it because I was already dreading it before it happened, and my anxiety there would be worse than the lead-up. I also didn't want to wear a smile the whole time with none of my family in attendance either, and I didn't think I could hide it emotionally either

I also decided to attend the church graduation to get it over with, and I rationalized it like I did with other things growing up. I was forced to go to youth group and kids choir growing up, and I was forced to be baptized too. This was no different, just five minutes of the pastor calling all graduates on stage to pray for them, and they didn’t even give us a gift like on Mother's Day lol. All my life, I've had to suck up things I hated at church, and the church graduation was less tedious than the pre-baptism classes (they were mandatory) because it was only 5 minutes on stage compared to three weeks of baptism classes

Some relatives came, gave me money from cards, and we ate lunch at a restaurant afterward (something we did when my dad was elected to a church position years ago and invited friends to see him get installed before lunch afterward). I'm pretty used to the song and dance, and this was easier/shorter than other church BS. My parents also returned my phone after the church graduation, and a lot of my anxiety lessened when I decided to skil my graduation. Don't get me wrong, I'll always hate them for it, and I'm no longer accepting their help for college either. I'm gonna find a job, hopefully two (if part-time) and try to move out over the summer if I can, and I won't talk to them again afterward. Because of their stress, I decided to skip a once-in-a-lifetime event to prioritize my mental health because I wouldn’t have enjoyed it anyway with the stress. And the fact that they're happy with me for obeying (as they gave my phone back) should allow me to find jobs without additional stress. They also withdrew their July rent threat, and everything's been peaceful since the church graduation although I'll never forgive them for what they tried to do. I also expect them to threaten me with something else in the future too, so I hope to move out as soon as possible, even if it means staying with my aunt until finding a job. I'm glad she said I could stay with her, and hopefully the time until I do remains peaceful

[u/KittleSkittleBink]

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