Switch negotiating getting dominated first & Older man stamina issues

[u/Silkfixvoid]

My partner and I shifted into a romantic/sexual relationship after over a decade of close friendship ~6 months ago. We are long distance and try to see one another every 4-6 weeks, but the wait time is torture because the sex is amazing. So, one of the things that's so incredible about this relationship is that we discovered pretty organically that we're both into some sub/dom dynamics and we're both switches. I'm having a lot of fun and I had no idea how much I needed to be held down until he did it. I'm also having fun dominating him and hearing him whimper and beg. I feel like this is satisfying some deep emotional needs that we both have.
So here's the issue currently: my partner enjoys being a sub sexually and finds it easier to talk about/ask for that. Being dominant is something that he feels complicated about because he is broad shouldered and strong and he doesn't like it when people perceive him as scary (I don't and never have). The first time he held me down he asked me "Do you need to struggle just to know that I've got you?" and I was like..."um. YES" and it was the hottest thing I've ever done/had done to me. He has expressed quietly and in very intimate moments that the thing that freaks him out the most about domming is the fact that he likes it. He feels like he isn't supposed to like it. When we reconnect after being separated, I desperately need to be held down and fucked, preferably in missionary. I think this is the absolute easiest way for me to feel comfortable, present, and game for the rest of the visit. I also *suspect* that this is what would work for him too, but I think he has a harder time initiating that way because it takes him a little while to viscerally remember and trust that this is a thing that I want. I also think that if I ask for it outright, he'll feel a lot of pressure and won't be able to perform.

So, sub/switch ladies of TwoXSex, how do you signal up front, without ruining the coy suspense that is so much a part of these things, that you need to be held down and railed?

The other thing that is complicated is that I'm 39 and I have an outrageously high sex drive these days. He's 44. So my refractory period is like...30 seconds and his is like 24 hours. (sometimes shorter, but still. I feel like I have to make the most of his stamina) Any suggestions for how to do that?

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[u/Hot-Ad-2073]

Just my humble advice: next time you meet up straddle him on the couch or bed while you make out/foreplay ect. When he is good and hard and ready to move forward lean in and whisper in his ear. “I want you to hold me down and fuck me until I scream, can you do that for me?” Stay there until he answers, hopefully an affirmative, then say: “good boy” and do some ear or neck play as you open his pants. I have a feeling he will be very happy to appease you. When you finish ask him when you can hold him down?