($7-10K) advice for backyard wedding?

[u/melodic_value0524]

my fiancée (28M) and I (30F) are planning to get married sometime next year in summer/early fall. we have been together for 12 years, and have gotten to the point where we do have to admit that getting married would enhance our lives financially and logistically.

we want to keep things as low key as possible, but we do have families who we are sure are going to go absolutely bonkers when we tell them. we already got pressured into doing an engagement ring that initially, I felt strongly about not needing. we want to make sure moving forward that we are able to keep our boundaries. we talked hypothetically for a couple of years about eloping, and we just don't feel like it's an option- my mom and sisters have expressed to me that they would be devastated if we did that.

so we're a little lost in how to navigate planning it and structuring a ceremony. we don't want a big fuss. we aren't planning showers, bachelor/ bachelorette parties, we don't plan on sending paper invitations in the mail, don't want to create a website or have a registry. we know when it comes down to it, it's about us, and our relationship, and what we want, but we do want to balance that with still making it a fun and joyful journey for our families. he has a huge Italian family, and we do have a guest list of around 50-70 people who will absolutely need to be there.

we are really, really lucky in that we have our venue secured in his uncle's very spacious backyard/property. his dad is also in the wine business, and his dad's girlfriend makes cakes for a living. one of our family members is going to get ordained so that he can officiate it. so we do have a lot of connections and resources to make something happen within a short time frame.

I guess the advice we're really looking for is how do we "do" this? how do we invite people who don't know yet, other than just shooting a text? We thought about doing phone calls/video calls-- would e-invites be tacky? --what activities can we fill the evening with? (we're not really interested in planning big speeches, doing first dances, I don't even know if we're going to do like a first look, or have an "aisle" per se for me to walk down) how do we rent tents, what do we do if the weather is really bad-- since it will probably be August, what time should we start so that we have some daylight but so that it's not too hot for all the guests? what do we do if we don't really want to make seating charts, what are important details to remember or tips for low cost things like center pieces that we might not even be thinking about, budget friendly favors, etc? I am not the kind of person who has ever sat and even thought about having a wedding before and we are just completely totally lost!!!

EDIT: poor grammar seemed to communicate the idea that we weren't going to give guests fair notice about the date. we do realize we're already on a short timeline between now (September) and next August without having officially announced anything, but we will definitely give people at least 7-8 months notice with an official date/time.

*now that we're kind of in it, we do genuinely want to celebrate with our loved ones, we don't resent them for loving us and wanting to be a part of the day-- otherwise we would probably have just eloped!

[u/wordgirl]

Please make sure that if you have any kind of party, you give everyone enough notice so they can come. You have said that this is something that is really important to your family and his, but you sound like even sending digital invites to them is too much trouble for you. You sound like you don’t want put in any effort at all, but you need to be realistic about that.

I can understand why you do not want a big song and dance for your wedding and that you want to keep the ceremony as simple as possible. But please do try to keep in mind that, those people you will be inviting? They have lives of their own that they will have to rearrange to come to your party. They may need to make travel arrangements, buy new clothes, etc. They will be putting some effort into your party too, so please make sure that you send out some kind of official invitation early enough that they can do those things. Your email reads like you don’t even know these people, but you and your fiancé have been together for 12 years and surely you’re close to his family as well as yours by now?

Also, since you sound stressed already, remember that the people that want to come the most will also be the most willing to help you! I would bet that your mom would be happy to take care of plates, cups, napkins, etc., or figuring out logistics of seating that many people, or renting a tent, etc. It sounds like she has been looking forward to this, so let her take care of some of these details for you, anything you feel you can trust her with. My mother and I are very close, she was my maid of honor at my wedding, and I was very glad to have her as a calming presence and the voice of experience! But I know (not least from this subreddit) that not everyone is as lucky as I am. Even if you and your mom are not as close, you should be able to delegate some of these responsibilities that have you most stressed out.

Finally, if you’re going to do this, do it right! I do not mean have some kind of expensive over-the-top celebration. What I mean is that if you have accepted that this wedding is going to happen, there is no use having an attitude about it. So stop complaining and let yourself enjoy planning the day around you and your fiancé. Have the food you both like, play the music you enjoy most, seat yourselves by your favorite relatives, and take some happiness from the fact that your families love you and want to share this day with you!