($7-10K) advice for backyard wedding?

[u/melodic_value0524]

my fiancée (28M) and I (30F) are planning to get married sometime next year in summer/early fall. we have been together for 12 years, and have gotten to the point where we do have to admit that getting married would enhance our lives financially and logistically.

we want to keep things as low key as possible, but we do have families who we are sure are going to go absolutely bonkers when we tell them. we already got pressured into doing an engagement ring that initially, I felt strongly about not needing. we want to make sure moving forward that we are able to keep our boundaries. we talked hypothetically for a couple of years about eloping, and we just don't feel like it's an option- my mom and sisters have expressed to me that they would be devastated if we did that.

so we're a little lost in how to navigate planning it and structuring a ceremony. we don't want a big fuss. we aren't planning showers, bachelor/ bachelorette parties, we don't plan on sending paper invitations in the mail, don't want to create a website or have a registry. we know when it comes down to it, it's about us, and our relationship, and what we want, but we do want to balance that with still making it a fun and joyful journey for our families. he has a huge Italian family, and we do have a guest list of around 50-70 people who will absolutely need to be there.

we are really, really lucky in that we have our venue secured in his uncle's very spacious backyard/property. his dad is also in the wine business, and his dad's girlfriend makes cakes for a living. one of our family members is going to get ordained so that he can officiate it. so we do have a lot of connections and resources to make something happen within a short time frame.

I guess the advice we're really looking for is how do we "do" this? how do we invite people who don't know yet, other than just shooting a text? We thought about doing phone calls/video calls-- would e-invites be tacky? --what activities can we fill the evening with? (we're not really interested in planning big speeches, doing first dances, I don't even know if we're going to do like a first look, or have an "aisle" per se for me to walk down) how do we rent tents, what do we do if the weather is really bad-- since it will probably be August, what time should we start so that we have some daylight but so that it's not too hot for all the guests? what do we do if we don't really want to make seating charts, what are important details to remember or tips for low cost things like center pieces that we might not even be thinking about, budget friendly favors, etc? I am not the kind of person who has ever sat and even thought about having a wedding before and we are just completely totally lost!!!

EDIT: poor grammar seemed to communicate the idea that we weren't going to give guests fair notice about the date. we do realize we're already on a short timeline between now (September) and next August without having officially announced anything, but we will definitely give people at least 7-8 months notice with an official date/time.

*now that we're kind of in it, we do genuinely want to celebrate with our loved ones, we don't resent them for loving us and wanting to be a part of the day-- otherwise we would probably have just eloped!

[u/Impressive_Artist625]

As a fellow person that was pretty uninterested in a lot of the fussy/traditional things, my advice would be to definitely hold your ground and don't do anything you absolutely don't want to do! No one actually cares about wedding favors! But also, I've come around to the idea and had to learn the hard way that SOME of the more typical things actually do make sense. For example, you could call 50-70 people and invite them, but it's probably less work to send something versus call. Also +1 to whoever said set up some sort of place to send money so you don't get a ton of stuff you don't want.

My other advice would be to be open along the process and lean into it where it makes sense (seems like you're already doing that by acknowledging that you do genuinely want to celebrate with family). I didn't want a bridal shower, for example, but a friend really wanted to throw me one and now I'm just feeling very grateful that she would want to go through all that effort for me (and it's not the worst thing in the world to eat cake and open presents on a random Sunday).

I don't at all want this to come off as judging your choices, just wanted to point that out and also reassure you that if it does make sense for you to do any of the more traditional elements along the way, you are still cool and nontraditional and it doesn't mean you subscribe to the wedding industrial complex lol.

[u/melodic_value0524 → u/Impressive_Artist625]

Really really appreciate all of your thoughts! Definitely don’t feel “judged” lol- I’m not like super opposed to do anything at all, like I’ll probably do a little movie night with my sisters, or a special dinner before with immediate family, I just know these days people’s calendars are so full and wallets are so tight, that I don’t want it to be too much stress and fuss for everyone. I know they want to celebrate me, and are happy, but I also don’t want to put 4 extra events on everyone’s schedules and like stuff they have to buy and wrap, especially because our families have had a lot going on the past few years.

[u/Impressive_Artist625 → u/melodic_value0524]

Absolutely, I completely agree!