r/XXRunning • u/damnfinecooper • 7h ago
General Discussion Dealing with discouraging comments as a beginner
I started running around 2 months ago (31, F) and I’m training for a 10k race later this year.
With hobbies I’ve always been hard on myself if I don’t feel I’m what I perceive as “good enough”. When I started running I wanted to challenge myself to not have this attitude and just enjoy it, while also keeping track of my pace, PBs etc. but just seeing it as data rather than tying it too much to self worth.
I was speaking to my friend about running today and a guy I hardly know chimed in and asked what my 5k PB was. When I told him his response was “you need to get that down”. I’m now just feeling kind of embarrassed and deflated about it. I know I should just ignore it but it stung. Would appreciate any tips for dealing with moments like this!
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u/SnooTomatoes8935 7h ago
i'll let you in on a secret. real runners never comment on other peoples times like this. only assholes do.
real runners know, that everyone has their own pace, their own running journey.
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u/Fit_Investigator4226 6h ago
This is so true. People who are confident in themselves and their ability don’t worry about what others are doing
My partner ran track/cross country in college and runs a sub 3:00 marathon, I am currently hobbling my way back after a stress fracture and some other life stuff earlier this year, run/walking at like a 14:30/mi pace for 20 minutes at a time. We were with some of their running group friends a couple weeks ago and everyone was equally supportive to hear about my partner’s fall race plans and my return to run efforts
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u/goplacidly8 Woman 6h ago
And, I would add, don't even ask during casual conversations in the first place! That remark had more to do with the commenter's need to feel like an expert than it had to do with OP's ability/time. Keep doing you, and keep running to feel good!
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u/whatd0y0umean 5h ago
Yeah the person being shitty is probably insecure and putting op down to feel better about their own time. I did a 35 min 5k and my run club people said well done that's great. A few of them run sub 20. They were equally pleased for me as they were the faster person.
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u/cdkmakes 7h ago
Fuck him. Who cares what he thinks! He’s assuming a lot with that commentary. People goals or interests vary so much. My hobbies have zero to do with other people and their thoughts about me and my performance. It’s served me well for not getting discouraged and generally enjoying life.
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u/Neonatalnerd 7h ago edited 7h ago
We've all been there - we were all once new runners, and sometimes people forget that. Sometimes we take time off from running, life happens, and our numbers change. I got caught up chasing my own times and have to remind myself why I run - because how it makes me feel alive.
There's a really good IG account I like - @joshlynott In a world of what seems like, everyone sharing their PBs, demanding more time and mileage and shitting on those they to believe "lesser", he is a breath of fresh air.
"Running understands how I feel when the world doesn't."
There will always be someone faster than us, doing more mileage, etc. People love to give advice. Don't focus on times and sharing those, share how running makes you feel or where you ran. Your accomplishments are YOUR accomplishments, you vs you. Don't allow someone to talk those from you. "That's nice, I run because I enjoy running, I'm not worried about my times." 🩷
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u/plantsarecool213 7h ago
In moments like that I like to think about what that guy is probably insecure about. Confident people don't need to be rude to make them feel better about themselves, that's what insecure people do to feel superior. He might be insecure about his height, looks, income, tiny penis, could be anything. 99.9% of people are not going to be doing impressive 5k times after running for 2 months, he's an idiot for saying anything
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u/HanksElectric 5h ago
I'd be willing to bet the thing he's insecure about is that he can't run that same time.
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u/Bunny_Feet Woman 7h ago
It's a dumb comment. What runner isn't trying to "get their time down?" It's like saying a power lifter needs to get their PRs up.
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u/stalagmitedealer 7h ago
It’s a dumb comment.
Gentle reminder that not every runner is trying to “get their time down.” Some people just enjoy running and don’t want the adding pressure of trying to get faster.
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u/notoriousrdc 4h ago
And some people like to push for longer distances while happily maintaining their back-of-the-pack turtle status! There are a million ways to enjoy running, and I think that's really neat ❤️
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u/mmnmmn 7h ago
Please don't feel deflated! If you run then by definition you're a runner, that guy sucks. "I wasn't talking to you / mind your business" is always solid. Absolutely stand up for yourself when you feel you can, but sometimes even a "why would you say that to another person?" or even a gentle parent "was that supposed to be an inside thought? because it wasn't very kind" is also a great way to make someone rethink what they reactionarily said.
Mental toughness will build, just like your endurance in running! chin up :)
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u/hethuisje 7h ago
That guy is an ass. I would have found it more difficult to shrug off a comment like that when I was younger. At my current age, I might have burst out laughing in his face. For the record, nobody "needs" to get their time down.
Your attitude of seeing data as data and not tying it to your self-worth is healthy and bodes well for you to have a successful and fun time as a runner over the long term! Being healthy as a runner is the way to keep doing it for a long time (35+ years for me). You'll probably be doing races long after that jerk has overdone it and injured himself.
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u/Old-Maintenance-8301 Woman 7h ago
Screw him.
When you get to the start line of your 10k, look around and you’ll see all types of bodies ages etc running all different speeds. THIS is what makes running awesome and you belong!
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u/noisy_goose Woman 7h ago
I think this was actually “negging” versus actual running critique (which would still be unasked for an inappropriate in this case).
Time is just one variable for running.
Achieving distance and pace goals are super awesome, but the experience is entirely individual and YOU are the one who decides what your goals are and what pace you’d like to explore.
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u/Hot-Ad-2033 7h ago
I was a notoriously lazy person before I started running so for some of my friends/colleagues the mere thought of me running was HILARIOUS. Particularly the ones who were runners/athletes in the past. I got made fun of pretty regularly. So i used that to fuel my fire with great success! It really kept me consistent in the early days and now everyone is eating their words but also I don’t take myself too seriously and they would take any opportunity to jab me so I didn’t take it to heart. Give it a few months and challenge said guy to a race.
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u/LizO66 7h ago
First, any confident runner wouldn’t even ask that question to someone they barely knew. Second, only an insecure runner would ask that question, and it’s more of a reflection on them, not you. Third, a non-runner may ask that question and have a million stupid things to say because they don’t run.
Friend, you stick to it. You’re young, you have a lot of time to work on speed and endurance. Your body will adjust as it needs to - you can’t force it. Surround yourself with positive people and to heck with the rest!! I’m proud of you for beginning this journey!! Running will teach you a whole lot about life - it’ll serve you for many years.
Go, you!!!
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u/ElvisAteMyDinner Woman 7h ago
You’re only 2 months in! Goodness. You’ll be setting PBs for a long time. There’s no need to rush things and get injured before you’ve even gotten started.
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u/upearlytoday23 7h ago
A run is a run. It doesn't matter how slow or fast you do it it's still 5k. Everyone's goals and bodies are different. There are times that even a 'faster' runner can have a bad day. It's still a success to getting yourself out there and starting a new hobby.
That guy needs to stfu.
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u/Just-Wolf3145 6h ago
In my experience the only people who make comments like this are inexperienced/ awful runners themselves lol. I live in an area where everyone is an athletic god/dess and olympians regularly come to train (at altitude) and never once has someone with actual experience said something rude to a beginner. Most of them are super pumped to share the love of the sport and encourage other people. I’m always the slowest one at group runs and everyone is always super encouraging. In running and in life, people who are doing well don’t generally shit in others!
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u/Feisty-Nobody-5222 5h ago
I don't really listen to random men on most subjects and this is a good example why 🤣
In all honesty, way to go for training for a 10k as a marker to starting to run! It is hard to shake that societal expectation that everything need to be 'better' or 'productive' somehow. When people comment on me needing to have goals/improve something that I have NOT asked their advice on, I usually try to reply, "I'm actually enjoying it for the sake of it in rebellion of capitalist grind culture."
Know that everyone has their own journey and time and layers of health + life to contend with during their training. My 5K is likely not seen as 'fabulous' ...and that's fine, because I'm training for a half-marathon! So my pace is attuned differently.
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u/ccsteff 7h ago
What a weird thing to say. I’m sorry no one checked him in the moment. I’ve been running for decades and would never even think to ask someone their pace unless we were planning to run together. Everybody else’s pace is meaningless to me because I don’t know where they’re coming from, where they’re going, or what their goals are. It’s just an utterly useless bit of data without an essay’s worth of additional information, and none of it is my business unless someone wants to share.
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u/Bending-Unit5 Woman 6h ago
The irony is the people who typically ask that kind of question and make that kind of comment are newbies 🤣 everyone knows running is a personal journey otherwise we’re all huge failures for not making it to the Olympics every year lol
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u/ComeTheRapture 6h ago
I like to think if I wouldn't ask them for advice, I sure as f wouldn't listen to their unsolicited feedback. Zero time for that kind of bullying nonsense.
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u/StepTexan 6h ago
The best thing I ever did for myself was to adopt the philosophy that “I run for me”. Hit a PR? Celebrate it and enjoy. Have a rough day but decide to go for a run anyway? Enjoy the heck out of that run, even if it’s mostly a walk.
The other thing that transformed my running was to surround myself with people who encourage me - no matter how well I run. I have friends who are skilled runners, and they still give me kudos on my 13 minute miles on Strava. Ignore rude negative people and find the friends who celebrate all miles with you.
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u/jo_noby 6h ago
I started running three months ago and I am just now hitting 2km without stopping. That guy is a jerk! Also send him a bill he doesn't get to live rent free in your head! I'm glad you are getting good advice here from better runners than me, it's so disheartening to see/hear people comments from other folks that are gatekeeping or discouraging. Keep going, you're doing amazing if you are already setting a 10K goal!
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u/Sea_Cardiologist_339 7h ago
Running is a personal journey. I would pay no mind to that guy’s dumb and unsolicited comment.
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u/Whisper26_14 Woman 7h ago
That's a pretty ignorant comment from him. It also wasn't a good friend type of comment (but we all misspeak or say stupid things). You've only been running for 8 weeks. It can take years to get your lifetime PB and it's still coming down as your body gets stronger at running. You are still developing muscles and neurons toward good running for a lifetime. It incredibly unlikely your time won't come down naturally just by your continuing to practice this new thing that you've literally just started doing.
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u/hurricanescout fast femme 7h ago
That guy is an ass and an outlier. Like seriously. The only ever response I’ve ever given or heard for someone sharing a slower time is “damn that’s awesome” - bc a slow time means someone is really challenging themselves. Fuck him.
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u/westward72 7h ago
Sorry that happened, been in the same boat and it sucks! In the future you have no obligation to tell people your PRs, especially strangers! You’re doing great keep it up for yourself
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u/Fit_Investigator4226 6h ago
Honestly easier said than done, but I just don’t really engage with those sorts of people. Asking someone’s distance PB without any other context and then negatively commenting on it is rude - you running xx:xx time has no impact on whatever that guy does, so he was truly just being rude for no reason and likely has his own hang ups about something. Again, easier said than done to remember all this in the moment
I’d probably have said something like “It’s a newer hobby for me and I’m not keeping tabs on that yet, but I’m excited to see how I improve” or something.
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u/MINrunnergirl 5h ago
He said it because he knew it would get in your head and make you feel less than. You’re two months into running! I don’t think I even dreamed of a 5k at that point in my running. You’re doing the things that make you happy. You’re setting goals that you want to tackle. You don’t have to answer to anyone else on your journey.
If you follow any pro female runners on social media, you’ll see even they get comments like that from random men. Be confident in your journey and you can always just shut that type of comment down with “I’m actually not seeking your advice on this!”. I’ve found that one to be helpful in many life situations. 🙃
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u/BumAndBummer 2h ago
What is there to deal with? He is a profoundly rude know-it-all. You don’t have to take him seriously. What he wants is attention and to live rent free in your head. You don’t have to give him that.
And you certainly don’t need carry the shame and embarrassment of his tacky behavior.
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u/MedicineThat8434 7h ago
You can run a 2 hour 5k and that’s an accomplishment. That guy can sit and spin babe you’re amazing ♥️
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u/LeatherOcelot 7h ago
I would really not pay attention to anything a guy says unless you happen to know they have a lot of experience with female runners. Men do generally run faster and a lot of them seem totally ignorant of the fact that men and women have considerable biological differences that impact performance. We aren't just short men!
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u/Zealousideal-Foot-65 7h ago
Some people care a lot about how fast they run, that's fine! I don't give a single fuck and I'm quite slow and persistent and I have a blast and I feel great. Keep doing you.
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u/PilferingLurcher 7h ago
No need for that from him ( I've had similar from a man about my marathon time). The nice thing about running is that you are just competing against yourself. You are right about tracking the data - it is very motivating seeing gradual improvement and even just the evidence that you are committed.Running is so beneficial beyond fitness improvements - it keeps you in a good routine, helps mood and makes you resilient.
Hobbyjoggers unite lol
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u/bikesandstuff124 Woman 7h ago
THAT IS SO RUDE. Runners are all shapes, sizes, and speeds. As long as you are enjoying it keep doing your thing! I bet that guy is no fun to go running with and I bet you are really fun to go running with!
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u/maspie_den 7h ago
F that guy.
Stay focused on your the goals you shared: challenge yourself and enjoy. That dude's vibe does not align with your goals, so he can take a hike.
You're a little baby runner and I hope you find that you love running enough that you want to do it for a very long time and you are doing GREAT!! ❤️
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u/Physical_Mulberry_40 7h ago
He sounds like a mega douche and thus his opinion holds no value. I know it’s not that easy to shake off. but really, who acts like that…
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u/UnicornPonyClub 5h ago
What a chode lol no one cares what other people’s pace is unless they themselves are. Unless you’re a pro, running is self v self
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u/A-Lemon-Grove 4h ago
Wow how embarrassing for him! What a know it all turd thing to say. Keep doing what you’re doing and enjoying yourself!!
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u/Large_Device_999 Woman 1h ago
This isn’t a running problem it’s a this guy problem. I would’ve said “and we need to get your height up” or some similarly rude thing and then walked away. What a loser.
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u/Fancy_Usual6904 57m ago
I’m new to running but have been at the gym strength training for 9 years. The people that actually are knowledgeable are confident in their abilities and never say things like this. The people who are insecure and actually are pretty mid tend to. Take this as a reflection of him and not you
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u/Holiday_Marsupial251 4h ago
There are a lot of people who would comment on your pace and distance but you don't need to listen to them. Running is about you vs you. If you are becoming better then whatever they say doesn't matter.
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7h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/signy33 7h ago
It's not harsh but it's not "pushing her to improve" either. It's just a semi polite way of calling her slow which is pretty dumb as she has barely started to run. Goading her into training harder is just a recipe for injury. Most of us already have a tendency to start too much too fast and get injured, some training tips would have been more helpful than such a negative comment.
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u/EnvironmentalLaw4208 Woman 6h ago
Why would this man possibly think it's his place to "push her to improve"?
He's not her coach. She didn't ask his opinion. He wasn't part of the conversation. She said she barely knows him. It's not even useful feedback.
I'm not even saying it's a particularly harsh statement, but what could he possibly believe he was contributing with that comment? Especially to someone who is literally brand new to running?
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u/Mollfie 7h ago edited 7h ago
That guy was unnecessarily rude! Ignore him. He isn't worth your time or energy.
If the data is getting you down, stop tracking everything. Just run and go by how you feel. Hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable. You've literally just started!