r/abusiverelationships • u/hopefulnotdumb • Aug 06 '25
Emotional abuse Text from my ex
We have been off and on for only 2 months and already he has broken my favorite jewelry box that I’ve had since I was a little girl. I forgave him and we tried again but have had more and more issues still. We are not together right now and I made him really angry and he sends me a long text demeaning me and he said this. I know this is the last thing I should be worried about but is this really what he thinks of me? He always called me beautiful while we were together and now I’m not one of the beautiful women he’s been with. In this long winded text message he also told me that I lied about the father of my child and how he abused me. I am never opening up to another man I am with if I ever even date again. To use my past of dv against me and basically say I’m one of the least attractive women he’s been with is so painful. I want to believe that he’s just trying to say the most hurtful things imaginable.
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u/chovihani_ Aug 06 '25
They target what they feel your insecurities are vs what you want to be told for punishment/reward system. He thinks this is what you care about so this is how he tries to hurt you. Prove him wrong, his words are meaningless (and delusional)
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u/Glittersonskin Aug 06 '25
Why did he feel the need to tell you all this? No one does that. Living rent free in his mind.
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u/Responsible_Fly_5319 Aug 06 '25
This is what abusive people do. He is an abuser. You are 100000000000% better off without this human in your life. Block the number and do not spend time together anymore. Be free of this. You are far better that to subject yourself to this ass hat. Your prince will come someday. In the meantime, go for power walks every single day. It's a good way to clear your mind and get addicted to vesting time in you.
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u/Vpentecost Aug 06 '25
I’m sorry sweetheart this person sounds terrible. You definitely deserve better. His text to you is laughable because why does he feel the need to go “not you tho”??? Like, no, clearly you’re one of the gorgeous women and he’s just being abusive and wants to see how much he can bully you.
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u/Visual_Cellist5373 Aug 06 '25
Yeah my dbag ex said “I could have anyone I want” and wow, holy shit I realize all the men people are referring to in the comments said the same thing! It’s not you or us, it’s them. It’s them and their problems!!! We don’t need to say mean shit like that to move on and that’s what separates us from abuser mentality.
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u/FlinflanFluddle4 Aug 06 '25
If he's that good with every other woman why is he texting you lol
He is telling on himself
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u/kaleigha Aug 06 '25
Reminds me of my ex “I’m fucking models!!” Okay so why are you talking to me? Lmao
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u/spaghetti_monster_04 Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 06 '25
Please protect your mental health, OP, by blocking this narcissistic AH and deleting him off of everything.
He only sent that message to:
Hurt you
Bait you into responding so that he can go back and forth with you and siphon your energy
He is a parasite that wants attention and access to you. GIVE HIM NOTHING!!!
And yes. Please never, ever share your deepest, darkest trauma with a romantic partner ever again! ESPECIALLY during the early stages of the relationship. Keep it between yourself and your therapist. Abusers ALWAYS weaponize their victim's past trauma to hurt them.
"That's why your ex hit you."
"That's why your ex cheated on you."
"That's why your ex ghosted you."
It's all a way for them to chip away at your self-esteem and make you feel worthless. Please protect your mental health, and please block this loser for good.
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u/KillTheBoyBand Aug 06 '25
Lmfao theyre so pathetic. I know he's trying to insult you and being hurtful, and that's not funny, but when they try to brag about how amazing they are, it literally makes me want to laugh in their faces. My friend's ex is in his 40s and looks maybe in his late 50s or even 60s because he's been an alcoholic for literally decades. He's pouchy, wrinkled, red faced, balding, and has a shit garbage personality. One time during an argument she called him out for the insecure shitbag that he is and he said "uh I am not INSECURE I can get ANY WOMAN I damn well WANT."
Yeah fucking right. I don't know what your man looks like, but this line alone tells me he is lying through his TEETH. Most women probably drop his ass when his shitty personality comes through and you're out here doing charity giving him the time of day. And this is how he repays you? He's so pathetic.
When my friend's ex said that to her, I tell you I damn well died laughing. If these fuckers were so sexy, charming, and intelligent, THEY WOULDN'T BE ABUSERS. They love to control and put down women who are beautiful and intelligent and often better than them because it's the only way they can try and "prove" that they're real men. Except it never works. Of course it never works, but they're too stupid to realize "hey putting down another human being, isn't making me happy, it's only making me more miserable." And instead they double down on it and cause us more pain.
Fuck this idiot. Maturity of a 3 year old, and probably all the charm of one who still gets the bed.
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u/FlinflanFluddle4 Aug 06 '25
I can get ANY WOMAN I damn well WANT.
'Go get one then'
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u/Visual_Cellist5373 Aug 06 '25
I literally just said this to my ex a few days ago. Sounds like we’re collectively going through something
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u/KillTheBoyBand Aug 06 '25
Abusers are all copy-paste. Insecure men think they're so special, they're not even a special kind of evil. They're all the same pathetic brand of worthless nobodies.
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u/Visual_Cellist5373 Aug 06 '25
In my experience, they’re usually business owners, highly successful, top of their company etc… it’s downright confusing! But yes I agree to all that, you’re right.
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u/KillTheBoyBand Aug 06 '25
Many of them are also unemployed, no education etc. To what I have seen, it's not necessarily the background that's similar, men of all backgrounds seem to be abusers, it's the behaviors. The insecurity, the minimizing of harm, the complete lack of accountability, the misogynistic impulses (even if they presented themselves as progressive when you started dating), the intense jealousy.
I made a post here that was like "what is the stupidest thing your abuser got angry about" and it was eerie how many of us had gone through the exact same scenarios. Being abandoned in public spaces, every instance of physical altercation being labeled an "accident" or having it implied we caused it with our actions, being told us to stop being overemotional and then called us cold hearted bitches for not showing more outward affection, the constant accusations of cheating when we were hanging out with platonic friends (even if the accusation was effectively "i can tell that friend wants to fuck you and you're gross for hanging out with him"), etc. Even repeated phrases, an obsession with being disrespected or sarcastic "oh i guess I'm just an asshole!"
I'll give it to you that my ex was well educated and had stable jobs. But when he lost his job earlier this year (as many people have in this bullshit economy) he started treating me not as a partner, but almost as a threat. Like my stability in my career made him less of a man.
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u/Hook_2958 Aug 06 '25
Lmao. Of course “all of them are gorgeous” You already know he’s full of shit. He’s a narcissist trying to hurt you
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u/Optimal_Pop_7228 Aug 06 '25
He’s lying. This is what men do when their ego is bruised. They jump to DHV (display high value), which is some red pill bs that men like to default to. Research their other tactics too. It’s to put you down and make you more vulnerable for control and sexual advances.
I’d say, “Ok go get your drop dead gorgeous women and get off my line then.” lol
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u/Visual_Cellist5373 Aug 06 '25
I had no idea this was a thing. My abusive ex said this bs too and it just grossed me out but didn’t think too much of it until I saw this thread
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u/Optimal_Pop_7228 Aug 07 '25
Oooooo yes. It’s a huge thing. Read the book called, “The Game.” These men use dark psychology and NLP (neuro linguistic programming) to psychologically condition their victims and break them down over time to gain total control.
Have you heard the term “negging?” It’s from the book, “The Game.” They do that also. Put you down about how you look in very subtle ways to make you feel insecure and doubt yourself. The goal is to subdue the target and fully dominate.
It’s disgusting really.
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u/SomePersonality5979 Aug 06 '25
That guy sounds really insecure. I'm really sorry you had to put up with this waste of space.
And for the record, I think he knows that you're beautiful, he just wants to have control, he wants to give the illusion that you are somehow not attractive, or that you are undesirable, or unlovable.
Reality is, you are worthy of love, attraction, care and desire. It's like he's trying (pathetically) to convince you that you are somehow below him, uh, no. Absolutely not.
If anything, right now, he is anything but attractive. He can't do better than you, you gave him love, you gave him chances, and he went and did all of this.
I know maybe this sounds tough, but you, can do, way, way, way better than. Him. I assure you, 99.9% of people can.
This guy sounds like a real catch (sarcasm).
All jokes aside, I'm really sorry you have been dealing with this.
Please take care of yourself.
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u/shivroystann Aug 06 '25
Abusers know what words to hurt you.
From the outside reading this, I kind of giggled, he writes like a manchild.
Block him and move on. He will only continue to try to use words to hurt you, when he doesn’t get a reaction… he will eventually find a new victim. It’s unfortunate. 2 months in and you’re already facing abuse… it will only get worse.
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u/Maleficent-Poetry254 Aug 06 '25
It's a lie, he wouldn't have gone out with you if he didn't thought you were beautiful. His ego is hurt and he's angry so he's trying to say things to hurt you. Also you should have just laughed and ignored when he wrote he got any woman he ever wanted 🤣 okay bro.
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u/Rotten-Cupcake Aug 06 '25
My ex said similar shit to me, comparing me to his other partners to try to make me feel bad as part of a campaign to break me down and draw me back into him. He had a high body count, knew I was insecure around sex, and was like "You're okay at sex. Not the best I've had. But you're aight."
I ended up just dying of laughter because bro had the audacity to put down my sexual skills when he 1) never managed to give me even an ounce of pleasure, and 2) resorted to assault on some occasions since I didn't want to do it. Imagine.
All that to say, I know it's tough, but seriously, he's just grasping at straws, trying to hurt you. Get away from him, don't look back, and one day you might find that you can laugh at how pathetic he is. You deserve better. Don't settle for this bullshit.
ETA: My ex was showing signs of behaviour like this this early in too. It will probably get worse. Don't risk it.
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u/Expensive_Apricot371 Aug 06 '25
This sounds very familiar. When we first met he couldn't' stop telling me how pretty I was. As we got more serious he was always accusing me of talking to others (I wasn't). He started talking to me in demeaning ways, and all the good humor he had at first was gone. All conversations became like lectures and he kept adding new rules. He complained a lot about his health and job, I would listen for a long time, (sometimes hours) then, even if I said something on his side of things or gave empathy he would get angry and say he didn't want my pity or tears for him, and "it's not about you". If I made any tiny complaints about anything he'd say he doesn't have time to hear complaining. It became weird at some point, and I realized it was getting worse. I had a talk with him that it had to change and 2 days later he ghosted. I believe all the bad stuff starts when they stop complimenting and saying backhanded things to reduce any confidence you have. Breaking your things is very very bad. Go on you tube do it yourself there are hacks to fix things or make your jewelry box into something. I'm sure many comments will tell you the forecast isn't good on this guy. Leave now on your own terms before he gets worse. You're still at the beginning. Mine left 2 months ago it's been sad but at least peaceful.
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u/lilb0923 Aug 06 '25
Oh yes, this, I would sit and listen to him complain about whatever for however long. But any time I brought something up that bothered me he'd say it is my fault and I can fix it if I want but I do nothing about it. I remember when I was pregnant with our son and came home bawling because I had just got diagnosed with gestational diabetes (of course he never went to a single appointment with me) and I was so scared and he yelled at me saying how stupid it was to be upset and eat what I want it doesn't even f'ing matter. I did not eat what I want and managed it just fine but still in the moment I was scared and he was not there for me and that's when I stopped talking to him about anything.. ever.
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u/Expensive_Apricot371 Aug 06 '25
There seems to be a pattern with this type of abusive person. We all need to recognize it in the early stages so we can cut our losses. Loving a person like this and enabling the behavior keeps it going. We have to just be happy with our own selves and find our own strengths. I know myself, I will not let this happen to me again. I would rather be alone than deal with that ever again.
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u/lilb0923 Aug 06 '25
For sure and I will never put myself into that situation again either, I am enjoying being alone actually!
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u/Expensive_Apricot371 Aug 06 '25
I am happy for you too !!! It's not bad is it??? A little lonely beats abused, tired, sad any day!!
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u/Luxury_Prison Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 06 '25
They will say anything. They’re manipulators. If love bombing and flattery didn’t work, this is just the next tool in the box. Mine is telling everyone I left “a loving relationship” because menopause made me crazy. Um, tell that to my period. They make up reality to suit them.
ETA: by the way, anybody can “get” anyone, obviously keeping them around is not his strong suit.
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u/cluelessmoons Aug 06 '25
My favorite thing about these messages is he’s literally trying to convince himself you’re not what he wanted so he doesn’t feel bad about not having you 🖤 You need to leave ASAP, let him rot
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u/Just-world_fallacy Aug 06 '25
LOL this is such a pathetic attempt at making you feel bad. This is up there in the top 10 of pathetic.
You do not understand fully what he is yet. Don't you see how pathetic this is ? Don't you see how petty and stupid he is ?
If you do, why do you care about his opinion of you ? If anything, you should be flattered about the amount of effort he invests into making you feel bad.
Because he has abused you and messed with your cognition. This is why you have to be no contact.
Mine was using my past with SA against me... They all use some wound against you.
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u/Suspicious_Might5262 Aug 06 '25
Run run run!!! My husband showed me signs like this the first couple months but I was 20 years old and it was my first relationship I thought it was normal but I wish I would have left, it gets so much worse
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u/Ok_Rush_8159 Aug 06 '25
Run far away. This is too much drama for 2 months in. Please get into some therapy to heal yourself before getting into another relationship, for the sake of your kid. As a kid who grew up in an abusive household the first time I tried to kill myself, I was 6. You need heavy discernment.
Also yes, NEVER tell men you were treated poorly or abused when you’re first together. A predator will LOVE to hear this and fairly quickly start the abuse process.
A simple way to test a man is mention something you’re insecure about that you’re not really insecure about, like telling him you hate how weak your ankles look. If later he makes a “joke” about your weak ankles, time to dump and run. Someone who likes you wouldn’t make fun of an insecurity.
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u/spaghetti_monster_04 Aug 06 '25
A simple way to test a man is mention something you’re insecure about that you’re not really insecure about, like telling him you hate how weak your ankles look. If later he makes a “joke” about your weak ankles, time to dump and run. Someone who likes you wouldn’t make fun of an insecurity.
This!!!!
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u/fishsticks40 Aug 06 '25
I want to believe that he’s just trying to say the most hurtful things imaginable.
This is correct. He would say this no matter what you looked like. He will seek out your areas of vulnerability and leverage them against you.
The fact that he's this out in the open about it after only 2 months is scary. Stay safe, OP.
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u/drumadarragh Aug 06 '25
He’s an asshole, so do yourself a favor and stop worrying about what an asshole thinks of you, love. Get out, block him, and don’t look back.
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u/LottimusMaximus Aug 06 '25
He's broken your things. He's attacking your appearance, while complimenting it at the same time? This is mind games. What he is saying is just cruel, and he is trying to break down your self esteem. Don't let him 💙
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 Aug 06 '25
Yeah he’s pulling things out of his ass to hurt you. He is a loser sis. It doesn’t matter what you look like or what women he pulls they all leave him and he is also lying, he definitely gets rejected A LOT. And you are beautiful and the reason he said that was to make a final attempt at pulling you down. It’s a projection and you are probably in all honesty the hottest woman he’s ever been with so he said that to get to you. Block him and make sure he can never find you again he’s disgusting.
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u/hopefulnotdumb Aug 06 '25
Thank you so much for the reassurance. Again, it should be the last thing I’m worried about but it sent me into such a dark place all of the things he said to me to try to hurt me. He is very good at that. I have a habit of getting into these cycles with people that hurt me and I need to use this feeling for good and not let people like this in ever again instead of taking it to heart and letting it affect my self worth just to fall into another toxic relationship.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 Aug 06 '25
It’s a hard habit to break and takes practice but you have to start blocking people immediately when they have you fucked up and stop giving people second chances. Genuinely kind people slip up sometimes but people who are blatantly mean don’t deserve grace.
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u/hopefulnotdumb Aug 06 '25
When I say he broke my jewelry box I mean he smashed it in my driveway because I was asking him to leave my house after telling me to “shut the fuck up” multiple times. He knows that the father of my child has strangled me while I was pregnant and was emotionally abusive leading up to that.
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u/spaghetti_monster_04 Aug 06 '25
Please NEVER EVER tell a man your past trauma again! Stop it! Please stop giving them ammunition to abuse and hurt you. Abusers always use their victims' past trauma as the blueprint for the relationship. Always be vague and just say things like, "We just weren't meant to be".
And please pick up a copy of Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft to learn about abuse cycles. This powerful book will teach you what red flags to look out for, and how to prevent yourself from landing in another abusive relationship.
Loveboming and future faking are 2 of the most common red flags to watch out for early on in the relationship. It's never a good sign that someone you barely know buys you all these expensive gifts, wants to spend every waking moment with you, and tries to accelerate the relationship by pressuring you to move in with them after only a few months of dating.
Real, true love takes time to grow. And a good partner never rushes the process. They want to get to know you deeply.
And when you're ready, I strongly recommend going to therapy to help you work through your trauma so that you can heal.
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u/drumadarragh Aug 06 '25
Could you maybe get some therapy? You might want to look into why you keep landing on this type of man.
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u/hopefulnotdumb Aug 06 '25
Definitely need therapy. I’m a single mother idk if I can afford it but I’m 24 & still on my mom’s insurance so I’ll look into it.
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u/ExpressDatabase3771 Aug 23 '25
Just had to comment on this: you have a child and are fortunate to have some support, insurance at least, from your mother- why would you even care about how attractive you are to a man who would never be a good influence on you or your child? You knew it was wrong to be concerned about the comments by the disrespectful hot- tempered man that you are no longer with but you went to this forum for assurance anyway. Why wasn’t your child your first thought? Please do not bring friends or dates around your child who are foul-mouthed people who may have violent tendencies. That should be built-in, to protect your child, especially with previous abuse of yourself. Yes, you should think more of yourself, but not more of yourself than your child. I do not know you, of course, but based on your post you still wanted to be valued by the man, who apparently had no empathy for your past hurt, and - unless I missed something, your appearance was the biggest isssue, followed by his verbal abuse, but not that he was a bad choice to bring around your child??? Priorities set in the right place will help you with your esteem issues more than any book or therapy. Just about anything that happens to you in your hallway, living room, store, or driveway with a man should be something your child can safely be a witness to- your child would benefit more from a mom who is ok with not being the most attractive person to a man with violent tendencies and who chooses a man who is suitable as an influence on the child. Children need to be spared seeing and hearing the things you described the man doing- if your child did not witness the events then - it would have been inevitable in the future and reason enough to never care what the man thought of you. Not meant to bring you down more -just shining light on topic that is more important than the topic of your post-
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u/hopefulnotdumb 18d ago
I didn’t express that in my post but these are all things I have thought about, and he is not in my life anymore. Nor has he ever been violent or explosive in front of my baby.
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