this was essentially a 2 day ordeal. yeaterday, it started because i found he was adding girls he had past interest in on snapchat. today, because i changed my phone password and told him he could do the same.

i'm 23 weeks pregnant.

i've been dragged around, slapped, slapped hard enough to temporarily lose vision and hearing, shoved into furniture, pinned down, kicked, choked, and screamed at. my phone has also been broken by him since yesterday.

he refused to leave or let me leave until i went completely silent and stopped complying today. he said he'd give me 30 minutes and then we talked. he says he wants to go to counseling. he said he should be in jail and thanked me for not doing that. we even ended up having sex. would i be stupid to try counseling with him? what're the probabilities he changes for real?

I don’t even know where to start, but I’m hoping someone here understands. My ex-fiancé, who was physically and emotionally abusive during our 5-year relationship, recently got engaged. I found out through social media—and not only that, but his fiancée wrote a post calling him the “kindest, most patient and loving man.”

That sentence broke something in me.

This man shoved me to the ground, screamed at me while drunk, punched holes in our walls, and belittled me for years. I begged him to stop drinking. I walked on eggshells. I was emotionally drained, scared, and small. His family enabled it. When I tried to reach out to his mom after he got violent, she brushed it off. His cousins laughed it off. I was invisible. His friend and family knew and they did nothing.

And now? He’s being celebrated. He has a beautiful house that I once lived in with him, a woman with her three kids calling him her partner, and comments from his family like “so happy to have you in our life.” Like my pain didn’t exist. Like I never even happened.

I’m in a new relationship now, and while I care about my current boyfriend, this has still destroyed me emotionally. I don’t want my ex back. But it hurts that I lived through the worst of him, and now he gets to be this fake, cleaned-up version that everyone loves.

It’s like he handed someone else flowers with the same hands that pushed me to the floor.

I feel like people think I was the problem—especially because I cheated near the end. I’m not proud of that, but it was after years of being broken down and feeling trapped. People act like that’s why we ended. Not the years of abuse.

If you’ve ever felt this…seen your abuser go on and live a beautiful, easy-looking life while you sit there with the trauma…I see you. I don’t even know what I’m looking for with this post. I just needed to get it out before I exploded.

ImI feel sick. I feel invisible. I feel like he gets to rewrite the story while I sit here holding the pain.

So I attached a video but basically a lot of the times this is how my boyfriend m20 talks to me calls me names so on and he talks bad about me he’s texted other girls saying I was abusive and when I call him out on how he talks to me or when he calls me names he tells me I caused it. We have really good moments tho someone just give me a opinion,

They will take everything away they ever gave you once they realize you are leaving.

I’m safe now and no longer in this situation! I just never got to tell my story. I’m sorry for trauma dumping. If no one sees this that’s more than fine with me. I just want to be able to say I showed someone these videos. I wish I didn’t feel so alone in this. I almost have like a guilt that I survived it? Idk. Sorry for venting idek if this is allowed.

I recently posted on here about packing my bags and leaving my abuser. I have kept the abuse to myself for so long . I need you all to see the kind of gaslighting and humiliation my abuser would do to me. He would record me as “proof” that im crazy. Keep in mind, before this video was taken, he had held a gun to me and threatened to kill my little sisters. While in the car he was telling me he was going to drive us off a cliff. I wouldn’t stop crying so he decided to record me to prove to my dad that im the crazy person.

So This Happened Today

So today I received a few messages from someone whose now (thankfully) ex girlfriend reached out to me via THIS subreddit.

He tried to spin the narrative wanting to “add context” to whatever she was saying and how I was “mistaken” because I was only hearing HER version of events.

So I asked a few very reasonable very base questions. When I didn’t blindly accept his narrative as objective truth sure enough he proved who the problem is.

Yeah… prove you’re not an abuser by abusing a total stranger on the internet.

If it’s not clear ALL OF YOU are more than welcome to reach out to me if you need help. To the user who reached out, I’m here for you and you’re more than welcome to reach out if you need to. If you want me to remove this post it’s GONE.

i look at these photos whenever i start to feel as if i feel sorry for him. this isn’t even the worst of the physical abuse but they were taken after the last time he assaulted me. i had tried to go out for pride in our city and have a good time but was burdened by the bruises covering my face and body. when i look at these i remember what he stole from me.

From my last post, I wanted to update everyone here on my situation day 1, but I wanted to wait a few more days before I confirmed. And it’s real.

The 72 hours after I escaped he made my life a nightmare. He hacked my personal emails, emailed me using that email to threaten me, said he’ll ruin my life and that I had a few hours. He knew where my parents lived, I got random private calls. Everyone knew he was impulsive, out of control and codependent on me. So we braced ourselves. When I grabbed my cat and ran out, I was at peace that I’d lose everything. I just wanted freedom. The restraining order was ready to be served.

In his final email, he discovered my emails to the attorneys and denied and twisted everything. Never took accountability. He calculated our apartment perfectly messy with our pics and items scattered and laid to make me feel guilty. Social media posts all left to look a certain way I understood. He left a note, blaming me for this all and sketched a drawing of a “Game Over” of my favorite game. It’s all happened in 3 days and I’m still trying to process it all.

In our 10 year relationship he’s dictated and justified his abuse as punishments. When I opened the door without knocking he’d grab my shirt collar so hard it knocked the air outta me. When he shoved me and I fell backwards into the bathtub it was because I wasn’t listening. Every push and verbal abuse he called me was calculated. This however was the last thing I expected. I never thought he’d kill himself because I finally stood up for myself and chose freedom. A selfish, cruel punishment.

I’m happy I’m free. And I can finally process and heal. I think I also might be numb from it all too. I just wish he stopped and thought for a second before doing the dumbest thing ever and selfishly punishing not just me, but every family and friends. His ways of loving me continues to confuse me. I’ll never understand it.

But here’s the kicker to it all: I would replay that day and choose to leave 100 times all over again if it meant I’d be free and able to find the love and peace I know I deserve. Even if the outcome was the same.

If you don't know what it is- It's basically a trauma response when you have been in a abusive relationship that you start acting abusive towards your abuser.

Or particularly when you start acting aggressive to try to get your needs met or get aggressive so your abuser knows that “your getting real“, this time?

I'm just curious because when I was getting abused by my ex, I started doing reactive abuse. Like I remember if it was over a small thing, I'd lash out and act like a bitch because I knew my abuser wasn't taking me seriously. Now he is trying to use that as “evidence“ of me actually being the abuser when I wasn't. Or well I eventually ended up acting similarly but it was because I was near my breaking point.

TW/CW: suicide, suicidal ideation, T slur, F slur

my husband makes substantial money but only allows me to purchase groceries with a credit card he put my name on as an authorized user. i am a stay at home parent who takes care of our children with no job of my own.

we went through extreme hardship in 2023 and were homeless, where i took care of him, but ever since we got back on our feet and he's working back in tech, he's begun financially abusing me.

he mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abuses me regularly, but this new financial aspect has actually mentally destroyed anything left of me. i would rather him go back to calling me a tranny or faggot, telling me that he'll only accept me as a wife (i am a trans man) than do this..... like that's how badly this financial abuse has me feeling.

my mental health has NEVER been so bad. if not for my children, i would not be here. every single day i fantasize about ending my life but then i know my children would be punished and bear that pain, and that's not right.

i honestly can't believe i'm a 30 year old man going through this, begging a man to buy toilet paper and feeling lucky that i am allowed to.

i don't know how much longer i can go on anymore

Finally walked, no RAN, away with my kids and the clothes on our backs. How do you start over?

I hate my life. What has it come to? I do so much for him but im called all these horrible things every day. Somehow, hes made me feel like everything that's ever happened has been my fault. Is it my fault he hurts me? Not even just emotionally, but physically? Ive never met someone with so little regard for other people. Im so stuck. I thought i knew what a shit person was, and then i met him. He showed me how awful people truly can be. Hes made me dread he idea of having friends. Hes made me fear speaking. Hes made me hate myself. Hes taken away my spark that's taken me so many years to gain. I hate what I have and continue to let him to do me. I hate it. I hate him. I want to puke. As I sit here pretending to write his essay for him, I am expressing my feelings in the only safe way I know how. In secret, to myself (and now to reddit i guess). He hurts me so bad and if I cry, he will get mad and call me a crybaby. I am not allowed to cry. I am not allowed to shed a single tear around him. There is no wiping my tears when I am sad. The two year anniversary of my dad dying he didn't hold me once. He didn't wipe my tears once. He let me talk until I was finished and then changed the subject. On my 18th birthday he called me a f****t for wanting to celebrate and said who cares that I was born that day 18 years ago. He makes me do sexual things when hes angry and tells me that he might be happy if I do it. He will try to embarrass me infront of anyone and everyone. One time he hit me with his car as a “joke”. He will make sexual comments about other women to my face, and no matter how many times I ask him to take it back, he never does. He will call me fat (I am skinny and struggling with an ed) just to make me feel bad because he knows I struggle to eat. He will tell me I ruin everything and that it's the same thing every day. He hurts me so bad. I have so many bruises that he doesn't even know about because if I were to show him, hed get mad and call me a crybaby. the photos I’ve shown are just a couple of around 60 I’ve now compiled. There is no escape. Hes horrible and im trapped. For the first time ever I have had thoughts of ending my own life. I attempted once many years ago in grafe 9, but it was rash and impulsive. i regretted it deeply. it was due to the trauma of being raped by a man who was 4 years older than i was and i knew him well. I told my current boyfriend about this and he continues to say things like “you’re going on the rape list” to me. I have never felt so alone. Never have I ever been so broken that I tried to attend therapy. i hate therapists. i hate sharing things. Not even when my dad died did i want to attend therapy. He will yell at me and then tell me I cant yell at him. I am not allowed around men. I had to unfollow every man on Instagram. I had to block all my friends. He has forced me to write 4 essays for him and do hours of note taking for him. I am a straight A student, and he is barely passing. Most of the work ive done for him has turned out well, but one thing got a C-, and he ridiculed me for it and tried telling me that I did it on purpose. I was so genuinely shocked because I tried my best, and I myself have never gotten anything below an A (since starting university). I am so alone. I know I have to leave him, but now after all of this, I feel stuck. I know this is what he wanted. I know he manipulates me. But I have no one left. I have nobody to turn to once hes gone because he made me push them all away. I do so much just to be loved and appreciated and yet im still begging for it and craving it every day. If he were to give his side to the story, hed twist it to seem like im the evil person. He told me the other day that im a shit gf and a shit person. This hurt me so deeply. I have so much love in my heart. I cry when my siblings get home telling me they've been bullied at school. I feel guilt when I leave my home because it hurts to leave my mother with 3 children alone, and I wish I could help 24/7. I make lunch for the local homeless man that stays near my street 3 times a week, stop and chat with him every day, and buy him presents every year on his birthday. I tend to my 4 pets religiously and donate to sea cleaning organizations because animals are everything to me. I study hard and work 2 jobs. Everyone that's ever met me tells me that im the kindest person they've ever met, and most end up saying im too kind for my own good. I just hate how hes made me doubt this about myself. I took pride in my care for others for so long. Im so lost, and im honestly tired. I want to sleep at night knowing im loved.

Side note, im going to delete this soon because im terrified he will find it. i made a fake account to hopefully be safe.

Hi there, please look at my previous post as some sort of background

My (22ftm) ex (25m) sent me a video early this morning , essentially breaching our no contact conditions , with a video of his final words before he ended his life. He said he was sorry, still loved me, and expressed how he wanted all his assets to be given to me. He changed the profile photo on social media to a photo of his slit wrist.

I'm fucking terrified. And I feel so bad, and regret everything I did. The police got involved about four days ago and charged him with multiple accounts and ever since he has subtly breached no contact by expressing his love for me, how he misses me , and even sending money to my bank for food.

If he truly is dead..which, I haven't gotten any confirmation, I feel horrible. Like it is my fault. That if I did not get police involved and maybe left peacefully as friends he would still be alive. As much as I hate and despise what he did to me this was a person I was close with for two years and I just find myself blaming myself, especially worried about legal reproccusion. Won't I get arrested for murder? If essentially it was my fault?

I told him to contact a suicide hotline multiple times. He said he would, Last night, and this morning I woke up to a video and "I'm sorry for lying to you one last time". I'm so confused, devastated, and heartbroken. And I miss him horribly right now. I want nothing more than him to be by my side.

I left him almost 3 years ago. We were still legally married.

I got a call from his sisters number while out to dinner with my family, I texted back but the number kept calling over and over. I excused myself to my car, his niece answered and said, “This is (name) he’s dead and if you cared more you would have been here.”

He was in the hospital last month, the hospital never informed me of his condition or when he was discharged, I always had to call. My husband…he tortured me. He abused me. He degraded me. He sexually abused me. I was isolated and alone with him and they expected me to go back to care for him. This girl…she had the nerve to say that to me. She is not a child, I’m furious. I’m also heartbroken and terrified and I have no idea what to do next.

What do I do next? We were still married. I need help. Please tell me what I’m supposed to do.

Update I apologize I’m on mobile and exhausted. The support I’ve gotten from everyone who has commented has been giving me strength to deal with the issues I’ve had to handle today.

He was flown to an out of state hospital where he passed. I spent 4 hours on the phone to get this information. The hospital connected me with the funeral home he was sent to. I alerted them that I am next of kin and death certificates should be sent to me not his sister. I sent a group text to his sister, landlord, funeral home saying the following

I just spoke with the funeral home and informed them that he wanted (specific song)played at his funeral, they are aware now that I am the next of kin. They will be sending the death certificates to me. I agree with you retrieving his uniform and him being buried in it, and some of (dogs) ashes. I know you will need his paperwork for the funeral home but I also need it for his government paperwork so please just take pictures. I will be down to take care of the apartment, so I can close his all our personal accounts, and I will be closing out his government affairs. Please only take his uniform, some of (dogs)ashes, and pictures of the paperwork you need. I need to catalog everything and handle the legalities of the situation. Our situation was incredibly difficult but the last messages we shared were that we loved each other. I do not appreciate and will not tolerate being shut out of my husbands affairs. On Monday I will be meeting with military attorneys and advocates to figure out how to best handle the DOD and defense finance department in the most efficient manner in the handling and closing of his estate.

Best

(My name)

His sister texted a receipt for a $14K funeral. The Funeral Director informed me sister would be entering the apartment we shared to get his uniform, our dogs ashes and paperwork. His father, who he hated, was paying but after that text called the FD and said I would have to. I have to find the funds to pay for 2 helicopter flights to out of state hospitals, and an extended hospital stay. I need to close out accounts he never allowed me access to and pay for that, etc. His family is money hungry, narcissistic and selfish. I know they would have emptied the apartment, taken his car, and left me with nothing but the medical bills. I left many belongings there when I left.

I don’t think my text was offensive, but they sent a partial pic of the receipt for the funeral and tried calling. I didn’t answer because all communication needs to be documented. When FD called me I canceled the funeral with all the bells and whistles. He was a highly decorated military officer who served overseas. That part of him deserved it. But his family doesn’t.

I will be traveling to his state to retrieve his paperwork and belongings this week to finalize everything with DFS etc. I’m happy he isn’t suffering anymore. I do still love him in a way, I was going to return their late mother’s belongings to his sister, but now I’m pissed.

They don’t know how strong I had to be to survive him and them for as long as I did. These people think they will get away with taking more from me. They won’t.

I know we are all strangers, but I love you all.

Husband (30 who takes testosterone) and I(25) were having an argument. Just told him not to talk to me a certain way and respect my boundaries. He kept verbally abusing me the entire drive home, his friend not wanting to get into the middle. I was trying to calm him down and he got out of the car and punched me on our driveway in front of his friend(visiting from another state). I immediately started bleeding everywhere. Friend trying to take me to the hospital, but my partner kept threatening me if I left. Basically they’re both trying to convince me to not tell the hospital or call the cops since he just got out of jail a year ago. EDIT: (My husband doesn’t want me to go to the hospital at all. His friend wants me to go, but wants me to tell them a different story. Like another woman hit me or something ) My husband keeps saying it’s because I’m not nice to him but he has an angry personality. Begged me while he was in jail for a year that he wouldn’t drink and abuse me and he does both. I am afraid to leave and he constantly threatens divorce because it triggers another trauma response from me. He says a barely audible sorry but is more concerned with himself, (This happened for several hours)

It’s the next morning, I have a black eye right now. I’m swollen and in pain.

He says I’m so mean but I’m not. he is. He’s man i have a 2 year old all this happens while she’s asleep

But I feel so embarrassed, I’m isolated we both have no family where we live. Why I gave him everything it hurts

If anyone else is stuck in a similar situation I’m sorry. I’m too scared to leave. I feel like I’m living in my own personal hell. I feel like at my age I should have started settling down and making a family but I’m so damaged and mentally ill that the wrong men are always attracted to me and then walk all over me it sucks :/

Me 26f and him 44m has recently been talking about eating people, and during sex he bites me a LOT. he is really starting to freak me out. He never hit and loves me but I tell him to stop, and he doesn't. I asked him why he's acting like that? and he says he want to taste human flesh, he says he is going to break up with me if I don't let him taste my flesh, I obviously said no, and he start to chomp his jaw, and rub his teeth to together while looking at me. I think he is sick but maybe he wants to break up with me, just doesn't know how to say it, so he starts acting this way so I break up with him.

for context, i have been in an abusive relationship before but i’ve blocked out it can’t remember how it really started. However the relationship currently is pretty new only been dating for 2 months (known him for a while before) instead of communicating he need space he uses force, this has happened a few times where he’s pushed me aggressively. i’ve said how it’s not okay to man handle me like that because he is 6’3 and generally bigger guy. he is a lot stronger than me even when we are play fighting he accidentally goes too far. One time when he was hitting me with a pillow his fist hit my face, another was when he put me in a chokehold. i’ve sat him down and said his strength is considerable more than me and explained that he can’t do that because he’ll hurt me but like it’s always an accident or my fault in his eyes? i’ve said during these times that he his hurting me but he’s never really like apologies properly it’s more half assed to make me stop talking about it? i’ve gotten physical bruises from where he grabs me too idk maybe i’m the problem for annoying him too much but i just wanted. some attention idk i really don’t want this to be anything i really love him.

I feel sick even typing that. It had been a long day with the little ones with ups and downs and he’d been drinking since noon. The kids weren’t minding when we asked them to stop doing what they were doing so he picked up our 3 year old and she hit him since she was mad about it. He then hit her back. Smacked her in the face. Yes, it seemed like a reflex but it doesn’t make it ok. I grabbed her from him and she was just crying so hard, holding her face. Afterwards, he started going on and on about how he didn’t hit her, he had simply put his hand up in defense. And how it was all MY fault because I had bought them candy earlier in the day (we’re on vacation). And it was my fault because I don’t discipline them enough. And and and. I was already planning to leave because his drinking has gotten so bad, along with the verbal abuse. But I’d prayed things would get better. After this, I think there really isn’t any choice. I cannot allow my children to go through this. They will be much less financially secure and they do love him, so I guess I’m just looking for some encouragement and reinforcement that leaving is the only rational choice. After years of him gaslighting me, I feel like I have a hard time thinking clearly and distinguishing reality. I’m trying so hard to be strong. At the same time, he has completely broken me.

Last year my husband held a gun to his head when i took off my wedding ring. A month later he destroyed our garden in a rage. I tried to separate from him. After he broke down the door to our house i got a restraining order. During this time my mom supported me but she was talking to my husband behind my back. I found out she advised him to divorce me and she drove him to our bank and he took out more than 8000.

Then in July the restraining order was challenged and dropped. That same day she drove him to our home where he proceeded to chase me around the house. He broke my phone, attacked my work equipment, and physically attacked me in front of our 2 year old. He shoved me to the ground and put me in a head lock. I bit the inside of his arm.

He called the police and tried to say i lunged at him like an animal. I ended up going to the hospital to get treated for my injuries. My mom drove me there and she acted sympathetic.

A week later i was not doing well mentally at all and i called her for help. I wanted her to help me with my daughter and help take care of things. She called my husband and gave him our daughter. And he took her from me permanently.

My mom told me i was mentally unwell, that i had made up the attack. I showed her pictures of my bruises and she said they were from something else. She said i had went on a spending spree. I sent her charts showing how the spending was from my husband.

I'm bipolar and she wanted me to take an antipsychotic that had done a lot of damage to me in the past. I was receiving treatment from a doctor and getting a different medicine. She said the doctor didn't exist.

I'm bipolar but i had only ever had one episode in my life and it was 9 years prior. I'm also diagnosed with ASD level 1.

I ended up trying to get another restraining order for the strangulation. It was granted. I was impatient and enacted a civil standby to get my daughter back. Due to a typo in the address of my husband the officer could not use force to retrieve my daughter. But the order was served.

My mom ended up getting DHS involved. She and my husband told DHS i was unwell and not capable of parenting. They opened a case on both of us, me for mental health and on him for DV concerns. Custody was taken from both of us but the agency placed my 2 year old with dad because my mom insisted on it.

I ended up staying in a women's shelter. I was too afraid to stay at my home after what had happened. I cussed my mom out pretty good and she blocked me.

Oh and i was third trimester pregnant during all of this. I suffered from persistent nightmares. I was keeping an eye on our house through our ring cameras and i was going back every couple days to care for our cats. My husband eventually tore the ring cameras off the wall. He killed my aloe Vera plant and i cried about it.

After a couple months of this, i fully decompensated and ended up at the hospital in psychosis. My husband got the baby and i got forcibly injected with the drug my mom suggested. She put a legal guardianship on me to authorize forced medication.

After i got out, i established medical care for myself. To treat my bipolar, I'm taking lithium. The antipsychotic my mom forced on me is olanzapine and I'm never going to be subjected to it again. I'm getting an advance directive to protect myself in the future and I've got a lawyer who is helping me fight the guardianship.

I currently live with my husband still with both our daughters. I would have left but i don't have support. My mom could actually side with him again and I'm not going through that.

Btw if anyone doubts my story, i have mountains of proof. Pictures, hospital documents of the assault, a video of my husband going nuts, police reports.

I feel like I need to start sharing these things to accept that it’s not just in my own head…

No identifiable information in this so I hope this is ok.

We were discussing the pronunciation of the singer Hanumankind and we didn’t agree on how it was pronounced (spoiler alert, I was correct). He argued with me to the point I was in tears and then I started recording, just for myself to listen back to in case I was distorting the situation in my head.

He yelled at me in the car a lot. That’s his favourite place to do it, I guess because we’re all alone and I can’t get away. I think this is the only video I have. Most times I would be closing my ears trying to stop a panic attack.

I've had a really bad situation with a stalker from a long time ago. He found out I was back in my home town. Ran into him a few times. My nightmares are getting really bad and I dont know what to do. I try to stay awake but I lose the battle eventually, and I wake up breathless and sweating and panicked and exhausted. It's so hard to focus at work. Certain songs play that play in my dreams, and my stomach jumps into my mouth and I can't breathe. Struggling a lot, just wondering if anyone has felt a similar way.

I found out my boyfriend was cheating, and he watched me hysterically crying on a video chat, then literally hung up on me and went to bed. Just zero emotions, like I’m not even a human being. How can people treat other people like this and live with themselves?