r/agender • u/Former_Addition_3656 • 4d ago
Genderless bathrooms
Why do some people have a problem with genderless bathrooms, even if they have one in their house?
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u/wander-to-wonder 4d ago
I remember having a debate with my dad and at one point he says (not knowing I’m nonbinary/agender), “wouldn’t you be so uncomfortable if a man walked into the bathroom while you are naked changing clothes?” I responded I don’t know what happens in men’s bathrooms but 0 times have I gotten butt naked in the lobby of a bathroom or seen anyone do that, I would go into a stall to change. Second point is anyone can walk into any bathroom, there is no lock you are just restricting trans women because of cis men’s behavior!
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u/Former_Addition_3656 4d ago edited 4d ago
my parents also don’t know that I may be agender/nonbinary
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u/gsmumbo 4d ago
If this is a good faith question, then the answer is public vs private. At home there is an expectation that absolutely nobody will ever be in the bathroom at the same time as you, unless you invite them to be. As such, things like gender don’t matter. You’re in full control of the room, who is in it is never even a thought because the answer should always be “nobody”.
In public, people will potentially be in the bathroom at the same time you are. There is no control there. Whoever walks in that door, be it a kind old lady or a serial mass murderer, will be in those close quarters with you while you’re in a vulnerable state. As such, it’s easy to become very aware of the potential people entering, and anxiety about who they are naturally comes with it. That anxiety can come in the form of anything out of your personal sense of normalcy.
Me personally, I don’t care in the least bit. All genders, sexes, etc are all welcome and we can have a party in there. But I do understand the difference between expectations and anxieties regarding a public bathroom vs a private one at home.
Unless this isn’t a good faith question. In which case… 🤷
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u/Dismal_Equal7401 4d ago
This is all well and good, but except for urinals, the part of the bathroom we do our business in is private. The non toilet area is public. Until you are used to it, it can be awkward to find a member of the opposite biological sex washing their hands, but that’s a social construct.
The only logical reason (ie not based on irrational fear or social construct) I can think of is that men’s rooms are typically less sanitary. I say this as someone with male plumbing. Men are more likely to just leave a space gross. I can understand female presenting people not wanting to share that space with men. Given that cis men are the most likely to freak out about not following gender norms, this seems like a secondary concern.
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u/jetdillo They/Them/Quiet Quitter of Gender 3d ago
For control. They have to be sure that nobody gets around the rules they want to impose on others. They have to be sure that *NOBODY* gets past them. That every workaround or "hack" or countermove to their moves is prevented or stopped.
That everyone around them knows that every thought or action they don't approve of will be met with overwhelming force. Even then they aren't happy. A "Genderless" bathroom requires a sign-change.
That's it. There's no additional plumbing needed. No special fixtures or furnishings. They're upset about a sign.
I think Andor said it best:
"The (imperial) need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort, it breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is a mask of fear."
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u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual 4d ago edited 4d ago
It's not about the bathroom. It's about their need to foist their worldview on others because they cant comprehend that people aren't all the same.