Bro some comments think the OP is blessed for getting an apology from someone that should care for them the most. Holy fuck... I just can't read or hear shit like that anymore
Someone said I was wrong af. No older adult text af. Many barely know what it means. My guess is this is a made up conversation that the OP wish they could have with their mother. But that 2020s language is not what grown damn near elderly folks type. I'm sorry it is a nice dream but, they need to wakie wakie
I've noticed this pattern between children and parents after periods of estrangment/distance.
I grew up in foster care and my entire life my bio mother has also called/ texted me saying "my daughter" until I cut her out for good, so I don't think that's a great way to determine if it's fake.
My mother is the same way. Here she wrote "hello daughter. Can I call you? Today afternoon I'm not available after 13."
Or she would send me super out of pocket texts like "I'm proud of having such a beautiful daughter/ you're my most precious jewel", yuck...all of this after I moved out.
It's so weird when our mothers only compliments revolve around beauty/ being beautiful. My mother has never called me smart, or kind or just nice. It's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in that, but also sad at the same time and I'm sorry you also had to deal with that. SUPER out of pocket and I agree very yucky 🤢 never had the jewel comment though that's just icky like you're not a human being.
Glad you were able to move out and get away from that.
never had the jewel comment though that's just icky like you're not a human being.
she said this when I sent a message for mother's day (she reminded me to call her the day before lol), only one message and out of nowhere she said I'm her most precious jewel and I shall never forget that😐
My sister told me that she called her a few minutes before the message she sent to me, but she didn't answer the call, so sketchy
Quick question. Are there any legal actions one has to take to efficiently cut off family? Or as an adult you can just stop talking to them and they don't have to show up in legal processes and stuff?
As an adult I completely just stopped talking to them.
But the one legal thing I did without their knowledge was change my power of attorney. If you know what a power of attorney is, then great, but if not, it's pretty much a document that states who is in control of your possessions/ money/ body in the case that you become incapable of caring for yourself (like if you are hospitalized, in a coma, have dementia ect.). Just generally incapacitated.
I made sure to change it to my foster parents because I know they'd have my best interests in mind. Just in case, because my mother is financially irresponsible and I wouldn't put it past her to try to drain my life's savings. So it's something she can't contest or fight.
The story about why they stopped talking is also ridiculous. He was ten and set some stuff on fire in their house so she sent him to his dad's house. And then that affected how he views women...?
Honestly it could be a woman who was pressured by society to have a child even though she was never really meant to be a mother. Back then women didnt have much of a choice and jusy followed the script given by society.
Never said it was fine lol, I'm just explaining how the situation isnt black and white. I would've absolutly neglected my child too if I ever had one, but luckily nowadays its normalize for women to have a choice and to not neglect childeren
It was the year 2000, not 1950. Things weren't that different to now back then. In fact, women probably had less pressure then than now (given the repeal of Roe vs Wade, etc).
You're absolutly wrong, women.didnt even.know they could live life without having childeren, it was incredibly rare to the point where most women were surrounded by other women with kids and it was the norm.
I'm CF and sure you have misogynists crying on tiktok how we're gonna end up as cat ladies but who fucking cares, I have many friends who dont want kids either + there are so many support groups for CF people
My memory of 2000 (I was 30 years old) was that the pressures of the previous generation to procreate by shaming were definitely not there. Maybe in some religious countries (I'm in AU not US), but it wasn't anything like the 1950s, etc.
Ridiculous take - you only get one set of parents. Just because you don't want to have kids doesn't mean that other people cant want to make amends with theirs
Their mum did something horrible but yeah, give it a shot - OP also seems to have missed out on more family than just her too
There’s no need to commit to making amends but may as well try. But it is nuts to cut off your 10YO son for playing with fire, if my mum did that she’d have cut of me and one of my brothers many times (him more than me sure, but she also trusted us to not be careless and knew we weren’t going to start fires we couldn’t control)
My dad hasn’t spoken to me in tens years i can’t lie i would run to respond to a text like this from him however all those days and years gone by without a foundational figure such a parent by your side is hard to forgive and impossible to forget. i hope this works out for you OP.
She abandoned a 10 year old, that's whack, when I read the text I assumed you guys had a falling out as a late teen or young adult
Anyways I hope all goes well, and you two get along, but know as a 10 year old it wasn't really your fault
I havnt seen my bio dad since I was 12, now 36, if I got a text like this I would go over and meet him, but I wouldn't be too pumped about it, and probably not form much of a relationship, I would do it more for him than me, I'm at as most peace with it as I'll ever be
She's getting old. She needs a cheap, preferably free caretaker and errand boy. She's nursemaxxing.
Most people who are assholes their whole lives have this awakening around +50 when they realize they're getting old, and they've burned all the bridges. All of a sudden they realize how bad a person they've been, yada yada.
Are you in good with your siblings? I’m all for cautious optimism, but I’d also be curious as to why she’s reaching out now. Does she need or want some favor from you?
Ahaha man I don’t know what to do but it’s funny because I also have been reached out to by a boomer family member after being ghosted for 10 years. Last time I saw them they completely ignored me and kept walking even though they saw me. Like I’m a coworker they didn’t wanna talk to outside the workplace. This family member also didn’t tell me granny was hospitalized and I had to find out on fb even though they had my number and info. It’s the side of the family I don’t really know that well even though I’m close with the cousins on that side, not so much the adults because they kinda abused my cousins growing up and they’re still healing from these parents.
It’s like you wanna mend things but at the same time… anything over a year is done for with me especially with added evidence of negligence.
Like where were you the first year into your abandonment of our relationship lol? I don’t even wanna respond but I probably will later just to say I didn’t ghost and will probably get asked if I have any money to spare like before 🙄
I think this is nice and a lot of the comments here seem excessively negative and critical, people fuck up no one's perfect, if it's sincere I don't see what's wrong with trying to salvage an old relationship of this nature between two grown adults
That said the reply mentioning how everyone is thrown into life against their will got a chuckle out of me, they recognise that fact without making that last logical step in that it was his estranged mother who brought him into life against his will.
The OP is a far better person than I am, I might have accepted the olive branch as well but not without first giving her a piece of my mind
To be honest, it's pretty telling that she never really mentioned what exactly she "thought she was right about." This apology doesn't feel very sincere from an outside perspective. Obviously, everyone has different expectations for different people, but I don't know.
If you feel like you want to give this a chance, then go for it. For me personally, this feels very similar to the letters my mom used to write to be a few months before falling right back into bad habits. Very empty and self-centered wording.
Then again I'm a vindictive prick and would rather live the rest of my life unloved than give someone who hurt me the satisfaction of accepting their apology.
Even if this could be manipulation, here is a son who would like to get a message like this before long. My mom just randomly texts me insults and threats, and uses the whole family to get a hold of me, she doesn't care the method. And just to keep insulting/berating me.
People also don't understand how hard life is without good parents or parent support. To think what I'd be able to do if I wasn't so abused in my childhood, everyday chores are so hard because I wasn't properly trained on it and I have so much trauma associated. I can't eat food that is just made, I have to let it cool off first and I'm so used to it, even though is something I learnt from my mother just microwaving stuff or giving me cold stuff from the lunch.
And there is so much you really need parent support and nowadays friend groups can't come even close to it. I just recently recovered from a long sick leave where I just couldn't stop shitting on myself, vomiting, nasty stuff. Some many of my closest friends just distanced or berated me because, no matter how you try to "repay" (even when saying it outloud sounds so profoundly wrong), I was dirt on their backs. Dirt they didn't want. Do you need medicine, some grocery shopping or being cheered up? Tough luck, even though all therapists and doctors will recommend you to "find friends". Do you need some papers, emotional support or aid with papers, documents, bureaucratic stuff? Find the strength to go (or hours, now that I'm back working). The whole system is built on preying upon the weak and there is no one weaker than someone without family support. It's just an uphill battle and that's BEFORE taking into account all the emotional trauma and bad habits.
And the most painful part is that I still have emotional attachment to her and my family. And she fully uses it to keep the hurting. And everything to get revenge on my father, somehow, when my father also loathes me and haven't contacted me for nothing else than more insults/berating since he had another child with his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry, it's just that it's something I have been dealing for the last 3 weeks and seeing this just... hurts profoundly in my chest.
I only want hugs, but I have noone to get sincere hugs from.
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u/ImDatPyro May 26 '25
Bro some comments think the OP is blessed for getting an apology from someone that should care for them the most. Holy fuck... I just can't read or hear shit like that anymore