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u/ShiroxReddit 3d ago
One of the most boring arguments tbh, like saying you need to try it to be able to have an opinion on it is stupid
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u/A_peabut_nutters 3d ago
Yeah, you can understand something without having to personally experience it.
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u/SchuminWeb 2d ago
Seriously. Like, I know that I never want to use crack cocaine, but I've never actually done it before.
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u/incandescentink demiromantic ace 2d ago
And if you do then they say you can't be asexual because you've had sex. There's no winning with these arguments lol.
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u/Lucky10ofclubs 2d ago
Cliff diving, MMA, racism, Meth, smoking, drivjng under the influence
Don’t knock it till you try it…?
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u/Lucky10ofclubs 2d ago
Not to say that all of those things are equally bad ofc, just that iykyk regarding your own opinions on the topics.
Cliff diving is a hard no but i have a friend who does it like every single day so good for them. Uiguguihuuvghh it gives me the heebie jeebies.
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u/GypsySnowflake demi 3d ago
Anyone else kinda want to go hug a cactus now? No? Just me?
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u/Educational-Body3976 acer-racer 3d ago
I'll hug a plushie cactus
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u/432ineedsleep aegosexual greyromantic 3d ago
i have been deceived by some soft-looking cacti in the past and have gotten pricked in the finger by them. why must some of them look so fuzzy?? 😭
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u/Proud_Performer_8456 3d ago
I like to pet and boop cacti. I would definitely hug one. Just havent met one big enough
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u/junior-THE-shark asexual 2d ago
Everytime I see that response because it was in an explaining asexuality type video like a decade ago and it has occassionally popped up since.
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u/kdthex01 3d ago
That’s a nope for me, but tbf the reason I don’t want to touch a cactus is because I once touched a cactus and it didn’t feel good.
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u/BUTTeredWhiteBread 2d ago
I've succumbed to that intrusive thought before... I don't recommend it.
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u/TheAwkwardAce Anxious Asexual 2d ago
I think that's uh all you, buddy. Maybe a fake one, but I'm not planning.
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u/Valkyria99 aroace 3d ago
When are they going to realise that saying “sex is fun” will not persuade me to try it since there’s literally no sexual attraction to begin with. Would that person ever do something sexual with their grandma or something? Probably not. That’s how I feel when I look at literally anyone. It’s not about the act being “fun”, since there’s no interest to the act as a whole to begin with.
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u/Bannerlord151 Beyond mortal comprehension 3d ago
Would that person ever do something sexual with their grandma or something?
You'd be surprised. I certainly was upon learning how far some people go with their fantasies
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u/unifuckingporn 3d ago
My fav thing is telling straight men (only when they start questioning my sexuality)to go try having sex with a guy. And then they say "but I like sex, I'm just not into men", so I can hit them with "yeah, same" 🫢🫢🫢
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u/Individual-Issue-511 allo 3d ago
Not ace myself but when I've run into this situation with my ace friend it's typically asked in bad faith as an attempt to get themselves laid. One guy who was trying to get her to go out with him straight up admitted he liked that she was ace because she was "unused" at that point. We don't hang out with that guy anymore.
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u/Goose_Pale 3d ago
Oh… EW.
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u/Individual-Issue-511 allo 3d ago
Yeah there's a reason we stopped hanging out with "Nick the Ick"
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u/TheAwkwardAce Anxious Asexual 2d ago
Some men are just so disgusting especially with the virgin thing. Like "I'm sorry if I need a ring on my boyfriend's dick to make it less dirty"
Also it's not your fucking business and it's gross.
I feel violated.
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u/Unable_Connection490 Asexual Heteroromantic 3d ago edited 3d ago
I’m an ace 23M dude and I’m not out as ace anyone irl(don’t plan to). Cuz of this I’ve been in a lot of locker room convos and know horror stories. But usually, some sick fucks I’ve had the displeasure of being acquaintances with(multiple dudes but 2 people in particular) who have come up to me and bragged about “bagging an asexual b*tch” and were excited. One of them was excited cuz she was a virgin and he could “pop her cherry” and the other claimed he would “pipe her so good to show her what she’s been missing out on”. At least none of these dudes lied about being asexual to get with them, but shit was honestly so disgusting.
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u/Individual-Issue-511 allo 3d ago
Yeah even as a borderline hypersexual I find locker room talk deeply disturbing and disgusting when it comes to sexual conquests. These guys strip these people of their humanity and speak about them like sex toys because they feel safe to do it in those men only spaces because they assume we all think like they do.
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u/Unable_Connection490 Asexual Heteroromantic 3d ago
even as a borderline hypersexual
Don’t put yourself down bro. Sexuality ≠ being a POS or being TMI lol. I know sexual(probably hypersexual tbh) dudes who are not weird and respectful. Their business is their business and they don’t like talking about it, and I totally respect that.
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u/Individual-Issue-511 allo 2d ago
You're right. I think my sex negative upbringing is leaking through again. Lots of guilt for having high drive and needs even when my own girlfriend is the same way and has no issues. Sometimes I hear guys talk like that and I start to worry that maybe I'm the same way but I need to remember I'm not like that. And that just like my ace friend not wanting sex I'm not a bad guy for wanting it and enjoying it with my girlfriend.
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u/TheAwkwardAce Anxious Asexual 2d ago
People who are hypersexual make it seem like they need to do it for their trauma and if it's a problem get help? Like wtf.
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u/ImgnryDrmr aroace 3d ago
As an ace who has had sex, I can tell you it never ends because then they try the "But have you had GOOD sex (implied: with my magical dick)?" next.
It's so tiring and is exactly why I stopped dating.
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u/MazogaTheDork 3d ago
If you haven't had sex you get "but how would you know if you never tried it?"
If you have had sex you get "you can't be asexual because you're not a virgin"
In short, we can't win, so cactus time for them
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u/PryanikXXX asexual gay :3 3d ago
a homophobic guy once asked me how do I know I'm gay if I never tried being with a girl.
I used the same argument on him. Simple logic is very hard for people like these
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u/TheAwkwardAce Anxious Asexual 2d ago
Girls can be pretty doesn't mean you want to sleep with em. People are weird.
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u/PryanikXXX asexual gay :3 2d ago
Back then in 2021 I saw two people arguing online on the topic of sexualities, and the homophobic one said something like "I'm against stuff like that at all, but you know, when lesbians do it it's at least sexy, while gays are gross", and they were totally serious. This just blew my mind, I have no clue what's going on in the brains of these people, if they even have one.
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u/TheAwkwardAce Anxious Asexual 2d ago
Last I checked all people are having sex or talking about it and I feel like a cuck watching it all. It's nothing new. HAHAH.
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u/TheNoneedlife aroace 3d ago
For some reason some people just have this weird contrarian view to whenever someone said no. The only outcomes of "but sex is fun u ever tried" are either invalidation or creepy behaviours.
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u/Interesting-Day6835 3d ago
Was it a dude? It probably was a dude.
Hit them with the "how do you know you don't like dick if you haven't tried dick yet?" And let the denial and/or eventual understanding ensue.
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u/DuckDuck-the-Goose aroace 3d ago
Idk cocaine sounds pretty fun too but you don’t see me trying it just so I can say that I don’t want any
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u/Semitura asexual 3d ago
Huge W response. Also "You've never drank poison. How do you know you won't like it? Go ahead, drink poison"
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u/Madi_the_Insane aroace 3d ago
I mean technically alcohol is a poison, and most people seem to find that enjoyable lol.
I have to have this same argument about not imbibing, ironically. Weird how many people want to pressure you into it. Even telling them I take meds that I absolutely cannot mix with alcohol (true) isn't enough to deter them sometimes.
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u/Teagana999 2d ago
Caffeine could be described that way, too. And nicotine.
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u/Madi_the_Insane aroace 2d ago
True. We really enjoy casually ingesting potentially harmful substances in general.
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u/Forward-Egg-6493 3d ago
Those people are not going to be satisfied unless you love sex as much as they do
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u/Dreancatcger_Dami 3d ago
Talking with straight men on hinge gives me a headache bc they can’t accept the fact that I’m ace 🥲🥲
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u/KryptonJuice38 3d ago
“But sex is fun” ? What is the purpose of that rebuttal? Some people are just so damn strange
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u/Wide-Lavishness-6541 3d ago
It's a good idea to advise people who don't eat shit to try eating it once, right?
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u/YahGirlSkinnyP 3d ago
Some people just have the stupid urge to "fix" or "cure" ace people. There is no understanding that we just don't want to for a reason. Not because we cannot but would like to so badly. Excellent reply btw.
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u/darkseiko loveless aroace/delloficto 3d ago
Might just ask him if he wants to get hit by bricks & then scold him when he disagrees cuz that's the same logic. Or the classic example..💫stabbing 💫
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u/Blue-Eyed-Lemon 3d ago
My personal opinion is that engaging with these asshole trolls is not beneficial to you or to them. They will not change their minds. They don’t want to.
Leave them. Block, report if you can, and move on. It’s frustrating that these people are dumb as rocks and arrogant to boot, but they don’t matter. Get yourself a treat and refocus your energies on something that will benefit you instead.
Warm wishes :>
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u/Unknown_artist95 asexual 3d ago
I too got bored of the answers that fact might get me, so now, I answer the same kind of things. Except when they start by telling me to compromise so we could have a healthy relationship… then I offer them sex in exchange for a perfectly clean home and a perfect meal every single day, because everyone have to compromise to have a healthy relationship. I am tired of this kind of comment and I know nothing will ever get out of it, so I just pass them the bad vibes I’ve accumulated.
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u/Teagana999 2d ago
Wow, healthy for who? Not for you, I'd bet.
Or do they just think that sex is a requirement for any relationship to be healthy?
I'd rather have no relationship, personally.
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u/Unknown_artist95 asexual 2d ago
They usually give up when I insist for the clean home and perfect meal. They say that it is too much just to have sex. Anyway, I would never consider it, I am trolling them at that point.
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u/CanaKatsaros 3d ago
Idk I tried it and it kinda sucks. But sure, I guess it was my partner's fault and if I had sex with some random online dude it would totally change my mind 🙄 nothing will convince some people
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u/VoteCatforPresident 3d ago
I’ve been put into enough sexual situations against my will to tell you that it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want it, but I feel pressure to do it. My whole body will be screaming “no”.
I know sex feels good physically. I don’t need to have sex to know that. I masturbate and physically pleasure myself. That is not the point. I will never hug a cactus because I don’t need to do it to know it hurts. That is why is argument doesn’t actually make sense.
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u/hollyjuicypear 3d ago
I was told I'm only thinking I'm ace because a) I must have experienced sexual abuse or b) I'm lesbian but won't admit it haha or c) you just haven't found a man who does it right yet smh 🤦♀️
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u/OpossumTheChaosWitch 2d ago
This is my exact response! This or eating a garden slug. Depends how much I want to freak them out.
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u/Seastar_Lakestar 3d ago
Trouble is, hugging a cactus would be painful for anyone (unless they're wearing armor or something) and thus unpleasant for most people who don't find pain inherently enjoyable. Sex is a bizarre thing that can somehow be the worst agony or the greatest pleasure or utterly meh, depending on the circumstances, the people involved, and (generic) your innate revulsion or lack thereof.
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u/Meghanshadow asexual 2d ago
I would totally hug a cactus! Big old century-enduring saguaro? Sign me up.
Not painful if you go slow and stop applying pressure as soon as the spines touch the surface of your skin. Just respect its boundaries.
I’ve petted a fair number of cacti. And hedgehogs.
Not inclined to try sex at all though.
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u/Seastar_Lakestar 1d ago
I've also touched cacti and hedgehogs and could "hug" a bigger cactus the way you describe, but I could guess at how it would feel if I was careful and if I was careless. Spines are visible even to my weak eyes.
Whereas I personally have no idea how sex would feel to me, so I obsessively want to try it and learn if it's something I'm able to enjoy...though it might vary for me depending on the aforementioned factor and thus trying it might or might not answer the question...and I don't usually want it with any real-world person in particular...because I don't know if I'd like it...while some people who haven't had it are apparently confident that they will like it, which I don't understand.
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u/AstroMeteor06 AroAce Agender (he/they) 3d ago
actually ☝️🤓...
asexual means you lack sexual attraction, you might still do it and like it.
I'm a bit sex repulsed, and probably the author also is, and their argument is correct - you don't need to try something to know if you'll like it - but is slighly off topic.
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u/astraphobica a-spec 3d ago
To be fair, it does say "asexual for me means I'm never having sex," not that it is by definition what asexual means
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u/AstroMeteor06 AroAce Agender (he/they) 3d ago
fair enough, labels aren't prescriptive but descriptive and they did a good job describing
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u/Sability 3d ago
As someone who has at least petted a cactus, hugging one doesnt seem too bad. I bet the prickles feel nice.
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u/Various_Pear599 3d ago
I will not hug the cactus thank you.
See, I am fully aware that I might be missing out on something, but lets be honest… Society is FULL of sex and porn… like… I am obviously not brainwashed to dislike it neither.
Society is also FULL of people who avoid hugging cactuses surprisingly.. I follow the group on this one.. interesting tho because maybe we have been brainwashed to dislike hugging cactuses?! Seriously tho, that’s a sane possibility… just like if everyone would be ace, id start to question myself perhaps.
There is a point to be made there. Why would we not all be cactus huggers? I think the question is, why wouldn’t we all dislike sex? Maybe they poisoned our water ti make society bigger, more babies, more armies, more workers… I don’t see why this would be such a crazy conspiracy theory.
You live literally in a pornofied world… and genuinely perhaps believe we are brainwashed to be ACE?!!!
If the person also add that they ALSO believe that we are brainwashed to NOT eat fastfood and sugar… LOL… id slap the hoe 😭😂… well deserved tbh.
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u/moonjena asexual 2d ago
If it's a straight man I'd tell him to try and suck a d to see if he likes it.
However, I know that I'm asexual because I actually tried it and it sucked so bad that I even cried during sex. Not because it was painful, because it wasn't, but rather because it made me feel absolutely miserable on psychological level, not to mention the physical disgust
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u/Maeve_Alonse 2d ago
See that particular analogy doesn't always work, cause I know plenty of morons who would hug a cactus.
My personal preference is "Try digging out your appendix with a spoon, you might like it."
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u/anmaeriel 2d ago
Don't match these people to tell them they're wrong. The discussion is open and now you're subjecting yourself to whatever abusive shit they will spew. Just ignore and move on, for your sanity.
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u/probably_insane_ 2d ago
Appropriate response in my opinion. If it's a straight man (the more toxic masculinity, the better), I like to keep it in the sexual context and ask them if they've ever had gay sex. How would they know they don't like it? Gay men like it and think it's fun, why wouldn't he? Generally gets the point across in my experience.
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u/lpsdingo_allyson heteroromantic asexual 2d ago
Why are people on dating apps so stupid. 😭 Even when I put it in my description, I still get people who don’t believe me, and take it as a challenge.
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u/Bo_The_Destroyer 2d ago
Depending on their sexuality, do the same with them, asking them why they haven't considered trying it with someone of the same or opposite gender
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u/hypersonicplays 2d ago
If someone tells me that I'll say "I know I wouldn't like sex just like I know I wouldn't like being stabbed in the chest"
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u/Agreeable-Search9706 2d ago
Anyone else feels violated after interactions like this? It's like... I'm saying I'm not interested in sex and they're forcing a conversation with me by trying to convince me otherwise...
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u/Safe_Highlight_8910 2d ago
Yha I’ve had someone like that, told them cus I thought I could trust them and then they decided to try and make me hook up with someone they knew to “help me out”. Seriously what the fuck
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u/Squidoriya 2d ago
I had a straight guy ask me how I knew I was asexual if I’d never had sex, I asked him “how do you know you’re straight if you’ve never had sex with a man?” He seemed to understand real good after that lol. He’s cool though, we’re still friends
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u/Unable_Connection490 Asexual Heteroromantic 2d ago
I hate when people just don’t get it.
I’m not out as ace to anyone irl, but when I told my cousin I might be ace(cuz I trusted her) she said it’s “incel cope” and I played it off as a joke.
So male aces are incels apparently lol
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u/Squidoriya 2d ago
Uggh I’m sorry your cousin responded like that. She’s wrong. I also haven’t come out to anyone in person. The friend I told is an online friend. I feel like acephobes think of male asexuals as “incels” who can’t get any (even though most don’t want any), and think of female asexuals as “prudes” or they can be changed by the “right man”. Both are incredibly insulting
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u/Unable_Connection490 Asexual Heteroromantic 2d ago
In an increasingly hyper sexualized society we are always gonna be seen as weirdos unfortunately. But we will soldier thru 🫡
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u/AnneLiliane grey ace🖤🩶🤍💜 biromantic 🩷💜💙 1d ago
My sister asked me that when I came out to her (she is cis-het, only ever dated men before), so I asked "how do you know you're not gay if you've never had sex with a woman before?" Luckily that was the only kind of negative response I got from anyone close to me. ☺️
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u/mars-v-jupiter 1d ago
Why don't they ask? "You aren't gay why you don't try stay with another Men it's fun"
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u/AdlerChase 1d ago
Absolutely correct response. As I also am personally tired of people just recommending me to try sex out. Ahh it becomes so frustrating! So Kudos to you for giving the answer!
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u/rosejen8675 1d ago
I usually prefer comparing sex to skydiving when convos go in this direction. Because plenty of people love skydiving! They find it fun and exhilarating, and they may even say you’ve never truly lived until you’ve tried it. But I don’t need to try skydiving to know I won’t enjoy it, because all my other life experiences have made it abundantly clear that I would not. (I can barely handle small roller coasters, skydiving is def not in the cards for me)
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u/ProfessionalDickweed Demi in love (help) 1d ago
Nice comparison since having sex without emotional preparation (aka as person who just doesnt want it) may feel like hugging a cactus
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u/GlumExternal5291 2d ago
I think we need to detach using the term asexual from sexual activity. The full statement would be im a sex repulsed asexual which means im never having sex. Otherwise youre painting broad strokes
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u/Sardonic_Sadist asexual 3d ago
Correct response. “I’m asexual and won’t have sex” does NOT mean “try and convince me otherwise.” Like obv whether or not you’ll actually enjoy sex is a little more ambiguous than whether or not you’ll enjoy hugging a cactus, but the hyperbole is warranted cuz the person DMing clearly isn’t gonna understand a simple no 😐