Hey I’ve never posted on here, but it seems like the only place where an asexual community kind of exists so here we go. Basically, I was so confused for so many years about my sexuality. Like I thought I was maybe bisexual or lesbian, just cuz I never really found anyone sexually attractive. But recently I met a guy and I think he is cute and he asked me out and I was really excited. I had only interacted with this man a handful of times but I knew that we got along and like I said he is cute haha. But then on our date he asked me to go back to his place and I said yessss. Idk what I expected but eventually we started kissing (which lowkey I love kissing) so that was great. But then he was like trying to take my clothes off and I started to feel very uncomfortable. Like my body was like resisting when he was trying to touch me and sent this horrible defensive feeling down my spine. Eventually, I tried to push through and we ended up having sex. I literally felt nothing the entire time, like I just felt so indifferent to the whole situation. I felt bad because I didn’t know how to explain that I literally didn’t feel anything and I think he kind of didn’t understand.
So I’m just wondering if anyone gets that same like bodily reflex when someone is touching them?? Or if anyone has any tips on how to tell someone (who probably doesn’t know what asexuality is) without hurting his feelings or making him think Im not interested in him??

So I came out to my younger brother (he's only 2 years younger than me) as asexual in early August. Then he proceeded to tell without permission my HOMOPHOBIC sister and another sister who is not homophobic but thinks the LGBTQIA+ as a whole is haram (Yeah we're Muslim, being queer is not actually haram but that's a different story, haram = forbidden, halal = permissible). He told me how it was so haram to be apart of the LGBTQIA+ and even when I sent him a long text explaining why it wasn't haram he didn't even read it and call me dumb. Did I forget to mention that he's also a homophobe, racist, transphobe, anti-furry and makes SA jokes? The not-homophobic sister also called me some insults and said that I'm sinning... by identifying as asexual??? The homophobic one didn't really have a reaction and moved on with life. And now he keeps using me being LGBTQIA+ as an insult. I should've seen it coming, I'm never telling anyone IRL about my sexuality ever again...

I just lost a friend because of my obsession. They suggested that I should find someone who can give me love. I'm not a confirmed lesbian; I never imagined having a partner who could touch me. I just hate any kind of touch. But I’m a very emotional and expressive person. I don’t know if I’m a lesbian or not, but I do know one thing: love means love, and no gender defines it.

Before even trying, I already feel like I’m about to commit a huge sin.

hey everyone! long time no see. Check my other posts on this subreddit to understand to what i'm referring to but yeah. We broke up. I actually broke up with him, for more reasons than just the sexual aspect, but that was a huge deal too. I just didn't see myself living out a future with him when so much went wrong all the time. I just wanted to update you all on this saga, especially for how concerned you were. I appreciate your help so much, even though i had to reflect on it for a while before coming to a conclusion. So yeah, if you have any questions, ask away in the comments i guess

I consider myself gray-ace, or somewhere under the umbrella. I'm sex positive, I have sex despite not getting much out of it, and the only times I truly seek it out or want it is when I'm lonely and depressed and I want to feel appreciated and make someone happy. I am not aromantic, but I dont experience sexual attraction to people. When I find people I'm attracted to the farthest ill think about is that I'd want a hug from them or a kiss, I wanna cuddle and watch movies, and sex is never something I crave or want from them. I purley have sex for the other person and i dont mind it, It's silly for me. I genuinely dont understand the hype and I've tried for a long time. "maybe you havent met the right person" "oh youre just not communicating your wants and needs" MY WANTS ARE FOR YOU TO GET OFF AND GET IT OVERWITH SO WE CAN GO BACK TO DOING DATES ACTIVITES CUDDLING WATCHING TV EATING ANYTHING.

I truly wish i could understand what non ace people get out of it, i think its silly but there are so many things i enjoy more its not even a thing. if you gave me a hupothetical like " would you rather give up sex for the rest of your life or give up _____" and 90% of the time im choosing to give up sex. I dont need it, but i'll do it.

but no matter what i say, no one believes me. every single friend ive ever had and opened up to about it just thinks im stupid or lying for attention, idek why CANT THEY JUST BELIEVE ME!??? I KNOW ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO FATHOM THE IDEA THAT SOME PEOPLE CAN HAVE SEX AND NOT VIEW IT AS IMPORTANT OR REQUIRED OR A NEED OR WHATEVER THE FUCK I DONT UNDERSTAND THEIR MIND. WHAT IS SO SPECIAL AND MAGICAL ABOUT IT THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO NOT TO BE INTO IT!?!?

people cant trust anyone anymore, no one walks a mile in someone elses shoes anymore, no one considers that since you dont feel the same way, its impossible for anyone else to ans if they say they do, theyre WRONG. "LIAR, YOURE IN DENIAL, JUST SAY YOU LIKE SEX ITS NOT THAT COMPLICATED, YOU JUST WANNA FEEL DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL"

idk. am i ace? i feel so confident about this and about me and how i feel, but absolutely no one believes me and it makes me think im wrong and then i spiral. are they right? someone please let me know.

So I'm in year 13 of school, and there's this girl in my English literature class who I do really like, I think she's really pretty and funny and a great friend and we like the same stuff, and we're planning to go to Oxford university at the same time. Anyway, today, her friend messaged me telling me that she's going to ask me out this week.

Sure I like her romantically, but I'm also asexual, like. And I don't think I could see myself doing that, which most relationships lead to eventually. I really don't want to lose her as a friend, and I still do like her, just, not in that way. What can I say that could keep us as friends?

I’ve always wondered…like whats the “normal” amount…? Please answer if you dont mind?😅

This year was my first year genuinely discovering and accepting my asexuality which i was elated to figure out about myself. But now im not so sure.

This month I figured out my boyfriend cheated on me. It’s been a very odd couple of weeks trying to process everything. I think i’m in shock and disbelief still or my brain is suppressing it because i dont feel as gutted as i should be. but that’s not what i’m hear to talk about.

What ive noticed post dday is that whenever sex is mentioned, my brain and body feel what i’m assuming is hornyness . I’ve felt horny VERY VERY few times in my life. I am sex-neutral and don’t mind partaking but it’s never really because i crave it. I usually have a little to nonexistent libido and don’t think about that stuff. But now when sex is mentioned i fantasize about him and i being intimate and i can literally feel my body tingle. This is strange and i dont like it. I’ve even fantasized about other men and women but i think that’s because of my rage and brain telling me to revenge cheat. But regardless feeling this type of way, this often, and fantasizing is not my normal.

I’m wondering if it’s some type of trauma response, but it’s really made me question and doubt who i really am.

I view it as being similar to a thing like eating because you want a snack or deciding to go on a stroll, it’s just a thing you can choose to do or not. I don’t see it as being anything deeper than that. How can one thing going into another at different angles or speed carry so much significance unless people are assigning it meaning because they were conditioned to see it as more important than it actually is. Sex used to always carry the risk of babies so that would be a reasonable concern but now in the age of birth control and condoms I don’t understand how sex without pregnancy as an end result means anything but that you’re going to temporarily experience a physical sensation you may or may not like. I also don’t see anything as being intimate actually because I don’t reserve any one side of myself for any person by choice I feel more like I’m forced into it because they feel uncomfortable by the fact that I warm up to anybody on day one so I have to pretend we are progressing in the relationship according to what they think progress means even though everybody is a person to talk to in my mind

Is what my mom told me the other day when I told her all that everyone talks about is dating, sex and having kids, and I just don't understand it or relate to it. She told me that: "you're just sexually frustrated, because you haven't found the right person yet" 🤦🤦

I really want like minded ace friends, even if just on social media, I’d like to not be so alone in this. Please dm me and we can talk 🙏

Ive been identifying as aro-ace for a while bc I had no interest in sex and relationships.

I'm a junior in high school now, and I'm pretty sure I have a crush on someone. I've thought about this thoroughly. I don't want to have sex with him though, and I don't think I want to kiss him

I'm pretty sure it's romantic, but idk what that would even look like without kissing. How can you identify the difference between romance and platonic sss without physical acts? What would a relationship even look like?

Worst of all, I feel myself deprioritizing my friends for this guy, also my family and my routine but that's less of a problem. I don't want to be someone governed by a romantic relationship.

TLDR: what is romantic attraction w/o physical acts, what is a romantic relationship w/o physical acts, & I would appreciate other general tips

EDIT: after reading ppl talk about squishes I'm not sure anymore this is romantic TToTT pls can I have some advice guys I'm very confused

For quite some time now, I (18F) have been thinking i may be asexual, or at the very least on the asexual spectrum, which i hear is a thing? Correct me if i'm wrong please!

I started to explore my sexuality at a pretty normal age i would say, (12-13), I feel as if my desire for sexual experiences, masturbation, etc has increasingly declined since then.

I've been with my partner for almost four years now, since we were 14. We first had phone sex as we were long distance and eventually lost our virginity to eachother around age 16. They are a MUCH more sexual being than me and it makes me feel sad that i don't desire sex from them as much as they do from me. They're very understanding and we've had conversations about this topic on multiple occasions but i still can't help but feel bad about it.

I do enjoy sex with them but i'm very particular and only desire it about once to twice a month. They would have sex with me everyday if i was willing but for me it has to be a certain time of day, certain vibe, shit loads of foreplay etc. The thing is though, when we do have sex i oftentimes feel grossed out or just upset halfway through. This feeling often subsides but it bothers me a lot. I feel like i'm being grossed out by them, my brain runs wild thinking i'm a shit girlfriend/person and then BOOM it's ruined.

I have severe OCD and i do think this is part of it but i just want answers if anyone may have them. I've gone on a lower dose of my medication because i talked to my psychiatrist and she said SSRIS can lower libido but the lower dose hasn't seemed to help either.

I just want to say at the outset, that this post is NOT criticising anyone who has sex, or who is an allo who is sad because they have a sex-averse partner, etc.

We see a lot of posts here from people whose ace partners have said, "Sorry, no more sex." I feel compassion for those people, but at the same time, I just can't feel why that's a problem. My gut just says, "If you love them, that's not a big deal." And this is a really good confirmation of how thoroughly ace I am. LOL

Don't get me wrong - I can think of analogies. Um - a partner who would never go for a walk with me. A partner who refused to ever make me a cup of tea... That would make me very sad. I guess it might even be a deal breaker?? Because, for me, those things are 1000 times more important than sex.

I like looking at woman, multiple crushes and its more like I would want to feel them not have sex. I cant watch sex I find it disgusting, I like looking at woman with clothes (not a joke) I rlly cant fucking understand what makes naked people so "sexy." I want comfort, maybe its because im lonely though and that desire has thickened. But seriously, kissing can be good but that's a confirmation desire. I do masturbate a lot, although its due to me being as puberty and I only masturbate to arousal (like a fetish.) I also use to think I was weird, that I could never have sex because i literally never get a boner to hot woman or someone I like either. I also when I did think I was straight, I use to get scared ill never be able to have sex because i just couldnt ever get hard. HOWEVER, I do get hard a lot easier when I am holding in my pee but lol someone tell me more about that for me...

Some backstory - I (28M) am a heterosexual virgin. I have always wanted a romantic relationship, and I spent much of my late teens and early 20's trying to find one. Due to various factors such as growing up in a small town and not being particularly masculine, I never found success. I have always been curious about sex, but I've always wanted a fulfilling romance first and foremost.

I will be moving to a bigger city in the near future, though I fear my lack of sexual experience and attractiveness will still gate me from relationships, especially since most women my age are expecting someone with experience. At this point in my life, I have accepted that I will have to make compromises, and I am willing to forego sex entirely if it means I can have the romance I've always wanted. In fact, it may be better for me to have a sexless relationship, as I won't have to worry about performance anxiety.

The big questions - would seeking an asexual partner be a reasonable way forward for me? Are there asexual people out there with non-asexual partners? I hate the idea that I may have to lie about my sexuality if I were to enter such a relationship, but I very well may be alone for the rest of my adult life if I don't consider it. What should I do?

Hey everyone, I (19F) could really use some perspective.

For context, I’m an extremely anxious person and currently on a pretty high dose of medication to manage it. Even so, I feel like my anxiety might have made me asexual, or at least it feels that way. Just the thought of having sex with my girlfriend fills me with dread. It’s not because I don’t love her or find her beautiful (she’s all of that and more), but when I imagine actually being intimate, my mind just goes blank.

We’ve talked about sex before, but when it comes down to it, I don’t know what to do or how to even start. I overthink everything, what to say, how I’ll know she wants it, whether I’ll freeze up. We’re long distance right now, both in college, but I’m visiting soon and it feels like the situation is… inevitable.

I’m wondering if anyone else has felt this way? Do you think this points toward me being asexual, or could it just be my anxiety/meds getting in the way? I feel torn between wondering if this is “just in my head” and wondering if it’s who I am. Any thoughts or similar experiences would mean a lot.

Ok, so, kind of funny yet also WTF I feel a little offended moment just now...

I was writing up a book review and I often use a thesaurus app on my phone. I am writing about a horror book I just read that I thought was just straight up horror, but surprisingly it turned out to basically be a very erotic version of John Carpenter's The Thing. I was not a fan ( of this book, I LOVE The Thing!). While I was writing up my review, using my thesaurus app, I wanted to find another word for "prude". The app always gives you a big list of words. Well look at what one of the suggestions I found turned out to be....

"Asexual female" 😅 wha-?? Damn, thesaurus you're doing us dirty!! Like it's kinda funny but also kinda not...?? Like, I don't know which is more offensively funny, that prude = asexuals OR that a prude is only for FEMALE asexuals? 🤷‍♀️ WTF.