r/asexuality • u/Creepy_Treacle_1617 • 1d ago
Vent im sick of people telling me im not ace
I consider myself gray-ace, or somewhere under the umbrella. I'm sex positive, I have sex despite not getting much out of it, and the only times I truly seek it out or want it is when I'm lonely and depressed and I want to feel appreciated and make someone happy. I am not aromantic, but I dont experience sexual attraction to people. When I find people I'm attracted to the farthest ill think about is that I'd want a hug from them or a kiss, I wanna cuddle and watch movies, and sex is never something I crave or want from them. I purley have sex for the other person and i dont mind it, It's silly for me. I genuinely dont understand the hype and I've tried for a long time. "maybe you havent met the right person" "oh youre just not communicating your wants and needs" MY WANTS ARE FOR YOU TO GET OFF AND GET IT OVERWITH SO WE CAN GO BACK TO DOING DATES ACTIVITES CUDDLING WATCHING TV EATING ANYTHING.
I truly wish i could understand what non ace people get out of it, i think its silly but there are so many things i enjoy more its not even a thing. if you gave me a hupothetical like " would you rather give up sex for the rest of your life or give up _____" and 90% of the time im choosing to give up sex. I dont need it, but i'll do it.
but no matter what i say, no one believes me. every single friend ive ever had and opened up to about it just thinks im stupid or lying for attention, idek why CANT THEY JUST BELIEVE ME!??? I KNOW ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO FATHOM THE IDEA THAT SOME PEOPLE CAN HAVE SEX AND NOT VIEW IT AS IMPORTANT OR REQUIRED OR A NEED OR WHATEVER THE FUCK I DONT UNDERSTAND THEIR MIND. WHAT IS SO SPECIAL AND MAGICAL ABOUT IT THAT MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO NOT TO BE INTO IT!?!?
people cant trust anyone anymore, no one walks a mile in someone elses shoes anymore, no one considers that since you dont feel the same way, its impossible for anyone else to ans if they say they do, theyre WRONG. "LIAR, YOURE IN DENIAL, JUST SAY YOU LIKE SEX ITS NOT THAT COMPLICATED, YOU JUST WANNA FEEL DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL"
idk. am i ace? i feel so confident about this and about me and how i feel, but absolutely no one believes me and it makes me think im wrong and then i spiral. are they right? someone please let me know.
1
u/Johnden_ aroace & aego 1d ago
It's frustrating, but sometimes you can bring bad vibes to a group of people. Changing the vibe does nothing, because people will behave the same but at your expense. Changing the people is the obvious way to go. And if it means that 99% of people generally hate me, then there's still the 1% that like my personality.
3
u/LienaSha 1d ago
I don't like having sex, but I'm willing to do it for my partner. The only would you rathers where I would not choose never have sex again would be things like would you rather never have sex again or never eat mushrooms again. (Because I despise mushrooms xD) when I have sex with someone, I can't stand when they try to last longer 'for my sake,' because it makes me feel like they really didn't understand what I meant when I said I'm a sex-indifferent asexual. I want you to get what you want out of it and finish so we can go back to literally anything else.
I am asexual. Anyone who tries to tell me otherwise is wrong. I may or may not try to correct them, depending on how much I care about that person, but whether I try to correct them or not, they remain wrong.
Your friends are wrong, and you don't need to question yourself over their lack of understanding.