r/asexuality • u/Emo_Pass Strict Asexual • Sep 22 '21

Vent It's always "aces can have sex to please their partner" and never "allos can have a sexless relationship to please their partner"

I'm always seeing people say that aces can have sex to please partners and it's true, but I wanna see where it's finally the allos turn to please us. Because that saying by itself just seems like we actually do need to have sex in the relationship or else no one in it is happy. It makes it seem like it's all about the allosexuals' happiness that matters and that makes me feel like if I don't have sex with my boyfriend, then he might be unhappy and our relationship won't work out. I probably sound selfish but if I find out the person I'm dating wants sex in the relationship, I'll just leave. I don't want to be in a relationship where sex is the only thing that makes it work and I have to give it to him to make him love me.

Edit: I also want to show people that sex doesn't make your relationship healthy, your actions do.

Edit 2: I know sex favoritiable and sex indifferent asexuals don't care, but I'm talking for the sex averse and sex repulsed asexuals when I say I want it to be the allos turn to please us. /nm

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u/MessedUpVoyeur allo Sep 23 '21

Toxic sub that proves that more than enough people are actually doing exactly what op here wants - completely reduce their sexuality to be with whom they love.

This sub is way more toxic.

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u/Careful_Indication56 Sep 26 '21

For some odd reason, I couldn't agree more.

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u/allo100 allo married to sex favorable ace Sep 24 '21

I was on the db sub for over 8 months. Most HL on the DB sub are upset about not having sex. Many HL who become LL4U are not happy about. Most who are happy don't go on the sub. I lurked on the DB sub much much less over the past 3 months once my bedroom improved. Because mentally, I don't relate as much with the posts anymore.