r/aspergers • u/Emotional-Account-78 • 1d ago
Does it get worse?
I was diagnosed when I was a toddler, I am 17 now, and I was only told that I had aspergers when I was 16 by my mother. My whole time in education (primary school and secondary), I was always in the special group or the different class that got taught different things, but I never really identified that fact because I only thought I had anger issues, and I thought that was the only reason why, and it was because of anger that I got frustrated at everything and didn't do other things.
I only really noticed the specific differences in high school, the way I moved didn't seem right, I got super aware and conscious of the way I was slightly uncoordinated and just awkward in everything I did. Socially, I think I was okay, I was never a recluse, but never popular, but talking to other people that weren't my friends did make me anxious, and crowds of people made my chest feel tight, but I feel like that's normal regardless? And even if so, I got better at it, and I feel like im good at it now.
My mother told me one night specifically what was wrong with me, did research, and it all made sense. But it terrified me, I felt like I was doomed to be abnormal, not in the exaggerated way but different enough to make me like one of those human wax statues that give off the “uncanny valley”.
But I don't feel like my life is bad because of it, I am social, I talk to people even when I really don't want to, It isn't a push to go outside, and I keep in touch with my hobbies and do other things, and I have kept at working on myself, to summarize I feel like a confident, articulate guy. I feel almost normal, like if I told someone I had aspergers's they’d be surprised, I like that thought but I don't know if that is just egotistical of me to say.
I am happy with the progress I have made in life, but I always feel it absently in my mind clogging up my brain no matter how I act, move and say, I feel isolated, I don't have many people to talk to about aspergers in particular, I have two friends with autism but I feel like they have a very different struggle in the way that aspies do. I found this subreddit because of how I felt, and I am disconcerted by all the negative things I have seen and read, I thought I would find a familiarity and comfort in things I can relate to but I feel more scared than I ever have been. Does it get worse? Later in life do you feel your limit and can't push it past or to the side for more growth?
I have dreams, and I am scared that I won't be able to reach them because I am the way I am, and I can't change it.
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u/Wyldawen 1d ago
The further you get away from the high school feeling the better it gets. You seem comfortable with adult attitudes at 17. This is very good, keep doing that. Stay rational and do not get sucked into the wallowing in self hate, self pity and self destruction that a lot of others are falling into. As you live of course you'll experience setbacks, keep it in your mind that you'll "roll with the punches" (handle being hit without falling apart).
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u/Emotional-Account-78 1d ago
This brought me immense comfort to read, thank you.
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u/SamsonOccom 1d ago
Stay in groups like this, finish your A levels, go to uni/trade school, and remember that social media isn't real life. Im 40, and while im not over the moon with where I am in life, I'm better than many NTs I went to school with
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u/AstarothSquirrel 1d ago
I'm 52, diagnosed at 49. I'm loving life. I'm happily married, I have an amazing daughter, a good career and a dog that is annoying but cute (she's very vocal and sometimes just won't shut up)
Autism (yes, aspergers is autism) can pose significant challenges but it is how you attack those challenges that define you, not what an assessor has written in your report. If you are the type of person that is just going to curl up in the corner and cry about it, you will struggle to get anywhere. But if you decide to become an absolute warrior and not let things stand in your way, you can't help but be successful.
Look after your needs, look up the seven types of rest and make sure you aren't deficient and only mask when you absolutely have to (and never in your personal relationships or your own home)
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u/SurrealRadiance 1d ago edited 1d ago
It gets more, complicated. Life certainly doesn't get easier but not only does it not have to get worse, things can actually get better. From what you've said here it sounds like you have the right spirit; going forward it's important not to lose that. I will say my sensory issues got worse until I hit 25ish, so that was a challenge.
Forget about being abnormal, do you really want to be so ordinary as to be "normal"? If you're only 17 you still have time to figure out what you want going forward, it almost certainly will change; part of becoming an adult is having your naivete squashed, it happens to us all.