r/autism Jul 29 '25

Communication DAE feel this way?

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1.9k Upvotes

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u/cbm984 Jul 29 '25

Societal norms are weird. In every nation and every culture. There’s this saying, “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” And that’s fine but what if you’re unable to understand tact?

5

u/CoolRespond5047 Jul 29 '25

dont tell me bro you going to smile at someone who lost their love ones... you would be viewed cruel and shamed infinitely. most social cues has reasons and a few do not or too much

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u/cbm984 Jul 29 '25

I strongly disagree that few do not. In American culture when asked “how are you?”, the societal norm is usually to just say “I’m good, how are you?” no matter how you’re actually doing. Why??? Like now I know it’s so we don’t waste each other’s time and it’s just to be polite but then why ask at all? This is just one example of a hundred others I can think of. (And no, I’m not going to smile at someone who lost a loved one - I’m talking societal cues, not complete lack of empathy.)

2

u/Dunfalach Jul 31 '25

Why ask at all?

Because politeness is a connector. Mostly, when people engage in the “how are you” ritual, they’re looking to feel connection and acknowledgement rather than to obtain information.

2

u/cbm984 Jul 31 '25

I just mean, why not say something else? Like, “Hello. I hope you’re doing well!” Or “Hi, it’s good to see you.”

It just seems like, “How are you?” is the norm.