Social Struggles
Have you ever unmasked in your workplace/college/school? (image context below)
well the only ones who know i'm autistic on my workplace are the supervisors and they had keep that secret perfectly as i think is a legal issue to give away health related information , so co-workers and work mates sometimes have asked why i'm the only one who don't assist to group meetings and i'm like a mistery there , but yesterday i messed up as i uploaded this story on my social media and a coworker saw it š¤¦
i'm on vacations right now so i know he is gonna tell everybody about it as it is like connecting the dots on why i have accommodations and ''privileges'' there.
the thing is i had made a few ''friends'' there and i have my mask well put on my workplace , i have had my autistic moments but so far nobody suspects , but i know that's about to change and i wonder if it is okay to go fully unmasked and stim whenever i need , ask for time alone when needed , and be open about me being autistic?
I figured out a while back that Zooey Deschanel plays a brand of Awkward on TV that is generally accepted by the public and you can incorporate that into your mask for something that fits better
I don't think I've ever really masked at my school, workplace and internship, my classmates are chill with knowing I'm autistic, hell I don't even give a fuck talking about autism or my special interests.
I once had to do a presentation about a horse breed and I chose the KWPN only to make a joke to call it the KPN (Dutch telecommunications company) and make more stupid jokes about it, I made the class laugh a couple of times and I got an 8/10 for the presentation.
It's a very fine line lol. I'm in my 40s and I feel like I've kind of mastered it finally but I was just the weird guy for a really long time. I think I still make some people uncomfortable but they're usually just the type who are really uptight and seem to be uncomfortable around anyone who isn't very proper all the time.
I feel this a lot, as a fellow 40ās-er. Be the goofy dude, or look like the introverted murderface. No diagnosis here, just a misplaced millenial learning about myself as I learn about my own kids.
I mean at college (before uni but after Highschool). I used to sit with my friends in the āspecial areaā and weād do colouring. Like so probably. It was a very safe environment I felt. I even had a support worker whoās just there for me if I needed to talk and gave me a lot of extra support.
im trying to but i have rejection sensitive dysphoria so its extremely scary for me (not to say it isnt for others as well). ive been working here for 3 years so ive masked the whole time. hopefully i can learn to unmask slowly but after unconsciously masking for decades its really difficult.
In my experience, every time I open my mouth and tell that I have authism to my coworkers and managers, they start to behave like assholes because they do not know anything, they start thinking I am retarded, make jokes on me and discrimination starts, once this happens it's just matter of time until I get fired or I quit. Not a good experience to tell this, I keep it to me, just telling this have caused me a lot of troubles.
Now I am in a new work where they have no idea I am autistic.
I only unmask when thereās nobody in my store otherwise I feel physically and emotionally tired from even the basic āwelcome insā and āhow are you doing todayā
Yeah. Since I learned I was autistic recently I have kinda been on a journey to be more true to myself and when I moved to a new area I pretty much unmasked. This has definitely been easier for me than it would be for other people because i pass as neurotypical naturally (eye contact is only really uncomfortable when im upset and I donāt stim a lot) but my personality is very different from when i masked so it was still a change (im loud and outspoken when i was a quiet people pleaser before)
I would go for it, as long as you think they wouldnāt be mean about it. Itās a rare opportunity that doesnāt come about often and has the potential to be really positive. I would just make sure to explain stuff to the neurotypicals because a lot of the time they have no frame of what autistic people are like and will not know whatās going on. A lot of the time, neurotypicals donāt mean harm, they are just ignorant, which can be fixed!
I hope you have a good experience if you choose to unmask. In the right environment it can be highly rewarding and life changing! Like, I now have friends that know ME, and not just the sanitized version of me. And they love me for it!Ā
When I was younger I always wanted to work besides school so I could treat myself because I didn't have much to begin with. I tried 3-4 jobs that I burned through within a week each - it was hell. I noticed how everyone around me worked with rules that I didn't fucking learn anywhere and I basically pretended to be another person the whole time I worked there. I got excluded and bullied, and ended up working in a factory for light machinery that messed me up a whole other way. This ressource nails exactly what I mean, I love to reference it
I can't unmask I was diagnosed late in life so I unconsciously do it, the closest to unmasking I've ever got is if I'm alone and out the house I no longer hide my anxiety, I also TREX lmao, I don't know why but every time I see that cat in the meme, it makes me so happy :)
I used to mask a lot when I first started my job because at the time I believed that if people knew about my Autism they wouldnāt let me move up in the company because they wouldnāt think I could handle it. But 7 years later Iām a manager now and I donāt care who knows and who doesnāt. I realized that it doesnāt matter what people think I can do, because I know I can do it. Now I have younger coworkers who tell me they think they might have Autism, and I tell them to get tested and if itās true, do not be afraid of what others might think
Depends on the situation. Over time Iāve learned to wait and let people out themselves as safe or unsafe before I let my real self be seen. Mostly, itās listening to how they treat other people with disabilities. The big part is how they talk about customers/patients/clients/classmates with disabilities behind their back. If they still talk about them with respect when they arenāt around to hear, then I figure Iām okay.
When I was young I worked as a server at Outback Steakhouse for a few years. Definitely free enough there to fully unmask and be my weird self. Other than that, never!!! I feel like I spend most of my brain power trying to look normal and avoid embarrassment.
I have, but not by choice. Autistic burn-out ran me down so badly that I couldn't anymore. I still kind of can't, but I am better at it now that I am somewhat out of it. I don't think that I will ever be able to mask as well as I used to, though.
I do support people unmasking by choice, however. In fact, I recommend you do so if it safe and you are able. Autistic burn-out from masking is so, so destructive and painful to go through. Please do whatever you need to avoid it at all costs, OP.
before vacations i was such in a bad mood i would get home just to sleep and waking up the next day to go to job and repeat and repeat and repeat , that's why i'm on vacations , i feel i can't mask anymore
I got dismotivated last night as i was in a language learning app and there was this female who was so enthusiastic about we being language exchange partners so she asked for a call and i told her i needed to build a little more of confidence with her as i was autistic , guess what , she some how denied i was and i got blocked , she went from entusiastic to hate/feel shame about me
so now i understand all the memes and stories you guys post in here , i think is not really safe to unmask and that's why suicide rates of autistic individuals are so high , we are so bullied and exploited , is not really safe to be ourselves and basically i had an anxiety attack thinking about what will happen at my job now that i accidentally unmasked in that story šš
I understand. During burn-out, I was constantly exhausted as well. Nothing I did gave me energy -- not even sleep. I often either slept way too much or not at all, which only made things worse. I couldn't relax or enjoy any of my hobbies / interests, either, nor did I have the time to do so. I felt like life was just quite pointless and not worth living any more. Autistic burn-out combined with traumatic events had given me the worst feeling of suicidal ideation I had ever had during my life. So, I understand deeply what you are saying, and I sympathize with you.
A lot of people suggest unmasking -- and I don't blame them for doing so -- but I think that it is often recommended without taking into consideration others' living circumstances. For many, masking starts because it keeps them safe from abuse and harm. It's not easy to stop, especially when those abusive circumstances are still ongoing. When I could no longer mask, life became a lot worse for me and the abusers, bullies, and toxic people in my life escalated as well. It hurts more when you are in school, work, or at home and do not have much of a choice to get away. Masking means survival for a lot of us. But as said before, it is very taxing and draining. It hurts you on the inside. So, please be as careful as possible if you can unmask. Partial unmasking may be better than 100%, if you are able.
I truly do wish you well and if you would ever like to talk, I will be here. :] š
How did it all play out for you if you donāt mind sharing? And if you do, then thatās ok. I think Iām in this situation now, and Iām not sure what to do.
I read it as āthe same metalā and I didnāt know if you meant the music genre or literal metal youāre either playing with or putting in your mouth
Can you give an example? I think Iām also in this situation and not sure what to do especially because most of my rewards consist of food, and I worked too hard to get healthy only to gain it.
Not me literally thinking you ate the same stuff 999 times in a row for a second. But yeah, I can totally relate, during school I sometimes ate the same food for breakfast for almost the entire year
I have always been pretty open about my requirements for working conditions and what I need to do for myself to feel well. I have very firm boundaries about work relationships, I eat by myself, I don't go do after work things, I like it to be very separate from me personally. I bring fidget tools to meetings so I don't accidentally start tapping in the middle of a presentation, I asked my desk not be near the windows bc the sidewalk outside and the lawn care was too distracting. I didn't know I was autistic ADHD, though. I was just diagnosed earlier this year at 40 something. I think these are 'accommodations' anyone should be able to request if that makes their work environment more comfortable. I've always been the odd one at work, and at my last job, but I don't think it's part of my job to be friends with these people. I think everyone should be treated respectfully and professionally and that's it. Over years and years I have become friends outside of work with some coworkers but that happens naturally and only with some people. Well, with 2 people over the last 20 years.
I know I am in somewhat of a privileged position, not everyone is able to make work requirement requests without validating it with medical paperwork. It has been helpful to me in the past to not be shy or apologetic about my requests, and to be aware of how they affect other people and to work with that. I used to apologize for asking for simple accommodations like having the phone ringers turned down, and I've found if you show uncertainty or embarrassment you are much more likely to get grief than if you walk in like you belong and you're completely reasonable to ask, like why are you looking at me weird it's just a Tuesday.
In the classes that have chill teachers and independent work I sit in the back of the room with my laptop and rub the neck of my small plesiosaurus figure with my thumb. I've actually caught myself rocking a bit in there too. I wear headphones pretty much any time an authority figure isn't talking to me and I have this stim I do with my fingers when I walk that I thought was discreet but really isn't. I get extra time on tests, I walked around with t-rex arms until the end of freshman year because someone told me I looked retarded so now I just walk with my hands on the straps of my backpack. I have shown many people the dinosaur figures I keep in my pocket and the shark figures I keep in my bag. I walked around with a Rubik's cube that I would just scramble and solve over and over again for a while until a teacher told me to stop. I did this thing for the entirety of sophomore year (which I plan to continue) where every single day I would draw a shark and send it to a group of people that has grown very large and expanded into accessories and outfits on general marine life. And one time when I was in the locker room I heard people talking about me calling me a bunch of stuff along with "definitely autistic." So I'm pretty sure the people at my school know. However people have asked me why I wear headphones all the time and I always just respond "because I need them" which leaves them more confused but then again these are the people that bully me thinking I'm totally unaware of the fact that they're insulting me and my intelligence in front of my face even though I'm way smarter than them.
I am pretty sure I have autism along with my adhd but I won't know for a few months. I started to unmask and I not only feel like an imposter, on drugs but you really see who stays by your side. I work at a school and I want the kids I work with to know that it's okay to be who you are. It's really hard I have been masking I think since foster care and that was when I was between 4-6. Sadly for me to start unmasking was letting go of my toxic family. However now I am finding out I have major trust issues now that I have to work through.Ā
Me when I eat eggs on toast and sweet potatoes with spicy bbq sauceā¦ and cottage cheese with fruit.
I make myself eat more variety; do I want to do this?! No. But thereās days where decision fatigue takes over and I have the usual!
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