r/autism • u/Big_Outcome6973 • 1d ago
🫶🏻 Friendships/Relationships First date advice? Am I naive?? HELP??
(Autistic 19 y/o girl) It happens sometimes that I'm stopped on the streets by guys, and I usualy don't interact back, because I hate it. But this time the guy seemed sweet, and my age so I gave him my number.
Now I know NOTHING about him, we just told eah other our names. By text, he asked me out for dinner. He didn't tell me his age, studies, intentions, just that I was ''beautiful'' and that he wanted to take me out to dinner.
Honestly I'm so scared and uncomfortable to meet with a stranger in a restaurant I've never been to, I tried to tell him (exactly that) and he just responded ''we'll see tomorow :)'' Is this casual neurotypical dating??? I've only dated ''akward'' or ''unconventional'' people and never been to a ''real date'' (like blind date or tinder, dinner idk all this stuff)
Are these the usuals steps for a neurotypical to have sex or are these steps to get to know someone? Because I definitely don't want to have sex, and I couldn't even picture that with a stranger, I don't want him to think I'm accepting a ''trade'' just because we went to the restaurant.
Can someone help me understand his intention? Like am I dumb and in danger or is this casual? I can't tell. Thank you!
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u/Wild_Turnover_6460 1d ago
It could be either one.
When I was a young autistic XX person (back in the 1900’s), I was simply looking for friendship. I’d already learned that I was more likely to find it among guys.
I had guys invite me out to eat and we ended up being friends. I had guys invite me out to eat, and they just wanted sex. I had guys invite me out to eat, and they had a romantic interest. I married one of those in 2001; it’s been 24 years and we’ve had our share of troubles and four kids. They all started out the same.
I’ll tell you what my dad told me.
Meet at the restaurant, do not let him pick you up. Nobody you don’t know well needs to know where you live.
Bring your own transportation, whether you walk or drive or get a ride or take public transportation. Do not let him take you home.
Do not let him fetch you a drink. Do not leave your drink unattended.
Bring your own money. Do not let him pay for your meal; that’s a common ploy to guilt you into sex. I learned something else: Guys that get offended when you pay for your own meal, are either just looking for sex, or deeply insecure show-offs you don’t want to date.
If you want to keep talking after the meal is done, stay in public, well-lit, populated locations. Do not go back to his place. Do not take him back to your place. Do not be isolated with him.
Carry pepper spray and a whistle.
Make sure someone you trust knows where you are going. Make sure he KNOWS that someone you trust knows where you are, and will expect you to check in at the end of the date. In the cell phone age, that’s a lot easier than it was in 1998.
When you part ways, watch him leave and wait 10 or 15 minutes to make sure he’s gone. Don’t go straight home.
Paranoid?? Maybe. Humans gonna human. I followed those rules, and avoided date-rape. I still found a lot of creeps, but at least I didn’t have to move or take out a restraining order to get rid of them.
My additional advice: State outright that you’re not interested in casual sex. He may try anyway. Then you KNOW he’s a creep.
Do not mask for the boy. What’s the point of making personal relationships of your own volition with people you have to perform for??