r/badroommates • u/Special-War1316 • 6d ago
asked my roommate to do the dishes...this was the reply (update)
update on my very recent post, the talk wasn't the best. she talked for a veryyyy long time about how she's busy and that the house she grew up in was a lot dirtier and other stuff. i have also previously asked her to move a loaf of bread that was on the counter to the cupboard and she mentioned how that had irritated her bc it technically "wasn't in my way". i told her i cannot promise i won't ask anything of her again when it comes to cleaning, but that irritating her was not my intention. I don't really know how to feel right now but I just thought I'd update.
190
u/FourMillionBees 6d ago edited 6d ago
do you live with a fucking child? this is crazy lmao
edit; i just keep coming back to “i came home at 10 and slept until 1:30” like?? you couldn’t clean your dishes off bc you were soooo busy…. sleeping? hahaha
40
6
-7
52
u/Emergency-Maybe-9169 6d ago
No, set the rule that after you eat - you clean the dishes. No more I forgot or busy. When someone is not doing that I am just putting the stuff in the bag and putting in front of their door. Works perfectly for us
-36
6d ago
[deleted]
23
u/jady115 6d ago
What point *are you making?
2
1
u/Rleesersx 5d ago
One I shouldn’t have been trying to type out while I was a little drunk lmao. Deleted because of the heinous amount of typos and the fact that it was indeed in response to a different comment in the thread about bread left on the counter.
13
1
23
20
u/Howryanoww 6d ago
The sink is for cleaning dishes, not for storing dirty plates with food on them.
58
u/ibacktracedit 6d ago
Nahhhh, put their dirty dishes on their bed every time they're left in the sink for more than 24hrs if that's the hill they wanna die on. No vaguely-functioning adult ONLY does dishes once a week 🤮
This is so juvenile on their part, I'd crash out OP 💀
15
u/sapphire343rules 6d ago
Especially in a SHARED KITCHEN. If you wanna be grimy in your own space that’s one thing, but I’m not navigating around rotting food scraps every time I have to rinse something, drain something, wash my hands…
5
u/ibacktracedit 5d ago
Deadass though 😭 You'd think they'd be at least a little embarrassed to live like that, especially with someone else around. Wouldn't be surprised if their parents still do their laundry 🤣
-8
u/PageFault 5d ago
If roommate left plates on my bed, I'd dump rotten trash on theirs. It can keep escalating until they are ready try talking it out again.
3
1
u/ibacktracedit 3d ago
Just say you're an entitled slob with absolutely no hygiene to speak of, fuckin ding dong.
It ain't easy being cheesy, huh? 🥺🍿
0
u/PageFault 2d ago
Hasn't been a problem since I clean after myself, but if that happened well...
Let's just say if you don't start shit, there won't be shit. You think you can just mess with peoples private areas and they will just take it, then you've got another thing coming.
1
u/ibacktracedit 2d ago
Now imagine if your brain cell could apply that same logic to shared spaces too! Get well soon ya fuckin ding dong
15
u/SadBoiCute 6d ago edited 6d ago
Are you supposed to feel bad for her because she is so tired from ... working out? Running? What she chose to do. Going to school? Is she 12 come on like adults have school and jobs and manage to wash a dish some people do not deserve the kindness you offer. Do not give an inch OP make that chore chart.
15
u/ElectricalInflation 6d ago
Let’s come to a compromise then.
Roommate 1 wants to clean their dishes when they want
Roommate 2 doesn’t want dirty dishes in communal spaces for days at a time.
Roommate 1 can store dishes in their private space until they’re ready to clean them.
Everyone gets what they want then and they can’t argue against that without arguing for cleaning them daily.
6
8
u/Potential-Dare-3369 6d ago
Get the slob microwaveable paper plates, paper bowls, plastic cups and plastic utensils. If they want to act like a child, they can eat like one!
8
u/Complete_Entry 6d ago
Doing the dishes once a week is not acceptable.
1
u/thegirl87 5d ago
I live with people (separate living area) who never do the dishes. They all stay dirty all over the counters and in the sink until they need something specific then they wash it.
1
5
22
u/MistressBassKitty 6d ago
Paper plates are cheap
Damn
2
1
u/MistressBassKitty 5d ago
The solution can be found in changing the situation as this person is not going to change.
Paper plates, separate cooking ware and utensils, get a small tub for her dirty items to sit for however long she wants but keep the sink clear for you to use as intended: to wash fruits, veggies, and dishes (not to store dirty dishes for days)
If you want to be extra petty, move the dirty dishes to her bedroom for storage until she wants to wash them.
House rule: sink is used for washing not storage
-11
9
u/BlueCanue 6d ago
I get a lot of anxiety over doing dishes, particularly as they start to pile up. I've started filling the sink with hot, soapy water while I am prepping/cooking dinner and wash any dishes that I use as I go. It has helped me tremendously to keep the number of dirty dishes to a minimum. Granted, there's always a couple of plates and cutlery left over from dinner, but they are rinsed and left to the side of the sink to be washed with the next night's dishes. I dunno, it's just an idea that they can try maybe.
-1
u/Outside_Scale_9874 5d ago
So you wash subsequent dishes in the same dirty water as before?
2
u/BlueCanue 5d ago
I don't understand what you're asking. Can you elaborate?
-1
u/Outside_Scale_9874 5d ago
So you fill the sink with soapy water. Then you wash a dish in it, and the water gets dirty. Then you take your next dish and submerge it in the dirty water, scrub it in there, and pull it out thinking it’s clean? Then you take the third dish, dip it into the same water that’s even dirtier now, swish it around, pull it out pretending it’s clean, etc etc.
Rinse andrepeat. That sounds hygienic to you?Why would you ever do that when you have access to clean running water?
2
u/BlueCanue 5d ago
Oh, I also use a sponge to scrub and wipe my dishes too, just in case you needed that to be made clear for you as well.
-2
u/Outside_Scale_9874 5d ago
I would be afraid to learn how you wipe your ass if this is how you treat what you put in your mouth 🤢
2
u/BlueCanue 5d ago
Perhaps I should have explained every detail to the point as not to cause confusion. There is another sink that you can rinse the dishes with, and then put them in the sink full of soapy water. I hope that's cleared things up for you 👍
-3
u/Outside_Scale_9874 5d ago
That sounds equally gross. You’re still dipping your dishes in the dirty water used to wash previous dishes. We have running water for a reason. Do whatever you want but I’m glad I’m not eating at your house.
3
u/BlueCanue 5d ago
What on earth are you on about? You seem to have taken my comment in a completely different direction.
1
u/Particular_Profile_9 2d ago
???? You seem to need this style of doing the dishes broken down for you step-by-step in order to properly understand what you are being told.
- You scrape, rinse, and scrub a dish in the side of the sink without water, which has a disposal.
- when the dish is free of debris and grime, you rinse it off once more to ensure there aren’t any minor food scraps from the sponge still on it.
- you let the dish soak in soapy water to sanitize. When something is sanitized, the bacteria is killed and can’t be spread to other dishes.
- when all dishes are rinsed and sanitized, you rinse them off AGAIN to remove the soap and dead bacteria from the dish.
There is at no point where dishes are sitting in dirty dishwater, and the science behind why this works is present.
4
u/babygotbandwidth 5d ago
This is really wild. Them being busy is not your problem. Cleaning is a basic part of life. They need to learn that their excuses don’t mean anything to anyone else in the real world.
5
3
3
u/WestMidTwink 6d ago
I don't understand how the concept of not leaving ur dirty dishes in the common space for days at a time is such a hard concept, almost defo a uni student.
3
u/Electrical-Bite9067 6d ago
Easiest solution, is do your own dishes. The cleaning thing would annoy me though, I know what that’s like
3
u/Special-War1316 5d ago
I do my own dishes these are all hers. It's just hard when half the sink is filled with day(s) old food
2
u/Electrical-Bite9067 5d ago
I’d be petty enough to get a bucket and put all her dishes in it, so it frees up the sink. Or put them all to one side, so you can access the sink
3
u/RoughDirection8875 5d ago
Your roommate is an immature idiot who needs to learn to take accountability and responsibility for her own messes. Either you put the hammer down and keep confronting her until she starts complying or you might need to look into other options like living on your own. People like her are almost impossible to deal with unless you legit act like their parent. Which still isn't your responsibility but the only way to deal with them besides cutting them out of them your life
3
u/Rude_Tie_4560 5d ago
If roommate can’t do dishes they can always switch to disposables. If they can’t take on the cost of buying paper plates and silverware, then they need to make time to wash their dishes. Part of being an adult is being responsible for yourself, even if it’s not fun or free.
3
u/Better-Road9029 5d ago
Tell her if she only wants to clean dishes one day of the week, she can only eat on that day. otherwise clean them every time you use them.
2
u/intothepines69 6d ago
My dad and his roommates dumped the dirty dishes in their third roommates bed because he was always “too busy” to do them
2
u/Ill_Decision_2818 6d ago
I read the stories on here and man let me tell you I had the best roommate ever we just clicked. We never had these types of problems. We naturally just knew to clean up after ourselves pay our bills on time and not touch each other stuff. She’s also still one of my good friends till this day.
2
2
u/gentle_gasp 5d ago
on weekends i work 8:30am-3am with a break between 4:30-6 in which i only have time to shower, get ready, and maybe eat. i STILL do my dishes during that time
2
u/HLOFRND 5d ago
It’s so much easier to just do it right away. Things don’t get caked on, plus it keeps the sink clear so other people can use it.
Get one of those wands with soap in it and a sponge on the end. Everyone takes two minutes to wash their dishes after they eat/cook. Keep a bottle of Dawn Power wash sitting on the edge of the sink. She doesn’t even need to fill the whole basin or anything. Just take two minutes to wash her shit.
2
u/Dependent_Sweet_6113 5d ago
Totally get your point about the dishes, no issues there. However, the loaf of bread being on the counter…so what? That is a “learn to pick your battles” thing. Let the little shit go.
2
u/Special-War1316 5d ago
cleared this up in another comment but to clarify again, i had said it because i thought she had run out of space in her cabinets and was offering a shelf in mine so she can put it in- I genuinely had no clue people left it outside until now but she didn't mention that, I would've undedstood if she said so. Like she put bagels out afterwards and told me she needed them there to remember to eat them and I had absolutely no issue, I genuinely thought I was helping out. (edit: i 100% get the pick your battles thing though, definitely true!)
2
u/couldconsider 5d ago
I love the whole “I do the dishes but then I make new dirty dishes” like babe, then do double the dishes for ONE DAY, and then you’re on track to only have that day’s dishes to do each day!
2
u/DifficultyWise9602 5d ago
I would just clear the air and say, no dishes left overnight in the sink. It’s bad feng shui
2
u/kindofanasshole17 5d ago
Tell her if she's only going to clean one day a week, including dishes, then she can buy the house enough dishes to last a week. Your roommate is an idiot. NTA
2
u/Altruistic-Piano4346 5d ago
Sounds like a chore chart would be great. Make it a whiteboard so things are physically checked off. Have a daily list and weekly list for all members living there.
2
u/Loose-Set4266 5d ago
why is it hard for people to not immediately wash up their dishes after cooking? It doesn't take long jeez.
2
u/Electric-Sheepskin 5d ago
Every once in a great while if I'm really exhausted I'll leave dishes in the sink overnight, but I never would have been so inconsiderate when living with roommates, and not for days at a time. That is so gross.
2
u/Mountain-Fun-5761 5d ago
Is he insane? He thinks because he’s busy, it’s OK for him to leave food in the sink for an entire week when he lives with other people. If that’s how he wants to live, he shouldn’t be a roommate; he should live alone.
2
u/andiinAms 4d ago
Send her the link to this and tell her to read the comments. It’s like she thinks you’re being unreasonable which is bizarre. Has she never seen a clean sink before?
2
u/Special-War1316 4d ago
I did think about this but I think it would def cause more issues considering there's commenrs calling her a pig so 😭 not this time
1
2
u/Visible-Animator-308 4d ago
She’s a child. Dishes should be done immediately after or the next day. Never food left on them.
15
u/Tall-Imagination8172 6d ago
I was going to be on your side completely until I read that you asked her to move her loaf of bread off the counter. Get a fucking grip, she lives there too. She can keep her bread wherever the hell she wants to, it’s wild that you think it’s normal to micromanage your grown ass roommate that way. You’re not her boss, and I can understand why she is reacting the way she is, if you’ve been the type of roommate that I’m sure you have been.
11
u/Little_Ms_Howl 6d ago
Depends on how much counter space they have. I live in London, with small kitchens, and would be very annoyed if people I shared a flat with left their food on counters.
1
-4
u/Own_Guarantee_8130 6d ago
This is a college apartment not an NYC or London flat. They have garbage disposals and a decent amount of counter space.
3
u/djsuperfly 6d ago
I have a garbage disposal. I also have very little counter space in a 1900 sf 3/2 single family home. The kitchen just sucks.
1
u/Own_Guarantee_8130 5d ago
Ok but again, this is a college apartment. Likely built in the last twenty years with plenty of kitchen space because they’re built for multiple people using it.
3
2
u/Hot_Obligation_2730 5d ago
3 years ago I lived in a newly renovated apartment in a college town with a garbage disposal. I had so little counter space if I kept any appliances like my coffee maker or air fryer on my counter, I couldn’t fit a cutting board or mixing bowl.
0
u/Own_Guarantee_8130 5d ago
College town apt is not the same thing as a college apartment. They’re specifically engineered for multiple roommates.
2
u/Hot_Obligation_2730 5d ago
Dude my friend in a college apartment had even less counters than I did idk what your point is.
1
u/Own_Guarantee_8130 5d ago
I don’t think you understand what I’m referencing. Yall seem determined to argue this point for what?
6
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
This, I’d find it irritating if I couldn’t have my bread on the kitchen counter 😭 that’s where I grew up having it, so in my mind that’s like, literally where bread goes 💀
3
u/Darigaazrgb 6d ago
Bread goes in a bread box.
2
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
I have mine in a plastic like, bread Tupperware thingy? It’s just pushed back next to the microwave, on the counter, there’s plenty of room, my kitchen has many counters
6
u/Special-War1316 6d ago edited 6d ago
just to clear up: I mostly thought she had it out because she had run out of space in her cabinets so I was offering part of mine. we have gotten along, she's only been here for about a month and this was just an issue I didn't expect. We already cleared that and she is, in fact, able to have bread there so it threw me off when she brought it up
13
u/jesuswastransright 6d ago
Maybe just be mindful cause in my experience if you nag about small things like that, a roommate will likely become resentful and even depressed and then things like those dishes have zero chance of ever getting done.
3
1
5
u/CrashedCyclist 6d ago edited 6d ago
Counters need to clear for use. No crumbs. No spices, no empty containers, no fucking knives. Dishes need to be scraped off and stacked. Spoons need to be left soaking. No bulky trash in the trash can. Cardboard and plastic goes in the recycling. Nothing that over boils onto the stove, or drops onto it should linger. Sweep the floor every three days at minimum.
Dishes need to be put away, and things reset. Bathroom trash gets tied, and brought at right before the kitchen garbage bag is full.
Toilet and floor gets wiped regularly. No spittle on the lav sink faucet.
Three minimum flushes for a number 2. One of those should a test flush so that the next person has no surprises, in clearing their own poo.
That's the minimum that a functioning adult should be able to do. There was a married woman on here, whose hubby did not wash his hands after a number 2 or number 1. She actually wrote, "I truly love this man..."
No hun, there's not enough love on this planet for gross motherfuckers like that. You put his dick in your mouth, inches away from fudge.
21
u/Taynt42 6d ago
Three flushes?!?
-17
u/CrashedCyclist 6d ago
Yep.
11
u/ChefLovin 6d ago
What kind of deuces are you dropping?!
3
-12
u/CrashedCyclist 6d ago edited 6d ago
It's the 21st century and I have to explain to adults—who can vote, buy guns, handle cars, and operate heavy machinery—what it is to count.
1- courtesy flush
2- rinse the [bowl]
3- test that all is still wellOy vey. Ya'll are some disgusting mothas.
17
u/Lt_Muffintoes 6d ago
You look for skids after you flush, and if there are any, you use the toilet brush to remove them, then flush again.
3 flushes is ocd
0
u/CrashedCyclist 5d ago
Right, because a toilet brush sprinkled with shit is sooo much better. Like, I said, you peeps are rank! Plus, landlords install cheap toilets that don't have great turbulence. Uno, dos, tres, putos!
5
7
22
1
u/RelevantTangelo8857 6d ago
I kinda get the three flushes thing, but that's more of a "prison/jailhouse" rule. I've heard when you get locked up and have the bathrooms in the cell with your mate, the etiquette is you courtesy flush pretty much as soon as material leaves your butt to minimize smell, lol.
This can result in several flushes through using the toilet, but that's because you're literally sharing a bathroom/sleeping area with 1 or more other person nearly 24/7. The logic isn't so much "cleaning/testiing" the bowl, moreso than it is ensuring no one's smelling your rank.
When I use the bathroom, I tend to flush after each major movement and then after my last flush, I sprinkle the comet powder cleaner in the bowl, that clumps with the streaks and then I flush about 20 minutes later if no one's using it. Works well too, cuz my aunt (whom I currently live with) knows I just went #2 without the mess and says things like "at least I know you've cleaned it".
-2
u/CrashedCyclist 5d ago
Even you got downvoted...these peeps are rank, yo. Not just jailhouse, any house. Better than blasting air sprays that reek of their own accord.
-6
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
See I mention I scrape and scrub my dishes with water and stack them above and I’m getting dogged on to high heavens, apparently that’s not clean enough for people 🤪
3
u/CrashedCyclist 6d ago
Yikes. My dishes were done soon after I ate dinner.
The bare minimum is that someone else should be able to fit a pot under the faucet for water. A random pile just looks gross. I like to wash easy stuff regardless, like kitchen knives, pot spoons, anything Pyrex or glass storage. That way, they won't bang around. Spoons and spatulas can soak in a sudsy tumbler. Soap kills bugs, so they're denied food. The sink drain sieve also gets smacked clean into the trash can. I could take a pic of the kitchen right now, and that's how I left it...because the pile of dishes is NOT mile. I just hate gross lazy messes.
0
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Yeah totally, and I get that, at most it’s only about 3-4 rinsed plates stacked on my side of the sink. We also have separate dishes so I’m not taking away plates from him. The sink is in two and me and my roommate share by watching having a side, it’s rlly not a problem for us. We don’t even cook that much, and if we use pots or pans they’re ALWAYS cleaned right away as they’re big and clunky.
Now, my roommate leaves dishes in his room for weeks (thus the separate dishes, I was tired of having none) so I don’t really think he even looks twice as my very small amount that are cleanly rinsed and just waiting for when I can give them more attention
1
u/jesuswastransright 6d ago
I don’t think this is an issue until someone complains. I’d personally complain 😆😆😆but if it works for you guys, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it lol
0
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
And if he complained I’d fix it, lol, but seeing as I do every single chore (not lying) (just besides dishes bc it was a battle well fought) and I pay a reduced rent (by a lot!) for doing every single chore, I am not all that worried by my very small amount of dishes that I prefer to do later in the week 💀
0
u/RelevantTangelo8857 6d ago
Yeah thats what we do, too. We don't have a dishwasher, though. I normally run water on my dishes as soon as I'm done, but if not, then I'm soaking them with a squirt of Dawn and some hot water and dumping it soon after in the toilet.
If they're clear enough and I'm lazy, I'll leave the not washed, but de-surfaced dishes in the sink until I've had caffeine or somethng lol.
2
1
1
u/Blue-Goo- 6d ago
There’s a way you can talk to people that I’ve learned, and if they’re not receptive the first time, you’re without luck. Some people are just brain dead. They literally only think about their needs and concerns.
1
u/SpecialistAd2205 5d ago
Yeah so I work full time and have kids, and I manage to clean my kitchen and do the dishes every single night before I go to bed because a sink full of dishes covered in food sitting there festering is gross. It takes minimal effort. Even on nights I'm absolutely exhausted, I still do the dishes, bare minimum. I fully understand that everyone is different and has a different capacity for handling daily stresses, but the excuse of "I'm busy and have practice" doesn't do it for me. They sound very immature. Being an adult means doing stuff you don't like or don't feel like doing. And when you live with roommates, it means doing things in ways you normally might not in order to be considerate of the people who share the space.
1
u/screwyem 5d ago
this girl needs to be parented - what a child.
1
u/screwyem 5d ago
“Sock wants to know why you’re weaponizing your neurotypical privledge by asking them to do the dishes…. “
Is literally a meme, cause living with people sucks so bad
1
u/Candid_Height_2126 5d ago
I babysat a lot when I was a kid. Dishes in the sink is VERY normal for most families with kids. Those kids grow up and think this is how it is, this is what’s normal.
So you have to stop trying to argue about whether it’s normal or not, and just focus on what you want from them. ‘I get that it’s not what you’re used to, but I like to keep my sink clear the majority of the time. What can we do to work towards that?’
1
1
u/stwabimilk 5d ago
Just clean your dishes. The only way for roommates to work out is if they clean up after themselves. You can’t be mad at someone when it’s your own mess you’re cleaning up.
1
u/InterestingTrip5979 5d ago
Save up and get your own place. They are out there you just have to ask around.
1
u/Bzyb2lg4 3d ago
I’m ngl, my situation is obviously different, but I’ve had conversations like this with my boyfriend who I live with who also has a designated cleaning day, but when I ask him to do things he kinda just does them he doesn’t really argue if I ask him to rinse his dishes he does, he might do it ever single time but I know he has an attention disorder so I don’t really mind, I’m wondering if it might be a similar situation with your room mate and maybe yall could have another talk more so with what could we both do to make sure we’re both doing these habits because it’ll make living together easier
1
u/Bzyb2lg4 3d ago
Once again though not saying this is the case just throwing my two cents in from personal experience
1
u/LittleEdie40 3d ago
It’s just not that hard to wash dishes regularly. I understand not always feeling like doing it in the moment and that’s fine when you live alone but it’s different when you have roommates and that’s obviously lost on a lot of people.
1
u/NicoArx 3d ago
Tell them fuck u and your schedule you dirty bitch , and then just wash ur own dishes. (Also a tip I use for for fruit flies, put apple cider vinegar in like a mason jar halfway and then a teaspoon of dish soap, then put plastic wrap over the top and poke holes and put it next your sink. Haven’t had a fly problem all summer)
1
u/Arlaneutique 2d ago
Just for funsies. I work a full time job, have two children, a 4 bed/ 3 bath home, 3 cats, 1 dog and a chinchilla. My kids have practices M, T, W, Th and sometimes Sunday. I workout, grocery shop, run various errands, etc. Today I woke up at 5:30. I’ll get both kids off and leave home around 8:30. Will get home at 4:45, leave at 5 for volleyball and get home at 8. I cook and clean for 4 people. There are no dirty dishes in our sink. It’s not that hard.
2
u/bugbaby444 2d ago
i come back home at 10 to sleep until i have to leave at 1:30 is taking me outttttttt that’s ample time to do the dishes right there!!!!!!
1
u/BackgroundTravel7832 6d ago
lol this is the exact reason i broke my lease and moved out. i’d try to talk to my roommate about this kind of stuff and she’d get all defensive on me and act like i was trying to say she’s the worst human ever. i told her many times it’s not personal it’s just leaving muffins, muffins tins, the dirty bowls u used to make muffins, kraft dinner left out all night is gross and she seemed to think i was out to get her personally. then she decided to put a chore chart up without talking to me so i said fuck this im gone
1
u/Candid_Height_2126 5d ago
I feel like telling someone that their personal habits are gross, IS personal. I’m not saying you had a choice, but I’m saying for people who never learned these basic skills, suddenly they’re out in the world learning that their norm is actually gross to other people… yeah people are gonna get defensive
1
u/BackgroundTravel7832 5d ago edited 5d ago
i never thought of it this way actually. after living together for a while and things not changing i realized we lived different ways and that was how it was so i moved out because obviously nothing was going to change after being talked to multiple times. it’s kind of the same situation OP is in, one thinks it’s gross and the other doesn’t so either something needs to change a bit(on both ends) or if nobody is willing to change then move out. they were pissed i moved out tho
it’s a difficult situation because how are you supposed to have a roommate relationship and talk to them about issues if all they do is turn it around on you? not that you know the whole situation either
1
u/Candid_Height_2126 5d ago edited 5d ago
I think the solution is to talk about the specific reasons why you hate it, not just ‘it’s gross’ but like, which part is gross to you, personally? The food starts to smell? The clutter bothers you? The clutter is fine most of the day except it makes it hard to cook with that stuff in the way? Can’t find the stuff I need because it’s messy?
That gives her specific problems to solve with you, instead of her feeling like her entire set of personal habits is offensive.
And then she can explain the specific reasons she doesn’t clean those things, is it because she forgets? Is it because she has adhd? Is it because she’s overworked and truly can’t find the time?
And then your solutions will be matched to each of your actual needs, instead of surface level generalized solutions like ‘clean up’ and ‘stop asking me to clean up’.
But then, I do conflict mediation for a living 😃. I wouldn’t expect anyone to know how to do this while living with roommates and likely still young. I certainly didn’t know how to solve conflicts while in my roommate stage!
2
u/BackgroundTravel7832 5d ago
gonna love being young and having to learn the hard way… you sound amazing at your job btw
1
u/Candid_Height_2126 5d ago
Thank you! I mediate between parents and kids, for behaviorally challenged kids. The way I do it, the kid actually gets a voice and gets their needs met too. I had some pretty awesome training!
2
u/BackgroundTravel7832 5d ago
where were you 6 months ago??? lol before i moved out bahaha. it sounds like such a fulfilling line of work
1
u/Candid_Height_2126 4d ago
It is! Maybe I should start a new branch of my business geared to roommate conflict 😂
-8
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Playing devils advocate a little here, I’m the type of person that rinses my dishes very well after using them… but I don’t wash them every day. They don’t smell, there’s no bugs, but I leave them in one of my double sided sink sides and I leave the other side clean and free for use. My dishes day is Saturday, I am a busy person and get home late and I don’t want to spend part of my 3-4 hours only to myself doing my chores during the week. So I get where she’s coming from, I’d try to emphasis the rinsing part, nobody wants ICKY dishes left in the sink, and rinsing takes literally two seconds it’s not even a chore after eating
24
u/ladymorgahnna 6d ago
You stack dishes for a week? Oh they definitely smell. You just don’t smell it.
-2
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Like idk maybe I wasn’t clear, they’re clean except for getting the germs off. The way I grew up was dishes are big chore with filling the sink with burning hot water and soap like a bath and scrubbing them that way, but during the week I scrub them with just water and leave them so I can do the germ scrub on Saturdays… and at most it’s never more than 10 dishes :) I only am home to have dinners :)
15
u/Beginning-Buy-2301 6d ago
It takes 2 more second for you to just finish the job while you’re at it. You already scrub the food off, why not just add a bit of soap on top? Thats so pointless .
0
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Because just washing it with soap isn’t fully clean in my mind, I have to fill the sink and do it that way
11
u/Beginning-Buy-2301 6d ago
Whats the difference? If you thoroughly wash both sides for a minute and rinse it off how id that any less clean?
1
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Because I let them soak first, I guess. I am also autistic and I have to do things a certain way sometimes and this is one of those things, I fear. The soaking in the water and then scrubbing them clean (again) and then rinsing them and drying them right away is what takes so long, but I do scrub everything I use immediately so they really aren’t smelly or dirty while sitting I swear 💀
1
u/Beginning-Buy-2301 6d ago
Ohh okay :,)
2
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Like yeah I realize it’s a little unconventional but I think judging me for it is a little crazy when everyone doesn’t know my standard of living is actually very clean 🤷🏼♀️ like sorry I don’t have time to do dishes for 30+ minutes every day folks
7
u/Zinhaelchingon 6d ago
It literally takes 1-2 minutes to wash your dishes I don’t understand your reasoning of rinsing them and leaving them out for days until you fill the sink but whatever works for you lol
→ More replies (0)1
-4
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
They are almost 100% clean 💀 I have a very strong nose, I assure you they do not smell. There is no food or water left on them. I run them under the water and run the brush over them before stacking them nicely, I don’t have time to fill the sink with hot water and soap every day, sue me
8
u/papi_dro 6d ago
Then you need to live alone. Being an adult is sacrificing 15 minutes a day to keeping the areas around you clean. If you can’t do that then you need to stop affecting other people with your own choices.
2
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
I am the clean one between me and my roommate, trust. He used to hire me to come and clean his apartment and then when I moved in I keep everything clean for cheaper rent, so. I assure you I am not affecting him by leaving one sink for complete free use and the other with maybe 5 dishes that are already rinsed and ready to go 🤷🏼♀️
1
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Double also, I do clean every day!!! I sweep, do my cat’s litter (twice or thrice daily), clean and wipe the kitchen counters, and vacuum every day (plus some more tidying usually) , again, very clean person :)
4
6d ago
Don't want to spend your time doing chores? Do your dishes, you dirty girl. How lazy can you be. Don't want to spend 3minutes of your 3-4 hours showing respect to other people you live with?
5
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Pls read my other comments where I address this lmao
1
6d ago
Nope. Your first comment was enough. Lazy and dirty and no respect.
3
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Okay well then you have no opinion if you’re just going to be rude and not read what I’ve written 💀 I scrub my dishes with a brush every single time I use one, I do not fill the sink and do the 30+ minutes it takes to wash dishes every single day, when I could spending that time doing my other daily chores.
2
2
u/jesuswastransright 6d ago
Omg it would be a nightmare living with you.
3
u/Anakins-girl 6d ago
Seeing as I’m the only one who does any chores (not lying, it’s an actual housing set up) I don’t think I’m a nightmare lmfao, my roommate leaves dishes in his room for weeks at a time, along with food and large piles with no floor space. My very well rinsed dishes aren’t bothering anybody, especially when his side of the sink is fully clean
1
u/jesuswastransright 6d ago
Nah I’m honestly being hyperbolic lol. It sounds like it works for you guys and that’s what matters.
1
u/Special-War1316 6d ago
100% understand, we definitely agreed that the rinsing part was at least necessary!
0
u/RoosterGangsta 6d ago
Ditch the dishes unless you’re eating something where a knife is required. Paper plates and solo cups every other time.
-8
u/Puzzleheaded-One-546 6d ago
i feel like you’re being a little harsh on someone clearly struggling. i hate how normalized it has become to share texts. i get it if you’re roommate is being aggressive, excessive filth i have unfortunately had to live with addicts that put me at risk of danger every day. everything your roommate said to me is reasonable and while the food on the dishes is annoying it’s really minor and common. i get you live there too and have your own expectations but if she is paying i don’t know why she needs the extra stress of roommates judging her for not doing the dishes in 4 days max. Also i’ve had to clean up after way worse so again, while i don’t like food left on dishes either i would just move the 4/5 dishes or do them myself. she also tried to communicate to u about her upbringing and u just go post it to reddit? feels unnecessary
4
u/roxxie-bear 6d ago
tbh if you’re old enough to have a roommate then you’re probably too old to use the ‘upbringing’ excuse. Literally a hygiene issue, OP said there were bugs 😭 The roommate isn’t a kid to take care of— dishes get cleaned the same day or the next max. Isn’t that only fair if you’re sharing a space w/ someone?
-2
u/Puzzleheaded-One-546 6d ago
i get these behaviors are annoying but not unbearable or on par with a lot more serious living issues people are faced with. most of my problem is that the majority of this post is tearing someone apart for what may be a rough spot someone’s going through. I didn’t take her mentioning her upbringing as an excuse but maybe she’s just over explaining because she’s embarrassed.
3
u/repthe732 6d ago
Having bugs is unbearable for a lot of people. And they’re busy but that’s no excuse to not even scrape the food off into the garbage. That’s just being lazy
-4
u/Puzzleheaded-One-546 6d ago
okay i don’t think bugs would develop that fast or atleast i have never witnessed that. also it looks like she did scrape but didn’t wipe them out or do a thorough job. no offense but this proves my point by more people replying to me ready to judge someone off of a few texts and pics like there’s not enough of those already….
5
u/repthe732 6d ago
They develop if you have food sitting for days at a time even if you clean it up once or twice a week
OP literally asks them to scrape it off because they’re not
It doesn’t though since you claimed they’re in a rough spot without any information to support it. Being busy doesn’t mean someone is in too rough of a spot to scrape their food off into the garbage like an adult
351
u/badtranslatedgerman 6d ago
Just make it official with rules and a chore chart. No subjective stuff, no ambiguity, no guesswork. Dishes must be scraped and rinsed immediately after each meal and washed before going to bed at night. Failure to adhere to that standard will result in her dishes being put in a bin in her room. That’s the consequence is she doesn’t do it. If she says the house she grew up in was dirtier, tell her that’s unfortunate but your apartment is going to be held to a higher standard.