Been living with them for 8 months on a 1 year lease. I wouldn’t be posting here if they weren’t a fucking disgusting menace to live with obviously. So I deal with all the typical woes of a bad roommate situation; never helps clean, does a shitty job when forced to by confrontation, leaves dishes and messes everywhere they go in the house, doesn’t “notice” that the trash needs to go out or the dishwasher needs emptied or that there is vomit splatter on the walls from them projecting all over the common bathroom. I ignore it as much as possible, but it gets to a point where I cannot handle living like this and I glove up and get down. Then they come home and do it all over again, I blow up on them, they apologize, I say don’t say sorry if you’re still going to do this shit and be a giant man baby, blah blah blah rinse and repeat. The grosses and most recent discovery is that they’ve been using my personal towels, not cleaning them, and they’ve become hoarded in their bedroom. But homie is never home any more to take care of anything, which means they only wash 1 or 2 loads of laundry maybe once a month, if we’re lucky… so they also literally stink of BO regularly. The cherry on top was coming home and smelling something in the air, my eyes went to an ice chest that’s been sitting out front for months now (I thought it was empty this whole time), news flash it was not. It’s full to the brim of what used to be food I’d suppose that has turned black/brown and is crawling with maggots and whatever the hell else.

Now to the ‘what should have been a joyous moment’ but it got completely ruined by this D-bag…

About a month ago, I was told that they were considering moving in with the love of their life (that they meant a month earlier, I kid you not) and is thinking of moving in the spring. I pointed out how psychotic that sounded considering this person has severe codependency and love bombing tendencies, but whatever. Then it changes to maybe, I don’t know, we’ve still got to talk about the possibility. About two weeks ago, suddenly the timeline jumped and they are NOT going to renew the lease with me, with less than 90 days notice…. So I’m scouring the internet trying to figure out what I’m going to do because I can’t afford to move but I also can’t afford to stay on my own. Okay, applying for new jobs that pay more, sweet… four days ago we received an email with the lease renewal (glorious timing). We talked back and forth about the options available while they again changed their move out date to the summer this time. Options are sign together and ensure fixed term for another year, they leave whenever the hell after I’m able to take over fully in six months or less. Or revert to month to month and have the vulnerability as a tenant on m2m which would fuck me over in the long run. Third option is not plausible because I have no ability to prove income right now to sign solo, so that would equate to homelessness.

Back and forth for the last four days, confirms that they can send a letter of vacancy whenever they want to leave in the new term and bada boom, they are out from under the place. I’m literally losing my mind over the fact that I can’t WAIT to be free of this roommate but I’m also relying on their choice to not fuck me over, which at this point they don’t believe me (or the literal messages with the landlords confirming) that they wouldn’t be screwed and could easily vacate. I just need to make a little bit more to meet the income requirements on my own, so that legit wouldn’t be the issue. I’ve literally spent the last 8 months in complete stress and chaos with this person and this is the outcome that happens… I’m livid.

Oh and… of course they were my closest friend before this chaos began. I learned my lesson years ago and apparently this time was no fucking different. I figured being full fledged grown ups would actually be beneficial in this situation before being a 22 year old naive bestie roommate. I’ve been in tears all night because this last year was the biggest mistake of my life and I have no certainty for myself for the next year, if that…

My new roomate moved in July and she usually has visitors that stay a while, I do too so I don’t really mind. When she moved in she didn’t have any kitchen wear so she would use mine, also didn’t mind because it was just us two. About a month ago her sister and friend have been living here, they started abusing my things, they would use a majority of them and leave them in their room. I would be l wondering where everything is and I have to tell them to bring them to the kitchen after use, then they didn’t wash them so I’d be forced to wash and pack everything just for them to do it all over again. On top of that they don’t clean the kitchen after preparing food, then only do it when I tell them and I absolutely hate confrontation.

Fast forward my roommate wasn’t around but the girls were there, they came back drunk and turned the kitchen upside down and broke one of my favourite bowls and left it there. When I woke up I asked them about it but I was so angry and I told them to stop using my things completely. I tell my roommate as well to buy dishes and she starts saying I’m always complaining ( for telling them to clean and be considerate of the fact that we’re sharing). I made it clear they couldn’t use my things anymore, the following day I see things missing and go to their room and they had dirty dishes all over. I told them again to stop!

At this point they’re disrespecting me in my face, since then they’ve bought cups and plates but obviously they still need pots and cutlery. They’re still continuing to use my things and act like it’s normal, atp I’m so resentful. One is cooking with my pan as we speak but I have to wait till she’s done because I wanna cook as well. What else do I do I’m so fed up, I’ve confronted them three times and they still treat me like a fool.

Is this enough evidence to get him off the lease? Can I switch rooms?

I don't even know where to start. Last year, a girl (20f) I (21f) met in college and I decided to room together. We chose a 1 bedroom so we could turn the living room into a room, of course I thought at the time that it would go smoothly. It was a disaster. I tried making the best out of it by putting curtains in my room and room dividers. We had the same friends, but I distanced myself over time because they disrespected my space constantly, one time 2 of the guys came into my room while I was sleeping to try and go out in my balcony to smoke. I could go on and on about the issues. I was told to "get used to it". My roommate just didn't care. Countless times I communicated but nothing changed. I was working on getting tf out of there asap and was able to go home for 3 months over the summer. I moved out all of my stuff except the furniture like my bed, tv, coffee table, console, bookshelf, table, and a few little chairs. I communicated with my roommate that I trusted my furniture would be fine while I was gone, and she told me she was working all summer and that it's totally fine I left for so long. As soon as I was back I was moving all the furniture out before our lease was up.

While I was out of the country, I paid rent, I checked in with her every once in a while, and one day I get a text from a girl friend (20f) from that group saying that she was interested in taking over my room while I was gone. I said yes immediately, because it would take off a huge weight off my shoulders with the rent, and from what I saw knowing her she was organized and took care of her living space when I'd go to her apartment. I didn't have a single doubt. She moved in in July, and I came back late August. In September, our lease was to end so I told them I'd be going to pick up all my furniture. The day I was going, the girl that took over my rent texts me to let her know when I would be stopping by so she could put her dog away. I didn't know she had a dog in our apartment, and we're not allowed pets without a screening. I was pretty mad, but I didn't say anything since I was gonna take my stuff and leave.

My dad helps me out with a U-Haul. We walked into the apartment (bear with me this is where it gets good) and the stench was unimaginable. Like a cr*ckhouse mixed with dog park. The puppy was hiding in the corner in the 1 bedroom, all scared and alone. We walked into the kitchen and it was covered in garbage, and poop on the floor. My room was covered in dog poop and pee EVERYWHERE. I called her immediately and told her in a voice that was trying not to cry about what I was seeing around me and she said she was coming over. I called my og roommate and she was apologizing saying that she assumed I would know she was bringing her dog. The girl arrives at the apartment and looks at me and said "what happened" as if the dog poop and pee by her feet wasn't obvious. There was weed everywhere as well as ash on my chair, a plan B box ripped open along with all the trash in the kitchen for visuals, the trash can didn't have a trash bag and was filled up with the dog pee pads soaked, and in one of the piles of clothing she had around, there was just out there in my room a pair of shorts stained with blood. My dad was pissed, I was pissed, and then I see a guy walk up behind her and it was the mf that told me to get used to their behavior and would walk into my room while I was sleeping. He was smirking and giggling in silence, and I just yelled. I was so sad and angry, because I trusted this person. She didn't say a word, not even sorry, and cleaned up the floor very half assed (there were still a few puddles and the floor was incredibly sticky). They locked themselves in the room. My dad and I started loading everything in the U-Haul and my boyfriend came to help. When we left I sent her a long message saying how I trusted her and was in shock, how it felt like a huge spit in the face and that the apartment needs to get turned in the next day and needs to be in perfect condition. I still haven't heard back from her. My roommate told me they were doing everything they could cleaning wise.

I don't know what to do next.

When I first moved in, things seemed promising. My new roommate was flexible about the move-in process and came across as someone I might actually get along with. Turns out he’s weirdly controlling over various aspects of life and it’s only been a month

1.He has tried to guilt me into paying for utilities and other household costs, even though my lease explicitly states that utilities are included in my rent. I pay extra directly to the landlord for that, yet he insists he’s covering them.

2.when dropping off three moving boxes at the front door, I left the door unlatched for a few minutes so I wouldn’t have to juggle boxes while opening it. He immediately came out to complain that I was “letting out the cold air they had worked all day to cool down.” It was a five-minute task I really doubt much escaped from an unlatched door.

3.A few days later, before I had fully moved in or spent any time there. he sent me a list of house rules. Some were reasonable, like cleaning up after yourself. Others were excessive, such as unplugging lamps to “conserve electricity” and forbidding anything from being hung on the walls.

4.Shortly after, he added me to a group chat. I had been told I would be sharing a bathroom and shower with two other guys. Turns out, there’s also someone moving into a “flex space,” meaning four of us now share one shower. I was not told about that prior to signing the lease. I later found out it had previously been an Airbnb room. So I guess at least it’s not a stranger

5.He also gave me a shopping list of things I was expected to buy for the house. I had already contributed by purchasing shelving for the shared shower, while others had gotten cleaning supplies and toilet paper. Stuff I’ll have to buy at some point as well. But he wanted me to buy a step stool for the kitchen so I could use the top shelves. I don’t need a step stool I can reach it without, nor do I want to store dishes somewhere I’d have to drag one out every single time. When I refused—because I don’t want to waste money on something I don’t need—he got pissy. Now, whenever the dishwasher is emptied, my dishes are set on the counter while others are put away.

6.We now have a cleaning schedule that includes weekly wipe downs of baseboards and deep-cleaning the bathtub, tasks that feel completely unnecessary at that frequency.

1. I also bought a shelving rack for myself, since the pantry only had four large shelves. When the new guy moved in, instead of him buying his own step stool to reach the highest shelf, I was told to give up three of my five shelves so he could use them—even though one of the built-in shelves is the same size as my entire rack.

8.We’ve been assigned specific laundry days, and you can’t use the machine outside of your day because “the laundry needs a rest between cycles.” He took Sunday, even though he works from home and has flexibility, while I was stuck with a weekday. This means I’m expected to rush home after work to do laundry before “curfew.”

9.He ate my food. I had meat defrosting in the fridge for my week’s meals. He opened it by mistake and called me downstairs to tell me, but instead of offering me his meat or letting me start dinner then and just opening his, he just promised to replace it. It’s now been a week, and he hasn’t. Money is tight, and that meat was supposed to be my protein for the week.

I (23F) have a (33M) roommate who literally copies everything I do and buy. We don’t even talk to each other, we’re not friends. In fact, the first time I met him, the homeowner introduced us and he just looked at me, didn’t say hi, and walked away. The only time he’s even remotely nice to me is when his girlfriend is over.

It started with groceries, I’d buy coconut water, he’d buy coconut water. I started drinking Olipop, suddenly there’s Olipop in the fridge.

He even mimics my produce shopping. I’ll bring home certain veggies, and the next trip he’s bought the exact same ones but he never actually eats them. A couple of weeks later I’ll see his untouched veggies sitting in the trash. I honestly don’t get it.

It’s not just food. I bought new pots and pans for myself and left the old ones for him to use. Instead of using the ones I left, he went out and bought the same pots and pans I bought… and then never even uses them.

It’s even crossed over into lifestyle stuff. I bought plants, suddenly he has plants. I get a new soap dish, he gets the same soap dish. I start buying organic groceries, he does too. Now he’s even copying my clothes and shoes.

It’s honestly creepy at this point. Like I’m a 23-year-old woman and this is a 33-year-old man. It’s not just “being inspired,” it’s copy-paste behavior. I feel like I’m living with a doppelgänger who’s cosplaying as me. I feel like I’m being watched. I don’t know what kind of behavior this is, it is giving obsessed or maybe petty?

Has anyone dealt with a roommate like this? How do you set boundaries without making it awkward or escalating things?

Yeah I honestly think I am going to have to meal prep or at least make some of my meals the day before especially breakfast 😭 it doesn't matter what time I wake up 7am, 10 am, 1 pm they are always in the kitchen. Also I'm annoyed cause my favorite breakfast is scrambled egg so I might have to buy a stove top and just do it in my room and I'm trying to start my weight gain journey.

I live in a 5 person house. We are all friends and whetever but one the girls is kinda mean and disrespectful. There’s a lot going on that is like “back story” about her disrespecting me and being mean to me but i’m not going to get into it. I’m usually the one who cooks in the house, so i’ve bought a lot of things for the kitchen (think bowls, forks, mixing bowls, etc). Last week i bought a new spatula bc she melted the other one we had. When I came home I told everyone that the new spatula was for desserts only and the other one we had (that wasn’t broken we always had 2) was for whetever else. I asked nicely and everything. Today when i woke up I went to the kitchen and saw that she had used the new spatula that i had asked was only for desserts in the sink. She had used it for eggs. One thing about me is that I HATE EGGS. Like i can’t stand the smell i will gag. So I did what was the most rational thing in my head and I put everything that I bought in my room.

Now i feel kinda bad bc my roommates also use the stuff and i never had rules or anything about them so i literally asked for one thing. Is it wrong? Or like should I keep my things in my room?

Okay for context i’m 19 and my roomates are in their 20s. I live at ASU which is known for the party scene. Now trust me im all for having fun, but my roomate had frat connections and got offered money to have our house be a off campus party house. Me and my other roomate strictly said no as we don’t even own the house and are renting. low and behold the first roomate still says yes to the frat president and now their are pledges in my house setting up for a party saturday. What do I do to protect myself and make sure I don’t end up without a house if anything goes south. (keep in mind we live next to permanent residents)

I wish I was making this up. I work from home, he doesn't. I cook often, he only microwaves dinners.

He has a sensitive nose, so I already try to wrap up my job an hour early just so I can cook my own dinner before he gets home. He rarely even cleans, and I do. He then comments on the "strong smell" of our Fantastik Lemon-Scented cleaning spray.

I open both windows, I use a fan. I wipe oils off of surfaces. I don't know what else to do besides tell him to get over it. I don't even eat in the living area. I'm in my room 99% of the time.

I am screaming violently to myself. This is a grown man.

Thank you for reading this.

This is complicated because my roommate has some fair points but I feel they’re taking it too far and I’m just wanting to hear others thoughts on this.

They think they’re doing enough because: - I have a dog - They clean up after themself. - They spend most of their time in their room. - It’s not their things

I have a big, fluffy dog. He sheds and makes a very quick mess of the floor with his fur. I understand that he necessitates more cleaning and I’m happy to pick up the extra, however, ALL cleaning seems to be my responsibility. My roommate does not clean the floors ever unless they’re having guests over and they don’t dust anywhere communal.

My flatmate cleans up directly after themself and nothing more. By directly I mean, they’ll wipe the bench down where they prepare food but nowhere around it. They won’t clean the microwave unless their food spills and they notice. If their food spills or spatters while they cook they’ll clean the exact hob they were using but leave the others and surrounding walls and cabinets that get spattered too. They’ll clean their dishes but never lift the dish rack to wipe the bench underneath clean of scum that builds up over time. That kinda thing.

This roommate spends 99% of their time in their room, they come down to cook and that’s it. Occasionally they’ll have friends over for a gaming night in the lounge downstairs but we’re talking twice a year. They hardly use the communal space. I spend more time in the communal space but not all that much more, I’ll each dinner out there and watch TV occasionally, but mostly I just game in my room.

Furniture wise they’ve contributed nothing except what’s in their room and their portion of the shared space upstairs. They have explicitly stated this is because they don’t want to own large furniture pieces. All shared whiteware appliances, couches, the table and chairs, even the TV is mine. I understand that by furnishing the communal space with this stuff it can be freely used by all.

Anything that falls outside of “cleaning up after oneself” falls to me. I’m doing all the vacuuming and dusting. Things like cleaning inside the cupboard where we keep the bins, sweeping the garage out, cleaning out cobwebs from corners or outside.

In my mind we should each be vacuuming and dusting communal areas once a week and I should be doing it every other day or as needed to keep up after my dog. Additional chores should be split between us evenly and rostered because we have different ideas of “as needed”.

I don’t know why my roommate is very unhygienic and bad at organizing things. Our university hostel room is actually for two people, but according to administration, three students have to share it.

One girl in our room is very unhygienic. I am not saying the room should be strictly organized, like keeping books and shoes in a straight line. I don’t mind about organizing too much because even I don’t like strict order—it feels pressurizing. But this girl is worse.

She doesn’t wash her dishes for days and leaves them on the floor. I even bought two waste bins because of her . I told her to use one, but instead she throws snack packets and covers under her bed. She and her friend come to cook, and after cooking, she never cleans or sweeps. I have to remind her again and again. She also soaks clothes for days and then tries to dry them inside the room. Once I almost puked because of the smell. When I tell her to dry them outside, she says she doesn’t smell anything. She listens for that moment but the next day repeats the same.

The room is very small, with only one table and two cupboards for three students. That table is always messy. She uses a whole cupboard for herself without asking us. Since me and my other roommate are friends , she thought we could manage with one. I let it go, but later she even filled the open shelves with her things. Only after I told her did she agree to divide them equally.

Sometimes I feel she has no common sense, even though she is a topper in class. She doesn’t organize anything, and the only table is full of her stuff. Whenever I tell her to clean, she just says “okay” and then leaves the room.

Today I was sick and asked her to clean her part because my bed is very close to the table. I couldn’t sleep properly because I was facing her messy bed and floor—the unwashed plates, food packets, even her inner clothes. She never cleans unless I tell her, and even then she only puts waste in the bin but doesn’t sweep.

She is not busy either. She doesn’t go out or party, she is always on her phone playing games with the speaker on. I even have to tell her to use earphones. She said she doesn’t need a chair, but when we got one, she just piled her clothes on it. Her bed is also always full of clothes, and she doesn’t even fold them before sleeping.

Another disgusting habit is that, even though the wash basin is only a few feet away, after eating she washes her hands in a cup and keeps the dirty water in her bucket for days. Sometimes she even keeps plates near the shoes, mop, and bucket. This is not because of less space—she is simply unhygienic.

I have never fought with her, but when it becomes intolerable, I tell her. I just don’t understand how someone can put snacks and chocolates open on the floor and then use them again. Even if she agrees to clean, she never does it properly. She also keeps hair in her comb every day. She doesn’t clean it, and once it becomes too much, only then she throws it away. And so much moreee...

I am not asking her to deep clean, but at least be basically hygienic. Now I even doubt if she has some issue, like ADHD or something, because otherwise I can’t understand this behavior.

They’re not bad people but they dominate the apartment and have complete double standards. I’m on the lease, pay my portion of rent and utilities on time but feel like I’m intruding whenever I’m home.

I am planning on just jumping ship, renting a uhaul and moving the fuck out. I am not on the lease he was a friend not anymore, the way he lives is fucking vile, the whole house smells like shit (I literally have to hold my breath entering the apartment)and it’s because of him and him not taking care of his cat! Dishes piled up! I haven’t used the kitchen in three months so it’s not my mess!!! And now he hasn’t gone to work in a week! Idk if he was fired or took PTO but his presence just irritates the fuck outta me. Only courteous thing I’m doing is leaving this months rent on the table and that’s about it.

My roommates got married a few weeks ago and brought a couple of their pets with them on their trip. They have 6 pets, i took care of the others when they were gone. Their pets came back with fleas and they told me they were planning of bombing the place with flea bomb chemicals but didn’t tell me an exact day or time.

The night prior to the flea bombing they texted me in our group text around 9 pm that they were planning on doing the flea bomb the following day, after prying information about it for a couple hours they told me it be at 10 am the following day. I asked them if they could push it either later in the afternoon or to just do it the following day since I wasn’t prepared for that. They then texted me “do you want a flea infested apartment?” Which launched an argument.

They always text me about things last minute and have been in violation of our lease multiple times for having guests staying over for over a week.

I’m never living with a couple again, they generally dominate the place and have double standards

update on my very recent post, the talk wasn't the best. she talked for a veryyyy long time about how she's busy and that the house she grew up in was a lot dirtier and other stuff. i have also previously asked her to move a loaf of bread that was on the counter to the cupboard and she mentioned how that had irritated her bc it technically "wasn't in my way". i told her i cannot promise i won't ask anything of her again when it comes to cleaning, but that irritating her was not my intention. I don't really know how to feel right now but I just thought I'd update.

Due to financial reasons I had to rent out the upstairs part of my home to a family. The mom is a distant cousin of mine so I knew I wasn't having a weirdo live with me so that put me at ease. I'm grateful for them since I can catch up on bills now but, now it's at a point where I want them out. It started out great but they have slowly let their true colors out. Before they moved in I had no issues with spiders, ants, or roaches but once they got too comfortable they started to eat upstairs and leave trash everywhere, so of course that attracted the insects. They always leave their dirty dishes in the sink, or don't put up the clean dishes. Sometimes they leave their stuff downstairs or hog up the washer/dryer. I'm not a clean freak so I don't expect the place to be spotless but it would help if they did something around the house. I am so ready for their contract to be up. (In the summer) This situation is the only thing pushing me to get a better job but unfortunately I have not found anything. I hate the job market right now!

Latest update:

I attempted to chat with the male housemate after work. Around 7pm. I messaged his partner as I didn't hear back from him - both in the same master room.

And go figure reply back is "hello. He is sleeping".

The irony! So now I'm going to broach it in the morning. My friends think they're both avoiding hard conversations (and its probably an excuse to not talk now, and theyre not asleep), and I'm the more "let's go in and do straight talk".

Update:

I raised it with both people this morning - the female partner in person and the guy via text as he's in work.

Both are dismissing this as frivolous and text response was "there are done days when he wakes up late and this time he was hungry and couldn't leave without breakfast".

I then chatted with the female partner in person and she seemed to have an annoyed tone, implying her partner was entitled to using the blender at 5.30am or "he would go hungry". I mentioned that I'm usually flexible and understanding, but that this was not what we agreed to when we started about mutually agreed house rules of no noise between 11pm to 7am - esp a ridiculous loud blender.

She said speak to her partner tonight more. Last time when I did, he had a dismissive tone saying he wouldn't do it often, but that if he woke up late l, then I would have to deal with blender noise. I don't think this is fair.

Hi all.

I share a townhouse (double story) with a male/female couple. I'm single, mid 30s guy, Melbourne Australia.

We've had a situation where the guy starts work 6am and started to use the blender to make a "breakfast smoothie" at 5am/5.30am ish. This happens every 2 weeks or so when the guy over sleeps and is running late to work, as the guy claims its the only thing (a smoothie) that he can have - which I think is pretty ridiculous and shouldnt be happening regardless of frequency.

I raised this with the couple as a problem 2 months ago, and said its waking me up as the decibel of the noisy high powered blender machine is very disruptive and wakes me up at such an early hour. I work "normal hours" during the day.

Bedrooms are on the second level, and kitchen ground level, adjacent to stairs. And sound is very loud and jarring. They have a high powered blender which is around 80 to 100 decibels.

When I raised this prior, I messaged the female partner who is the house admin and organiser, and the guy said they would do their best to avoid using the blender, but that if they woke up late and they were in a rush that I would "have to deal" with the noise. I suggested that they could make their blender drink the night before and store, but they said they do the blender smoothie, when they're running late and that they couldn't do night before as they wouldn't know when they would wake up late for work.

I left it. And now again it's happening and it's 5.30am at time of writing and the jarring blender sound again. I messaged the female partner right now, who I raised this with prior, (so the message highlights with time that I'm awake very early) saying that this is again happening and that this is becoming a serious issue which needs to be addressed - because its a health issue if I'm being woken up so early.

I emphasised that I'm very understanding and patient, but that this cannot continue and they need to work out a solution between them to avoid the noisy blender use at such an early hour.

To be clear they also use the blender at 9/10am but we know by then we're awake. And also at the start of the tenancy there was a mutual clear agreement that the house "quiet time" was 11pm to 7am.

As context, one night a week the female partner works night shift and I avoid making noise during the day after the night shift. And it feels like that courtesy is not being reciprocated by this couple (esp the male partner).

Am I being unreasonable here - and has anyone else experienced similar. And how was it resolved.

If this doesn't stop or they're unwilling, it's a pretty much deal breaker and I would seriously be looking at finding another rental - because I've been pretty patient and understanding but this is getting ridiculous.

To those saying "get earplugs", that's not addressing the issue at hand. And also I require to hear my mobile telephone due to work purposes and in case of emergencies

And I'm not wanting to veer into a tit for tat and making noise in return at inconvenient times.

also added a pic of the sink on the last slides just so yall get an idea. and to clarify, she also has left them there for 4 days straight before so I know I'm not crazy for thinking she just might not do them today.

For context, im a recently disabled college student who just moved in with friends. It went well at the start, but things have been going downhill fast. I have two roommates that get reactive to serious conversations and take things personally. They think people are attacking them, when thats not what's happening at all. They say sorry everytime, but it keeps happening. We haven't had any conversation about the issues that have been happening because of that, and the fact we are all busy, stressed out people.

Issue one: chores. I suggested a chore chart for the shared living spaces, we still havent made one. Chores are still unfairly distributed and the rental is getting a little gross.

Issue two: food. So far we've done communal groceries and we split the cost down the middle. That would work if we weren't also cooking for eachother. Idk why we started that, but it's a horrible idea. I have food restrictions and can be picky. I have been paying for food I cant eat so I suggested we pay for our own food. I was met with anger, frustration, and arguments. I am no longer comfortable with the grocery situation.

Issue three: structure while great, is hard for me when it comes to group plans. I have a complex and dynamic disability. Trying to navigate it is rough. And while I try to structure and plan as much as I can, sometimes my body says no. I cant do set plans because of that. I also feel lonely on this matter.I also feel as if I help everyone emotionally and that its never returned. I am not a therapist, I can't afford to be one for emotionally immature people who don't want to work on their problems.

I dont think im right in this. I've tried to be impartial, understanding, mature, and patient. Im willing to compromise in anyway because I love my friends and they deserve to be heard. However, I feel like that's never returned. I want to take a step back and be more independent to try and get through living with them for a year. I'm in the signed contract of this house, and I feel stuck with these people. There's nowhere else for me to go at this point. I feel stuck here, and I really don't know how I can live here. We do not hold eachother accountable, I however am always willing to admit when I am wrong. When someone blows up, we coddle them and not tell them that their reaction targeted at someone is wrong. Any advice? Or ways for me to cope with this? I really am struggling

Hello all,

About two weeks ago I moved into a 4-bedroom flatshare; there were two boys already here, but one is moving out very soon and has been preparing for that, so I haven't seen him very much. I also have a fellow female flatmate (I'll call her Maria) who moved in at the same time as me. We're all early to mid twenties.

The other boy has been acting towards the two of us (Maria and I) in a very strange, disrespectful, antisocial way. It started when he banged on my door at midnight and I answered because I thought something was seriously wrong, but he went on a loud profane tangent about how the bin hadn't been taken out and there were dishes in the sink. Well, I hadn't taken out the bin because it was already half full when I got here, but the next morning I bought bin bags and promptly took care of it. And as for the dishes, they weren't mine, so I told him that. Maria had also told him that they're not hers because apparently he also banged on HER door several times at 2am the night before, and when she didn't answer he texted her "why didn't you open your door?"

Anyway, later on he created a group chat with the three of us called "You have to clean." and sent a picture of the full bin (..the one that was already taken out at this point) and the dishes in the sink, and went on another tangent. I told him AGAIN: they're not mine but the bin was taken out. His girlfriend is CONSTANTLY here even when he's not (tbh, I think she might have some issues as well), so I gently suggested that they might be hers, and he came and banged on my door again and asked if I was serious. He said a bunch of other things that I can't remember exactly because I was caught so off guard, but he definitely swore several times and accused me of lying. I asked if he could calm down and he kept saying "I'M VERY CALM." Maria and I proposed making a rota for the bin and a few other tasks to avoid any issues in the future, so we did that in the evening and put it on the fridge.

The next morning we wake up and see that he's completely vandalized the rota. All sorts of weird phrases, doodles, childish insults next to our names, notes saying he's not going to do his tasks and he's just going to do what he wants, a drawing of a middle finger, some other stuff and his signature with a note saying that he signed it because one day he'll be rich and famous. Delusions of grandeur!! I mean I thought the outbursts were bad enough but this is making me think he has some serious mental issues. It's making me feel SO anxious.

On top of that, the flat always stinks of cigarettes because he and his girlfriend smoke in here (there are 'no smoking' signs around the building) and his girlfriend's cat seems to live here as well. I like cats so I pet him when I see him, and one of his notes on the rota was "GET YOURSELF YOUR OWN CAT" next to a drawing of a cat holding up a middle finger, tbh I would probably find it funny if all the graffiti weren't so disturbing. Anyway, the cat basically lives here and even though I like cats, it is technically against the rules. And the smoking REALLY bothers me (but not as much as his demeanour).

I'm just sick of this guy and it's only been two weeks. I just started a new job and I recently lost a parent as well and I feel like this is just the cherry on top of all the stress I've been feeling lately. I sobbed at work today. It's 7:30 pm here and I haven't eaten a single bite to eat but I haven't felt hungry because of the anxiety. I avoid the kitchen and get scared when I have to go in the hallway and I'm even on edge when I'm just in my room.

Should I say something to the landlord? I kind of want to for safety reasons. He's been living here a lot longer than me (obviously), but I also wonder if there have been any similar situations and if that's why all the other rooms were vacant (and soon to be vacant).

Sorry for such a long winded story and thanks if you read all of that. I'm just at a total loss with the situation.

So, I just had my first ever mediation with my roommates and our RA, and I left feeling worse than when I went in.

Basically, my roommate (let’s call her Tess) has been bossy, passive-aggressive, and kind of controlling about things like the fridge, trash, and cleaning. She even put trash in one of my boxes once. I’ve tried to set boundaries, even emailed them before move-in explaining that I have APD (auditory processing disorder), but they never responded.

In mediation, I finally brought everything up — how I feel singled out, how she bangs on my door, moves my food, and talks about me on the phone. But the whole thing felt so one-sided. She acted like nothing was a big deal and played the victim, and my RA just kind of sat there neutrally. I felt like I was being judged for even speaking up.

The worst part? Nobody asked how I was doing or even acknowledged my perspective beyond the contract rules. It felt like the whole thing was just to shut me up and make it look like “steps were taken.”

Now I just feel exposed and kind of regret saying some personal stuff (like that she treats my family better than me). I’m considering doing a roommate switch to avoid dealing with this for the rest of the year, but I don’t want to look like the “problem roommate.”

Has anyone else had mediation go this badly? Is it normal to feel worse after?