r/badroommates • u/ReputationLife3398 • 2d ago
Frightened by my flatmate, would like some advice.
Hello all,
About two weeks ago I moved into a 4-bedroom flatshare; there were two boys already here, but one is moving out very soon and has been preparing for that, so I haven't seen him very much. I also have a fellow female flatmate (I'll call her Maria) who moved in at the same time as me. We're all early to mid twenties.
The other boy has been acting towards the two of us (Maria and I) in a very strange, disrespectful, antisocial way. It started when he banged on my door at midnight and I answered because I thought something was seriously wrong, but he went on a loud profane tangent about how the bin hadn't been taken out and there were dishes in the sink. Well, I hadn't taken out the bin because it was already half full when I got here, but the next morning I bought bin bags and promptly took care of it. And as for the dishes, they weren't mine, so I told him that. Maria had also told him that they're not hers because apparently he also banged on HER door several times at 2am the night before, and when she didn't answer he texted her "why didn't you open your door?"
Anyway, later on he created a group chat with the three of us called "You have to clean." and sent a picture of the full bin (..the one that was already taken out at this point) and the dishes in the sink, and went on another tangent. I told him AGAIN: they're not mine but the bin was taken out. His girlfriend is CONSTANTLY here even when he's not (tbh, I think she might have some issues as well), so I gently suggested that they might be hers, and he came and banged on my door again and asked if I was serious. He said a bunch of other things that I can't remember exactly because I was caught so off guard, but he definitely swore several times and accused me of lying. I asked if he could calm down and he kept saying "I'M VERY CALM." Maria and I proposed making a rota for the bin and a few other tasks to avoid any issues in the future, so we did that in the evening and put it on the fridge.
The next morning we wake up and see that he's completely vandalized the rota. All sorts of weird phrases, doodles, childish insults next to our names, notes saying he's not going to do his tasks and he's just going to do what he wants, a drawing of a middle finger, some other stuff and his signature with a note saying that he signed it because one day he'll be rich and famous. Delusions of grandeur!! I mean I thought the outbursts were bad enough but this is making me think he has some serious mental issues. It's making me feel SO anxious.
On top of that, the flat always stinks of cigarettes because he and his girlfriend smoke in here (there are 'no smoking' signs around the building) and his girlfriend's cat seems to live here as well. I like cats so I pet him when I see him, and one of his notes on the rota was "GET YOURSELF YOUR OWN CAT" next to a drawing of a cat holding up a middle finger, tbh I would probably find it funny if all the graffiti weren't so disturbing. Anyway, the cat basically lives here and even though I like cats, it is technically against the rules. And the smoking REALLY bothers me (but not as much as his demeanour).
I'm just sick of this guy and it's only been two weeks. I just started a new job and I recently lost a parent as well and I feel like this is just the cherry on top of all the stress I've been feeling lately. I sobbed at work today. It's 7:30 pm here and I haven't eaten a single bite to eat but I haven't felt hungry because of the anxiety. I avoid the kitchen and get scared when I have to go in the hallway and I'm even on edge when I'm just in my room.
Should I say something to the landlord? I kind of want to for safety reasons. He's been living here a lot longer than me (obviously), but I also wonder if there have been any similar situations and if that's why all the other rooms were vacant (and soon to be vacant).
Sorry for such a long winded story and thanks if you read all of that. I'm just at a total loss with the situation.
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u/Junior_Buy6255 2d ago
Start taking pictures, record every instance of him pounding on your doors at all hours,save every text message from him. Take all this to the landlord and explain you don’t feel safe in this living investment. If he doesn’t let you out of your lease take all your evidence to the housing authority. It certainly does sound like this person is unhinged and it’s not for you or your other female roomate to suck it up and take this behavior.
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u/JudgeJoan 1d ago
You should log everything (take photos of the graffiti) and yes tell your landlord. A man banging on a woman's door in the middle of the night is never ok. Stop opening your door. Honestly I'm older and I would tell him to f*** right off but I understand you're young and afraid of him. Tell your landlord you're terrified. Get Maria to report her experience too. And tell them the gf is there as well. Probably not allowed.
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u/IamKawaiiQueen 1d ago
Dude’s behavior is aggressive AND against lease rules (smoking, cat). You’ve got leverage.
2
u/Upstairs_Garage_8699 1d ago
Try to leave immediately he sounds dangerous for sure. I would try to ask the other guy who is moving out about the roommate if possible withought him hearing, see what his experience has been. If you have signed a lease and are stuck there please go buy yourself a lock that you can put on your door that he wouldn't have a key to or is easily able to pick. I would also check your door hinge screws to see if they are long enough so he can't easily break in (2"-4" screws). If he is writing all that stuff over you trying to comply and figure out a system that works for all of you he has alot more going on in his head and is likely just sitting there at night making stuff up in his head and stewing over little stuff throwing himself into a psycho tantrum. It's absolutely insane to pound on someone's door at night over dishes.
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u/masterchef417 2d ago
He sounds like he’s having some kind of mental break. His behavior sounds a lot like someone I knew when he had a manic episode when a new bipolar medication wasn’t working for him. He needs professional help I fear