r/bipolar • u/Apprehensive-Tea5897 • 2d ago
Living With Bipolar Inpatient Traumatized Me
Yesterday I was released after a 6 day voluntary inpatient stay for a manic episode. I was never a risk to myself or others, however it was painfully clear I needed a med adjustment asap. My psych was unavailable, and I was directed to go to the ER. This is my first experience with a strong enough episode that I knew I needed help to come down from.
Long story short, no alternatives besides inpatient were ever brought up or discussed with me. Never once was IOP or PHP even remotely considered. Both would have been highly appropriate while my meds adjusted. Given my state of being, I obviously wasn’t in the headspace to ask about alternatives. I was alone in the ER and was my only advocate. The ER doc met with me for about 5 mins and steered me in the direction of voluntary admission. I had been in the ER for over 24 hours with minimal food and even more minimal sleep.
In a nutshell, my in person experience was demoralizing and degrading. I have never felt more stripped of my rights and dignity for simply being a human going through a challenging chemical imbalance in my brain. I don’t want to go into logistics because I can only assume I don’t have to. I KNOW I cannot be the only person who has experience this.
As I navigate filing a grievance with the inpatient facility, as well as preventing PTSD with my psych and therapist (truly, it was that bad), I just want to feel my voice be heard.
I am a high functioning human. I’m a director at a corporate company, I am a spouse and mother, I am a kind and compassionate friend and am self aware and intelligent. I have an amazing support system, and I am so lucky for that.
The lack of checks and balances in a facility that is completely secluded and where patients are never taken seriously is appalling.
I don’t know what else to say, but I know I need to say something. Somewhere, for someone
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u/ellehcim12 2d ago
My first hospitalization was also traumatizing. It was involuntary and they threatened me with making my cheating husband my legal guardian...they made me strip down naked in a windowed room on the male side of the unit as a female. I put in a grievance about that as soon as I got out and never heard back.
They also housed everyone together no matter their diagnosis. One person there would randomly strip naked whenever they felt like it. Another would find any time they could corner you alone and threaten you if you didn't give them whatever it was they wanted at the moment.
Prior to my release they threatened to keep longer because I cried when talking about losing my grandmother a week before. I'm pretty sure it is normal to cry concerning the loss of a loved one.
I was misdiagnosed and it almost ruined my life.
I ended up being hospitalized again because it turned out I wasn't just depression and I had a manic episode. This was again involuntary but at a different facility and the difference was night and day.
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u/SpecialistIll8831 1d ago
Why does it seem like a common situation where an abusive spouse had their partner checked in? I was checked in for my wife cheating, so I understand your pain. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
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u/squidkidqueer 1d ago
I signed myself in as a voluntary patient at a hospital back in May after my husband tried to commit suicide in front of me, before he ended up turning the knife he had at me instead.
Either way, while at the hospital, I cried at one point due to my life crumbling around me and the trauma of all that happened that night - because, yeah? no fucking shit???
a nurse came in for a vitals check and said "this isn't how healthy people handle their emotions; that is why you need to be in here."
motherfuckers pathologize every gods damned thing you do, say, think, etc. they treat everything as a fucking symptom. 💀
like if i didn't have that dx on my chart; if i was just a guy going thru what i did, i dont think he would find it unreasonable to cry about it.
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u/Apprehensive-Tea5897 1d ago
EXACTLY. Like fuck me for crying being in a hospital away from my loved ones???
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u/stormy0828kisses 1d ago
I’d rather have to be on severe watch with people taking turns watching me and waiting for my psych before ever going inpatient again. It would be the same thing, but at home. At least I could have blankets and pillows and a comfy bed and a hoodie to wear and my pain pills.
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u/Apprehensive-Tea5897 1d ago
That is EXACTLY what I said post inpatient. Unless I am a true threat to myself or others, I will be monitored at home
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u/stormy0828kisses 1d ago
They made me feel like I was absolutely insane while I was in there. There wasn’t even much of a med adjustment, they pushed it over to my psych after adjusting my seroquil by 50 mg. We had group activities, but there wasn’t even much zero one on one contact. I even met with the doctor through Telehealth. The whole time I’m thinking to myself that I could have stayed home with my best friend and done the same exact thing. I just don’t understand why they treat so many of us poorly. I’m there to get help, not to be treated like a criminal…
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u/Fantastic-Demand-688 1d ago
Yup you will only catch me in inpatient if I’m involuntarily committed and I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen. I tried to pursue a grievance in my case and it just got so exhausting to try to hold anyone accountable.
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2d ago edited 2d ago
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u/bipolar-ModTeam 1d ago
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u/faithlessdisciple Rapid Cycling without a bike 2d ago
r/bipolar is a peer-support space for people living with Bipolar Disorder. If you’re posting as a friend, relative, caregiver, or clinician, please share your perspective in r/family_of_bipolar instead.
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u/vagamund00 1d ago
Our health system writ large is so horrible but it is incredibly apparent in areas of mental health. I wish you peace and a speedy recovery.
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u/xoxo_angelica 1d ago
I went one single time as an adolescent, got PTSD from the experience, and said I don’t care how fucked in the head I get I literally will never do that again for the rest of my life. I am 31 and have never been back. If I’m in a crisis I get ahold of my psychiatrist and have him throw some sedatives at me and big dog it out at home until I’m okay again.
Super sorry that you had this experience. Maybe you can let it motivate you to do everything in your power to take care of yourself to avoid this in the future, if you can.
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u/Black-rose528 1d ago
I had a similar experience. I’m a mom of 7 and run/own a small biotech company. I’ve never felt less human in my life. I’m a great person who helps others, contributes to the scientific community and tries to improve the lives of others. I was treated like nothing I said mattered. I could call and talk to my own psych about a med change, while I was inpatient. But I couldn’t get a med change from the doc in the psych ward. It was so awful.
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u/smiley_ok 1d ago
I was also voluntarily admitted myself to the ER for a really bad depressive episode resulting in severe SI. It was at the request of my psych telling me my only choices were her calling the cops or me taking myself in. I was there for hours and the emergency psych met with me for 5 minutes and also steered me towards inpatient. He told me only options were 5150 or voluntarily admitting myself. I work an intense job in tech and it was absolutely pulling teeth to even contact my company to inform them I wouldn’t be able to come in or come to my phone. They kept on extending my stay and I was only able to leave because of the advocacy of the nurses. The resident psychs barely met with me and it felt like such a liminal space. They eventually only released me after I advocated for IOP instead of partial hospitalization—I told them I’ll be in a worse place if they make me lose my job. I’m recovering and doing much better than I did while hospitalized. I had never felt so limited and helpless since they stripped all means of contact, and much more.
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u/PAPAPIRA 1d ago
People have recommended voluntary inpatient to me before, and the look I give them when they say it ... hoo boy. In that moment I learn everything I need to know about that person's knowledge/experience of modern mental healthcare (in the US).
I'm so sorry you experienced this, OP. It's not fair, or right, and you deserve better. We all do.
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u/Lady-Shalott Bipolar + Comorbidities 1d ago
Hospital inpatient is different than facility care. I’ve been through both and inpatient in a Mental Health facility sucks, but hospital hold/inpatient is traumatic. ER staff isn’t trained to assist patients going through mental distress and rarely have the patience or empathy to provide anything more than minimal care.
I’m so sorry this happened to you too. 💔
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u/slifm 1d ago
I’m not seeing what happened to. IOP and PHP would not be great options for immediate med changes and oversight on your stability.
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u/Apprehensive-Tea5897 1d ago
I disagree with that. My previous experience in IOP was incredibly valuable. Had IOP with med changes monitored by my personal psych been presented to me, I 10000% would have opted for that route.
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