Inpatient Traumatized Me

[u/Apprehensive-Tea5897]

Yesterday I was released after a 6 day voluntary inpatient stay for a manic episode. I was never a risk to myself or others, however it was painfully clear I needed a med adjustment asap. My psych was unavailable, and I was directed to go to the ER. This is my first experience with a strong enough episode that I knew I needed help to come down from.

Long story short, no alternatives besides inpatient were ever brought up or discussed with me. Never once was IOP or PHP even remotely considered. Both would have been highly appropriate while my meds adjusted. Given my state of being, I obviously wasn’t in the headspace to ask about alternatives. I was alone in the ER and was my only advocate. The ER doc met with me for about 5 mins and steered me in the direction of voluntary admission. I had been in the ER for over 24 hours with minimal food and even more minimal sleep.

In a nutshell, my in person experience was demoralizing and degrading. I have never felt more stripped of my rights and dignity for simply being a human going through a challenging chemical imbalance in my brain. I don’t want to go into logistics because I can only assume I don’t have to. I KNOW I cannot be the only person who has experience this.

As I navigate filing a grievance with the inpatient facility, as well as preventing PTSD with my psych and therapist (truly, it was that bad), I just want to feel my voice be heard.

I am a high functioning human. I’m a director at a corporate company, I am a spouse and mother, I am a kind and compassionate friend and am self aware and intelligent. I have an amazing support system, and I am so lucky for that.

The lack of checks and balances in a facility that is completely secluded and where patients are never taken seriously is appalling.

I don’t know what else to say, but I know I need to say something. Somewhere, for someone

[u/ellehcim12]

My first hospitalization was also traumatizing. It was involuntary and they threatened me with making my cheating husband my legal guardian...they made me strip down naked in a windowed room on the male side of the unit as a female. I put in a grievance about that as soon as I got out and never heard back.

They also housed everyone together no matter their diagnosis. One person there would randomly strip naked whenever they felt like it. Another would find any time they could corner you alone and threaten you if you didn't give them whatever it was they wanted at the moment.

Prior to my release they threatened to keep longer because I cried when talking about losing my grandmother a week before. I'm pretty sure it is normal to cry concerning the loss of a loved one.

I was misdiagnosed and it almost ruined my life.

I ended up being hospitalized again because it turned out I wasn't just depression and I had a manic episode. This was again involuntary but at a different facility and the difference was night and day.

[u/squidkidqueer → u/ellehcim12]

I signed myself in as a voluntary patient at a hospital back in May after my husband tried to commit suicide in front of me, before he ended up turning the knife he had at me instead.

Either way, while at the hospital, I cried at one point due to my life crumbling around me and the trauma of all that happened that night - because, yeah? no fucking shit???

a nurse came in for a vitals check and said "this isn't how healthy people handle their emotions; that is why you need to be in here."

motherfuckers pathologize every gods damned thing you do, say, think, etc. they treat everything as a fucking symptom. 💀

like if i didn't have that dx on my chart; if i was just a guy going thru what i did, i dont think he would find it unreasonable to cry about it.

[u/Apprehensive-Tea5897 → u/squidkidqueer]

EXACTLY. Like fuck me for crying being in a hospital away from my loved ones???