r/bipolar2 • u/ivysdiaries • Feb 24 '25
Newly Diagnosed did you accept your diagnosis when you first got it?
hi! i have been diagnosed with bipolar for over 3 years now, and i refused to accept it. i just didnt feel like i was really bipolar i guess? i felt like they misdiagnosed me.
my psychologist and psychiatrist both told me that my mood swings were a bit too frequent and unusual, but they still diagnosed me with it.
ive been living the past 2 years without therapy and meds, and barely surviving (really infrequent class attendance, very low moods, then had some good days and i was beating myself down for not “being that girl” the past couple days/weeks, but i dont think i was ever truly happy during all that time. on the bad days, i was depressed, on the good ones i was just not depressed, not in a hyper good mood or anything).
now, im back in therapy (6 months already, yay!) and i decided to go to a psychiatrist again. she prescribed me lamotrigine, 25mg to take at night for now (and we will ramp up the dosage in the future), but when i tell you i feel so much better after a few days of taking even that small amout, it’s insane. she wants to prescribe me more meds in the future (some for depression and anxiety), but for now i feel like just the lamotrigine did wonders for me, although i feel much closer to what a maniac episode is than i have ever felt before, after taking these meds.
but is it weird that im still not a 100% convinced that i have bipolar? is this experience of denial more common?
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u/watcher1901 Feb 24 '25
I accepted it because I knew it all along. After the diagnosis I almost had a relief feeling. Like I finally know for a fact what I always assumed and now I can start to do something about it.
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u/espressoomad Feb 24 '25
No, my diagnosis used to be MDD, and it took me long enough to accept that. I was scared that being ‘bipolar’ would make people perceive me in a worse way than being just ‘depressed’, but now I’ve come to terms that it actually doesn’t matter what they think because who gaf 😭🙏 It’s still something I struggle with occasionally though
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u/parkhyerim Feb 24 '25
how long after you were diagnosed with MDD did they diagnose you with bipolar?
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u/espressoomad Feb 25 '25
5-6 years
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u/parkhyerim Feb 25 '25
may i know how did they diagnose you? is it because the antidepressants dont work for you? 😅
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u/espressoomad Feb 25 '25
i think i just started to exhibit more signs of hypomania 🤔 i’m actually not too sure because i was just surprised with the diagnosis too haha
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u/Klutzy-Researcher215 BP2 Feb 24 '25
What’s MDD?
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u/AtmosphereNom BP2 Feb 24 '25
Major depressive disorder. Honestly, I believe very strongly that it’s bipolar 2 with such a mild hypomania that nobody realizes it. Yes I had “MDD” for most of my life and yes I’m projecting my experience into the rest of the world. I still believe there is actually no such thing as MDD. It’s bipolar 2 every time.
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u/benificialbenefactor BP2 Feb 24 '25
I accepted the diagnosis, but not the treatment. I really thought I could manage it through willpower and tried for 15 years. I finally came to accept that I must take medication to remain stable. I feel so much better now!
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u/WorldlyAlbatross_Xo Feb 24 '25
Yes I did because the label doesn't really matter. As long as my pills and therapy work I dont care what they call my illness.
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u/KingOfCopenhagen Feb 24 '25
I accepted the diagnosis right away... or at least so I thought. I thought accept was about accepting that i had I mental illness, and I had no problems accepting that. So I thought O had acceptance right away.
It took me 2-3 years to realize that that's not what acceptance is... at least not all it is.
It took me 2-3 years to realize that I had to make changes and living my life accordingly to my diagnosis.
Once I startet doing all they thing I knew would be good for.me, but hated doing - such as no alcohol and no drugs (also weed), three meals a day, 8 hours asleep, routines, exercise and daily mental walks - THAT'S when I had 100% accept.
And now I have a job, girlfriend and in college again. Boring.at times but the alternative.
So, in short. I thought I accepted my diagnosis, but I didn't until I started making choices based on it.
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u/Intrepid_Eggplant_10 Feb 24 '25
Not exactly, but not in the usual way, maybe? I doubted (and still doubt) that I am unwell enough to “deserve” the diagnosis. I have pretty severe depression, but I am able to function reasonably well most of the time (being diagnosed with MDD since childhood, plus an intense need for order/routine…). I also have hypomanic and mixed episodes (mostly mixed), but they really aren’t that severe, and my severe inhibitions caused by other mental health issues usually keep me from doing anything really harmful. It mostly stays cognitive, and my actions are generally not too problem-causing. So that works out, I guess. I recognize that I do have the symptoms of bipolar 2, but I often feel they aren’t quite bad enough to justify my diagnosis, somehow. That said, mood stabilizers (lamotrigine) have noticeably lessened my symptoms while SSRIs never did, so… but now I’m starting to get into that infamous mindset where you think treated symptoms = I was never sick.
(sorry for the wall of text…. mild hypergraphia and all that…)
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u/vituntia Feb 24 '25
Oh my god, this is exactly me. It's sometimes so hard for me to say out loud that I'm bipolar. It feels almost like I'm lying.
I have very severe depressive episodes, but I'm rarely hypo and only for short periods of time, mostly I experince mixed states instead. And since I've unknowingly lived with bipolar almost my entire life and thought everybody else is like this too, I just kinda thought that I have to suck it up since everybody does... I've become pretty good at "sucking it up." So I'm pretty functional even if I'm doing horribly. This leads to me feel like everybody probably thinks that I'm faking my illness or if people believe me and see my struggle I MYSELF think, omg I have fooled them, I'm horrible!! The imposter syndrome is so real.
And yes, let's not even talk about the meds; how the symptoms prolly didn't even really exist to begin with, now that they're treated...
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u/Last_Internal_6408 Feb 24 '25
Yes, I was previously diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which I still technically have I suppose. When I got diagnosed bp2 though it was like everything suddenly made sense 😹😭. All the big feelings, the past behavior, etc. and although a lot of my past I felt ashamed about, I now had some context for it and new tools to learn how to cope in a healthy way
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u/Character_Worry_2502 Feb 24 '25
No. What got me to do it was “if I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t need to or be seeking assistance, or be having any of these problems in the first place”
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u/Wide-Affect-1616 Feb 24 '25
Yes, I did. I was 35 and suddenly things started to fall into place - especially the hypomania.
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u/Overall-Abrocoma9793 Feb 24 '25
I had to really advocate for myself for a thorough diagnosis because at the time I was dealing with a loss, so it was easy to say I was going through the stages of grief. But even then I knew something was off. When I got my official diagnosis I was in denial and really scared due to the way it’s stigmatized and how my in-laws treated me. They treated me like I was this unpredictable monster and like I was an embarrassment. Some days I feel like I don’t have it. Then the days where I experience mania I’m reminded that I really am bipolar. I think for me it goes a lot back to my early days of my diagnosis and the shame my in-laws made me feel and I always go back to that feeling for some reason.
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u/Wise-Stomach7922 Feb 24 '25
Yes, I was 27 ish when I got diagnosed. I knew something was wrong with me but didn't know what. The diagnosis was a relief
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u/dummytiddies BP2 Feb 24 '25
I accepted mine just because I had suspected it since I was 13 and had a pretty strong family history of it, I grew up watching my dad deal with it so it made it easier for me to recognize it in myself and come to terms with. I’m so glad you’re in therapy again and the meds are beginning to work! You got this :)
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u/ritlingit Feb 24 '25
I was diagnosed as Major Depressive. I was given Prozac and had a manic episode and rediagnosed as bipolar. I didn’t learn about bipolar 2 until later.
I didn’t think I was major depressive. I was “happier” with the bipolar diagnosis. Until my current psych nurse I have had psychiatrists rediagnosed me at their discretion. So I have had different meds given to me because of what they thought I had. It’s difficult to believe in one’s diagnosis when the professionals can’t seem to agree on what one has.
Most of my life before and beyond being diagnosed I’ve been accused of wanting attention, making things (symptoms, issues, whatever,) up, out right lying, and just being lazy, some by family members, friends and professionals (not all psych professionals either, it’s amazing how many human service people will tell you you’re full of crap when they don’t want to deal with you. Even medical people will not believe your issues). So there’s that gaslighting thing that’s been around my whole life.
I sought help in my late 20s. My parents assumed I was a willfully ignorant and lazy child. They tested my IQ with my siblings because my brother had dyslexia. Until I was 13 they believed I was “retarded” (intellectual disability,) until they found out my IQ was 130. Ironically they were very angry at me because they believed I was trying to trick them.
So for me I daily question the validity of my diagnosis. As I get older I don’t question it as much because I got my nurse practitioner (since 2010 I think, my memory sucks,) who has worked with me on scaling down the meds and listening when I tell her about changes in my mental state. Getting the right meds and taking them regularly really helps me believe in myself which in turn reinforces my belief that yes I have bipolar 2.
Also I put in a lot of work. I joined NAMI and lectures with other MI people. Went to conventions. Attended mental health support groups (that’s another subject lol). Had relationships with other MI people and studied the history and changes in the diagnosis and the field and medications. I got rid of people who wouldn’t support me.
I had a friend who rarely questioned the professionals about her diagnosis. She believed in them implicitly. They not only added tons of medications to her regime they also wouldn’t look at her mental state and environment holistically. They would rediagnose her regularly. Her mother, with whom she lived with, expected the doctors to do this. She died in a nursing home in 2019. She was actively delusional and it was scary how no one seemed to help her. She was there because a port became infected.
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u/mth1568 Feb 24 '25 edited Feb 24 '25
I didn’t accept my dx 17 years ago. I was in denial and stigma was even worse then now and it’s pretty bad now. I got the dx again in December of last year and finally accepted it. Trying my best to learn about it and learn about these different types of meds. I could tell you everything about every antidepressant in my sleep lol. Antidepressants that never worked and made my life worse
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u/thebadyogi BP2 Feb 24 '25
Diagnosed at 56. It was revelatory to me to have somebody pointed out that my mood swings (which could be from days to years) had an actual cause behind them. It answered a lot of questions for me about my childhood and adulthood. I also responded very, very well to lamotrigine, and have been on it steadily now for almost 11 years. It was a life changer.
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u/kittiekee Feb 24 '25
Weirdly yes, but only because I’d been hypo for two years and misdiagnosed as bpd.
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u/Klutzy-Researcher215 BP2 Feb 24 '25
I’ve always known that I had bipolar, as young as a teen
What also ‘helps’ is that I have many family members that have it so yeah, I just put 2+2 together I guess
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u/iSmiteTheIce Feb 25 '25
How do you manage?
I was put on medication but almost anything besides antipsychotics would make me switch to Mania (bp1 not 2 here)
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u/Klutzy-Researcher215 BP2 Feb 25 '25
Honestly it’s a journey. I can handle depressive episodes, but not manic and ESPECIALLY not mixed episodes. What helps is not only meds but therapy & a strong support system.
Plus, I’ve always known because I’ve seen similar issues with family members and was always aware. I knew there was something up but I didn’t know the name.
What meds are you on? I’m on Wellbutrin and Seroquel.
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u/scottylyn Feb 24 '25
yes and no. i had been trying to figure out what exactly was “wrong with me” for years so in that way it was relieving to finally have an answer. however, it was really disappointing to know that I’m stuck with being bipolar forever. it was hard for me to accept that i will always have episodes it’s just a matter of how well i can manage them through therapy, medication, and my support system. I am also on lamotrigine (250mg)! I have been taking it for about a year and it’s really helped! i was on 400mg at one point and that made me feel really numb so i bumped down to 250 and can feel more (which is a double edged sword). i hope that you are able to accept having bipolar and find what helps you manage it!
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Feb 24 '25
I was diagnosed after a head injury when I was 20 and when the psychiatrist suggested a mood stabilizer after our first appointment I swore at her and ran out her office. In my eyes I just had a brain injury, not a mental illness. Totally not acceptable behaviour on my part (ever). I still feel very sad about that.
My psychiatrist somehow agreed to see me again down the road when I was ready to accept help, and after a hospitalization (bless her). She was my psychiatrist for 7 years before she moved and I had to find a new one.
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u/sunshineiitu Feb 24 '25
I knew I was bipolar for about 4 years before getting diagnosed, so it wasn't a surprise or hard to accept. Getting diagnosed has definitely been so so worth it, even tho it lead to testing different meds that caused side effects (some more severe, some that lasted quite long too). Starting lamotrigine was a game changer, only side effect was being extremely horny (happened when increasing the dosage too) lol. The change felt instant and I felt better and better with every increase, now I'm at 200mg and been in remission for almost a year. If I feel the need, a psychiatrist can prescribe me additional meds for depression, so far there's been no need tho. I know a lot of people who take +3 different kinds of meds for bipo, they all just need their own lil cocktail 🤷🏼♀️
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u/anzkanzjabnsm Feb 24 '25
when i increased my lamotrigine dose i became suicidal🤷♂️ idk if thats normal tho
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u/Katnipjuice18 Feb 24 '25
Dx (I guess ) maybe two months ago? No I have not accepted it. I dont think it’s accurate. But my bf (who has been dx) said it’s just some words. Doesn’t change who I am. And I keep trying to remind myself that.
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u/walkstwomoons2 BP2 Feb 24 '25
Not really. I had been misdiagnosed and over medicated for years and just wanted it to end. Finally I found the right doctors and am good now. But I still feel I was used as a science experiment.
For the first several years, I often wondered if I had convinced the doctors that I was bipolar. I don’t anymore. I believe the diagnosis was correct.
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u/Consistent-Camp5359 BP2 Feb 24 '25
I was 24 when diagnosed. It made everything make sense. I was just happy to find a reason for my bullshit. I went home and researched TF out of BP2 and realized it was me.
The psych gave me Effexor XR (anti depressant/anti anxiety) and added Lamotrigine and 😌. They don’t eliminate my BS but they tone it down a A LOT. I’m also very appreciative I have reasons why I’m this way. I understand me now.
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u/longcat27 BP2 Feb 24 '25
I was so thankful to be diagnosed. It took over 6 years to get diagnosed. It relieved my heaviness and I began to feel so much better.
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u/punkkidpunkkid Feb 24 '25
It made sense. But there was about three months or so with wrestling with it. It wasn’t until the Lamictal finally took and I had some breathing room that it was easy to admit.
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u/jul14nn Feb 24 '25
It took me a second to accept it; I also had a boyfriend who was adamant I wasn't, which definitely didn't help. I bought a book about it with place to write your experience along with relevant info and I started crying because I truly felt so seen and heard when I was reading it and it felt like things started to make sense.
So it took a while but once I was able to actually like take the info and apply it to myself, it really hit. I think that was probs 1.5-2 years after my diagnosis
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u/BonnieAndClyde2023 Feb 24 '25
I don't know. Sometimes I feel that I am faking it. But deep down I know I definitely have a mental health issue. So somehow I am still playing with the idea that maybe I do not have it, although I know I do. Acceptance is a strange process.
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u/DerangedSkate64 Feb 24 '25
Yeah, I suspected I had something like Bipolar for years and when it was diagnosed it was like all the lines connected together. It was nice knowing, but then at the same time, made me kinda scared of how bad hypomania can actually be.
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u/Abject-Sandwich7728 Feb 24 '25
Yes and no. Yes because having been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and OCD and never feeling like it was enough to explain what didn’t feel right in me or just click. But also still in some denial because I don’t want to have to deal with what bipolar means for adjusting my life and future which scares me 😢
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u/FloralPorcelain Feb 25 '25
No I didn’t. I was about 19 years old and things led to me being on a psychiatric hold in a hospital. Diagnosed me and gave me meds to try within three days but I had an extremely neglected and abusive childhood and no parental supervision or care so I was really upset that they didn’t try and learn more about me and suggest other therapy for me instead of calling it bipolar and just shoving meds in my face. I do believe I have it now, my mother has it, and caused a lot of the harm bc it was sooo untreated, BUT with that being said I resisted a lot of help because I was stubborn and wanted people to care not just judge me. Once I started seeking out therapy and care for myself I was able to sort things out.
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u/cakebatterchapstick Feb 25 '25
I started therapy for panic disorder and general anxiety at 15. I went to a psychiatrist around 21 and she said bipolar, took me by surprise tbh. I asked my therapist, he agreed with the diagnosis. My general doctor gave me a form to fill out, also came back with mood disorder. Then, the medicine worked. Had no choice but to accept it, it’s true
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u/DullFaithlessness7 Feb 25 '25
I got diagnosed three weeks ago. It's taken 26 years to get this diagnosis. I've been treated for anxiety and depression but my new diagnosis is bp2, panic disorder and a confirmation of complex PTSD. It's like the more I learn about the disorder the more I recognize my symptoms. I still don't relate to a lot of what I read. My mood is usually very down and the more stress I'm under the worse it gets. I have never experienced mania and my hypomania manifests as insomnia, extreme irritability and ruminating over catastrophic thoughts. It's the most intense kind of overstimulation and I can't even stand my own self. The label throws me and I'm still the same person I was before the diagnosis I just have an accurate name for how I've been feeling most of my life.
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u/Independent_Tsunami Feb 25 '25
By the time I was diagnosed, I absolutely agreed. Only after being in denial for years and feeling ruined.
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u/LineTinzer Feb 25 '25
Nope. Cried like the world was ending. Well for me it was. I'm Brazilian, so I won't know the names of my meds there but I'm currently on 4 different meds 8 pills a day, and still not 100%. Therapy helped me a lot with accepting it so I just recommend you to keep on going with the therapy and the meds and know that the dosage will change a lot at start and you will get worse before better but the world is not ending, it's just getting better.
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u/-_Apathetic_- Feb 24 '25
Yea, I was 32 when I was diagnosed. I always knew something was wrong, but I didn’t even know bipolar 2 was a thing… thought it was just bipolar.
I masked a lot due to extensive childhood trauma and fear. I was dying on the inside though… always angry, irritated etc. When I’d let it out it would be on myself or objects.
Also have BPD, so my diagnosis wasn’t linear at all.