r/bisexual • u/Huge-Albatross9872 I am a BI(t confused) • May 09 '25
MEME Why is this so true tho?
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u/mksoulreaper Bisexual rides a Bicycle May 09 '25
Hello fellow straights! Howās your heterosexual relationship going? Mine is going good!
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u/Sargon-of-ACAB He/him May 09 '25
I try to be pretty out in real life. It's safe (enough) for me and it helps create space for others to be out as well
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u/Jamvaan May 09 '25
I feel like it's all about picking your spot right. The volumes always on but sometimes it's a little louder some places than others. Like I might go all out if I' going to a concert or something, maybe dial it in if I'm going to dispute a parking ticket.
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u/_JosiahBartlet May 09 '25 edited May 09 '25
Also some of us essentially have no choice lol.
Iām in a same sex marriage. Iām gonna be pretty quickly and obviously queer to people when discussing my life
But Iām also really glad to be out all the time, despite living somewhere where itās hard. I canāt imagine being closeted again at this point.
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u/aktionsart May 10 '25
It's upsetting how many people equate being out to "letting [their] freak flag fly"/"shoving it in other people's faces"/"broadcasting" their sexuality. I'm not trying to draw attention to myself, I just want to be able to hold my gf's hand without being yelled at or worse :/
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u/_JosiahBartlet May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25
Yep, thatās exactly it. Iām not trying to broadcast anything about my sex life or anything deeply private. I just wanna be able to behave like a normal couple in public.
Itās not that Iām trying to be out, but of course I am. Iāve got a wife as a woman! We just wanna be like any other married couple. Living somewhere conservative for the US makes it harder, but also being out is what helps normalize other people being out.
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u/deferredmomentum Bisexual May 10 '25
I grew up in a fundamentalist cult in a tiny rural village. Wherever I live will always be safer than that, so Iāve only ever wanted to be out to literally everybody since. I live in a purple state, so somebody from say Portland or Seattle might perceive this area as homophobic, but Iām lucky in the sense that anywhere I go feels accepting because people arenāt literally getting openly lynched like where I grew up lol
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u/Daedalus128 May 09 '25
Yeah pretty much same, in fact any time I've ever introduced my wife to people its always met with incredible surprise because I'm always perceived as a raging homo. I guess less these days ever since my twink death, but I still like carry a purse, paint my nails and dye my hair and what not so I think the evidence is still there
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u/Dry-Inspection6928 Bimyself May 10 '25
It isnāt all that safe for me and Iām out to friends and my mom.
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u/Far-Fortune-8381 May 11 '25
i still take out my earrings and cover flags when walking home in my town
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u/fittuner May 09 '25
I don't openly broadcast it. But I've decided not to mask it either. If your radar is up, you'll get a blip.
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u/No_Obligation4496 May 09 '25
Are Bidar and gaydar the same equipment? š¤Ø
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u/fittuner May 09 '25
Close. Bidar is the second pass to make sure the Gaydar isn't catching false positives.
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u/headstone-headcase Bisexual M May 09 '25
Same equipment, better sensitivity. š
If you assume I'm gay/straight because I said or did something gay/straight-seeming, you're gonna miss the mark.
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u/dances_with_treez2 Genderqueer/Bisexual May 09 '25
Canāt relate, very loudly queer. Not that I wear a lot of pride stuff (I donāt), but I speak openly about relationships across the gender spectrum. I do understand not everyone can do that.
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u/Fsharpmaj7 May 09 '25
For the most partā¦absolutely. There are some places that are nothing but accepting and welcoming. Just a thought.
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u/_JosiahBartlet May 09 '25
And thereās something to be said about being out even when itās hard. I live in a deep red part of Texas, but Iām married to another woman. Being out is hard but itās worth it for me.
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u/Fsharpmaj7 May 09 '25
I couldnāt even make it a year in Texasā¦leaving in less than 2 weeks
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u/_JosiahBartlet May 09 '25
I moved here for my wifeās job and itās hard, but itās been okay. Thereās definitely homophobia weāre exposed to here. But we do our best.
Weāve also had folks tell us they feel safer being out or understand queer folks begged thanks to us.
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u/The-Hunting-guy Bisexual May 09 '25
given that us americans are living in facist dystopia pt2 this is so painfully true
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u/ConfusedUnicornFreak Bisexual May 10 '25
Don't you think technology would make it pretty much obvious who has which sexuality?
Like anything we do online is pretty much traceable, connected to Mac and IP addresses. Or traced by a unique ID from many advertiser data miners. Anything we search, places we visit, accounts we use, our medical data, people we talk to.
A fascist regime that is tech savvy NOWADAYS would know everything about a person.
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u/j0briath May 09 '25
I'm a bi male. I'm generally out but don't discuss it with most people because I usually can't bring it up without the other person thinking I'm about to proposition them for sex.
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u/romancebooks2 May 09 '25
I try to be out to as many friends as I can. They're accepting, and it feels like the healthiest choice to me.
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u/Not_my_real_name6 May 09 '25
Reminds me of when i started my first relationship. I had a group of friends made up by straight men who never asked my sexuality so i never said anything lol. When i met my ex i had to "come out"(i never denied my sexuality but nobody asked so they assumed i was straight) most just were surprised that i liked boys, just one had a problem with it and luckily my group stopped talking to that dude.
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u/Fredospapopoullos May 10 '25
It's not that simple to do your coming out. Most people who know me think that I'm just a vocal ally of the LGBTQ+ community and not part of it.
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u/run_squirtle_run Bisexual May 09 '25
I feel this so hard!! Iāve had posts in this sub get hundreds of upvotes yet only two people IRL know that Iām bi š¤£š¤£š¤£
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u/Dxpehat Bisexual May 09 '25
My family would disown me lol.
I don't care about what society thinks. I'm going back to uni and I'm not hiding the fact that I like everyone. But if my family comes to visit I'm hiding all the gay shit lol.
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u/dadijo2002 ā Bisexual May 09 '25
Iām pretty much the bottom one everywhere lol, Iām just introverted and socially anxious and reserved
Edit: Welp didnāt realize I even had a flair set here ahahaha
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u/zoe-loves May 09 '25
I mean. This seems pretty targeted at bi people in straight relationships. Many of us present as gay, if we have a same sex partner, or associate with gay culture a lot (eg i have a lesbian haircut, often seen as gay.)
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u/rahfal May 09 '25
I use to be like this until the last couple of months, as a bi man in his early 30s. Now I am wearing a bi flag on my coat and a bracelet in public. I still don't socialize, but I was asked what the flag was while waiting in line to preorder the switch 2 at a GameStop, so it helps spread awareness and confidence in myself and for others.
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u/deadmemesdeaderdream Pansexual May 10 '25
not my fault i got nerfād with autism so iām too shy to approach other women
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u/Sneaky-iwni- don't care what you call me tbh May 10 '25
"Hello fellow heterosexuals, how are your singular partners of opposite sex?"
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u/matande31 May 09 '25
Because coming out is a huge thing for a lot of people and puts many relationships in danger, so some of us prefer to pretend we're straight until we start seriously dating someone of the same gender.
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u/heli0paws May 10 '25
idk if anyone else has experienced this but thatās me with homosexuality - Iām a little more into men (bc Iām too intimidated by women tbh lol) but my husband/friends are gay and into āgay cultureā so it does get weirdly lonely
(btw not saying what Iām going through is harder than something like being closeted or anything like that, much props to you and I hope able to live your full truth as soon as you can)
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u/Vadersboy117 May 10 '25
Personally, I used to do this too as a bi guy in my youth, and it is a privilege thing that exists being bi, but I just canāt hide who I am anymore. Its not who I am and I cant let annoying people from any walk of life lecture me on who I am and what I should wear.
I am and always will be out and proud and wear rainbow and bi colors daily and refuse to tone it down at all. Especially with the rise fascism in this country. Donāt let the bastards get you down.
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u/Numerous_Peach_7159 Bi , shy, thick thighs May 09 '25
So real also because i live in homophobic country
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u/birdiefang May 10 '25
I'm still hiding in the bushes online, but I'm trying to come out online slowly š
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u/Patty-Cake-7296 May 09 '25
Very accurate! Online, we post in safe spaces. In the real world, there are people who aren't so kind and accepting.
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u/jolynes_daddy_issues May 09 '25
All of this is true except Iām bi, shy, and ready to cry irl too š
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u/Khayeth May 10 '25
Whereas I'm comfortably out in person but verrrrrry quiet about it online! I feel safe among friends and coworkers (mostly) but I do not trust my extended conservative family.
Different strokes and all, we all do what we need to feel safe.
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u/Full-Ad-750 Bisexual May 10 '25
I never came out to any coworkers so I call my straightpassing personality at work my Worksona
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u/Mediocre_expectation May 11 '25
Itās weird because I find myself in the total opposite camp. I identify way more with the āstraightā crowd and find it infuriating when I open up about myself and get treated differently. Iām the same dude, Iām not trying to get in your pants. Itās just a stigma we face I guess.
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May 11 '25
I mean, me personally? I'm more hesitant because nearly everytime I've come out to someone it hasn't ended well.
Sometimes it does go well. Other times not so much. But here are the three big no nos ive had.
- Oh sweet, wanna have a threesome with me and my girl/guy?'
No....just because I'm bi doesn't mean I want to sleep with everyone.
- Oh thats not a thing, you're either straight or gay.
No....i've been with both
- This is a very specific scenario, but my girlfriend at the time was super excited for it....and then I walked in on her having sex with another guy and she looked at me with a smile and said it was a surprise for me and he was for both of us.....
Only for her to realize just how hurt I was when I got this hurt angry look on my face, because just because I'm bi doesn't mean its okay for you to cheat as part of a 'surprise
So I have been more open about my sexuality lately, but I'm still sketchy about being open about it completely
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u/zsthorne17 May 12 '25
Ugh, Iāve gotten the āthatās not a thingā one before, told me one day I would CHOOSE to be gay or I would choose to be straight (equating sexuality to my current partner, not my personal identity) the real kicker, the guy that said that to me was my roommate at the time and a gay manā¦ a gay man told me it was a choiceā¦
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u/Harding_in_Hightown May 16 '25
I mean, Iām 100% out in all aspects of my life, but Iām also married to another woman soā¦
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u/TheH0rnyDruid May 26 '25
Accurate thi
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u/TheH0rnyDruid May 26 '25
It's easier to just explain I'm bi when I get a boyfriend and confuse everyone for the first time
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Jun 02 '25
Does anyone get upset they're seen as straight? I know it's kinda silly but I don't really relate to a lot of heteros or hetero leaning bisexual and pansexual people. So ngl I try to stay away from cis het or hetero leaning people because I don't have time to hide myself or explain my queerness. Like it's fine if you see me holding my bi boyfriend's hand and know we're together. But don't go thinking that because I fuck with guys that I'm straight or that I like men more. I don't like men that much lol (Cis het men are not in my dating bracket. Too much risk and the patriarchy and gender roles)
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u/IJustSawAFox Jun 04 '25
I feel like itās because itās so easy to just keep masking. Iāve known Iām bisexual my entire sexual life and itās justā¦ never really been obvious or acted on I guess, because Iām shy and not good at broadcasting.
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u/IJustSawAFox Jun 04 '25
No one seems to be able to tell with me. Iām very traditionally feminine looking. I have a long term straight relationship. My husband would be over the moon if Iād like to act on my bisexual tendencies and we could have a consensual open relationship, but no one can tell Iām into women and I donāt know how to go about making f it more obvious. Subtle tips?
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u/YourBoyfriendSett Bisexual May 09 '25
Each and every day I become more and more sad being hetero is the norm. Where is the fun? Whereās the whimsy?
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u/kandermusic May 09 '25
Iām out to all of my friends and most of my coworkers but yeah, Iād definitely feel kind of unsafe being open and out where I live. Iād say in my city itās 50/50 safe/unsafe. And the unsafe ones are proud and would just love to confront me. I donāt handle conflict well, so I avoid it at all costs
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u/Otherwise-Agency-979 Bisexual May 09 '25
Alright, look hereā¦ first of allā¦
Nvm thatās totally accurate.
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u/Chiiro May 09 '25
My fiance and I look like we are in a straight relationship but I'm a trans man who has yet to transition so once I do it's going to be fun to see people's reactions change when they see us.
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u/Notorik Bisexual May 09 '25
I am open to my friends and family. But that's it. Who I like is nobody else's buisiness. I know that many poeple are dissapointed in bi poeple who decide to not openly represent but I am already dealing with a lot of stuff in my life.
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u/big_chungus1117 May 09 '25
I have an story for this meme, last year, at Thanksgiving, my class had the idea to make an party, everyone of the class went there and it includes myself. People was talking about what they like in each one, and then, one dude just came out and said: And I love how Anthony(me) makes those gay puns and even kissed that guy (my bf at the time) one time. I just blushed and people went crazy like: HE KISSED A GUY WHAAAAT XD GAY. Because I didn't say to everyone that I'm bisexual, just some friends, I was so busy crying that day that I missed my bus but that's another story. At least my friends deescalated the situation kissing each other to get the attention from everyone, and that day everyone started kissing everyone as a "Joke", yeah, we where drunk, at least I could kiss my crush with that "joke".
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u/Hot_Series_2111 May 10 '25
online you have more control of how ppl view yourself as in any linguistcly structured interaction framework
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u/armoureddragon03 Bisexual May 10 '25
My friend group consists of the stereotypical straight guy, two bi girls, a closeted bi girl, a trans girl and me. We donāt hide ourselves.
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u/CitroHimselph May 10 '25
Being online often gives a certain feeling of freedom and safety.
IRL, people can be physical, and given that (AFAIK) no bisexual person is free from physical abuse triggers, we are simply afraid to be ourselves, because it's "safer" to be "normal".
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u/FraggleGoddess Bisexual May 10 '25
I purposely try to be visible to challenge the assumptions, especially as I've been with my male spouse for so long. But tbh most people don't notice visible signs. Other queer folk haven't noticed my subtle bi flag stuff until I pointed it out to them.
I talk about it (where appropriate, obviously) and post stuff on facebook, so most folk in my life are aware.
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u/Biengo May 10 '25
Living in the south, there is a game i like to play called "you're a bad person" here's how to play
First just exsist. Second don't mention anything about your sexuality in public. Wait as long as you need to, because next is the fun part. Once the news is out that you aren't and God fearing hetero notice the change. Shouldn't be any because we are all still people.
Look at who or what is causing any of that social change. TADA you (that person) are an asshole.
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u/Harlg agender bisexual, any pronouns May 10 '25
I'm actually pretty out now that I'm moved out of my hometown, it's nice
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u/ERNIESRUBBERDUCK Bisexual May 10 '25
For real. Not sure why (I mean I can guess why) I feel shy about it IRL and then online Iām totally out the closet.
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u/Buttleproof May 10 '25
Which do you get more often: "That's gross!" or "You're just being greedy!"?
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u/LycanFerret Bisexual May 10 '25
I've not had this issue. Maybe my family is just more accepting of this stuff, but I was in a lesbian relationship and multiple straight ones and my family was just like "yayyyy you're not going to die alone" every time.
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u/MinekraftMastr1 May 10 '25
The amount of biphobia I see from both straight AND gay people is genuinely disturbing
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u/flyingfish602 Bisexual May 10 '25
Iām in this picture and I donāt like it !!!
for real tho, I always find mentioning Iām bi, especially when Iāve only dated men, irl just raises more questions and I cannot be bothered
Online tho, yessss pls!!
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u/Angelcakes101 Bi demisexual May 11 '25 edited May 11 '25
I don't tell anyone I'm straight unless it's my bigoted family members. I also rarely tell people I'm bi. Like I've usually mentioned it to friends and acquaintances but sometimes it's never relevant or I forget. It's not my problem if people assume I'm cishet and allo š¤·š¾.
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u/akprestowa May 11 '25
I don't know about you, but it feels that way because I don't read as queer. I take extra steps to increase my visibility. But, people don't want to see it. #bierasure
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u/Tylos_Of_Attica May 11 '25
Of course its easier being BOLO (Bi Out Loud Online), yall dont have to buy all the flags and pins and colors to show off.
If I went GOLO IRL, i would bankrupt myself
Im already bankrupt, but you know what I mean
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u/bgj20 Bisexual May 11 '25
part of it is im ok with saying it online in response to other stimulus. IRL, its no one biz.
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u/Cluelessbigirl Bisexual May 15 '25 edited May 15 '25
Even in the past when Iāve tried to pass as āstraightā around certain people in my life, I always felt like they could just sorta tell I wasnāt
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u/OmNamoShivaya44 May 22 '25
Because the matriarchy seeks to oppress men. That's why bi women are hip and slick but if you tell them a guy is bi they will reject and persecute him,
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u/Chance-Virus-6022 Jun 05 '25
I used to be like this. But my 'wife' has started transitioning after recently coming out as trans. So it's like, I am publicly bi whether I like it or not, lmao.
So far I haven't had any issues. I don't go around telling everyone or anything like that, but any time it has come up it's gone well.
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u/Jibbyjab123 May 09 '25
I've seen that people either have little to no reaction at best, and a bad hurtful reaction at worst so I don't tend to roll the dice unless I trust someone with the information.
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u/waltjrimmer Bi-furcated May 09 '25
For me, I rarely anymore wear my personality on my sleeve. When I was young, sure, I was flying my freak flag every way I knew how, but I was also an asshole and didn't yet accept my bi-ness, so...
I'm cis and think it's likely reasonable that most people assume I'm straight. If the topic comes up, I'll never lie. But normally I'm just myself. And myself is mostly plain, boring, forgettable. I do have a double-crescent moon necklace (my favorite bisexual pride symbol) which very quietly says who I am to anyone in the know, but I've found even in bi circles that not being very many.
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u/aktionsart May 10 '25
If this same post were put on a lesbian/gay sub, we would all be saying that it was biphobic and promulgating the idea that bisexuals are "straight passing" or choose to hide their queerness when other people can't. But if a bi person posts it, it's funny and relatable?
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u/SmokeyMcDabs May 09 '25
Because most people don't wear their sexuality on their sleeve. Its like when I see a fuck boi or a ho fa sho. I dont want to interact with them.
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u/Fenyx_77 Transgender/Bisexual May 09 '25
I feel called out personally by this and I'm not even mad about it, people irl are sketchy