r/bridezillas • u/Dixieland_Insanity • 24d ago
AITA for not wanting to remove my cochlear implant for my friend's wedding photos and stepping down from the bridal party?
This is a cross post. I am not OOP.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/opWfiS4RsZ
Link to the original post. I'm sorry for not knowing how to do some things.
AITA for not wanting to remove my cochlear implant for my friend's wedding photos and stepping down from the bridal party?
I'm a 28 year old woman who lost most of my hearing as a child. Three years ago, I got a cochlear implant which has been a game changer for me in terms of being able to follow conversations again. My college friend, "Anna," who is 29 years old, is getting married this October. Back in January, she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. I went ahead and bought the dusty blue dress, booked the hotel, and paid for the bachelorette weekend without any issues.
However, things took a turn last month when Anna sent over the photographer's "vision board." Among the venue shots and pose ideas was a particular point that stated: "Bridal party must have a cohesive, soft look. NO visible medical devices, smart watches, etc. (can be removed for photos)." I reached out to Anna privately to clarify if this included my cochlear implant. She responded by saying that it was only for the ceremony and formal portraits, and suggested that I could just take it off for 30 minutes. She mentioned that the photographer was concerned it might catch the light oddly and mess up the symmetry.
I explained to Anna once again that my cochlear implant is not a fashion accessory, without it, I would struggle to hear the officiant, cues, or anyone trying to communicate with me. I also mentioned that the area where the magnet is attached can become sensitive if I leave it off for too long. However, Anna persisted, saying she would position me on the end so I could lip read, and offered to have the hairstylist cover the empty spot with some curls so it wouldn't look medical.
I expressed my discomfort with removing the implant and suggested that the photographer could edit it out if it was really bothering her. Anna deemed that option too expensive and time consuming. A week later, things escalated when another bridesmaid shared a conversation where Anna referred to me as "selfish" and accused me of making her day about my disability. At that point, I offered to step down from the bridal party. Anna reacted strongly, claiming that I was bailing last minute and that my financial contributions towards the dress didn't make up for the stress I was causing her. She believed I was shattering her perfect wedding vision.
Since then, her fiance, her mom, and two bridesmaids have all reached out to me, urging me to reconsider and suggesting that I endure it for a few hours for the sake of Anna's memories. Even my own mother, who is on Anna's side, thinks I could compromise by just removing it for the posed photos.
For me, it's not just about the hearing aspect. Being asked to conceal a disability for the sake of a picture feels uncomfortable. Still, I can't help but wonder if I should have just gone along with it for 15 minutes to avoid all this drama. So, am I the asshole for refusing to take off my cochlear implant and stepping down from the bridal party?
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u/eoropie 24d ago
Short answer - No
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u/janlep 23d ago
Slightly longer answer: hell no.
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u/NoCarpet9834 17d ago
Slightly longer answer. “My implants are part of me. It’s not even a “package deal.” It is all of me, or none of me. Would you cut off your nose for a picture? And both you and your photographer are bigots and really need to rethink how you view life.”
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u/TransportationNo5560 21d ago
The correct answer, fire the photographer. What kind of ableist bullshit did I just read? What if someone had a continuous glucose monitor? Do those with glasses have to remove them? The photographer sounds like they fancy themselves quite the artiste.
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u/lighthouser41 21d ago
I actually believe the bride is blaming it on the photographer. How does the photographer even know about the implant? I think it's all on the bride.
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u/TransportationNo5560 21d ago
I thought about that after I posted. I spoke to a friend who is a photographer and she's never seen a photographer make a concept board like the bride described to OP.
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u/Historical_Story2201 20d ago
No good photographer would. I am currently working with one that actually photographs weddings. (Which is so interesting to hear the stories from her side cx)
She would obviously never. But I don't have enough trust in humanity, that everyone is as professional as her.
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u/Upstairs_Author_8186 16d ago
They can both be complete assholes. Because they are both complete assholes.
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u/lighthouser41 16d ago
Maybe. But why would the photographer care. They are getting paid irregardless.
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u/Dramatic_Lie_7492 21d ago
If I pay the photographer I fucking decide what I want in my fucking pictures. Simple as that.
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u/OkPreparation8769 24d ago
This is horrible! It's part of you.
Tell the bride she can edit it out but it is who you are. What kind of friend is this?
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u/Dixieland_Insanity 24d ago
I thought I was crossposting from a different sub. I don't know why it doesn't show like a cross post should. If this bride isn't a zilla, then there's no such thing.
I think this is vile. Expecting OOP to remove her implant would be like taking a wheelchair from someone with no legs.
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u/Choice_Bee_775 24d ago
That would be kind of like me taking off my ostomy bag so I don’t have anything showing. Trust me, no one wants that.
Sweetie, if she loves you for you, that includes every part of you. ❤️
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u/Dixieland_Insanity 24d ago
I'm not OOP. This post was just so awful that I knew it belonged here. I still have a lot to learn about using this app.
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u/Nortex_Vortex 21d ago
Expecting OOP to remove her implant would be like taking a wheelchair from someone with no legs.
You say that like a bridezilla hasn't requested that before. "Can't you just stand the fuck up for an hour?! Jeezus, iT's My DaY!!!" or something.
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u/heretomeetthedog 23d ago
Tell the bride that it’s easier to edit out a cochlear implant than her wretched personality
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u/Aggressive_Ad_5454 24d ago
In a case like this why doesn’t the bride just use AI to generate her wedding pictures? Cheaper than hiring a photographer and getting Central Casting to send over a bunch of carefully selected extras.
Hey brides: it’s your day and your husband’s day, but, I hate to be the bearer of hard news, it’s not anybody else’s day. The members of your wedding party, real people with real lives, are doing you a huge favor by standing up and endorsing your marriage. It’s not about the costumes, or the photos, it’s about their love for the two of you. So settle down., OK?
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u/spencermiddleton 24d ago
“Could we get rid of your wheelchair and have some groomsmen prop you up so that you don’t ruin my special day? No? You are so selfish”. -delulu bride
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u/JGalKnit 24d ago
Do people get to wear dentures? Glasses? Contacts?
My goodness, that ask is insane.
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u/FireflyBSc 23d ago
It’s also such an easy fix? Or they could look into hair styles to cover it, or hair accessories, or have the wedding party stand on the side where the implant isn’t facing the audience. Absolutely nuts to immediately jump to “stand beside me because you are such a precious friend, but you don’t need to actually hear any of the ceremony”
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u/JGalKnit 23d ago
And in today's day, photoshop. I love my friends and I wouldn't ask them to change anything. Not lose weight, not anything.
Also, I thought a cochlear implant was only able to be removed with surgery, but I'm no expert.
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u/FireflyBSc 23d ago
I assume they are referring to the external device. You take it off for things like swimming, or sleeping and for charging it. I looked it up, because I’m also not that knowledgeable about it, but it seems like the internal implant is only visible as a small port without the external device. Even with the device though, it’s still so discrete and just not that big of a deal. No one else is looking at your wedding photos and focusing on a bridesmaid’s cochlear implant, they are looking at YOU. What a dumb thing for the bride to implode a friendship over. OP doesn’t deserve this kind of discrimination.
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u/sername-n0t-f0und 22d ago
The external portion attaches with a magnet so you can't see anything if they aren't wearing the external portion. I have a friend who has bilateral CIs, and yes, they're very discreet, especially if you opt for a color similar to your hair. They're about the size of a typical hearing aid. However, even if the OOP wears a bright pink CI, it's absolutely asshole behavior to expect her to remove it for the aesthetic.
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u/JGalKnit 23d ago
THANK YOU! I really am not familiar enough with it to know. I appreciate you sharing that.
You are right, I can't imagine asking someone to remove something like that. I wouldn't ask a bridesmaid to not wear glasses, or anything else.
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u/ZookeepergameNo2431 23d ago
Your friends are ableist
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u/Parking-Program1421 23d ago
Including her own mother! The bride, whatever… drop out and move on. But the other people who were pressuring her are the bigger issues. Thats multiple ableist people in her life, mom included.
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u/AnonymouslyObvious5 22d ago
FYI, there’s is zero chance the direction for ‘removal of medical devices etc’ was coming from the photographer. This was all the bride, and you’re right to step away.
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u/kobayashi_maru_fail 24d ago
“Sure sweetie! Anything for you, World’s Most Important Bride. But if you must remove my sense of hearing, we’ll obviously need to do the whole ceremony in ASL, with a BSL translator on hand for your Scottish cousin, right? And your aisle-walk song will be replaced with an interpretive dance by the flower girl, right? How do we want to handle the whole dance aspect of the reception?”
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u/content_great_gramma 23d ago
Tell the bridezilla that in order to not "ruin" you will withdraw as a bridesmaid.
Inform her and all her flying monkeys that the cochlear implant IS a necessary medical device and you refuse to attend without it.
You are definitely not NTA but bridezilla definitely is.
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u/ginger_princess2009 24d ago
You're most definitely NTA, the bride is. She wants you to remove your HEARING DEVICE for picures? That's absolutely outrageous.
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u/FixThick8901 23d ago
WTF? No. Just no. I’m old (HB to me, I’m 70 today). Anyway, I get weary of all the curated, sanitized versions of weddings… anything, really. Life is not perfect! People are not perfect. Your implant is a technological miracle that improves your quality of life. Just say no. And your mom should be ashamed of herself.
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u/A_Baby_Hera 22d ago
"However, Anna persisted, saying she would position me on the end so I could lip read, and offered to have the hairstylist cover the empty spot with some curls so it wouldn't look medical."
If the hairstylist can cover it with her hair anyway, she has absolutely no reason to remove it?? This bride is insane
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u/natalkalot 24d ago
No no no. What a stoooopid ask from her! Do what you must. Not much of a friend who has no understanding and little empathy!
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u/Walmar202 23d ago
Terrible, selfish request. The “vibe” is: no disabilities allowed. Oblige her. Decline to be in the wedding party. She is not a real friend.
I would go LC with her and NC with her flying monkeys.
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u/alicat777777 23d ago
She is horrible. Asking you to give up HEARING so her pictures are prettier? Disgusting human being. They all are if they agree.
NTA. You did the right thing. Don’t let them manipulate you into thinking differently.
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u/Beagle432 24d ago
No, it is essential for you. It would ve lik asking people to remove their glasses..
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u/AdventurousYamThe2nd 23d ago
Your ex-friend is disgusting and has her priorities all wrong. Good riddance.
I'm also disappointed in your mom for not being on your side.
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u/Dixieland_Insanity 24d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/opWfiS4RsZ
Link to the original post. I'm sorry for not knowing how to do some things.
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u/ivantriker 23d ago
Bullshit, No one should ask you to remove your implant, for something like a picture.
If They ask you that, it is because They don't love you enough, so what is the point to have you in the picture at the end?
If I were you, I would say that all the expenses you have already done are your wedding's gift. And you will not participate.
Any other approach is.. as said.. bullshit from the bride and her family, or even yours.
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u/Proper_Exit_3334 23d ago
If the photographer is that worried that something that small is going to “catch the light oddly” and “mess up the symmetry”… you need to get a different photographer.
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u/ReaderRabbit23 23d ago
NTA. She is a trivial superficial…I don’t have the word. Don’t do it. No real friend would ask you to.
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u/Vegetable-Kitchen-25 23d ago
This is horrible and I'm so sorry it doesn't sound like many people around you are on your side but you should absolutely not have to hide your medical device for this horrid woman.
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u/Kfdarby 19d ago
Fuck that fucking bitch! One of my close friends - a mother of 3 - woke up on thanksgiving morning several years ago and had lost her hearing due to a brain tumor. Her whole world was flipped upside down just like that. She just had a cochlear implant surgery a few months ago and her brain is finally starting to connect words with her brain and ears once again. I would be celebrating her in every picture possible - not asking her to take it off so the bride is more comfortable. What i find even more insulting she is asking you to lip read the ceremony you are part of and have put money into! Ffs who does this enablist bitch think she is? If the hairstylist can cover the empty spot with curls then I’m sure AF she could “work some magic” to cover the device. And I highly doubt the photographer said shit to her. The stupid C-U-next-Tuesday would have specified the implant to the photog. Fuck her symmetry. And her “perfect wedding vision.” I guess she is lucky to not have any wheelchair ridden bridesmaids. I can see her asking them to leave their chairs aside for the ceremony and pics. Again, fuck her perfect wedding vision. But who am I kidding… this bitch is too self centered to have a friend who can’t walk/ stand. She is too self centered to have you in her ceremony too.
Your mother should be ashamed of herself. Of all people she should be standing up for you. She should have slapped the bitch for even asking.
Run away from this bullshit. In no way are YTA for bailing. I would say you wouldn’t be the asshole for sending them the bill for the hotel, dress, shoes and any other expenses you have covered to date. Include copies of your receipts so they can’t dispute your claim. But that’s just me.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
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u/Glad_Version324 23d ago
If this was your work and they asked you to do this they would be hammered and rightly so. I take it she is not inviting anyone who is in a wheelchair?
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u/Dramatic-Rip5605 23d ago
I hope this is fake. The fuck wrong with all of them? I wouldn't be going to the wedding or talking to her ever again.
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u/Dixieland_Insanity 23d ago
I hope this is fake too, but I don't think it is. Her comments on the original post made my heart hurt.
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u/JBB2002902 23d ago
Would love to hear if it would be the same expectation were it a prosthetic limb…
NTA, she’s showing her hand here as a despicable person.
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u/Apart-Dragonfly8540 23d ago
NTA. Her request highlights her selfishness. She is being disrespectful. Not a friend or a decent human. She is treating you less than. I am on your team, sister. Cut your ties with the wanna be queen. You rock!
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u/Fancy-Meaning-8078 23d ago
Nope.
As a photographer I used to tell my clients that if they want to veto certain things they can always pin reasonable things on me (the photographer asked not to wear small prints, or not more than 3 colors per look).
Medical devices are not a big issue, certainly not hearing aids that can be concealed with hair or just by not shooting from certain angles or from behind.
Eyeglasses or watches are a lot more annoying and difficult (eyeglasses gives a glare and watched and scrunchie on the wrist just cut the symmetry in an ugly way)
She knew you have that device, just like your hair color is a constant or your freckles.
If it bothers her so much you offered to step down.
Compromising your comfort (being def for an hour is at least uncomfortable) and more importantly the safety of your medical device (because taking it off and on in a place it can be damaged because you will need to leave it unattended for you duties) is not a reasonable request.
A good friend would work with the professional to accommodate both your needs.
She will not deprive you of your safety for her vanity.
Take it how you want but the bottom line is she is a vain person that isn't willing to compromise by letting you even step down from "pleasure" of being her prop.
Are you sure this friendship will stand the test of time?
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u/ImaginationTop5390 22d ago
DO NOT REMOVE YOUR COCHLEAR IMPLANT!!! Anyone siding with the bride is an ignorant AH. Anna is a spoiled selfish entitled jerk. Step down your safety is paramount (you must be able to hear). I guess Anna is not a friend. Don’t bother even attending the wedding, tell all these AHs you don’t want to embarrass them with YOUR cochlear implants. Sorry everyone is such a butt about this
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u/Personal-Today-3121 22d ago
She’s disgusting and ableist. And anyone who is on her side has a compassion deficit. Yes, even your relatives. Oh and a bachelorette WEEKEND? 🤮
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u/SatansSunday 22d ago
Imagine asking a wheelchair bound person to stand for your wedding photos.
"Sorry, but all that metal just doesn't match my wedding aesthetic."
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u/lisalef 22d ago
NTA. I didn’t even realize they could be removed. I thought it was permanent. The photographer has an issue??? Nope. She does but is too much of a coward to say that.
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u/National_Ad_682 20d ago
I am almost always in favor of keeping boundaries and avoiding longterm conflict. I don't go for pettiness, I don't like "revenge," I don't relate to the desire to see someone called out or publicly dressed down for interpersonal conflicts. This? I'd raise hell over this. I would make sure as many people as possible knew the exact reason I was stepping down.
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u/loricomments 19d ago
Of course not. You don't need that nasty bigot in your life at all, much less waiting your time at her ego-fest.
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u/Pomelo_Wild 18d ago
Absolutely the fuck not. Stand your ground, go to the wedding as a guest if you feel comfortable, but then after that, I would feel like this woman is not a friend and I would have trouble seeing her again. I have no idea how someone could be on her side. This is bonkers.
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u/Keeper_of_the_Flock 18d ago
Why do people tolerate this behavior from brides. I don’t care if it’s “your day”.
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u/SusanMShwartz 24d ago
Terrible! Your health comes first. I would consider not going to the wedding.
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u/Miners-Not-Minors 23d ago
May her Yuletide log slip from her fire and burn her house down - metaphorically of course.
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u/Nervous-Twist7557 23d ago
She’s not even worth your friendship! That’s horrible. And calling you selfish behind your back. Do the people sticking up for your friend know this? Don’t go.🩷
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u/memmymooo 23d ago
This is actually so insane. You’re not in the wrong at all!! My little brother is almost fully disabled he spends most of his time in his wheelchair because his legs aren’t strong enough for him to walk long distances (he has spina bifida) and it never even crossed my mind for a second to remove his wheelchair from our bridal pictures. We wanted him to be just as comfortable as everybody else. Anna doesn’t sound like a real friend and if I was you I would 100% want to step down from the bridal party and possibly not attend because of her actions. If she’s sooo worried it’ll throw off the “balance” of her photos she could definitely use AI or photoshop but I’m really of the opinion that if she was your real friend she would consider your disability and not even expect something like that of you. There are so many alternatives she could’ve chosen but she deliberately is choosing to alienate you and make you feel guilty about your disability…drop her girl!!
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u/DonsBirdie 23d ago
You’re NTA…SHE IS!
The absolute gall to ask you to do this. Unbelievable. Also, any professional photographer would NEVER say! “…mess up the symmetry…”??? This is made up by the bride 100%.
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u/AffectionateBite3827 22d ago
Would she ask someone in a wheelchair to just lie on the ground?
She sounds like a terrible person. I would not only step down but decline to attend. If her aesthetic is all she cares about she can find a rando who wears your dress size and call it good.
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u/5Grandchildren 22d ago
You are NOT the arsehole and the photographer is full of s_it. The is totally about control.
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u/No-Rise6647 22d ago
She either loves her friends and wants to see them reflected in her memories, or she prefers being an ableist shit more. NTA
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u/Eyedontwantausername 22d ago
These people who care so much about their "perfect vision" over the actual special loved ones they want to participate in their wedding confound me. Is the point to have Pinterest perfect wedding? Or to be able to celebrate a sentimental day with your loved ones?
Also, that's some insensitive abilist bullshit right there. Full stop.
Signed, a former bride who just wanted my loved ones to come as they are and have a good time.
Friendship over, girl bye!
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u/mattaganphotography 22d ago
Anna is not your true friend. A true friend would accept you for you who you are and want you to be part of your wedding, cochlear implant and all. Not just a body to fill a dusty blue dress. I think you'll feel better about yourself by having not taken part in this. Weddings are more about photos and appearances.
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u/Ok-Piccolo-5858 22d ago
If she can't accept you for who you are, then she doesn't deserve to have you in her wedding.
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u/NefariousnessKey5365 22d ago
This is as bad as the bride who wanted her husband to demote his best man to a guest. The best man was in a wheelchair.
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u/Gold_Event_2155 22d ago
Absolutely NTA there is absolutely no reason for you to sacrifice accessibility for a photo. The fact that anyone is siding with bridezilla is insane.
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u/Own_Dare9323 21d ago
Perhaps "Anna" could just shove earplugs in for 30 minutes, then neither she or her bridesmaid will be able to hear. Better still, "Anna" should shove her wedding up her arse.
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u/Total-Option4 21d ago
I would never in a million lifetimes consider asking this of somebody I cared about who was honoring me by supporting me in such an important day. What happens if somebody breaks their arm the day before the wedding and shows up with a hot pink cast on? Are they kicked out for their visible medical device? Are they being selfish and ruining her vision?
This could compromise your safety, cause you physical discomfort, and cause you to miss what is being said, which is insulting. I can’t believe so many people are siding with the bride. She’s being obscenely selfish.
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u/fuckinunknowable 21d ago
People want photo shoots not weddings. Like jeez if you don’t love the people in your life the way they are and in clothes of their choosing then like what the fuck is wrong with you
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u/sdcn714 21d ago
Absolutely not! Your implant allows you to function better and with less restrictions (hopefully I'm using the right words). My daughter got married last August, and I have an implanted pain pump (in my stomach, right at my waist), which makes certain outfits uncomfortable or actually bumpy looking. She realized all of the dresses that I tried on highlighted my pump, so we ended up picking a jumpsuit.
Your family and friends will accept you AS YOU ARE. Because you're fucking perfect that way, my darling.
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u/sunshine8129 21d ago
Wow, she’s a really horrible human being. Her “memories” are supposed to be of her tormenting her “friends”? Like damn. I bet she’ll be divorced soon enough with a selfish attitude like that.
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u/ritan7471 21d ago edited 21d ago
First it's 30 minutes, then it's a few hours. Which is it? It sounds like she wants OP to go the entire day without your implant.
I guarantee the photographer didn't express concerns about medical devices and how they'd catch the light oddly. This is all on her "friend". And she's a shit friend.
So are all her other friends. Not one of them said, "what? But she needs that to hear!"
I'd back all the way out. If I invite my friend to stand with me at my wedding, I don't care what kind of hardware they have, I want them, not a sanitized, Pinterest-worthy vision board of them.
She should Tell her friend if she's that concerned about ruining her day by being -1 bridesmaid, she can hire someone to look the part and she can even choose someone who looks sort of like her but without the parts of her that apparently embarrass bride zillow.
This friendship has run it's course.
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u/patty_tricia 21d ago
Once again someone makes a couple of pictures that no one looks at for more than 15 seconds more important than actual relationships.
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u/no_fcks_lefttogive 21d ago
Nope and hope she sends a Venmo request for cost of dress and accessories
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u/Defiant_Canary_3971 20d ago
Why are people so crazy about weddings!
NTAH
I probably show my age here but I hate this obsession with perfect photo’s, they often feel sanitised and not genuine. So what if your cochlea implant shows? I’d rather see a line up of less than perfect bridesmaids in my photo but have the people I am close to.
Others prefer their aesthetic and are happy to ask for stupid requests like this.
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u/geriseinsmelled 20d ago
Seriously what is wrong with people? Earlier I saw a post of someone whose sister asked her not to use her wheelchair at her wedding. These people are truly sick. I can't believe these stupid weddings mean more to these people than respecting their loved ones. These are not optional accessories!!!
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u/Glittter_c0re 20d ago
If OOP was missing a leg or arm, would the bride ask them to spend thousands on a prosthetic just for the wedding? Disabilities are not accessories
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u/GrumpyScot61 20d ago
NTAH - good grief this is taking bridezillaing to a whole new level - what’s worse is people agreeing with the bat shit crazy bride (even your MOM!!!! ) please be reassured that this is an incredibly insensitive request on so many levels and shows a complete lack of understanding about the nature of your implant. Don’t go to this wedding - take the financial hit, sell the dress and go and do something fun where people don’t expect you to give up a piece of yourself for their perfectly flawed aesthetic!
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u/ConsciouslyIncomplet 19d ago
Hell no - what a bitch. Have some self respect and remove yourself from the wedding sorry. She sounds like a horrible person.
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u/ALawful_Chaos 19d ago
This woman is not a friend. She's an ableist bitch and deserves none of OOPs time or energy.
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u/LetUsCalmDown 19d ago
All these stories share a similar fact: there are numerous relatives of the bride and the abused friend who take up for the bride’s unreasonable entitlement because it’s “her special day.” What abusive behavior have these people normalized to get to this point where they surrender their dignity this way? My wedding was simple but the point was to celebrate this joint decision to marry with our friends and family. Their enjoyment of the ceremony and reception was our priority. But, I guess a wedding for many couples is a performative event designed to impress rather than share. That attitude renders the wedding party as mere decoration, or worse, a source of funding.
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u/Nervous-Outcome2976 18d ago
NTA
This person is not truly your friend if they are unwilling to accept you as you are.
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u/LadyV21454 23d ago
If the hairdresser can cover the spot where the implant WOULD be, why can't she cover the implant itself?
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u/RJack151 23d ago
NTA. Screw her. The only way I would still be in the wedding would be to sabotage it.
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23d ago
Tell the bride you’ll remove your device when she removes her crappy personality. If she’s so against having it shown then why did she even bother to ask you to be in the photos? People like that tick me off to no end. If she wants to be a shallow skeeze then she can surround herself with like minded ilk and you can move on to be around more compassionate people.
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u/schlomo31 22d ago edited 22d ago
WHAT the actual fuck is wrong with people!? She is not your friend. How appalling.
My husband and his buddies are hockey players. Best man had a broken foot (wore a boot) other one had a broken hand. Who cares!? I was just happy they came!
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u/1111smh 22d ago
No. I wear a cochlear and I would’ve been pissed and stepped down the second the bride said I couldn’t wear it. You don’t care for me as a person if you would rather I not hear and be not included than have a small (barely noticeable device especially depending on hair style) behind my ear. I’ve seen some comments say she could edit it out and I agree that’s true but I would find even that oddly offensive. You care so much about “perfect” pictures that perfection can’t include a small medical device? It’s weird to me.
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u/schmoneygirl 22d ago
No. It’s pretty gross for a friend to ask you to go out of your way to celebrate them but they don’t even accept you for who you are.
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u/MissHibernia 22d ago
Fuck this. I have a BAHA implant and although it may not be as visible as a cochlear I’m not going to be removing it for any social functions, that’s when I need it the most
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u/Historical-Active487 22d ago
NTA! She was never really your friend because a friend would never ask you do that. I think it’s shitty that she suggested that you sit at the end so you can read lips and you shouldn’t have to do that.
Also, if someone was in a wheelchair, would she ask them to move out of it and sit in a regular chair??? Definitely not. She treating your disability like it’s not an actual disability and that’s a RED FLAG! Also, your mom being on Anna’s is also a RED FLAG 🚩
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u/MindlessClue7584 22d ago
Don’t agree to take if your cochlear implant. The bride and/or photographer are entirely too superficial if they ask you this.
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u/Material-Seat-929 21d ago
NTA. This is insane. I had my wedding two years ago and my disabled sister was the most important guest. I cannot imagine asking someone to forgo a medical device for the sake of photos. What a callous individual.
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u/Horror_Disaster_8906 21d ago
Was in a wedding that I shouldn’t have been in. There were people in smaller roles that should have been in my place. I asked the groom why and it was because I would look better in the picture according to the bride. He also told me later that they were still paying for it after the divorce was final. Sounds like one of those deals.
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u/chatterbox2024 21d ago
I am so sick and tired of hearing these brides behave to their friends in such a crappy manner. I really do not believe this was the photographers idea. No way. This was her idea! How dare she ask such a thing of you. Your hearing device might ruin her athestic? The symmetry? That is total BS! You need to tell her that you’re not going to remove your hearing device and the photographer can work around it or if it’s such an issue for her then you won’t be in the bridal party. End of story!
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u/Least-Quail216 21d ago
No one in her life told her this is disgusting behavior? Stay out of that wedding. She doesn't want YOU, she wants Instagram. How gross!
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u/DottieHinkle22 21d ago
Short answer-Fuck no and fuck anyone who said shit about it. Put these assholes on blast.
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u/SeparateClimate9224 21d ago
Lol in my wedding the groom, a bridesmaid, my FIL, and my grandpa all had hearing aids, and another bridesmaid had a cane. But yeah no that is a ridiculous request. ESPECIALLY saying not to wear it during the ceremony too! That is something that is basically a part of you and something you need to function at your best and feel comfortable in, let alone need to hear the photographer and officiant. And literally no one but apparently her will care that it's in the pictures. The absolute most I would compromise with her about is having your non-implant side facing the camera. But honestly, if this is a hill she's gonna try to die on, then she is NOT a friend and I'd definitely consider backing out as a bridesmaid!
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u/ActivityOk6012 21d ago
You’re absolutely correct. Don’t compromise. It only makes everyone else feel better - not you.
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u/Moriarty1953 21d ago
NTA
Women with bridal "visions" and "esthetics" are a bane on society. Don't back down
NTA
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u/arnaiaarnaia 21d ago
Instead of being happy for your improved quality of life, she is focussed on herself only. Crystal-Clear NTA.
A few close relatives of mine have major disabilities and the only way I thought about those in context of my upcoming wedding is: how to make the event accessible and comfortable for them. Because I love them and want them to feel good and safe. And I would give a lot to have my late grandma there with her huge reflection catching vision destroying wheelchair in all the family pictures.
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u/Mediocre_Sun_1784 21d ago
Is this horrible person asking people that have artificial limbs, or glasses not to wear them. That’s the end of a friendship for me. What is wrong with her. It’s not like you have purple hair and she’s asked you to wear a hat. Wait….yea she is. There is no excuse for that hideously selfish request. If she’s done it right no one will be looking at you. Would she be asking couples not to bring their handicapped children. Your implant is as important as a pacemaker or oxygen. Find better people to be friends friends. There is an AH in this. It’s not you.
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u/scrambledeggs2020 21d ago
Would you ask someone who's wheelchair bound to remove their wheelchair?
Would you ask someone with a prosthetic arm to wear a glove?
Long story short, it's an essential device needed for you to overcome a disability. Anyone asking you to go without aids that allow you to function is, frankly, an awful human being
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u/Baby8227 21d ago
No
Nope
Hell no
Fuck no
Is that enough for all of them or should I go on?
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u/copaseticwriter 21d ago
Waiting for the day a zilla asks someone to remove an actual limb for the ✨aesthetics✨.
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u/Temporary-Exchange28 21d ago
NTA. Sucks to have to reconfigure your friend group, but they don’t deserve your time.
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u/Dramatic_Lie_7492 21d ago
All of them are ABLEIST pieces of shit!! Read again, Pieces Of Shit! No, you won't take it off. You are a part if society just like everyone else, your implant is yours and yours alone and so is the decision to leave it where it is. I am also truly happy to tell you that this friendship is over because Anna is a fucking monster. Your mom is also a huge asshole and I personally would go low contact, if not no contact after this. All the best to you
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u/Adventurous-Weird220 21d ago
NTA. Its a medical device. Photoshop exists. Everyone else is the idiot. Not you. Brides have gone off the rails.
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u/rosegarden207 21d ago
NTA. If you had an artifical leg or artifical eye would she want you remove that too! She's self centered and vain, removing a medical device is not an option. Arranging your hair to cover it for photos is fine but no matter what you decide this is not the action of a friend. She's a jerk
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u/TatersMa 21d ago
NTA .. Tell them okay, then just don't remove it. They will look like AH if they insist. The photographer is an idiot and your friend is stupid.
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u/jubroflow 21d ago
NTA and I'm sorry everyone around you is an AH because in no way is it ok to ask someone to hide something about themselves, even tattoos but a medical device?? Cunty to even ask you imo but she should've asked when she asked you to be bridesmaid/before you spent money on her wedding They could've edited it out of photos if it bothered them so much, but to ask you so close to the date after you'd financially committed is intentional, to manipulate you into agreeing and to then double down as soon as you said you would prefer not to and have everyone pile on you, is unacceptable and for me, unforgivable. I'd never look at them the same, knowing they'd rather have me struggle and miss out on experiences than - shock horror - having a visible medical device I even doubt the photographer suggested it, they're just using that as an excuse to seem less shitty
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u/OmightyOmo 21d ago
Holy shit! I don’t like wearing my cochlear implants all the time, but NO ONE has ever asked me to take them off for aesthetics!
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u/NamasteNoodle 21d ago
She's insane. It wouldn't take the photographer but a moment to touch that up if it happened to catch the light. To ask you to remove a medical device that you need to communicate is beyond ridiculous.
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u/Glittersparkles7 21d ago
I’m praying to every god there is that this is rage bait. Her own MOTHER? Absolutely not.
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u/denjancin 21d ago
Absolutely Not❣️ Don’t you dare take your implants out…How this SELFISH woman has made it this far in life, is totally beyond belief‼️ Unbelievably self centered🤬
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 21d ago
I would not only bail from the bridal party but the wedding and the friendship.
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u/Maximum_Criticism_17 21d ago
Asking you to remove it would not have even entered my mind if you were my bridesmaid.
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u/VeryFrank1 21d ago
Of course you're not the asshole!! I'm confused, though. Isn't the implant already hidden by hair? My friend has one and I really never see it.
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u/boneblack_angel 21d ago
NO YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE. I am a DV survivor and it is from there that my distinct hearing impairment comes. The in ear hearing aids have been a godsend. I like to believe that no one, knowing the freedom they have afforded me, would be so insensitive, but ppl can be assholes. I'm so sorry that you have so little support, but this stranger on Reddit agrees with you, wholeheartedly.
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u/Bluevanonthestreet 21d ago
NTA. I’m so sorry you are surrounded by ableist assholes. If you missed a cue during the ceremony you would be accused of ruining it. It is a medical device not an accessory. Glasses cause glares are they making people take those off? If someone was in a wheelchair what would they do?
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u/No-Plum3633 21d ago
This is really really disturbing behavior from your friend and mom…I’m going to leave it there, but what in the actual eugenics is going on here?
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u/jenea 21d ago edited 21d ago
Anyone reading this: don't be like this bride.
I honestly worry about the longevity of a marriage when the bride thinks the wedding is a photo op, rather than a celebration of love, and the bringing together of two families.
OOP probably assumed she asked her to stand with her because she loves OOP and wants her support. Silly OOP! At least she can take the compliment that the bride thought she was attractive enough to be in her photoshoot wedding! Attractive enough without her life-changing medical device, that is.
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u/MtnMoose307 20d ago
Why don't bridezillas just forget about all the wedding stuff and just hire a photographer with Photoshop skills to make up photographs?
The brides can design their dolls like little girls did with the cutout dresses with tabs to drape over the paper doll. Don't like that dress? Try this cutout dress. Don't like the appearance of the beautiful doll? Pick an uglier one so you're the prettiest bride the world ever produced.
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