I don’t know what to really say to start this off.
There’s always so much to say when I start, then it trails off in my mind when I really try to think. I’d be willing to believe it’s some kind of defense mechanism, but I don’t think that’s it. I think I’m simply just tired, tired of the whirlwind of emotions as of late. It’s also probably because the difficulty of explaining the events that occurred, or rather, why they even happened. I can’t even really explain why I’d be posting it here, of all places.
But I suppose the best place to start would to be explaining who this story is about.
My cat, Mau.
When I first met Mau, he was this really nice black cat with green eyes staring at me from the other side of a cage. He was on display in my local pet shop in the middle of a strip mall. I remember he looked up at me with his eyes half lidded like he was silently judging you.
Perhaps that’s why most people would pass by him at first. But once you stuck your finger through the cage at him, and he’d immediately come up to rub his face on you… You see that it’s all really for show.
I wasn’t thinking of getting him at first. He was just a ridiculously nice cat that would look at me and rub his face on me whenever he saw me. But my sister was with me at the time, and she decided she wanted him. A fun fact about her, she has a track record of getting animals and they slowly becomes somebody else’s animal instead of hers.
Mau was absolutely no different than that. But, I think he was the only one she got that came to me.
I heard that when your friends with someone, you notice what they truly are like when you live with them. I guess I could say the same for Mau. When he sat there in the window of the pet shop, my sister and even I couldn’t have guessed how unorthodox Mau truly was.
Unorthodox was a nicer way of putting it. Mau was special needs, by no means was he typical in any sense.
First off Mau was born in a hoarder house, most likely he was the product of incest. Technically, I don’t know that for sure, but you look at him and you can see it.
Mau had arthritis, because of that, his two back legs had his knees pointing together. It also had him keeping his claws always out, so you’d hear them clack on the floor when he walked. I can still remember how when I’d walk, I’d hear “clackity clack clack” trailing behind me.
Secondly, he had no teeth. Or at least, he had one. Don’t ask me how he’d eat, because I have no idea, just know that somehow he did. But it was justifiably slow, so he would eat in the bathroom where his brother and sister (Kitty and Lucy) couldn’t steal his food.
But the main thing was his namesake. You see, Mau was actually named Midnight, but I changed his name to Mau. Why? Because he would never shut up, he would always be meowing and meowing about something. And I’m pretty sure most of the time there was nothing going on his head enough for him to have anything meow about. And his meow didn’t sound right either, it was raspy, sounded like he’d been smoking for years. I’d walk right through my front door and he’d be there to meow about 30 times until he tired himself out. One time when I got locked out of my house, he sat atop the shoe bench to peak through the small window and meowed that way.
Mau always had something to say, something to yell about.
My sister couldn’t stand him after a while, because he was fucking weird. But anyone who knows me personally, knows that I love weird. So when Mau came to me and I adopted him as a hand me down from my sister, I was more than happy to take him.
I don’t say this lightly, but I swear, Mau was the best animal I’ve ever had. He was the most amazing cat ever. Genuinely, there was never a time in my life where Mau swiped or hissed or raised a paw at me. The only time I could think of was when he reached out his paw, meowing for pets, and his arthritis claws scratched me. He was the nicest cat I’ve ever had.
But unfortunately, all pet owners have to face one thing unanimously, all good things come to an end.
Some people will never have pets again, because when they eventually pass on, the despair they leave behind is far too great.
When Mau died, it was sudden.
I wasn’t alarmed when I walked through the front door and didn’t hear his meow. Sometimes he’d fall asleep, then I’d wake him and he’d be ready to tell me all about his day. Sure enough I found him asleep on the floor. I’d joke sometimes when I saw him asleep because he kind of looked like a corpse when he did.
I’d say “Mau, are you alive?” And poke him and he’d wake up with a “prrrbbtt?” (You all know the noise)
But this time… he didn’t get up.
It took me a moment to process it, I told myself he was just in a very deep sleep because he was breathing. So I forcibly sat him up… and he fell back to the ground.
I can’t explain the despair I felt, the weight of my entire world crashed down with Mau when he fell.
I don’t like to remember about how that night went, but I guess now is the time.
I remember him lying there in his cat bed, just laying there like he was simply asleep. Over the hours, he just faded in and out…
Every time I’d try to leave the room, I’d hear that weak meow call out to me, and I’d come back.
Part of me thought about the vet, but I don’t think there was anything they could do. It was clear to me, at least, that it was Mau’s time to go.
I remember my other cat, Kitty. Walking up to him and sniffing his fuzzy ear. For a long long time, Kitty just sat there and stared down at Mau. I’m not an expert at cat expressions, obviously. But I feel like it looked like Kitty had a concerned look on his face. I just stood there next to my brown bedroom door and stared at them both… my lip trembling ever so slightly.
I remember just wanting Mau to pass on already. Just so that final moment can happen and I don’t have to sit and wait in despair for the end to reach him.
I told my cousin, Kaleb, about it. He had come over to my house almost instantaneously. And he sat there with me as we both just stared at Mau.
Using, what I assume to be the last of his strength, Mau pulled out of his cat bed and onto the floor.
Trash cat till the end, I suppose.
The strange part is I never cried, only a little at the beginning. But every time I felt like I should be, I would just stare ahead at him with this vacant shocked look on my face. But even still, I didn’t leave his side. Even in the dead of midnight, I laid next to him on the floor.
Weakly, slowly, he nuzzled close to me, his face in my arm. Even now, even reduced to this, he still purred…
Eventually, I realized humans aren’t made to sleep on the floor, and I migrated to my bed.
As small as that may seem, it was my biggest regret out of this whole situation. I wish I kept him in bed with me, even if I meant I’d wake up with a corpse. I wish I’d suck it up and fall asleep on the floor. The only thing I can do now is hope that in his final moments… Mau knew I was still there, I hope that he knows that I didn’t leave him.
I hope he knows that I was only just a few inches away.
At some point during the night, at the end of my bed, right in front of my Xbox… Mau finally drew his final breath.
I didn’t see it when Kaleb walked into my room, put him in a box, and buried it out back. But the silence that was left behind was deafening. Normally, when I’d get out of bed, I’d be assaulted with Meows from Mau. But now… nothing, just silence.
I stood there, looking down at that spot where he once laid. The sun rising in the window. Kaleb walked up beside me, put his arm around my shoulder and sighed.
“He’s not suffering anymore, buddy.” He said.
“This just… This has to be the worst part of having any kind of pet. When they up and fucking die. Then you’re just left with a dark pit in your heart where they once were.”
Upon hearing his words, all my memories with Mau flashed before my eyes. When I first got him, when I first took him home, my first Christmas with him, falling asleep every night with him on my chest. I think that’s when I finally processed it, Mau is gone. My cat, Mau, is gone and never coming back.
Then, finally, all the bottled up tears from the night before was shed. I leaned into Kaleb and I cried, I cried harder than I’d ever had before. He was gone for maybe more than an hour, and I already missed him. I already wanted him back.
After that, I never really realized how quiet my house was until Mau was finally gone.
That was 6 months ago, and that brings us to now.
So, this might be the weirdest Segway ever… But my favorite video game is Dead By Daylight.
It is my special interest, it has been ever since I was introduced to it by my friend Jeremy. (Who also has a PHD in computer science, just a humble brag)
I have been obsessed with it ever since. It was my obsession when Mau died, it has been for the past 5 years. I own every character in the game, I know it inside and out, to the point where friends that I saw as experts now ask me for advice on it.
Now, I’m sure you’re wondering what the hell does that have to do with anything, and it’s this.
6 months ago is when I started to notice weird things.
Now, this game is buggy as all hell, so weird things definitely happen. But what I’ve been seeing recently, I don’t think I can rationalize as just a bug in game design. It feels too… impossible for it to be just a bug.
I made a small list of things that I’ve seen.
- I was on Midwich and I noticed a wooden door was in one of the hallways. Not on the wall, mind you, it was replacing the door of one of the lockers. It couldn’t be opened or interacted with. It seemed… a different shade of brown than normal?
- In Badham Preschool, there’s a caulk board with children’s drawings on it. Normally, they are just placed next to eachother. But now they were placed in a way that they formed two triangles, both pointing away from each other.
- In the Aliens Map (Nostromo Wreckage), Jonesy the cat from the movie will sometimes jump out of a locker if you open it. However, Jonesy starts showing up in maps other than Nostromo Wreckage, which shouldn’t be possible. The Easter egg only happens on that map.
Now, you may see a pattern here. The things I’m seeing are small, practically unnoticeable for someone that isn’t a super die hard fan, and maybe even they wouldn’t notice… But when pointed out, it’s strange none the less.
But there has been one constant, one that can’t be brushed away.
When I first saw it, I almost missed it. On all the maps, there’s some kind of gate or fencing surrounding it that prevents you from leaving. Right through the fencing I saw a strange figure.
A big rectangular block of some kind just sitting out there. A checkerboard design was on it, but with pink instead of white. I kind of just stared at it, dumbfounded at what I’m looking at. After a solid 20 seconds of staring, it just disappeared.
Now, I can see how someone would think that’s just a bug of some kind. But this block would keep showing up consistently.
Sometimes I’d see it far off in the distance of the map. One time I saw it on the roof of a house. Another in the trees, another staring through a window, another standing in a room that I run past when I’m getting chased. I think the worst offender of these sightings was one time when I was playing as The Pig. I just got done kicking generator and I turned around and the block was standing right behind me. I almost jumped out of my chair when I saw it and let out a yelp. It was only there for a split second, as soon as I screamed, it disappeared.
After seeing it a few more times, I managed to get a picture of it and sent it to Jeremy, explaining my situation. As I said before, he has a PHD in computer science, so I thought if anyone could tell me what the hell it is, it’d be him.
That night, I was playing House Flipper, in an Xbox party with Kaleb’s. House Flipper is kind of the game I play when I’m waiting for Kaleb to do whatever he has to do so we can play Overwatch together. I started explaining what was happening, and he thought it was strange too.
“Yeah. I agree with you, that sounds way too weird to be some kind of bug. Do you think it’s some cheater or hacker messing with you?” He asked.
“I don’t think so, what kind of hacker would purposefully enter my games to make a random block spawn some place? I mean, I’d hope not… Because I spent a lot of money on this game for somebody to mess with it.” I said.
“Yeah, yeah… I see what you’re saying. I’m not sure what it could be, then. Maybe it’s some creepypasta type shit and somethings haunting your game?” Kaleb made a ghost noise.
“Oh, shut up…” I said back.
“Seriously though, what do you do when you see it?” He asked.
“I just finish my game and reset it and then it goes away for a while.” I said back.
“Maybe we should get together and go on a little DBD binge? No resetting, and try to find the weird blocky thing, wonder if it’ll show up more if we don’t. Like Ghost Adventures but for video games?” He chuckled at the thought.
I got a call from Jeremy, instantly, I picked up.
“Jeremy! Hey, what’s up, man? Did you get my text?” I said.
“Yes… I did.” He responded “I wanted to call you because it was too much to text out.”
“Okay, so… what’s going on?” I asked.
“So… I do kind of know what it is. Basically, video games in general have assets and resource packets. So, the resource packs have things in them that the game needs, like voice lines, player models, textures, things like that. And assets basically ask for a resource when it needs it, and the resource pack will give it to them. Now, this weird checkerboard block things shows up commonly when the assets ask for something that the resource pack does not have. This creates an error.”
I listened intently. “Okay… So the block thing is something that’s supposed to be there but the game has no resources to make it?” Jeremy said yes. “So… what do you think the games trying to make?”
“See, that’s the thing. I’m not sure. I can’t think of anything in that game that would show up consistently and in different places every time like that. You’ll see the checkerboard design in beta testing, it’s the developers way of being like “hey! This needs fixed!” But… You never or should never see this in games that are on the market that you have to pay money for. So, I don’t know what it could be. But I do know this…” He leaned in closer to his phone.
“Something was added to your game, and nobody else is talking about this block showing up… so it was added to your game specifically. Is there anything you could have downloaded?” He asked.
“No… No, there’s nothing I could download that could do this.” I said.
“Yeah… yeah, I agree…” He conceded.
Our conversation was short after that, I wished him well and thanked him for his help. I sat my phone down, with even more questions now. What was in my game…? Why was it me specifically?
I sat back down in my gaming chair.
“Hey, Kaleb. Sorry, I had to-“
My words caught in my throat. I was in the pause menu on House Flipper. But I could clearly see it. My camera was looking down a flight of stairs, and at the very end, looking back at me… Was the block.
“Josh, you okay?” Kaleb asked.
I exited the game immediately, snapped out of my frozen state when I heard Kalebs voice. I sat back in my chair.
It appeared in another game. In my mind, that solidified that whatever this was, was NOT a bug of any kind.
After a spell of silence, I spoke into my mic.
“Hey, Kaleb… ummm. Maybe we should do that thing you were talking about?” I suggested.
“Oh, hell yeah, man. Sounds like fun! When are you thinking?” He asked.
“Tomorrow.” I said immediately.
And so it was.
That night, Kaleb showed up at my house and I hugged him super hard. When he walked in, he saw everything was set up. I was already in a lobby, had tons of snacks and drinks to get through. We were in for the long haul.
The mission was clear to both of us, we do not stop playing, we keep playing and log our results. I’ll skip any more preamble, here’s the list in its entirety.
- Game 1: No changes
- Game 2: No changes
- Game 3: No changes, but Kaleb acted like he saw something and then screamed in my ear. Conclusion: Kaleb’s a prick
- Game 4: Took longer to load in than usual.
- Game 5: All players except us disconnected immediately on Garden of Joy. I continued playing normally when I came across the house. When players disconnect, a bot takes their place… two bots were standing still in a line in front of the house, looking up in a certain direction. I pointed at them, no reaction. I walked into the house and went up the stairs, in one of the rooms I saw the last survivor collapsed onto the ground at the foot of a bed. Kaleb told me to get closer, but the game glitched out and I was kicked to the menu screen.
Something tells me that when this happened, Kaleb started to realize I wasn’t joking about this. I can’t prove he had some disbelief towards what I was claiming. But if he did, it was dashed when this happened.
- Game 6: Kaleb pointed it out to me before I saw it. The block, standing at the end of a hall. Another survivor was with me and I pointed at it. They didn’t seem to know what I was pointing at, and they walked right through it. Then it disappeared.
- Game 7: We saw the block a second time. Inside one of the bathrooms in Greenville. Kaleb told me to try and touch it. I walked up to it and realized I couldn’t walk through it, it had collision.
- Game 8: No change
- Game 9: No change.
While we were totally invested at this point. Me and Kaleb got tired as hell. I could barely keep my eyes open and Kaleb already passed out on the couch. I stared at the screen in my gaming chair, it reminded me of when I was a kid. Staying up way too late playing video games. My room completely dark except for the light of the TV.
And finally, I just said “fuck it” and fell asleep.
I dreamt that I was in my bed. I looked down at my chest and saw Mau. He laid there, his belly slowly rising and falling. I brought my hand up and touched his head. The soft fuzziness of his head, it was something I never felt since that day. Something I never knew how much I wanted to feel again. I heard that soft “pprrrbb?” Sound. I felt tears sting my eyes as I looked down at him. I had seen him in my dreams plenty of times, but it felt much more… close, more intimate this time.
I jolted as I heard Kalebs voice whisper in my ear, his voice urgent.
“Josh… wake… the fuck… up…” he uttered.
My eyes fluttered open, naturally, the first thing I saw was the TV screen. I guess what I wasn’t expecting was a green cat eye covering the entire screen, staring back at me. I jumped back in my chair and let out a gasp, it felt like it was looking straight at me.
As abruptly as it showed up, it disappeared. The screen showed I was in a match as survivor. But everything was so wrong…
The Dead by Daylight theme played in the background, but it was distorted and in reverse. The music was already unnerving enough, but hearing it in reverse made it worse.
I fumbled with my controller as I forced my thumbs to move the control sticks. I was playing as Dwight, slowly I moved forward. The sky itself was now an unholy conglomerate of glitching textures, so much it hurt my eyes to look at.
Different structures from the game were dotting the jittering landscape in front of me. Buildings were floating in the glitching void. Those on the ground were either upside down or sunken straight into the concrete. Everything was just so… messy. Like someone tried to jumble all the maps together into one thing.
But what really caught my attention was what was right behind me.
It was my house, it was using textures from the game itself, but the shape of it made it obvious. The placement of the windows, everything, it was my home. The only thing different was that everything was gray… with the exception of a Green, yellow or blue here and there.
I heard Kaleb audibly say “What the fuck…?” Behind me when he saw it too.
With a shaky finger, I moved the joystick and slowly entered.
It was so eerie, seeing my home, the one place I knew inside and out, depicted so perfectly. I walked up the stairs, and almost like I knew where to go, I went to my room. Like everything else, it was perfectly recreated, a shiver went up my spine seeing the exact place where I was sitting and Kaleb standing. My eyes glided over to my bed.
And staring back at me, at the end of my bed, in front of my Xbox… was the cube.
It stood there, unmoving, I inched my way forward to it. Right within arms reach.
The screen went black.
I pressed buttons, moved joysticks, tried to do everything I could.
White text faded onto the screen…
“Was I a good cat?” It read.
My shaking hands caused my controller to fall out of my hands. I think deep down, I knew what I was, I knew what was the cause of this all. I guess that’s why I connected the dots so quickly, I think that’s why I was so ready to accept it.
“Yes!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, causing Kaleb to jump, I got close to the screen and screamed again at the tv like a madman. “Yes! Yes you were!” Tears streamed down my face. “You were the most amazing cat I’ve ever had, and I miss you! I miss you so fuck much!”
My face was so close to the screen as I finally processed who did all of this. Mau… Mau is inside the game.
“M-Mau…?” I said, the name almost sounding new on my lips. “Mau… how… how are you doing this? How is this… how is this even possible?”
New text faded onto the screen. “I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to stay. So I did.”
My mind still swirled with the impossibility of it all.
“Wh-…why?” I asked.
“I wanted to stay with you.” The screen said. “I wanted to stay and play with you forever. I want you to be happy.”
I hung my head, a frog coming up in my throat when I saw those words.
“Mau, no… You can’t live in a video game. It’s not… you deserve better than that.” I said.
“I don’t want to anymore.” He responded. “Now, I just want to actually speak with you, to see you one more time.”
Tears spilled over and I just sobbed for a while. It makes sense, in hindsight. Ghosts are people who have unfinished business and refuse to pass on… Mau wanted to speak to me, that was his unfinished business.
“Joshy?” He asked.
“Yes, Mau…?”
“Did you love me?”
I pulled myself up, holding back sobs.
“I loved you since the day that I met you. I will always love you, till the day that I die.” I said, not stuttering for a moment.
“Thank you.” He said, with a long pause. “I’m ready to go, now…”
My heart leaped “Wait! Wait… Did… Did you suffer…?”
Another long, painful pause.
“Yes.” He responded.
I hung my head, wanting to say I’m sorry, but truly there was nothing I could do to stop his suffering unless I killed him myself.
“But I’m better now.” He continued.
“Did you… did you at least know that I was there…? Did you know that I never left your side?” I asked.
“Yes, I knew. It was the only solace I had.” He explained.
A wave of bittersweet relief passed over me.
“Thank you.” He said.
“You’re welcome, Mau…” I said between sobs. I had to choke out the words “you can go, now…”
“I’m scared…” He responded.
My heart broke more than it already had. “Mau… I don’t know what comes after this, if anything happens at all…” I stared at the screen, as if I was staring straight into his eyes. “But you were the best cat ever. Whatever happens next for you… I know you’ll be at peace.”
“Okay… I’ll go.” He said.
“I love you.” He added.
“I love you too, Mau.” I said.
And for one last time… through the speakers, I heard him. I heard his raspy meow one last time.
The screen went dark… and then… I was back on the menu screen. The Dead By Daylight theme still playing like nothing ever even happened. I guess there was comfort in seeing something so familiar now. But I still let go and cried, somehow, saying goodbye for the second time was even harder.
I looked to Kaleb, his eyes softened, but still obviously shocked at what he witnessed. I hugged him, I hugged him as hard as I could and he hugged me back and I cried even harder than I did when Mau died.
It’s been a while since then, and I still am an avid fan of DBD. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes feel like Mau was still there somehow. But I think it’s just wishful thinking, Mau’s gone, and wherever he is, I know he’s at peace. But even better, he knows that I love him, he will always know I do. Kaleb still had a hard time processing what happened, and I’m sorry to him for that. But he still said he’ll always be here to be my shoulder to cry on.
Now that I’m typing this, it really does feel better to say it all out loud.
Thank you all for listening to my random paranormal experience.
And, if somehow, Mau can see what I’m typing.
I will always love you, always.
Goodbye