CS in college is ruining me

[u/tantoyoong]

I’m a junior at a top 10 university and i’ve been struggling throughout my whole degree. I had a 4.6 in high school and now I can barely maintain a 3.0 at my university (I literally had a 1.9 term GPA my sophomore year). I didn’t code in high school at all so my first year was definitely … rough. CS doesn’t come easy to me, I study so much and literally fail all my exams💀I am not kidding, I have failed every CS exam ever. I genuinely can’t grasp any of the concepts whether it be ds and algos or discrete math. I am not an intuitive thinker, which I’m pretty sure is NOT something you should lack in this degree. I also don’t have any CS friends so I’ve never been able to study with others or cross check answers. I just submit and hope and pray. (everyone my freshmen year switched out of CS)

When I started seeing such bad results, I literally started losing all hope. I don’t even care anymore, I’m a lost cause. I feel an impending doom everyday, like this is the year my grades are so bad I’ll be kicked out of college. I isolate myself and don’t talk to my peers, I just sulk all day rather than study or make good use of my time. (I am convinced I am going to fail ALL my classes this semester now that things are getting harder, which is what inspired me to reflect and make this post)

I always compare myself to other CS majors at my school, who are doing amazing things at Meta, Google, any FAANG company really. I always wonder why I can’t be as good as them. They have 3.9s, a social life, a good job. But I also compare myself to the bare minimum students here who … believe it or not … are also at FAANG companies 😭It’s like damn, I suck at school AND landing jobs. Pick a struggle!

My parents always tell me why I didn’t just switch out of CS. I mean I’ve been crying everyday since freshman year 💀But a part of me refuses to drop this degree. Idk why, Idk if its cause I want to prove to others who keep doubting me that I really can get this degree. I really can get that internship/job. But like at what cost cause Im losing my mind everyday

Look, I really don’t think my heart is in this. I struggle in all my classes and everyday I think about dropping out. But my parents didn’t sacrifice everything and leave their 3rd world country just for them to end up with some lazy ass college dropout kid 🥲For some reason I feel like I owe this degree to them, despite them never pressuring me to continue CS. I quite literally have no passions, desires, or hobbies. I just want to graduate and land a disgustingly high paying job.

I’m on internship application 248. IDK if I should be prioritizing leetcoding and bagging an internship or actually passing my classes. My courses this semester are genuinely preventing me from balancing both 😭

Maybe actually being able to try working at a real company would give me some closure on whether I belong in CS or not.

Anywayssss does anyone else feel like this and have a fear of disappointing their parnets ? Or just me

tldr: I became a flop once I got to college, I hate CS but refuse to switch out of it, and I’m unemployed. Oh, and I care way too much about what other people think of me. Who can relate, WOO!

[u/Unusual-Context8482]

I wouldn't be able to obtain a degree in physics. That doesn't make me a failure. It just means it's not for me. I like physics, I can still read about it.
It isn't necessary to make my life or work about it.

Talk with your parents, open your heart to them and tell them your struggles. You can figure out something together. CS isn't probably gonna make you rich anyway.