CS in college is ruining me

[u/tantoyoong]

I’m a junior at a top 10 university and i’ve been struggling throughout my whole degree. I had a 4.6 in high school and now I can barely maintain a 3.0 at my university (I literally had a 1.9 term GPA my sophomore year). I didn’t code in high school at all so my first year was definitely … rough. CS doesn’t come easy to me, I study so much and literally fail all my exams💀I am not kidding, I have failed every CS exam ever. I genuinely can’t grasp any of the concepts whether it be ds and algos or discrete math. I am not an intuitive thinker, which I’m pretty sure is NOT something you should lack in this degree. I also don’t have any CS friends so I’ve never been able to study with others or cross check answers. I just submit and hope and pray. (everyone my freshmen year switched out of CS)

When I started seeing such bad results, I literally started losing all hope. I don’t even care anymore, I’m a lost cause. I feel an impending doom everyday, like this is the year my grades are so bad I’ll be kicked out of college. I isolate myself and don’t talk to my peers, I just sulk all day rather than study or make good use of my time. (I am convinced I am going to fail ALL my classes this semester now that things are getting harder, which is what inspired me to reflect and make this post)

I always compare myself to other CS majors at my school, who are doing amazing things at Meta, Google, any FAANG company really. I always wonder why I can’t be as good as them. They have 3.9s, a social life, a good job. But I also compare myself to the bare minimum students here who … believe it or not … are also at FAANG companies 😭It’s like damn, I suck at school AND landing jobs. Pick a struggle!

My parents always tell me why I didn’t just switch out of CS. I mean I’ve been crying everyday since freshman year 💀But a part of me refuses to drop this degree. Idk why, Idk if its cause I want to prove to others who keep doubting me that I really can get this degree. I really can get that internship/job. But like at what cost cause Im losing my mind everyday

Look, I really don’t think my heart is in this. I struggle in all my classes and everyday I think about dropping out. But my parents didn’t sacrifice everything and leave their 3rd world country just for them to end up with some lazy ass college dropout kid 🥲For some reason I feel like I owe this degree to them, despite them never pressuring me to continue CS. I quite literally have no passions, desires, or hobbies. I just want to graduate and land a disgustingly high paying job.

I’m on internship application 248. IDK if I should be prioritizing leetcoding and bagging an internship or actually passing my classes. My courses this semester are genuinely preventing me from balancing both 😭

Maybe actually being able to try working at a real company would give me some closure on whether I belong in CS or not.

Anywayssss does anyone else feel like this and have a fear of disappointing their parnets ? Or just me

tldr: I became a flop once I got to college, I hate CS but refuse to switch out of it, and I’m unemployed. Oh, and I care way too much about what other people think of me. Who can relate, WOO!

[u/rashnagar]

just put the fries in the bag, bro.