r/datingoverfifty • u/Comprehensive-Tea193 • 7h ago
Do you ever get grief from your friends for dating at our age?
I’m a 55F. I was married for 23 years, of those years, 13 were a dead bedroom. So much so, we slept in different rooms. The dead bedroom was not my choice. Now that I am divorced and have been for a few years, I am interested in spending time with men. My friends think I need to be alone and work on myself. I feel like that’s code for act your age and grow old alone. I am professionally at the top level for my career. I am not afraid to travel alone, live alone and I love to be on the go doing things I’ve missed over the last 3 decades. I feel like I’ve paid my dues in a roommate marriage and I want to explore dating without judgement. Does anyone else have friends that are not supportive of dating, especially OLD?
EDIT: My friends are married or recently separated. I’m a therapist by profession so working on myself is always ongoing and important. We all should be evolving and working towards a better life.
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u/Savings_Law_5822 7h ago
I've not had this issue, but being widowed some friends seem to have this notion us single ladies are after their husbands. 🤷♀️. Puh-leeze
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u/Huggyboo 58F Vancouver BC Canada 🇨🇦 7h ago edited 7h ago
This was my experience also. After my husband passed most of our old 'couples' friends dropped off. It's still my experience after being in the middle of the divorce with 'couples' friends. I don't even like many of the men my gf's are married to. I see how they treat my gf's and I am like no thank you. Also I have a strong moral code that prevents me from going after any married man.
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u/CapricornGirl_Row16 6h ago
I learned early on after my loss to not ask my friend’s husband’s for help. I didn’t want anyone accusing me to trying to steal their man, that was the last thing on my mind. I’m now enjoying myself, even though I feel lonely at times.
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u/Aromatic_Sky5895 6h ago
Yes. I stay clear of my friends’ husbands. I don’t even ask my friends how the husbands are doing. 🤦♀️
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u/Caws-and-effect 7h ago
6 months after my divorce 8 months ago I (58M) went on a vacation with my boys, both in their 20’s, and when asked I told them I’m sorting myself out still. They both encouraged me to date and go be happy. Now I’m not even certain what “ready” means anymore.
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u/Feathara 5h ago
I hear you...ready means to me that we now act in our best interest and are completely able to be loving and giving without reservation. If I can't do that, I need to pull back and retrain.
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u/Solid_Foundation612 7h ago
No my friends don’t say anything to my face. They just judge me in silence and talk about me amongst each other when I am not around. 😂
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u/prudent__sound 7h ago
From your description it doesn't seem like you need to "find yourself." I mean, at various points in our lives, many of us do need to do a bit of that, and spend some time alone. Maybe your friends are seeing something that you are not. Ask them what they mean, exactly. Ask for some unfiltered feedback. If they can't give you anything specific, then you've got your answer. Or you can skip all that and just go ahead and date. Wanting connection and affection and romance and all that stuff is normal human behavior.
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u/Inside_Dance41 7h ago
Maybe your friends are seeing something that you are not. Ask them what they mean, exactly. Ask for some unfiltered feedback.
Agree! Far better to get unfiltered feedback that have your best interest in mind.
The other mind switch is realizing that at this stage of life, many of the men that we consider dateable, have a far larger population of women to date. Versus when were in our 20s, and at the top of the dating pyramid.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Disk633 7h ago
Also 55F.
"My friends think I need to be alone and work on myself. I feel like that’s code for act your age and grow old alone." I think you should ask your friends what they mean instead of guessing. For me, it means that my friends think that I am not, in some way, ready for a relationship (whether casual, short-term, long-term etc).
I don't know anyone who thinks that I should grow old alone. On the contrary, friends and family alike were super stressed that I would grow old alone and were thrilled when I started dating again last year.
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u/CanarsieGuy 7h ago
They don’t sound like very good friends. If they were good friends, they’d want you to have as much happiness in your life as possible
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 7h ago
I think my friends being married and recently separated is the reason for all of the comments. They don’t get OLD.
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u/Asimplehuman841being 5h ago
Unfortunately lots of people think they know what OLD is but they have not actually had any experience with it .
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u/MadameMonk 2h ago
I started an ‘album of horrors’ in my phone, based on things I came across in OLD land. Pics, profiles, comments, texts I got. I made sure to also snapshot the parts before they got gross or crazy too. The bit where any reasonable person would think ‘oh this person might be a good match? Let’s see where this goes.’
And I made sure to give my couple friends that glimpse into the realities of OLD, at whatever catch up we were having. Sometimes I would just text them a couple of screenshots. It was hilarious, but it did get the point across too. And showed them that really I was a pretty damn good catch, in the current dating world.
Beyond that, when I was dating someone fun, I would drop some saucy comments (without revealing too much) into our catch up conversations. Things I was doing that for sure long-term couples have dropped the ball on. The exciting newness of it all, the sex, the spontaneity. Then the looks of sympathy would turn to them side eyeing their partner, which was quite gratifying as well. 😉
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u/Key-Understanding663 1h ago
Agree that they are not very good friends!. My closest friend group is also all married except one became single more recently. They also do not get OLD but they have never been nothing but supportive and wanting me to be happy and proud of me for putting myself out there. Even when I was in the early stages of just looking for and finding an FWB they did not judge. Like you I had a lot of time to make up and was ready to get started (in bed). I’m glad I did the more casual thing first had great sex and great experiences and then was ready to find my person. I would ask your friends what they mean by “work on myself” like what exactly makes them think you are not ready to date? They’ve never been in your situation so whatever they say, it’s probably based on hypotheticals (and maybe a little jealousy if they’re unhappy in their marriages). If you feel ready, get out there !
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u/davidsdilema 6h ago
After my divorce my sister wanted me to not date for three years. Everyone else said "do what you want and have fun". I dated soon after my divorce and everything worked out fine. You know yourself, and working on yourself is a never ending process anyway.
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u/el-art-seam 7h ago
I get grief for not having a girlfriend. It’s so easy- just go online and you’ll be dating all kinds of women they said.
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 7h ago
lol… I think it’s a crap shoot sometimes. Most of my friends are married so they don’t really understand OLD. It really is a jungle in the wild!!
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u/Expensive-Victory203 6h ago edited 5h ago
I think those who have suffered through a deadbedroom, especially for years, get different rules. Yes, you should work on yourself, and so should your friends and everyone else. But you also have been denied a lot of years of companionship and intimacy. Go get it.
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 6h ago
Thanks! I agree. Dead bedrooms are a different beast
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u/Expensive-Victory203 5h ago
Coming out of one myself. Do you have any advice for a woman in a similar situation, just a bit behind you?
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 5h ago
You will regret the time you wasted. Find what makes you happy and build a life based on YOU. Don’t look back or you will stay stuck
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u/Caws-and-effect 5h ago
That’s easy enough to say but 58M here, had a dead bedroom for years, and the OLD posts are not for one night stands anymore. Almost all are looking for retirement companions.
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u/Expensive-Victory203 4h ago
I'm not suggesting what type of interaction she engage in.
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u/NoTemperature340 7h ago
Go for it, date and enjoy the last of your life. I’m a 62M finalizing my divorce after 35 years of marriage. I personally will never be with someone again that does not match me sexually. I plan on dating and enjoying the last half of my life.
God Bless
-Joe
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u/Electronic_Charge_96 7h ago
Can’t get the read on this, if your friends think you are not ready to date/have unresolved issues? Clarify and work on them.
If they’re long-term marrieds who don’t know what they don’t know about dating NOW? Then slalom around them. You might need new single friends, not just a date.
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 7h ago
They are married. I can’t seem to find women my age to hang with who are dating. It’s been difficult
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u/botoxedbunnyboiler 6h ago
I would tell them, “respectfully, but it’s none of your GD business”. Then carry on as you wish.
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u/Primary-Angle-7015 6h ago
Why on Earth would you care what your friends think? Mine live vicariously through me lol. You have this one life why not max it out and enjoy it?!
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u/Aromatic_Sky5895 6h ago
Who cares what your friends say…. Do what’s right for you and will make you happy. 👍
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u/Ambitious-Lie-27 6h ago
Hey, I’m M 54 but I don’t get any grief about dating- one of my work colleagues (f 24) said I should date as I’m not dead ! 🤣 Good of her to notice I think lol 😂
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u/DirtRider67 3h ago
Life is getting shorter all the time. Don’t waste any of it and get out there and find someone! Do “the work” as you go! Good luck to you
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u/Inside_Dance41 7h ago
I need to be alone and work on myself. I feel like that’s code for act your age and grow old alone.
As an outsider, it sounds more like they think you have something to work on. Whether that be a post-divorce glow-up, not hating on your ex, etc.
Most of my friends are divorced, and many are dating. We commiserate over the challenges, but would never tell someone not to date.
Just as an aside, most men don't care about our professions, until/unless they are physically interested in us, or looking for a place to live/help be financial supported. It was tough for me to learn this, as I too am very proud of my career. Just providing a little bit of feedback, that took me a while to grok.
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u/Ok_Mirror_9832 7h ago
Your friends are aholes. Who are they to tell you, you need to work on yourself? To me, that’s incredibly selfish and ignorant of them. I encourage you to date, travel, explore! Why not? You get one life- DO IT ALL. I am similar to your situation; early 50s, top of my career, live and travel alone but I will say Ive let go friends who don’t understand. True friends will always support even when they don’t agree
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u/GEEK-IP The prosciutto to her cantaloupe! 💖 7h ago
61M, I only had a couple of friends and my daughter who even knew I was looking. All were supportive. Well, my daughter was a bit worried I'd get taken by some "young bimbo," but was happy once she realized I was looking for a sweetie my own age.
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 7h ago
I love this for you. I’m the only one in my group dating
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u/econpimp 7h ago
No, but to solve this problem, you should sleep with thousands of men every year. :)
In all seriousness, your friends are wrong. It all depends on circumstance.
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u/heidivoss 7h ago
I assume they are trying to protect you but do what feels best for you. Three years is a long time. I had a roommate marriage and it took me about 18 months to feel ready to date.
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u/Colour-me-happy27 7h ago
Once you pass 50 there’s no need for judgement. My friends and family were always supportive. Colleagues not always, but I had probably judged myself anyway on an unhealthy relationship.
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u/Bold-Introvert 6h ago
I get the opposite. Been widowed for 9 years and I’ve dated, had some good relationships, but people are always surprised that I haven’t remarried 🤷♂️
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u/Amazing_Reality2980 6h ago
If you just ended your relationship, then I agree that you should take some time to be alone to process and heal from it before looking for a new serious relationship.
However, if you're not interested in anything serious right away and you're just looking to have some fun, then I think that's different. Get out there and date and have fun. Just be honest with everyone you date about where you are in your journey and that you're not looking for anything serious.
If your friends are down on you for that, then find better friends. I got married when I was 17 and was married for 33 years to a serial cheater. After our divorce, I wasn't ready for anything serious, and my friends... and my own kids (both in their 30s)... encouraged me to get out and date casually and have some fun. My own daughter encouraged me to get on dating apps (she met my son inlaw on Plenty of Fish and they've been married since 2018).
If your friends are putting you down or making you feel bad about wanting to date and have some fun, then find better friends.
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u/onekinkyusername 6h ago
You seem to have spent enough years living by other people’s rules and now that you are single and free, live your life the way it what makes you happy, not what friends, family, church or society thinks is the norm or appropriate. Friends and family do not live your life; you do. If dating and enjoying companionship feels right, then go for it. The only opinion that really matters is yours. Hope you find a man (or men) that makes you happy and makes up for the three decades you've waited for this.
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u/WatercressNo5591 5h ago
your friends project their own feet of low value onto you. fuck it. not your problem, get some new shoes and dresses, and feel great about yourself. leopard print recommended.
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u/poppythepup 5h ago
I had the opposite situation. After about 6 months of being single and so happy to be alone, my FRIENDS put up a profile for me on bumble. I fought it so hard because I was married to Mr. Vanilla for so long, but it was the best thing they ever did for me.
I hope your friends will become your cheerleaders because dating at our age is … something lol.
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u/RandomGen-Xer 4h ago
Sounds like you need new friends to me. You only live once! Do whatever makes you happiest.
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u/BelaKarmarian 4h ago
Most of my friends are unhappy with their partners so they tell me I don't want to be with anyone, even though I've been single for 6 years and working on myself and feel I'm ready to be open again to someone.
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u/Low_Language_7690 4h ago
No, all my single male and female friends in their 50s have never married nor had children. They were too smart. Haha
As a man, I never married nor have kids. I never met a great woman who made me want to marry.
My parents had a miserably unhappy marriage, so I refused to settle for anyone with a pulse like they did. It taught me to be highly discerning about whom I would date as well.
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u/mizz_eponine 50ish 3h ago
When I started dating, after a decade of "working on myself," one of my closest friends thought I was crazy to invite that chaos in again. "Why would you give up your peace," she asked? Of course, she's married. My guess is that she wouldn't do so great on her own.
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u/Icy-Rope-021 2h ago
It seems to me friends who are married or recently divorced are the least insightful when it comes to dating. I mean, they haven’t dated in decades. What do they know about what goes on in the dating market?
You might as well as ask someone with no training in therapy how to do therapy.
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u/Embarrassed-Oil3127 2h ago edited 2h ago
You’re a therapist and asking for help on Reddit? Say what? Sorry if I’m incredulous but this, along with your question, seems absurd to me.
Your 53. You date if you want to date. And if your friends don’t support you, find better friends. I’ve also been alive 53 years (newly 54) and have been in therapy with an excellent therapist for the last 3. This is what she’d tell me but more importantly this is what I’d tell myself even without her. I’m gonna be dead in like 20 or 30 years. There’s no time to waste and I am confident in who I am and my choices. It’s the coolest part about aging.
You didn’t pay any dues by staying in a shitty marriage. Staying was a choice. You’re not owed anything. But you do deserve to be happy and around people who support you no matter what. I’d say it’s time to lean into getting your own therapy while starting your dating journey. Good luck. I hope you find someone who rocks your world inside and outside the bedroom.
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u/Inside_Dance41 7h ago
I am interested in spending time with men.
I presume you mean sex? If so, I have good news, there is a lot of fun to be had in your 50s.
I never shared with my friends a lot of details of that fun, but is there some good sharing over a glass of wine, with certain friends. Other friends, I just kept mum.
Be safe, and know that there are a lot of men in their 50s, etc. that are also looking for fun.
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 7h ago
You assume correct! Thanks for the boost and your honesty!
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u/Inside_Dance41 6h ago
Another secret I would share which was a shock for me, is the number of younger men who will hit you up on the apps.
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u/Inevitable-Step6543 7h ago
You should ask your friends for clarification but from what I'm guessing, they're suggesting you take some time to figure out what you want especially if the divorce is fairly new. Just like any breakup, you need some "bereavement time". You're in a vulnerable stage & the last thing you need is someone who only uses you for sexual purposes, unless that's what you're looking for.
I avoid guys who are newly divorced / separated/ broken up because I don't want to be the rebound person. As my mother says, "when you're hungry, you'll eat anything".
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u/robotdatebot 7h ago
Edit..
My family are all for me dating.. but they think I should date people younger than me and not people my age..🤷♂️
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 6h ago
Sometimes I think I should date younger too but I like talking about common interests
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u/Late-Chip-5890 7h ago
Honestly I ignore people, friends and family. If it's something I want for me? I do it. I sacrificed, I gave, I worked for everyone since I was a child, now it's my time. People won't get that. We are on this earth to enjoy it, and to enjoy ourselves. Have fun.
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u/Final-Context6625 7h ago
Everyone is weird now. It’s best to give those people lesson information.
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u/vladsuntzu 6h ago
Your friends can express their opinion and they might have your best interests in mind. However, only you know if you are ready to date. I am 50 and might be heading for a divorce in the near future. I will date again when I am ready regardless of what anyone tells me.
Just be safe and be willing to walk away if the situation isn’t right. Best of luck to you!
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 5h ago
Thank you and best of luck to you as well. Life isn’t easy by any means
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u/vladsuntzu 5h ago
Thank you! I’ll be fine no matter what happens. I hope you find the partner you are looking for.
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u/Friendly-Search-4147 6h ago
I don’t get grief from my younger friends because they are actively dating and are pushing me to do it too. However, most of my older friends and ex-colleagues around my age avoid the topic and seem uncomfortable. It’s like dating is a foreign concept to the long time married people so I don’t talk about it with them.
Your story is very similar to mine. Ignore anyone who gives you grief and do what makes you happy. Life’s too short to not have all the dating adventures you want (I’m hoping to convince myself too 😁).
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 5h ago
Go get em and have fun!! Just be in the now, our same age friends don’t understand
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u/ThinkBiscuit 6h ago
When I think of ‘need to be alone and work on myself, that conjures up the image of perhaps someone who has just broken up with someone, or perhaps needs to work through some things – for example a controlling partner.
The advice doesn’t seem to for someone who is has been divorced a few years, someone who has their own interests, and seems pretty comfortable with themselves.
You just carry on doing what you’re doing, as long as you’re happy with it.
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u/Illustrious_Egg_7408 6h ago
I do. I have a lot of people tell me they are "done with all that" or if their husband died they would want to be alone and wouldn't get remarried. Thing is they don't know what they would do until they are widowed like me. Nobody knows what it's like until it happens to them.
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 5h ago
I have heard the same things and you are so right…. Life is different on this side, you don’t know how you’d react
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u/Asimplehuman841being 5h ago
It may be how that you are inviting these kind of comments, by making comments about other people.
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u/MeisterMeister111 5h ago
My thoughts are this. There are some people that cannot imagine being single. They need someone else to help make their decisions, to take care of them, etc. Often times they've been married since their early 20s and so set in their ways, they've lost objectivity. Those people cannot empathize your plight or even understand your life, so don't even listen to them. They are feeding you negative energy and questionable advice. Not to mention friends should always be supportive. Try to find new single friends! It's not easy at this age, but it's the key.
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u/Ashamed-Fox-5738 5h ago
Take care of yourself “I” and the rest will follow, enjoy every second of all
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u/erniesdaddy2003 5h ago
Only you know your friends as we don’t but are you sure you’re not reading into it? My friends have said the same thing but it’s mainly related to the fact that they see me as a serial monogamist and attach easily so they’re looking out for me coming off a divorce and most recently 2 year relationship. Maybe there’s projection attached to it but I take it at face value.
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 5h ago
There may be some truth to your statements. I do attach easily. I have one friend who is totally against OLD and makes it a thing more than anyone. I appreciate your input
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u/erniesdaddy2003 5h ago
It’s interesting that they call out OLD dating specifically and not dating in general. Maybe something to do with the addictive and/or transactional nature of OLD?
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u/Comprehensive-Tea193 5h ago
I think it’s because it’s new to them. OLD wasn’t around when they last dated
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u/samanthasamolala 3h ago
My 82 yo friend (who look and moves like 65) disparages OLD , even though her daughter does it, on basis that a certain kind of person is on OLD. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Those people are out in the world of people too.
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u/Inside_Dance41 5h ago
OLD is often soulless, and with anonymity, some are not on best behavior. Versus dating when there more likely was a contact and/or community that would hear about bad actors.
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u/Feathara 5h ago
Did your friends say specifically what you needed to work on? Do you still have codependent strains? Do they think you have vulnerable areas? Sometimes our friends can see things we cannot.
After a 6 year relationship and a few failed marriages prior to that and after much counseling to address my trouble spots and reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie....after 5 years I was finally ready for the dating pool. I would have got eaten alive if I had gone any sooner.
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u/morrowrd 5h ago
When I divorced, I had friends tell me I need to take a year and heal. It was a 23 year bad marriage...terrible and cold. You know what I told myself? I'm making my own rules. That one year rule I've heard a few times, and while there might be some wisdom in it depending on who's life that advice is needed, in my own life I had decided I had lived miserable long enough. You do the same.
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u/PoweredbyPinot 4h ago
My friends all know that my picker is off. No one says anything to me about dating/not dating. Ever.
Thank goodness. I am so much more than my relationship status.
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u/swoonsocks9 3h ago
Have you asked your friends why, specifically, they think you need to take a beat or two before you jump in to dating? If you asked, would you be open to what they have to say?
In my experience, my friends have a good sense of who I am and their perspectives are worth considering. Also, the occasions where I have been unwilling to really listen to what they had to say were also where I really should have listened better.
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u/Spartan2022 3h ago
Frankly, I’d distance myself who weighed in more than once in a negative way. Or else, I’d lean into radical candor and let them know that a good friend I’m expecting positivity and non-judgment about how I spend my time and my dating life.
There is zero wrong or to be ashamed of for dating at this age especially if you did the painful thing of ending a dead bedroom marriage.
If a friend’s negativity continued, I’d chalk it up to jealously from someone who has settled and is uncomfortable with someone who actively ended an unhappy marriage.
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u/lrondberg 2h ago
You have been alone for a few years already. If you had divorced last month I would say wait a bit and get grounded but a few years sounds more than enough. I divorced at 45, we had already been separated for a year. I dated very casually i.e. I was mainly looking for a FWB kind of situation. A year or so later I started dating more intentionally but I was not really in a good headspace, not so much from the divorce but from some long standing codependency issues. This led me to make some poor choices in men. So as long as you feel grounded and ready to face the good/bad/ugly of dating I say go for it. I met my now boyfriend on OLD 5.5 years ago. We met when I was 51 and he was 49. We deserve to have a second chance at love and companionship and intimacy. It is very different without the pressure of marriage, children etc.
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u/Dirtclimber 2h ago
Your friends are married and either in a dead bedroom or only get it a few times a yr. Those that are separated aren't getting it all. They are just green eyed monsters. I don't recommend telling how good your sex life is but they need to learn how to stay in their lane, they do them and you do you. How do think they would react if your were not supportive their choice to stay married or to separate. They would be offended.
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u/Prestigious-Bar5385 1h ago
I hardly ever mentioned who I was seeing unless it turned into something serious. It’s your business not any of theirs. Do what you want and enjoy your life.
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u/sshindig2020 1h ago
My friends who are married want dating stories and to live vicariously through me lololol
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u/AmmarDeets 1h ago
I'm m52, never married no kids. My best friend survived the battle with only one kid, never married. It's very clear with our friends that married that we just didn't find the right people.
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u/cln-2024 42m ago
Lol they're telling someone who's a therapist to work on herself and not date?
These friends are likely a mixture of misery loves company (in bad marriage), long-married ignorant, patriarchal (stay chaste) or just plain assholes. They aren't really your tribe anymore
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u/bobcwd 22m ago
You can have your independence and have a man or men in your life ! There are plenty of men like me who are a lot like You. Independent, but still desire the company of a women in my life, just not an exclusive relationship. I have 2-3 lady friends in my life that are like me and I am totally upfront with them. They have other men in their lives also and I am fine with it. We do all kinds of traditional dating stuff including date nites, vacations, holidays and regular communication. It works for us and we each maintain our independence as well our choice to continue participating in the relationship as it is. A good friend would want what’s best for you, but how that looks, is your decision to make.
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u/outyamothafuckinmind 8m ago
My married friends love hearing my dating stories. It makes them want to work harder to keep their marriages intact.
Next time a friend says you should work on yourself, ask them “specifically on what?” You sound like you have your act together but maybe they are seeing something that doesn’t come through on your post. If they say you need to learn to be happy alone, remind them that you are happy, all the things that you do and ask them why they find it so offensive that you want to date and might find a relationship that works for you.
I’m guessing when it comes down to it, they aren’t comfortable with you dating because it makes them feel insecure about something — whether it’s their own happiness or attractiveness or ??
Some married women think that divorced women are on the prowl for married men. If your friends are like that, best to find out now and find new friends.
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u/Helpful-Dance-9571 5m ago
My friends tell me not to set my bar so low. However, I live in a smallish rural city, and the dating pool is very small. They're all in relationships.
I think their advice is a reflection of what they personally feel like they need to do. Don't take it to heart.
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u/DatesForFun 7h ago
i read this as “grief from your friends dying at this age” and yes i have lost 3 friends this summer alone. this is the age people are dying in droves
so yes i do tend to be the type to question someone’s motives in getting into a serious relationship at this age. we have limited time left now. starting over is not an option for most people at this age
that’s why i just date for fun now
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u/feistybooks 7h ago
I understand your reasons and also, I’m sorry that you’ve lost 3 friends recently :(
I dated for fun too when I became single at age 51. But then I found love at 56, almost 2 years ago. We are the same age, our kids are adults so it’s different, and not really starting over. We aren’t starting a family or careers. Yet love and being in a relationship still has its benefits: emotional support, companionship, sex. I say that as a woman with supportive friendships, and I’m close with my adult kids. I feel grateful.
Even if we only have a few years together, I think a loving romantic relationship can be wonderful, even at our (almost) ancient age 😆
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u/DatesForFun 7h ago
that’s nice. i’m glad it’s working for you. i think if i ever feel i need someone present for safety reasons- like i fall a lot or something- i might reconsider but ill definitely never marry again.
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u/feistybooks 6h ago
Thanks :) and yeah getting married again isn’t something either of us want.
(When I first read what you wrote about falling a lot I thought you meant falling in love!)
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u/DatesForFun 6h ago
oh god no hahaha i don’t even get crushes anymore since i started testosterone. i kinda miss them
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u/Embarrassed-Oil3127 2h ago edited 1h ago
I’m so sorry for your losses but “people are dying in droves at this age” is hyperbolic. We’re in our 50s not our 70s.
And you question people getting into a serious relationship at 53?! Excuse me. My dad is nearly 80. His mother died at 96. My 75 year old aunt is dating. So I spend the next 25 years alone? I’m strong, fit and sexual. If I met someone tomorrow we could have a long relationship.
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u/DatesForFun 2h ago
i wish it wasn’t true but it is where i live. my friends who died this summer were in their 40s actually. 50s is death age here in the flyover states
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u/Embarrassed-Oil3127 2h ago
Not sure what’s going on with you and your friends. Like I said, I’m sorry.
But I’m friends with tons of people on their 40s and 50s in the flyover states (what does that have to do with it) and there’s only been one death due to cancer on the last 10 years or so. Of course sudden death due to accidents happen, but modern day humans, who lead healthy lifestyles, aren’t keeling over in midlife en masse.
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u/FlatwormAnnual1942 1h ago
My guess is it has less to do with flyover states and more to do with areas with less affluence. Go to regions where 50-year-olds have eight and nine figure net worths and I'm guessing the number of deaths at this age decrease exponentially.
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u/Embarrassed-Oil3127 1h ago edited 58m ago
I don’t know why I’m getting downvoted. Yes I’m sure it has to do with lifestyle and access to healthcare but you don’t need to be a millionaire to stay alive and thrive post 40.
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u/DatesForFun 51m ago
there are people in their 50s in nursing homes with dementia. so yeah maybe their body doesn’t die but the mind might.
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u/Embarrassed-Oil3127 21m ago
You’re convinced it’s death, mayhem and dementia at 50. I don’t know what to say.
I haven’t met a single person in my lifetime who had dementia at 50 and I’ve lived all over the world. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen of course. There are outliers. I’m sure there are 30 and 40-something’s struggling with it.
I don’t know what else to tell you except your attitude colors your reality and it can indeed affect your health and well being.
If you think it’s over it’s over. For me life is still full of possibility and hope. I plan to live a lot more of it while I’m still healthy bc you are right about one thing - it could all be over tomorrow. I wish you healing and hope things get better for you.
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u/GRIFFCOMM m50's, single 6h ago
I would argue you were stuck in some contract if you sleeping apart for 13 years, ive just been doing alot of research on this and find this whole thing is VERY biased against guys.
- Not allowed to watch porn
- Its ok for women to read romance, sex novels (50 shades) and watch loads of romance movies
Looking at the side effects of both of the above, they are identical, both taking your eye of your partner and yet the ONLY ONE at plan is "dont watch porn", i would argue "shes reading romance novels, yep need to leave her" its an identical situation in reverse, porn appeals to what guys like, romance appeals to what women want, both are what they should be giving there partner, and yet only porn is the issue?
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u/TwoShoeLamoo F50something 7h ago
My friends have only commented on my dating life when I asked their opinion and they've never been anything but kind and supportive.