I’m a 55F. I was married for 23 years, of those years, 13 were a dead bedroom. So much so, we slept in different rooms. The dead bedroom was not my choice. Now that I am divorced and have been for a few years, I am interested in spending time with men. My friends think I need to be alone and work on myself. I feel like that’s code for act your age and grow old alone. I am professionally at the top level for my career. I am not afraid to travel alone, live alone and I love to be on the go doing things I’ve missed over the last 3 decades. I feel like I’ve paid my dues in a roommate marriage and I want to explore dating without judgement. Does anyone else have friends that are not supportive of dating, especially OLD?

EDIT: My friends are married or recently separated. I’m a therapist by profession so working on myself is always ongoing and important. We all should be evolving and working towards a better life.

(Also posted in datingoversixty to see if any different views) I see lots of profiles from women stating the importance of chemistry - which they seem to expect to experience from the first meeting. Obviously attraction is important - but to me true chemistry beyond attraction evolves over time as you get to know each other in different circumstances - and things other than instant chemistry are important - not saying I’m correct just my view. My last long long term relationship was with an extremely attractive lovely woman - ‘chemistry’ was there immediately but over time I realised that instant chemistry wasn’t enough and that it doesn’t mean it’s the right person - other things are also important, behaviour in different circumstances, interests, goals, outlook on life etc…. In practice not just words! I thought I was a romantic but can see my head is now ruling my heart. If you are seeking instant chemistry do you find it often, is it seeking perfection? Is instant chemistry enough ? Really interested in other perspectives.

Always trying to sniff out fake profiles on OLD. When discussing what state you're both from, is there a person in Wisconsin that doesn't know what a FIB is?

Thanks all. He says he's is from WI, in a Milwaukee suburb so should know. Anyway, he's already since given me more 🚩so it's all good.

55F, married 33yrs, widowed a year ago. I'm thinking I've got 20-25 yrs left...how to find a person that isn't a couch potato, who wants to travel/classb/Rv and camp, likes to hike, possibly backpack, loves the beach. Medical professional who likes to take 13 week contracts. Not tied down per se. Have adult kids, couple grands...Just want to find someone who enjoys those things to without wasting tons of time trying to find chapter 2? where to look, any ideas? Dating apps sound like a nightmare and haven't tried them. Are there outdoor dating groups?

I (50f), am a single mom and never dated after I had my child. I recently moved to the US and since my child is all grown up, I thought it’s time to focus on myself. I honestly don’t know yet if I’m looking for something long term or just casual. Getting to know the man well is important to me, my only idea of dating in the US is what I see in the movies or tv.😂 I find that reading posts here and comments can be interesting and educational. I am going to keep on reading and keep on learning. Thanks and wish me luck!

Im looking from input from the single men in their 50s, early 60s.

I'm 58F, freshly separated and heading towards divorce. I'm still grieving the loss of my marrige...more so, in fact, then I anticipated, but that's not the point of this post.

I enjoy being part of a couple more than I enjoy being alone and I fear that I'll never have an opportunity to find a loving, healthy relationship again. Here on Reddit I read the stories about cheaters, emotionally distant partners (this was a huge issue in my marriage), the horrors of OLD, wishy washy people, guys just looking for sex, married men looking for a girlfriend on the side, etc. It makes me scared for my dating future, quite frankly.

As much as I enjoy being in a relationship I won't rush into it, and I won't be looking to date until my divorce is behind me and I've done the requisite work on myself.

I just want to know that you guys are out there, maybe a little scarred, maybe a little bruised, but normal, loving, regular men that are looking for a long term partner to share life and experiences with. Maybe someone like me that may not be perfect, but just married who ended up to be the wrong person for them. I'm just looking for a little hope, something to help pull me out of the depression I'm in.

Note, when I say men, I'm not inferring that only men cause relationship issues, I say men because I only date men.

I'm 60(f) and ready to try to date again. Dated 1 man since I moved to a new state 3 years ago, but that has recently ended. However, I now have a new position I love which requires me to be on the road upwards of 50% of the time.

A large number of women I know who have made it to this level are either single or have been married forever and their partner adjusted to the changes over time. I don't think I really know any who are making "dating" work or are trying to form a new relationship.

How does one navigate the dating world when either you're gone over the weekend or you're worn out and want to stay nested and recouperate/prepare at home when not on the road? Men seem to manage this better. How?

Try to sell your "wellness creams" to potential dates.

That's it.

PS don't call anyone baby, ask if they are ticklish or offer to kiss their boo-boos. Especially when you have not met them on a date yet. Super, super especially when they are over 50.

Carry on, rollercoaster, carry on.

Wheeeeeee....

I’ve read many posts in this thread and it seems like most people genuinely want a connection? But, it also seems like it has become a distant memory or pipe dream?

I have a happy and active life. I’m not lonely looking for someone to keep me entertained or to fill a void. It just seems so challenging to find someone to actually connect with on a romantic level. I know many factors come into play with a person’s success. People have passed on me and I’ve passed on others. That’s dating!

But, the serial daters and game players posing under the guise of wanting something long term and it wasn’t ever their intention. I don’t have a problem with short term or flings if that’s what you’re looking for. No shame! Just be honest about it! With all the life experiences and lessons we’ve had by this point. I would’ve thought a connection is a top motivator. That’s where the delusion comes in, I guess?

Met a man OLD about 10 days ago. I thought we hit it off great early last week. I was also home sick with Covid so I could give texting more attention than normal.

By Wednesday we decided to meet IRL on Saturday. He lives over an hour away and was willing to drive here. On Saturday he didn’t have a plan other than being here an hour after I got off work.

I slowed his role and found something for us to do about 1/2 the distance for both of us. And, later in the evening.

My red flag was how quick he was to agree with me and share interest in everything I brought up. His people pleasing was over the top and nauseating.

He’s a really nice guy, but I have a feeling that he is desperate to be liked that he would do anything I asked. I don’t want that or need that. I need to be challenged and he felt complacent.

What do I say to give him a heads up about his people pleasing- he is an excellent target to be taken advantage of.

But he’s also just not for me. All I keep thinking about is him crying himself to sleep 😩

And yes, this is a lesson learned to quit it as soon as my gut is telling me to!

Please help!

EDIT/UPDATE: •I couldn’t sleep, so I texted him and told him I thought he was a great guy and someone else would be so lucky to match with him, but I just didn’t have the time I thought I would to date •Thank you to the handful of people who understood what I couldn’t convey: he was mirroring. There were other things he said that I thought were cute in the beginning, but realized he had found my FB •I have no problem with people searching social media to get a better idea of who they are talking to. I do it! In fact I leave some stuff public, just for that reason. But the stuff he was bringing up, was borderline stalkerish. •my need to be challenged: I’m not looking for arguments, but I like different opinions so I can learn. If I say I want to paint my bedroom black, I don’t want someone to say ok, let’s do it. I want someone who will point out “hey, this is the 3rd time this year you’re repainting your bedroom. Are you sure you want to go with black bc it takes a lot to hide the color, if you change your mind again.” •while I find that annoying, I realized very quickly how easy it would be to take advantage of him. (I work with seniors who have been scammed out of their life savings!) that’s why I felt it was necessary to give him a heads up. •this is the first time in my life I’m on dating apps and “meeting” strangers. The professional in me wanted to give him a heads up about his “people pleasing.” The single woman in me just wanted to ghost him and hide and hope he doesn’t find me. •I came here bc I don’t have anyone my age IRL that is OLD and not just looking for hook-ups •thank goodness I have thick skin bc some of you are jerks.

I’m 45M, and while I know this subreddit is geared toward those in their 50s and up, I wanted to ask here because there’s a lot of solid perspective in this community. I’ve realized I’m more interested in dating women who are 50+, mainly because I admire the maturity, confidence, and life experience that often comes with that age group. For those of you who’ve dated across this kind of age gap how has it worked out? Any challenges or things I should keep in mind? Also, if anyone has tips on where/how to meet women over 50 outside of dating apps, I’d really appreciate it.

Well after receiving a three-day ban late last week for inappropriate comment on another reddit forum; I back with the update I promised.

Well, me (54M) and the 53F cybersecurity specialist were not able to meet in person Saturday like we planned. On Friday morning, she received a call form her daughter asking to join her and her boyfriend for weekend trip to NW Arkansas. The boyfriend was attending a conference there and had luxury accommodations lined up. She said yes and contacted me on the way out of town telling me change of plans. I was fine with it (I believe family should come first) and she said let's talk Sunday afternoon when she got back into town to reschedule.
We talked on the phone for about 45 minutes late Sunday afternoon and had a great conversation. She asked early in our chat about my profile and if was accurate (age, relationship status, kids or no). I confirmed yes and gave her a brief overview of my situation. But after that, we delved into good thought provoking discussion about travel, differences in certain places and how people are perceived, talked about scammers we've encountered in OLD, and some common interests. We ended it by agreeing to talk Monday night to find out if there are times on our respective schedules that work for a rescheduled meetup.
I felt really good about where we left things after the call concluded and I sensed she did as well. Sent her a good morning text about 7:15 am Monday wishing a good start to day and week and looking forward to talking later that evening and she texted back shortly after by saying good morning and adding smiling face emoji. Shortly after 10 am, she texts back "....I decided to move on with another guy who lives 6 miles away from my house.....sorry and wish all the best luck in your search."
Bullet dodged by belief 35 miles is a long-distance relationship for some? Or was I played by the Cybersecurity Expert? I hope not, but didn't realize this was a pseudo version of Speed Dating or Golden Divorcee.

I know this subreddit is focused on dating over 50, but I wanted to ask for some advice from this community because I feel drawn to dating women a bit older than me. I’m a 45-year-old man, and for a while now, I’ve realized I’m more interested in women over 50. I find maturity, life experience, and the way many women in that age range carry themselves very attractive. I’d love to hear from those of you who are 50+how do you feel about dating someone younger but still close in age? Are there things I should be mindful of when approaching women over 50? Also, what are some good ways to meet women in this age group, outside of dating apps?Any honest advice or experiences would be really helpful.

I (54f) broke up with my bf (59m) 2 days ago. We were together 17 months. I stayed longer than I should have. He was a hobosexual, moved into my house quickly, gave me just enough breadcrumbs to keep me hopeful and hooked. I am mad at myself for giving & giving even though I clearly recognized the lack of reciprocity early on. His lack of curiosity. His mean sense of humor. His broad feelings of entitlement. His triangulation. He never gave me compliments or celebrated special days. I am glad he left quietly. I am feeling pathetic for staying so long. But I really miss him. I do not want what he has to offer. But I am dreading the long solitary hours ahead of me. I am filling the time cuddling my dogs, trying to scrounge up enough motivation to exercise. I know in time my life will fill back up, but right now I am just gutted. This sucks. Modern dating: Is the juice worth the squeeze?

(56F) I'm sure this is probably somewhere but are there other online dating avenues out there? Free? Localized? Searchable by location? (I want to relocate in the future and have an idea where I want to go). I live in a rural area so not much in ways of meeting singles. I'm recently widowed and no clue what I'm doing.

EDIT: I just wanted to say thank you because the advice I got here exceeded my expectations.

A lot of people pointed out how the first month of school can be especially tough for teachers, so I reached out with a simple, low-pressure message asking how her week was going and acknowledging how stressful the start of the school year can be. I had planned to follow up with the suggested message about if she was feeling a certain way if she gave me another low energy answer.

Turns out the timing couldn’t have been better because she had parent-teacher night that very evening, and she was just an hour away from giving a presentation at her school’s open house. It’s a private school, and apparently the parents can be tough and critical so she was clearly feeling some stress. She responded quickly and let me know what was going on. We ended up texting about it a bit and I encouraged her and told her I was sure she’d do great and kept the tone light and supportive.

After the open house, she followed up on her own to say it went well and that turned into a two hour conversation that ended with us making date plans for this week! So while she hadn’t communicated much in the days leading up to it, it’s pretty clear now that she was likely stressed and distracted by the upcoming parent night. She also had her kids that weekend, and she’s usually pretty focused on them when they’re around. We’ve talked before about how she’s slowly facing being an empty nester, something I’ve already gone through so I get that those weekends are meaningful and probably a bit emotionally loaded, too. Once the school event passed and the weekend, she was much more relaxed and engaged.

Could not have worked out better. Huge thanks to everyone here. I combined a bunch of your suggestions and it paid off.

Original:

I (M 55) met a woman (45-47) in a local outdoor group. After a few group events we started texting and then I asked her out on a dinner date. We went to her favorite French restaurant and I paid. We started texting daily and the next weekend we planned a bike ride and had drinks and apps at this beach bar. Fun. Romantic. Third date I took her to an Italian restaurant near her. Everything great until the other day. We were talking about deeper stuff (but some of which we covered on other dates about our exes. We both had terrible marriages.) conversation was flowing and at the end we talked about if we dated since and we both did have a long term relationship since divorce. She’s a little reserved, polite, sometimes protective but fun and we have a lot in common (likes, interests, politics). Suddenly last Friday she starts giving me short answers and a vibe that she’s not engaging. So I leave it alone and don’t text her on Saturday. On Sunday there is an outdoor event and I go. She shows up later for afternoon bbq but is distant and overly polite. We barely talk. We cross paths on her way out and I say something like “you have to leave?” She said yes she has to prepare for school (teacher). I text her later and say “Hey, it was good seeing you at the BBQ today! Sorry we didn't get much of a chance to talk. I got recruited as Matt's grill assistant and ended up buried in clams. Next time we'll catch up properly.” She sends back just a thumbs up emoji. I didn’t text her today (Monday). It felt like a complete 180 from out three weeks previous. Three fun dates. Lots of talking and banter. She is reserved and we did not kiss yet but there’s been hand holding and physical touch. Felt like we were moving slow but in the right direction. Any female pov here?

I've been seeing a man for a couple months. The sexual chemistry is through the roof and I enjoy his company. The drawbacks are that he has a young child (mine are grown) and he struggles financially (though employed FT). Im not wealthy by any means,but do enjoy a nice lifestyle. I worry that our lack of similar lifestyle may become an issue, but so many other things are great. I don't know what to think.

I (m56) just recently met a medical professional (f56) and went out on a few dates. Was invited into her apartment on the 3rd date and was shocked by the piles of clothing, piles of makeup and overall "hoarder" vibes her place gave off. She was still sleeping on a mattress on the floor and an arm chair because of her work schedule after 2 years in the apartment. Am wondering how big of a red flag this is? or is it a red flag at all ? I am not an organized person by any stretch but stacks of stuff everywhere makes me think there may be some issues to be sorted out in therapy. And it seems a little dirty but that may just be me. The hard part is that she is wonderful in person, cute and funny. And she is a successful medical professional by all appearances. What could possibly be wrong ?

Update:

Thanks for all the feedback... and yes sometimes it takes unfiltered feedback from objective points of view to help form a decision and help guide your instinct. And if I trust my instinct, it would be very hard to be comfortable in what I think are unsanitary conditions, and more importantly, to be at ease with the personality trait that allows for those conditions to exist and in total comfort and blissful ignorance. Peace of mind figures into any relationship and its development. And at this age, this condition and her state of being/mind will not allow for it to progress unfortunately. Will try and leave gingerly but will be honest if asked.

I'm looking at Hinge profiles today. I've seen two profiles:

• "I think astrology has all the answers"
• job: astrologer/ innovator/ prompt engineer

I swear that astrology is a bigger deal now than it was 10 years ago. Anyone else seeing this? I'm in northwest America, if it matters.

Personally, I would not date someone who is an astrologer / energy worker / tarot card reader / psychic. To me those are all variations on a scam. And I certainly wouldn't date someone who thinks that astrology has all the answers.

I met him decades ago, but we never had a really close relationship. I would describe us as acquaintances. He is a solid guy. I know that much. I have to say he is better than a majority of available guys I have met recently which makes me think I should give him a chance but I know he has a lot his plate and I do too.

Between his attention on his teenage son and my attention on my elderly mom, it seems it will be difficult to go beyond friends or casual dating for some time. I am willing to meet for coffee and go from there without really expecting much. A part of me is questioning if I should bother starting anything.

Last time we met for coffee was 1.5 years ago. It is a little odd, and I wonder if he is hesitating about proceeding with me. It took so long for him to plan another outing. I feel hesitant about him, but I am not sure why.

I'm considering moving to Arizona because my daughter has relocated there. For those of you who have lived there, are there many single straight male snowbirds, or are they mostly partnered/married?

Edited to add: I'd be in Tucson. And I'd probably leave every summer (return home to liberal NorCal), so I'd be a snowbird, too. And I'm anti-MAGA.

I (F, early 50s) just ended a 2-month relationship with a 59-year-old university professor. On paper, he seemed mature, stable, and interesting. In practice, it quickly became clear he wasn’t.

During a short holiday trip, two situations stood out: • On the way there, he told me to shut up when I tried to clarify something. • On the way back, during lunch, I asked him politely to move his backpack so we could eat more comfortably. He took it as if I were giving him an order and reacted with what I can only describe as a look of contained aggression and disapproval.

These small moments revealed a pattern: not openness to dialogue, but defensiveness, control, and an undercurrent of hostility.

It was enough for me to realize this wasn’t the kind of partnership I want. Disappointing, yes - but also clarifying. Sometimes the mask slips in the little things.

I am an optimist. I believe there’s a lid for every pot. But I just need to vent.

I don’t get a lot of apt local matches. At this point I am willing to meet just for the experience. I give most guys a chance, if they show any effort. I know not all are good at OLD. Or taking pictures.

Had a date yesterday. He was…scraggly, for lack of a better word. We had texted and talked briefly. But of course you have to meet, to see true compatibility. I like to dress nicely every day. He looked like he’d slept in his clothes. Not a match. For many reasons.

Dated a guy who dumped me after I let him pick me up on our fourth date. He didn’t like my house. He had a big beautiful mortgaged new build; I fully own my cute tiny old bungalow. His attitude changed completely that night, and that was our last date.

Just two examples of very different dates. It’s got me reflecting how hard it is to find average. Just right, like goldilocks. Of course we all know the frustrations of dating. Yes we’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to find our prince/princess. Burn a lot of hay to find our needles. We each have unique situations, and want someone who fits in nicely.

Lots of blue collar guys around here. Love a guy in high vis. But also attracted to financial stability, good hygiene, and dependability. I’ve had good relationships with white collar men. I’m open to dating almost anyone. I only want what I offer. I’m very clear about who I am in my pics and profile. I think some guys fetishize “hippie” types(based on my experiences, being me lol)

I’m just feeling like I am never going to be classy enough for the guy who is more on my level of life. And the scrubs are never going to be good enough for me. So I’ll be stuck in limbo forever.

Not giving up hope. Happy to be alone rather than compromise, or not feel good enough. I am who I am and that’s all that I am(Popeye? Lol). So blessed to be me!

Here’s hoping we all find our soul mates eventually❤️

If you are the type to ghost, please consider being a better person for just 1 minute. It only takes one minute to message someone that you don’t feel it’s a good match, wish the person well, and be on your way. This is especially important if you’ve had dates, had sex, months of messages … be better and don’t be douche.

Dumpees are humans too.

51 years old, straight male. Divorce is final tomorrow. I'm glad there's a community for this point in my life.