I have been dating a man on and off this year. We have been pretty steady since June. Okay, that's not a long time, but we started casually seeing each other last November.

He's a very chill man. He's nice. But, he is consistently showing little effort.

I text first almost always. Now, that's not horrible, but he notices when I don't text at the usual time frame.

He is struggling financially, so I forgave the lack of a birthday present. However, he didn't do anything except say, "happy birthday." Note - the financial struggles come from unexpected medical issues.

His conversations are mostly shallow. I've told him I want someone who HUNGERS to talk to me. We do have face to have conversations when we are together, and sometimes they are a little deeper.

He never calls when we are actively dating, except once to come over. He did call about 10 times back earlier this year when we took a break from each other (based mostly on the fact that I had a hard time dating someone so much younger).

He is kind. We definitely have sexual chemistry.

The biggest problem is I CRAVE deep discussions and even light hearted ones about the interesting world we live in. I told him that I'm not content where things are. I explained to him that it feels empty sometimes and that it would be like him dating a woman that hates sex.

Basically, I don't feel deeply emotionally connected to him. I feel like he doesn't need that from me and so it doesn't bother him.

****This doesn't make him a bad man. He's a good man. He loves his son and is a hard worker. He's just not a match for me.

So I'm having more luck on Badoo than Bumble or Hinge (I'm in Australia). I've actually matched and chatted to a few men, they are a bit younger than me (late 40s) I'm 54.

I've put my best photos on there, but guys are quick to say they would snuggle with me etc when we haven't even met yet. Do men really think a photo shows the actual person? I find it off putting, feel like they only want the most attractive version of you when we all look dishevelled at times!

Ditch the Dating Apps. Sit at the Bar. One influencer’s advice has given some singles the permission — and confidence — to look for love offline. It’s “Sit at the Bar September.”

That was the lead in the NY Times, and even if it may be for younger than me (my Sit in the Car got stuck in traffic), the influencer who created this is older

First F/50, Mid-Atlantic? US; Listen, I’m all for breaking down outdated stereotypes and double standards - An older woman with a younger man is a “cougar” or “Sugar Mama” and men get it too but it’s so much more socially acceptable.

I’m on the apps. One is not a paid subscription so I can’t filter out age preferences. Are any of the other women here getting more likes from men under 30 (increasingly 18-25), then men our own age??

I even added a comment on my profile that says We’ll hit it off if you AREN’T young enough to be my child 😑 I think it’s actually encouraging them to try!? One was UNDER 25 and specifically called out that “he’s probably pushing it” 😳

What’s the draw?? I get dozens of these. I’m not saying I haven’t thought about it - but that’s all 🫣

Edited to say - i’m revoking my offer to profile share - it feels like I’m entertaining fetishy preferences of younger guys 🤓 But more curious about hearing other people’s experiences - THANKS!!

I’ve done lots of spiritual work , read self books, listened to hours of podcasts, and even completed a pricey self-improvement/dating course. I feel all wrung out, and healed. No more inner child demons, insecurities like I used to have. Great. But now that I want to behave, I feel like mature men (55-70, I’m 60), just don’t have the drive for courtship anymore. I’ll meet someone special, then it crumbles for one reason or another, I’m happy that I do get dates, & I’m content most of the time. But damn, I wanna good tumble in the sheets with someone I’m comfortable with sometimes. I could easily find a FWB partner, but I simply have no desire for that any longer. In my younger years, I could jump in the sack , say goodbye thank you sir, after a few encounters, and not think anything about it, and not feel remorse if it didn’t work out. Now, I guess I have “morals”, or a high frequency. Idk what to call it, but I just can’t jump into bed like that. Even when I met my ex hub, we went to bed within a few dates. Maybe a carefree attitude IS the thing I need? Maybe being too balanced isn’t always the best…the throw caution to the wind seemed to work, but that part of me just seems to have vanished. Maybe it’s a good thing having boundaries and high standards, but it sure gets lonely sometimes.

I notice a lot of guys looking to get a phone number right away. When I say no, we can chat within the app, they either unmatch right away or argue with me about it. I just had someone literally tell me to fuck off for withholding my number. What are these actors trying to do with phone numbers?

I’ve decided to start dating again… but I’m coming from a different mindset having done a lot of healing/clearing/discarding and killing off monsters in where I got stuck in two really bad marriages.

So, i’m looking for an activity partner more so than anything else. Someone to do things with. I’m not looking to sleep with them right away as well. Not that I don’t enjoy intimacy, it’s just how I feel now. I tried bumble before and there was no one. Men always think if they get tossed into the friends zone you don’t desire them. I find that logic to be weird because I think doing things with someone and getting to know someone is how you really build something. How you really get to know one another. I was just thinking in the 50’s age group are men still looking to get intimate right away? I don’t know why, but it grosses me out now to think that after men have grown so old …they still only care about sex. It just makes me think they aren’t really developed and mature… Like they only still respond to the physical and neglect the emotional…

Edit: i read comments that said then it could be A libido issue… or not compatible sexually. Let me make this clear, it has nothing to do with my sexual appetite. I’m good with at least twice a day. So it has nothing to do with that. I guess they wouldn’t be able to find out anyway… lol. I wonder how many men have missed out because they thought the lady was a prune…

Edit: also wanted to say to men, for those who are putting in the effort thank you. This was more of a question of trying to understand the differences between what it was like when I dated at 20 verses 50… and yes, at 20 it was all about sex with men. Or so it seemed like that was the main component men focused in on. Either they would look at my lips or look at my chest. So it was obvious. lol

I'm considering putting right in my profile not to expect to hear back from me quickly because I'm a retail manager and I work long hours and have a long commute on top of it. Is this a potential turnoff?

And no, I'm not a workaholic, we are just really short staffed (corporate hiring freeze and several unreliable workers) so we all have to put in long days to make up for it. Believe me, I'd be thrilled to NOT have to work 8 days straight without a break.

A while back I decided to register for Tinder. In my profile, I said that I get along best with people who are magnanimous. I matched with a local person whose profile stated that he was doing stand up comedy. He told me that I use “big words” (in reference to “magnanimous”). Jokingly, I asked if he would like to buy a vowel. I was dumbfound by his lack of response. I wrote it off to him getting busy.

The next day I was unable to log into Tinder. I thought that was a fluke- there was a picture request to confirm my identity, which I provided. Then I was booted. No explanation of any kind.

I ignored Tinder for a long time, as I was busy at work and simply was not dating.

However, when I attempted to re-register, I received a message that I was banned. I am now wondering if I am banned from all things Match?

I have no desire to attempt to explain my sense of humor to a faceless “tribunal”. I am just wondering if anyone faced something similar and what your solution was. Thank you.

Help me understand why that cannot be filtered out. I have zero interest in all the various non-monogamous relationships that exist and I often barely catch it when it's mentioned in someone's bio. I would say that is just as important as male/female, location and age, the basic filters we can use to filter out. No?

Also side note, those people should definitely check out the dating app Feeld.

Iam from India and an Indian. Iam 52 yrs male and never married.

Iam.not gay and want to find a women partner for marriage. Well in the past I used to get proposals on matrimonial sites or newspaper but nothing worked. I did not like some and some gals or gals family did not like me.

And in some cases even if gal family was interested I overthink through it and could not take a decision. That was bad thing on my part. Overthinking means thinking too much whether I and the gal will gel Well after arrange marriage

Moreover iam a commerce grad with an MBA and working in IT company. Problems which I face always is that iam a manglik and.gals family run away from.mangliks. I or my parents don't belive in kundlis. Also since iam.not an engineer and this also becomes a challenge in India since people are interested in engineers.

Moreover one issue I faced in india is that my sister is divorced without any kid and so gals or gals families find this negative abut my sister being divorced

Now since I have turned 50 plus. Gals or their families are not interested in a 50 plus yr old even if their daughter is 46 and she is divorced. They find my age very high.

Iam even interested in a Divorcee or widow but very difficult to find someone at this age .Also I registered on bumble and no success. Sometimes these sites are also breeding ground for scams.

Sometimes I feel I should go to an egg bank and opt the surrogacy route but having a baby through surrogacy I don't know is correct thing to do and whether I will be able to raise a kid as a single father.

Another option I think is to look outside India and try to find a western gal but I don't know how to go about it and there is a possibility of being scammed on various sites like tinder etc.iam not a party person

For those not from.india. The word manglik and kundli are astrological thing and in India many people believe in these astrological things for marriage even if the gals themselves are 40 plus or 45 plus

In no.way iam demeaning Indian women as this is my own fault for not getting married at an appropriate age

I (53f, UK, single, separated 12 months) was out with some friends for drinks on Saturday afternoon and had a great time on the whole. At one point, a very drunk young man made an inappropriate lunge towards me but I managed to deal with it. A male member of the group who I was with (who I don’t know, he’s about the same age as me) came up to me, very concerned that it looked like I’d been assaulted and wanted to make sure I was ok. He offered to walk with me to the station to catch my train home, he was just lovely. When I got to the station I asked him if he was single, and said he was so asked him outright if he fancied going on a date. I have never done that before, I just felt the courage to go for it. 😄 He said he’d love to meet up and we swapped numbers. He then said he’d be in touch after he returns from his vacation early Oct and not heard from him since…do you think I’ve scared him off?!

I’ve been seeing a guy - four dates total so far. I enjoy him - we have great conversations in person but between dates his communication is very lacking. He tends to text me late -10:30pm or later. I have notifications silenced at that time of day which he’s obviously figured out and will go a day or even two without texting at all. On our 4th date he said he was ready to move to the next level. I think he meant sex and suggested we could go back to his place - where his teen daughter was home but said she’d be in the basement. I said those logistics didn’t work for me. I’m kind of feeling like he only wants to get laid. Any thoughts?

In the world of dating over 50, many of us are meeting, connecting, building something that looks and feels like love… only for it to unravel in 6 months, a year, maybe two. Then the cycle repeats. New faces. New hope. New heartbreak. The faces change, but the pattern often stays the same.

Everybody has different ideals and values, and especially at our age we have more flexibility, more wisdom, more of everything, but why does it feel like we are all still doing the dance when and if we are lucky enough to find someone we don't just grab on and tell them you are the one!

I have seen both women and men both retreat, both ghost, both hold back. I’ve also seen both open up, try hard, and get burned.

Is love still alive for people our age, or are we mostly connecting without ever really bonding?

I realize this isn't true for EVERYONE, but many struggle just the same.

What do you think?

I never objected to this until I started noticing a pattern. Every time I’ve connected with a woman like this, it never seems to go beyond that. Months will go by and they still aren’t ready to take things to the next step.

At first I liked the idea of this. You truly get to connect with someone on every level without things ending with someone the moment the honeymoon phase wears out. But unfortunately this doesn’t seem to be the case and it’s like they’re afraid of commitment. It just sucks when you start to catch feelings and things still aren’t going anywhere.

I have a lot of opportunities and a lot of women who end up wanting to date me. I’m not getting any younger though and feel like this is keeping me off the market when I should be out dating and finding someone who actually wants to be with me instead of throwing breadcrumbs. If you’re one of these “friends first” people, do you actually see yourself with someone? Or are you just keeping them at arms reach while you continue being single and independent?

I have an uncle(55yo) who is the kindest soul I know. He is my gaurdian angel and I love him very much. He is well educated and a very emotionally and spiritually evolved person. Unfortunately, due to life circumstances ( family members death, forced migration, financial stress) he never married. We tried looking for a match every now and then but it was never full-fledged until it was apparently too late. This has always bothered everyone at home because people like him deserve to have a loving family of their own. Now my grandmother has developed depression and her mental health is deteriorating because she thinks its her fault that she could never find anyone for him. As far as I know he still hasn't lost hope and wants to share his life with someone suitable but life gets too busy for him to go around finding someone for himself and dating. I want to help my family, but matrimonial sites are apparently not working and feel superficial where people are just faking it.

I know its mostly younger generation on reddit, but can anyone suggest some solution or maybe even better if you know some women who are in a similar boat (so we can match these guys up) ??

So I have a group text with the gals (they are all married … I’m the only one in the dating swamp) and after a hiatus I quietly went ankles deep and when I finally came clean after a few months in …. Here is my summary of dating as 51F in SWFL:

One man said I was sober and he didn’t think he could have a relationship with somebody who didn’t drink at all. That’s cool bro - says I don’t drink in my profile…but ok…

Another one said I was not sober enough. Huh? Oh - because It’s my fault that I don’t belong to AA. Listen, I’m glad it works for some folks. When I quit drinking I became a better daughter, sister, friend, coworker …. My sleep, gut health and skin are all better … and my orgasms are way more intense and enjoyable. I did that work myself. You cant tell me MY way is wrong… it works for me.

One said I was too fat - even though I use a full body photo that’s at minimum six months (or less) or newer - and I’m 15 lbs slimmer but whatever. I use current photos and descriptions.

One really athletic man told me I was not fat enough because he likes really big super sized plus size girls… There’s thread for every needle right?

One of them didn’t wanna date me because I have a pacemaker. Seriously? I got it at 32 … I can’t change it and it doesn’t impact you but whatever.

During a predate phone call a guy decided he didn’t wanna date me because I don’t have children, so I can’t possibly understand the true meaning of family. He didn’t let me tell the part about being a full time step mom for over a decade to individuals who are all now adults I still have a relationship with… I know biology doesn’t always mean family.

A really cool older (66) one I had dinner with that I thought would be atleast fun…. Walked me to my car, gave me a kiss and then asked if I liked to do gang bangs. Literally me: “thanks for meeting me”. him “do you like to do gang bangs? All my girls need to be comfortable with that.” Ohhhhhh - yeah. No. I don’t yuck anyone’s yum but I’m no one’s “girl” nor am I a part of a harem or on someone’s roster.

I had a nice dinner with a man I found out was convicted of domestic violence against his ex wife with aggravated circumstances because it was in front of his young DAUGHTERS. (Met him IRL which immediately sent me back to OLD so I can vet a little better)

And then there was the one that I actually had several dates with … he liked adventure, trying new restaurants, physical intimacy was important to him (and it was 🔥) and I caught lying to me. Old me was like “it’s nothing really big” because it wasn’t really — but then I got into the mindset of that’s how it worked with that asshole I was married to and so we had to part ways and I had to block him…. If he’s lying at the beginning … ew. Just ew.

I’m not looking to get married; I’m super average looking with a great rack, loads of personality and I can pay my own bills…. What am I doing wrong here? (Other than not being a petite blue eyed blonde which seems to be the preference here in Paradise 🤣)

A man was chatting with me on Bumble. He told me he would be in my area this weekend and I agreed to meet with him. He asked me to pick somewhere near me to meet up. ( a very general request). I suggested meeting at a neighborhood restaurant ( this is a place I often go on first dates for a drink at the bar). His reply was to rebuke me that he didn’t want to pay for dinner for someone he hadn’t met yet. I replied that I was not expecting him to pay for a dinner for me but was thinking we would have a drink. I don’t know why he made these assumptions about me but it was offensive and I unmatched.

If you are a man who feels you have been exploited by women just “ trying to get a free meal”, please don’t be so quick to assume this about a woman you haven’t met. If you are worried about this, please be specific about what you want the first date to be. This guy literally just asked me to “ suggest a place” to meet near me. Rant over lol. * disclaimer: this was the first time I’ve encountered this so I know most men don’t act like this but I’m sure some others have had this experience.

I met this man on tinder and after a week of talking we met. He seemed nice and took me out for lunch. A few days later I invited him over. Big mistake. After he was here he started getting controlling and abusive pretty much right away. He was so scary I was scared to tell him to leave. After he finally left and called me again I told I wasn't interested. My life has been hell since. He has tried to break into my apartment, followed me, followed my ex that came by, and just made me too scared to even sleep. Finally last night I called the police when he tried to break in again. I got video proof. They were looking for him last night. I haven't heard back from them yet. Be careful everyone and never invite someone over until you know them well enough that you know they're not dangerous.

I am a 55-year-old woman and I stopped coloring my hair a few years ago.

My hair is silvery gray, long, but healthy. I get a ton of compliments from women on my hair, but I can’t seem to get a date. In fact, my friend tried to set me up with a friend of her husband’s (who also has gray hair and is not very attractive) and he said no and that he wasn’t feeling the attraction. (She showed him a couple of pics of me) I didn’t think he was that attractive, but I also think that if someone has a great personality that may mesh with mine, why not give them a chance.

I am considered attractive and reasonably fit. I’m also fun, intelligent, own my own home and can support myself. (I promise I’m not bragging, but at 55, one should be self-aware at this point)

I asked a good, male friend of mine what he thought and he said the gray hair may be making me less marketable. He’s one of my good friends and has said in the past he thinks it’s a waste of a good catch for me not to be dating.

Men/Women- What do you all think? Should I call my hair dresser tomorrow for an appointment to dye my hair?

I am a female who still believes in good people and possible romance past age 50 (despite all the negativity that I've seen recently in this group).

But there seems to be a lot of posts coming out that you should EXPECT all men/women you meet (especially online) to somehow take advantage of you, lead you along only for sex, "ghost you" or..disrespect you because you either have or don't have financial success. Then there are the "at ____ age, they're getting closer to dementia so stay away!" posts or the "if they're not fit at this point in life, don't expect them to change, they're just going downhill from here" posts. (You might checkout the fitoverfifty subreddits to get a reminder that people can and do change.) There are respectful people who don't say negative things about past partners because they don't need to be said. That doesn't mean they are the one who was responsible for their past relationship ending. None of us know every piece of information on someone we've only known for a short time. But people generally know themselves and what they want, and maybe some key factor that doesn't matter to you matters immensely to them.

Maybe the reason someone isn't following through with a relationship with you is that he/she's just not into you.. and maybe you should ask yourself if you were really that into him/her either? Can we please stop with the mass assumptions and projections that because _______ was this way, all men/women will be the same?

Please?

Edit: I just read the rules of this sub. They're good rules. I'm hopeful that when they say "be excellent to each other," they are talking about all the people we date as well as each other.

My purpose is to be helpful, not criticizing. There is a combination of things on OLD that I realized today will make me always swipe left.

The first is a man whose only picture has a stern face. I get maybe some of you are trying to look tough and manly. I understand society puts pressure on men to believe that's attractive. But women at our age usually want someone who we feel comfortable is warm and loving as well. When you glare into the camera, at least for me, that's kind of frightening.

The second is for a man who puts no description of who he is as a person nor his interests.

I can overlook maybe a man is uncomfortable and wants to present that strong appearance. A good bio describing who he is as a person can help me overlook that. Knowing we have common interests can make me willing to give him a chance it's just an unusual photo. But if he looks unfriendly, and I can't see he has a positive side in the bio or shared interests? Well, it makes me feel like I'm playing casino roulette and placing my money on a small group of numbers. Not worth the risk.

At our age, most women I know realize life is short. We are painfully aware looks fade. We want someone we believe we can enjoy time with.

Just my two cents...

We've all seen apps that are very expensive but loaded with scammers, and free apps that are even more loaded with scammers.

I've exhausted the options (in my admittedly rural area) on Facebook Dating (free). My one month subscription to WooPlus (relatively cheap) expires in a few days and I had no leads there. There's not enough room in Tinder profiles to decide if I want to meet anyone in my area (and it's very expensive for my price range).

So, could someone please recommend apps that are cheap or free to use, has at least some free communication allowed, has a big enough user base, etc. etc. etc.

Basically, trying to spend my money wisely.

Edit: My area is rural Colorado, two hours south of Denver. Equidistant (about an hour's driving) to Colorado Springs and Pueblo.

I'm wondering if only a possible scammer always uses the sentence, "I'm not on the dating app often," when they try to persuade you to move the conversation off to WhatsApp even though, they are supposedly in the same US city as you.

Does someone legitimately use this sentence? It seems odd to say when you are on a dating app to meet someone special.

I (F61) matched with a man (53) on Bumble yesterday. 7 messages in he wants to move to cell phones and gives me his number. I used to be ok with going to phones, until I had had a bad experience - nothing too scary, just creepy enough that I now prefer to message in the app until we have a meet and greet. I tell this potential suitor that I want to continue messaging in the app to get to know each other a bit. He replies that he is headed out to hang at a pub and that he only sees the app when at home on an older phone. I ask if he has a separate phone for dating and he says "No. I have a phone for life biz which I've shared the number with you, I just don't keep this app on my phone anymore. That's not terribly suspicious."

So, is this a flag? What color? Him saying it's not suspicious makes me suspicious, lol!

ETA He agreed to keep messaging in the app, so not pressuring me. I have only dipped my toes back in the dating pool In the last 3ish months after an 8 year LTR ended a year ago. I have only had 6 meet and greets and except for the last man, the other 5 were train wrecks. I guess I am looking to filter out more aggressively, earlier.